That's On Point: The Web Site

U.S. 1, Panama 0. 

First thing's first, there is a special ring of purgatory reserved for an American soccer blogger/writer with the temerity to poo-poo a result on foreign soil ... even in a no-stakes friendly. In that regard, let's say a hearty well done for Graham Zusi for being Johnny on the spot and scoring inside of 11 minutes and the rest of the U.S. players for holding off a semi-dangerous Panama team for about 30 minutes after Geoff Cameron's straight red card.

It gave Jurgen Klinsmann a solid 2-0-0 start to the 2012 campaign before next month's higher-profile friendly with the dastardly Italians in Genoa. If anything, it's better to see U.S. 1, Panama 0 for the next couple hours on the ESPN crawl, right?

At the same time, there was something, let's say retrogressive about Wednesday night's friendly, though not from a sporting standpoint. It simply felt, oh, like it was 1995 all over again.

During the afternoon on Wednesday American soccer fans were treated, first, to a taunt Liverpool second-leg Carling Cup semifinal victory over Manchester City on Fox Soccer, followed by the second-leg of the Copa del Rey quarterfinal between eternal blood rivals Real Madrid and Barcelona. Depending where you were those games were aired in crisp, sparkling HD with pulsating atmospheres at hallowed soccer grounds at Anfield and the Camp Nou, where the eyes -- and tweets -- of the world cast their gaze.

This isn't a U.S. can never be as good at soccer as it is in Europe argument, yet here it was a couple hours later and the U.S./Panama match wasn't available on cable in English, relegated to ESPN3 online and Galavasision's embarassingly awful Spanish broadcast in murky, standard definition.

Again, this is probably taking complaining on the Internet to another level, yet this felt like the days when my father and I would scramble and cross our fingers a U.S. game would -- if we were lucky -- air on Univision.

In short, everything felt a little second rate from what we've grown accustomed to, if in a totally spoiled first-world problem (ugh, buzzword) type of way.

However you frame it, the eyes of the world weren't exactly fixated on the Estadio Rommel Fernandez(*) for the U.S.'s 1-0 win over host Panama.  

(*) Wonder if David Lee Roth and or Van Halen have ever performed a concert there? (C'mon, you know I'm not writing anything about Panama without sneaking a Diamond Dave or Teddy Roosevelt reference, however forced.) 

Again, quality result for the U.S. "B/C" team. Did anyone on the field against Panama -- or Venezuela -- exactly distinguish himself for Herr Klinsmann going forward? Considering the German head coach still seems to rate Michael Orozco-Fiscal, it's thoroughly impossible to read between his ears.

Brek Shea, hellbent on a move to England apparently, is a lively player with a lot of drive and power wherever you stick him on the field. Nick Rimando, too, is solid as per usual in goal and should even at 32 remain in the mix as a second or third keeper.

The Bob Bradley-approved "Captain" Jermaine Jones and Ricardo Clark didn't do anything great or awful. Jones, for better or worse, appears right in the thick of Klinsmann's plans, even if the German-born midfielder's best chance to help the U.S. was probably in 2010 rather than 2014. If Jones reigns himself in, he's effective, but it all depends on what his role is: destroyer? disruptor? creator? shield? He launched some missiles from deep, but again drew a yellow card.

Clark? Glad he got a positive memory with the 97th minute winner vs. Venezuela, but if Kyle Beckerman didn't withdraw from the squad does he even see the field? Hard to see Clark vaulting past Beckerman or Michael Bradley or Maurice Edu or even Stuart Holden in the middle of the U.S. central midfield pecking order.

Moving on.

Tactically(*), with the U.S. playing a standard 4-4-2, until Cameron's sending off, the main focus of the attack seemed to come from the flanks. If this is going to be the main offensive strategy going forward, when the full U.S. team is called in it better be somebody like Shea serving crosses toward Clint Dempsey, not the other way around. If there's one thing Dempsey does -- obviously he does more -- but the Texan knows how to finish off movements in the box.

(*) These two matches weren't exactly the free-flowing, revoluntionary soccer Klinsmann hinted at in August, no?

Hard to say any of the U.S. forwards who saw the field did enough to declare themselves worthy of being called in for the Italy match -- which figures to be Euro-based player packed. Teal Bunbury has potential, but at what level? CONCACAF or a higher international? Chris Wondolowski is a nice MLS grinder and has the worst luck in a national team shirt, getting denied on an absolutely brilliant reaction save by Luis Mejia.

In typical U.S. two steps forward, one step back fashion Cameron shined against Venezuela only to get sent off for an arm bar on Blas Perez, who'd run behind the defense and had a clear 1-v-1 with Sean Johnson unless the Houston Dynamo man interceded. Did Perez let his feet go out from him rather easily? Sure. At the same time, in the state of the modern soccer game what is and isn't a red card anymore? Who knows. Cameron might have been better off stamping on Perez rather than leaning into his with his forearm.

Again, considering his track record it's probably fruitless to guess what Klinsmann gleaned from this month of practices and two friendlies. Aside from the Bundesliga Badboy, "Captain" Jermaine and Shea nobody else who featured is a sure-thing to play next month in Italy. Maybe a couple of the players, say, Zusi did enough to warrant a spot on a roster vs. a CONCACAF minnow to save guys like Dempsey or Landon Donovan a trip across the Atlantic. 

Like most USMNT January friendlies, the best approach is to take the Homer Simpson reaction to the family's ill-fated shortcut to Itchy & Scratchy Land. So, as he said, "Let us never speak of this again."

Labels: Friendlies, jurgen klinsmann, Soccer, USMNT

The Human Meme strikes ... again. Jerk.

Good grief Charlie Brown, where on earth to begin after that highest of high incident Premier League weekend? That was a five-course seven-course meal and not even a dash of Piers Morgan could ruin it.

Hell, where do we even start?

* Manchester City's 95th minute win over Spurs?
* Manchester United beating Arsenal, again?
* The coverage on FOX?
* Clint Dempsey's hat trick?
* The continuing Liverpool malaise?
* QPR's win over Wigan?

The Man, the Meme, the Legend:

Being right never felt this wrong. Shortly after Edin Dzeko was subbed off by Manchester City in the second for Mario Balotelli, my friend "Bones" texted me how lousy the Bosnian striker had been. My response? "Well Balotelli I destined to score the winner." (sic.)

Who, at about 8:50 a.m. Eastern, could have foreseen the exact road to that winner, however?

The irony here, is that City's 3-2 win -- the second half at least -- was about as good an advertisement for the EPL as possible. Great goals. Big personalities. Controversy. Drama. This was the kind of match all of America should have seen, even my non-soccer friend Greg got wrapped up in it.

Consider it the Balotelli Effect.

After what happened Sunday at the Eithad, it's a good bet we haven't seen the best (or worst) of Balotelli. However you slice it, he seems hell bent of doing the most insane, absoludircous act by a professional athlete ever.

Literally anything is in play. Stealing the Declaration of Independence? Sure, why not. Throwing his body into the Large Hadron Collider and turning into a Dr. Manhattan sort of character? I'll buy it.

All Balotelli did on Sunday was stomp The Gentleman Scott Parker -- twice -- directly in front of Howard Webb, no less, then draw a (deserved) penalty in the 95th minute via a Ledley King Ken Shamrock-scissor kick take-down, then covert said penalty -- in the rain -- to keep City atop the Premier League.

Why always him?

Because.

It could be said the stomping of The Gentleman was incidental, if you want.Was there malicious intent? Impossible to say. What's not is the maddening inconsistency of officiating in soccer across the globe. Balotelli might get his -- a multi game ban from the FA -- but he remained in the game and scored the winner.

Like I said, it's not a big game in English soccer without a huge dollop of hydrogenated controversy.

Weird game overall, too. City were never as ripe for the plucking as with Stefan Savic putting in a defensive performance that even had Titus Bramble and Jean-Allain Boumsong taking to Twitter to make jokes about it.

Still, City did manage a 2-0 lead, thanks to a slick pass by David Silva to tee up Samir Nasri and then just awful set piece defending by Spurs, allowing Jolean Lescott to let a ball bungle off to Klingon body and over the line. It's nothing we didn't already know, it's almost impossible to stop City from scoring goals -- especially at home, where they haven't lost since 2010 to (of all teams) Everton. City have only been held scoreless in two matches -- once on Boxing Day to West Brom -- and last week to Liverpool in the League Cup semifinals. 10 matches, 10 wins at home; 31 goals for; four against ... that's called getting the job done.(*)

What struck me in this game wasn't that Spurs rallied from 2-0 down to tie it, including a life-affirming, leper-curing strike by Gareth Bale, but the fact people were a) surprised Tottenham could do that and b) that the team is good. In soccer, more than any sport, there's this weird hegemony. It's almost as if the underdogs, or less perennial winners, are frowned on.

How many other team's in the world wouldn't want to field a midfield or Bale -- playing all over the field -- Luka Modric, The Gentleman and Aaron Lennon with Rafa van der Vaart playing right in front of it?

That said, maybe there's something to be said of the Tottenham history of being loveable, attract teams ... who just can't win the big one. Granted, my history of English football couldn't tell you much about the halycon days of 1961 with Dave Mackay and the double for Spurs, all I know is a team that can never -- bar rare occasions like the League Cup -- get it done, be it because of dodgy lasagna or some more nefarious, supernatural forces.

It's up to Spurs to forget about that history -- now 10 points up on Arsenal -- make sure they don't collapse and at least make the Champions League, if only to repeat scenes such as this one. Hey, if you don't win the league, trips to Bern and Milan are a nice consolation, in a "winner and loser" sense. At six points behind City and the two head-to-head encounters behind them. If Tottenham finishes six points behind City for the title, they'll know why, too. 

Long story short, this was the perfect advertisement for the what makes the Premier League so great.

(*) Side thought: overall the book "Scorecasting" was massively underwhelming. One decent point was the fact soccer teams win so often at home compared to other sports and how the referees decisions are impacted by it. Maybe at White Hart Lane it's a different decision. 

Same Old Story:

Honest question: Is it even worth re-hashing Manchester United's 2-1 win at the Emirates on Sunday?

Didn't everyone who's ever watched the Premier League, see that coming a mile -- nay, kilometer -- away?

Arsenal exposed for its lack of proper fullbacks? Check.

Arsenal teasing its fans with a glorious end-to-end goal, started by a Laurent Koscielny tackle inside his own box, a brilliant Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain pass and Robin van Persie, finish?

An apoplectic Arsene Wenger? Check.

An insane Wenger substitution? Check.

Now I know that there's an entire segment of the Internet writing community that make fun of columnists and other writers for determining that sports come down to things like "heart" or "mentality." Instead, everything can be proven via statistics or other metrics.

Arsenal's inability to beat Manchester United seems to boil down to, ahem, balls.

United lost Phil Jones inside of 20 minutes and had to slot Chris Smalling next to Jonny Evans and play Rafael at right back. Did the team crumple or give up? No. There's -- like it or not -- a commitment to winning that Sir Alex has instilled inside his team, up-and-down the squad. There's a lot of average and out-of-form players getting serious minutes for United at the moment, though the play of Antonio Valencia has provided a major spark. Old-and-creeky (Scholes, Giggs) or young-and-average (Evans), there's no whining in this team, so even ravaged by injuries all over the field (Chicharito, Vidic, Ferdinand, etc.) United never ease up.

Sir Alex is, in effect, Charlton Heston as NRA President. You'll have to wrest the title trophy from his cold dead hands. 

So even when Arsenal -- now losers of three straight -- knotted the game at 1-1, wasn't it obvious it was a matter of if, not when United would get the equalizer -- this time through Danny Welbeck?

Then again, gnashing our teeth and fretting about Arsenal seems silly. This team is patently average, slightly above average when van Persie is on his game. (The Dutchman may or may not have handed in a transfer request depending what you believe online.)

Go crazy, if you choose, about Wenger's (let's face it perplexing) decision to bring on Andrey Arshavin late in the game for the electric Oxlade-Chamberlain. Did you expect it to blow up in his face, with the enigmatic Russian getting toasted in the box on the game-winner? No, but it didn't make a ton of sense, though the Frenchman defended it through the fact the young English winger was tired and sick before the game.

It's not easy for Arsenal fans to come to gripes with this, but the dynamic has shifted. The glory days are, like, Theirry Henry -- part of the upper deck ringing the Emirates.

No Guts, (Faded) Glory?:

Somewhat of an interesting dynamic on display this weekend between two of the fading members of the old "Big Four" -- Arsenal and Liverpool.

Liverpool posted a shock 3-1 loss at Bolton, which afterward prompted Kenny Dalglish to wonder if the players care about what it means to play for Liverpool and if they took the Trotters for granted thinking they'd toss their jocks on the field and grab three points.

I've already underlined Arsenal's latest foibles.

Liverpool, with its American owners, want to embrace the "Moneyball" theories (not really, though) that helped make John Henry's Red Sox successful. In less than a year, the Fenway Group have only brought their free-spending Boston policies to Anfield, as it's looking a lot like Andy Carroll(*), Stewart Downing and Charlie Adam are that side of the Atlantic's versions of John Lackey, Carl Crawford and D-Kice.

(*) What were the odds, a year ago, that Newcastle United would be the big winners from the Carroll-Fernando mega-deal? 100-to-1?

Are the Liverpool trio already "flops" and unable to come back from it? Maybe too early to say, though something is clearly broken at Anfield, and not just Lucas' knee ligaments. You could certainly argue, though, overpaying for proven English/British talent would be the anti-Moneyball.

Liverpool have spent the money -- not exactly a "Moneyball" principle, though I'm not sure since I didn't see the movi. The club hasn't exactly looked in different ways to find success that are undervalued -- the true tale of the book.

Contrast that with Arsenal, which has probably been the one club with established success pulling a "Moneyball," as in trying to win with young, talented, attack-minded player instead of spending like crazy with high-priced important and even more insanely priced English talent.

Arsenal did buck its trend a little bit in August -- by necessity -- grabbing Mikel Arteta and Per Mertesacker and it looks like some of the seeds Wenger has sowed -- Alex Song and Koscielny are paying off.

Again, Arsenal seem gun shy in the transfer market, letting Chelsea beat them for Juan Mata, City pry Nasri and Gael Clichy away, etc. The last time Wenger splashed out the big cash, ironically, was for Arshavin -- a true bust.

Both Liverpool and Arsenal want to use their histories to their advantage, but it almost seems a burden as they backslide down the table, unable to surpass the raw spending power of Manchester City and Chelsea, the history of excellence of United and, at the moment, a red-hot Spurs team the envy of the league.

It seems the tactics toward team-building both  traditional powers have taken aren't working, one if not both will miss the Champions League -- five and six points off fourth at the moment -- and the money it brings. Should that happen, will both blow up what's been built up? Or will they embrace the theories of "Moneyball" and look at it in a completely different direction?



Don't Tread, Ever:

When you're Clint Dempsey, you can make this face.

Yuuup. We've officially run out of things to say about how supremely awesome Clint Dempsey is after his second-half hat trick in Fulham's shock 5-1 romp over Newcastle at Craven Cottage, so I just decided to co-opt Mac's letter to Chase Utley from "Sunny." (Note, it's his second after a three-goal game vs. Charlton Athletic in the FA Cup.)

One salient thought, fair play to Eric Wynalda for making a good point on Fox Soccer during "Match Day" in that, why shouldn't Dempsey play striker, or closer to goal for the U.S. National Team?

Got into a great discussion on Twitter with @NateFC, @30frames and @thefarmerjones about the future of Dempsey and if he should play at a "bigger" club? Granted, yes, his value to Fulham is higher than it would be any place else.

It boils down to this, has Dempsey -- with nine EPL goals in 2011-12 -- out-grown a solid, decidedly mid-table team like Fulham?

After watching games this weekend, it's hard to say he couldn't be an asset scoring goals and doing Deuce things for teams like Arsenal, Liverpool or Tottenham. The ball is in his court, since he does have a contract. He'd have to want to force his way out and it doesn't seem like Dempsey's ego is the type to need to play at a Champions League club like most other star players.


FOX FOX FOX FOX:

Before getting into the snark and commentary, fair play to FOX for broadcasting the Arsenal/Manchester United match on most outlets across America live. Once the game started it was the usual feed, featuring Martin Tyler so there weren't any "Married with Children" or "Arsenio Hall" style woofing or cat calls pumped into the sound mix.

Everything else with FOX ... needs some work.

Not going to say anything much about Piers Morgan. Until Sunday I'd heard of him, but never really seen him anywhere -- guess he's a reality judge of "talent" or something. He's certainly part of that me-first "journalism," trying to interject himself into the story as much as possible, as in trying to pick fights with Rio Ferdinand. A creep/troll like Morgan thrives because people talk about him -- god help us if he and Skip Bayless ever joined forces, he seems universally reviled and revels in that fact. All I know is Morgan considered Arsenal a "we" scenario, which is news to me since I didn't know he played for the team.

He also later linked to a Bleacher Report article calling for Wenger's firing, which about sums it up.

Also a rarity? Wynalda(*) isn't the most detested analyst on a studio desk.

There's something ... chitzy? cheesy? greasy? About the way FOX does things. It doesn't have the polish or gravitas of ESPN, which makes you worry about the World Cup.

On Twitter I made plenty of jokes via the #EPLonFOX hashtag, look through it if you want a slight-to-mild chuckle. Overall, I'm bummed, would have loved to know who the cast members of "Glee" picked to win the match.

(*) Interesting to monitor Wynalda trying to bill himself as this voice of reason/truth teller in U.S. Soccer. I'll give him credit, he's not holding back his punches. Plus, from a TV standpoint, he does well as the host when paired with Warren Barton and Christopher Sullivan.

Around the League:

Hey, when you're wrong you;re wrong. Robbie Keane scored two sizzling goals for Aston Villa in a 3-2 win at Wolves, which featured a Pepe-like dirty stomp by Karl Henry. ... But when you're right, patting myself on the back for predicting a massive Swansea City letdown away in a loss to Sunderland on Saturday. ...Fernando Torres picked the right weekend to continue not scoring goals, as his drought will be overshadowed by everything else that happened. Chelsea is missing ... something (duh), though full marks to Norwich City, especially keeper John Ruddy and defenders Zak Whitbread and Daniel Ayala, ex-Liverpool youth player. ...Tough break for Tim Howard in Everton's 1-1 draw with Blackburn. He came off his line to make a catch, collided with a Blackburn player -- no foul was called -- he missed the ball, it felt almost directly on the goal line and was tapped in. Adam Bogdan smiled. ... Harry Redknapp is on trial today for tax evasion, wake me when it's over.

Fantasy Team O' the Week:

D mahon's "Missing Elmander" put up 62 points, thanks to Bale, Dempsey, Lescott and Ali Al-Habsi (who saved a penalty vs. QPR.)

One Other Thing:

Pretty sure I crossed over the threshold from observer, to maybe, possibly a Tottenham fan since that lose today left me irked and dazed for a good hour or two, although it didn't leave me physically sick to my stomach after Billy Cundiff missed a last-second field goal, helping propel the hated Patriots into the Super Bowl, but there was some sort of an empty feeling. 

It was an emotion a fan would experience, instead of the usual asshole hiding behind a keyboard making snarky comments with impunity at every team to tweak people.


Song of the Week:

Nothing's caught my ear, lately. Phantogram's "Don't Move" is pretty catchy, still.

It snowed in Connecticut Saturday, so I spent part of the morning staring out the window, sipping on green tea, listening to Bon Iver, snapped a photo of it with my phone and spend the rest of the day trying to decide which Instagram filter would be best express my inner-most feelings for a profile picture.






It's up to you, the reader, to decide if that's real or a joke.

Labels: Arsenal, English Premier League, EPL, Liverpool, manchester city, manchester United, mario balotelli, Premier League, tottenham

Smiles mandatory, umlauts optional.

"You want it to be one way ... but it's the other way." -- Marlo Stanfield.

Back in the spring of 2010, during my epic, streets of Bodymore, Muderland-tinged World Cup preview, that quote was used to describe a lingering sentiment hanging around certain corners of the U.S. National Team fans.

In short, there's anyways going to be a segment of the USMNT fanbase that who's hopes, dreams ... and maybe ideals of what the team should be don't exactly jive with the reality of the situation. Fast forward to a couple of months from now when the national teams of the big European powers trod onto the fields of Poland and Ukraine to the strains of the White Stripes "Seven Nation Army" (or more likely the ear-cancer, "I Got 2 Feeling" song by the Black Eyed Peas) and they'll probably be some American fans wishing (somehow) the U.S. was in the mix. They want to be decking out in the the latest Nike designed kit, belting out songs, throwing up confetti and jumping up in down in a state of pure nirvana.

Only ... the reality of the situation in June the U.S. will be playing Antigua and Barbuda and Guatemala in third round CONCACAF World Cup qualifying.

Excitement is thy name. 

Barring some sort of crazy game of "Risk" that gets applied to the real world, there's no way for the U.S. to up and leave the relative backwaters of CONCACAF  for the higher-rent, more-exciting (in theory) world of UEFA.

That left a lot of U.S. fans, myself at times included, wondering if we can't exactly transplant the intensity and all-or-nothing aspect of European soccer, what's the next best thing?

Hire a European coach, nay a former superstar with a short track record of success but positivity out the ying-yang, obviously.

So in August 2012, out went Bob Bradley -- who despite his success at the 2007 Gold Cup and 2009 Confederations Cup -- was never 100-percent loved and embraced by American fans. In came the erstwhile Tony Robbins of German soccer, Jurgen Klinsmann who came to the States talking about changing the "culture" of American soccer, basically saying everything lots of supporters wanted to hear.

Stuff like "youth development" and creating a "mentality."

You know, vague-sounding buzzwords that inspire lofty aspirations in the mind, but in actuality take years, if not decades to develop to fruition.

In the interim, Klinsmann beat the backwaters of the Bundesliga and 2.Bundesliga for players with links to American passports, won a pair of games, lost four and drew Mexico in his much ballyhooed U.S. debut.

And here we are in January 2012 with the annual USMNT "B" camp for MLSers, out-of-season European players and whatever other castoffs are remaining without anywhere else to play -- hello Jermaine Jones.

The crazy irony here? When you scan the group of players Klinsmann has called to the Home Depot Center for a month of training, fitness tests, YouTube videos, and games of ping pong ... it's decidedly Bradley-ian.

The Internet's favorite U.S. whipping boy this side of Jonathan Bornstein, Ricardo Clark? Back, as our old pal Dave O'Brien would say, 'into the mixer.' The scorned Chris Wondolowski, of Gold Cup forgetibility, yep he's back too.

Peel away a level of cynicism, and there's some reason for optimism. Forwards at the camp CJ Sapong, Teal Bunbury and Juan Agudelo are all 23 or younger, and as we know a truly world-class, goal-scoring forward remains yet another 'White Whale' in the U.S. soccer fan canon on things we Quixotically always are left searching for.

Aside from that, there's not all that much to get jazzed up about. Or at least that's what ESPN and NBC must have figured since the friendly Saturday vs. Venezuela in Phoenix and Wednesday at Panama aren't available on English language cable. (Realistically, how many U.S. fans have ever thought of the Venezuela/Panama games more than, 'Oh right, there's a game this weekend.'?)

However you want to draw it up, here we are, as U.S. fans hoping and fantasizing for something that's probably unrealistic faced with a reality that is difficult to get all that jazzed up against until the games get spicy in the later stages of World Cup qualification, if even then.

The game is the game, yo. 

Miscellany:

* Forever the reason, the guy amongst the training camp I'm most interesting to check out long term is Geoff Cameron in the center of the defense, perhaps that's since it appears the National Team careers of both Tim Ream and Omar Gonzalez might equate to a pair of ships passing in the night, as it were.

* Brek Shea is likely the U.S. offensive focal point. He looked next to dead considering all the games he played in 2011 in his last time out in a U.S. shirt. Hopefully he picked up some good Andrey Arshavin stories during his time training with Arsenal. 

* In a massive, nearly 100-player pool of possible internationals a good or bad thing? Or does it illustrate the U.S. might have a lot of solid players, but not a ton of sure-fire, five-star international caliber guys. 

* Was Benny Feilhaber U.S. Soccer's "one hit wonder" via the 2007 Gold Cup?

Lineup Guess:

(This is purely a guess.)

GK -- Hamid

DEF -- De La Garza -- Cameron -- Parkhurst -- Pearce

MID -- Feilhaber -- Beckerman -- Jones -- Shea

FOR -- Bunbury -- Wondolowski

Final Thought:

Maybe this is a far too simplistic way to look at the last month of U.S. Soccer, yet, unless there's a portal on the 7 1/2 floor in a building somewhere in New York City -- or more likely the U.S. Soccer House in Chicago -- that leads into Jurgen Klinsmann's head, it's nearly impossible to gauge what was learned from the January training camp. You'd have to figure the training sessions or even the time together away from the field with the players will be more valuable than what transpires vs. Venezuela in what is about as low-stakes a friendly as possible barring the players wearing pinnies during the match.

Labels: Friendlies, jurgen klinsmann, Soccer, The Wire, USMNT

A Flock of Seagulls had better hair than a herd of Swans.

"I'm not afraid any more." -- Kevin McAllister.

Is there parity in the (English) Premier League in 2011-12?

Should it matter? Do we care? Do we even want it?

Here's some evidence for parity, using the old "Big Four" prism, with Manchester City replacing Liverpool. (Sorry.)

First place Manchester City has lost to Sunderland and drawn West Brom Fulham. (It's other loss was to Chelsea and draw to Liverpool.) Manchester United, in second, lost at Old Trafford to then-last place Blackburn Rovers. Chelsea's five losses are eye-popping enough alone, but they include set backs to QPR and Aston Villa, coupled with draws to Wigan and Fulham. Arsenal has accrued a whopping seven defeats including ones to Blackburn, Fulham and now Swansea.

What does it all mean? Are we close to the axiom of, "on any given Saturday ... or Sunday ... or Monday ... or Tuesday ... or Wednesday" coming to fruition in the English top flight? (As well as a bunch of rousing speeches from Tony D'Amato about fighting for inches, well, centimeters?)

Let's, instead, look at it this way. In soccer, perhaps more than any other sport, there seems to be a sense among the powerful teams that they can simply throw their cleats on the field and win a game. In a lot of cases -- look to Spain with Real Madrid vs. everyone except Barcelona -- there's a haughty arrogance that we should win the game without ever expecting to break a sweat.

In the Premier League it's not that drastic, usually.

Does Wigan expect to get a result against Chelsea every time? No. We know it would probably take a flood of locusts swarming from on high for somebody like Bolton to go to Old Trafford and beat United, routinely.

There's always the thought, too, why bunker down and try to hold out hope for that one point compared to playing an open game and maybe grabbing all three? Using the whole risk/reward dynamic isn't the incentive of three points greater than one? Oh right, that whole pragmatism thing spread out over 38 matches.

It's fair to say that nobody in the EPL can claim to have a traditionally "strong" defense, what with the changes in the way the rules are interrupted with physical play. Even the lousy teams like Blackburn have shown they can score goals if they try to "go for it" a little bit.

This goes to my bigger picture and how the Premier League loves to hype itself as the BEST LEAGUE IN THE GALAXY OF KNOWN STAR SYSTEMS.

In American sports, even if I rag on the NBA constintely, among the 30 professional teams you'd have to say that it employs at worst 97 percent of the best basketball players in the world -- not counting the indentured servants still toiling away for free in the NCAA. While every team in the NBA can't have a LeBron James or a Kobe Bryant, the difference between players 6-13 on a roster isn't all that different, is it? On a nightly basis, outside of the bottom 2-3 teams, everybody in the league should be competitive and maybe that's why it seems like 80 percent of NBA games are decided in the final five minutes of the fourth quarter.

With soccer there are so many leagues, there tends to be a bigger gap in terms of talent across the board, especially with the resources at differing club's disposals. You've got the great, elite players sprinkled across the globe in different leagues, although apparently in a place like Portugal there is 0.0 talent anywhere beside FC Porto and Benfica as the two giants are both undefeated this late into the year.

What perhaps this year the Premier League has shown us, aside from the truly elite blue chip, five-star, super-duper star talents like Robin van Persie, David Silva, Wayne Rooney, etc. the different between the great majority of the rank and file players isn't as great as we might want to think. The EPL elitists in England would turn their noses up at a guy like Grant Holt or Danny Grahamn, but both have come from promoted sides -- Norwich City and Swansea City -- and acclimated themselves to the world's supposedly best league.

Not every team can write off a multi-million dollar sunk cost like Manchester City can with Carlos Tevez, but there are enough professionals playing soccer the "other" 14 Premier League teams -- the Big Four plus Spurs and Liverpool -- should be able to field a comparative, competitive roster, barring gross incompetence.

It seems, if only by anecdotal evidence, games are more competitive in the Premier League. Last weekend Chelsea scored early through Frank Lampard against Sunderland. Normally that's game over, go find something else to do, but it only finished 1-0. Arsenal, a day later, went up 1-0 at Swansea inside of 10 minutes, but lost 3-2.

One thing about soccer teams, as mentioned before, sometimes the top teams don't want to have to break a sweat. They want it to come easy. A smart, disciplined team that can defend and have a little bit of danger on the counter attack can do some damage.

If anything, it's a mentality that fans, players and coaches need to have and change.

Don't be sacred, afraid little babies waiting, like Charley Steiner, to get your whooping.

To borrow a oft-repeated phrase, strive to, "Be champions."

Saturday:

* Norwich City v. Chelsea -- (Live, ESPN2, 7:30 a.m.) If part of Norwich City's success down to a decidedly old-school, two forward approach. Since fielding a 4-4-2 in a win over QPR on Nov. 26, the Canaries have dropped only one match in which they've fielded two forwards (Steve Morrison, Grant Holt, Simeon Jackson) to start the game. It seems counterintuative, but teams might be less used to coping with two men up top. Still not sold that Fernando Torres is, "back." Ninety minutes without completely being terrible isn't exactly a compliment. Let's see if the underdog not fearing anyone applies at Carrow Road. ... Norwich 1, Chelsea 1

* Stoke City v. West Brom -- The fact Robert Huth and Ryan Shawcross have as many goals combined as Kenwyne Jones (possibly on his way to Everton) and Cameron Jerome sums up Stoke, in a nutshell. West Brom is better on the road with four of its six wins away from the Hawthornes, so bear that in mind. ... Stoke City 1, West Brom 1

* Sunderland v. Swansea City -- Interesting Premier League, if not all sports, theory in play for this one. Is Swansea ripe to underwhelm after taking bow-after-bow for its performance vs. Arsenal last weekend? Then again, Sunderland is pretty horrid at the Stadium of Light which could offset that theory. One odd quirk about Sunderland is that the club is among eight teams in the Prem with a positive goal difference. ... Sunderland 2, Swansea City 1

* Wolves v. Aston Villa -- Just a thought, Emmanuel Frimpong has more of an impact on this match than Robbie Keane. ... Wolves 2, Aston Villa 0

* QPR v. Wigan -- RELEGATION SIX-POINTER!!! ... QPR 2, Wigan 0


* Fulham v. Newcastle United -- (Live, FSC+, 10 a.m.) Crazy question, had Demba Ba not been such a sensation at Newcastle, would the club have shelled out for the wonderfully named Papiss Demba Cisse from SC Freiburg? The other question, considering Newcastle has rolled seven after seven on recent transfers, aren't the Magpies due a dud? That said, it's likely a smart move since the Magpies get a genuine scorer to pair with Ba and keep their Francophone chemistry (with a dash of Argie). Fulham aren't getting any younger by re-signing sure-handed Mark Schwarzer, though the club did snare some random 17-year-old Scottish player, so there's that. ... Fulham 1, Newcastle United 1


* Everton v. Blackburn Rovers -- (Live, FSC, 10 a.m.) Cheer up Tofs, Yakubu is suspended for this one, preventing salt from being rubbed in the wounds. There's also a rumor, unconfirmed, that Fox Soccer will offer an ESPN-inspired "Lando" cam via LeBron James, where a camera will stay trained on Landon Donovan throughout the entire match, since that's all people want to watch anyway. ... Everton 1, Blackburn 0


* Bolton v. Liverpool -- (Live, FSC, 12:30 p.m.) -- Let's make a deal, in the style of former MLB eccentric Bill Veeck. How about the Premier League trade Bolton to MLS and the stateside league can send back the Red Bulls. Why not? RBNY have, in theory, "bigger" ambitions than playing in MLS, while Bolton could probably compete fairly well in MLS what with Seb Le Toux and Tim Ream in the mix. Hell, David Ngog could win the prestigious MLS scoring title in his sleep. As for Liverpool, no excuses here, go to the Reebok and get three points. It shouldn't be that difficult. Paging Captain Fantastic. ... Bolton 1, Liverpool 2

Sunday:


* Manchester City v. Tottenham -- (Live, FSC, 8:30 a.m.) If Tottenham is for real, it goes out and gets a result here. With City missing Vincent Kompany and Yaya Toure they'll never be as susceptible. Spurs might want to keep their fingers crossed Roberto Mancini starts Alex Korolov outside, since he can be exploited by the team's pacey wingers. We'll see if Jermain Defoe's pace can trouble City, too, since Emmanuel Adebayor can't play against his parent club. Tottenham does get "The Gentleman" Scott Parker back from injury, so pop your collars accordingly. Everything is there for Spurs, but we know how that goes. ... City 1, Spurs 1


* Arsenal v. Manchester United -- (Live, FOX, 11 a.m.) Too bad this wasn't on ABC, as opposed to FOX. Would love to get Brent Musburger into the booth to proclaim it for, "all the Tositos." FOX, which we should applaud for airing a live Prem match to the unwashed American masses, wants to hype this as the biggest game of the season, which we know it isn't. Not crazy, either, that FOX will use Piers Morgan on the telecast and I'll leave it at that, he's not worth any more breath. (The American public deserves a chance to meet Warren Barton.) Not wild about the hiring of Rob Stone. To me, he tried to be the "wacky soccer guy" at ESPN, but always left me ... underwhelmed. Part of me thinks Stone is stuck in 1997 and wants to get into a hacky sack circle at Lollopolooza.

Oddly enough, FSC aired an FA Cup "classic" from 2005 featuring Arsenal beating United in penalties. Both Robin van Persie and Wayne Rooney converted that day.

Not sure why I shared that, but I did.







Oh right, Paul Scholes played there and he's back for United. (He was the lone miss/save in the kicks, not the insanely long run up.) Thierry Henry, too. Pretty sure, as well, Ryan Giggs has played in every FA Cup since the televised games switched from black and white to color.

Let that sum up, who knows what to expect from either club these days. Can United "turn it on" in a big match on the road? (maybe) Is Arsenal any better than the 8-2 result from late August? (yes)

If there's one thing worth talking about, unlike the first meeting this season, the shaky defense might lay with United with injuries, uncertainly and the De Gea-factor. Still, you wonder if Arsenal has the confidence to stick it to United, even with the inspirational presence of Henry and his neck beard. ... Arsenal 1, United 2

Last week: 4-6
Season: 100-113

Labels: English Premier League, EPL, Prem Picks, Soccer

... and I missed the Knicks game, too.

Oh Arsene, my Aresene.

God bless you. After a thoroughly forgettable weekend in the Premier League, you gave us the gift that keeps on the giving -- the ArseneFAIL -- losing 3-2 at Swansea City Sunday.

Problem is, this one is hard to laugh about. There are no referees to yell at or cynical tactics by the opposition to blame. No reason to throw your arms up on the touchline like a miniature version of Christ the Redeemer.

Nope, the Gunners were simply out-played by a team that hard much more in the tank, even with less to play for ... assuming you figure Swansea seems a little too solid at this point to be relegated. It leaves Arsenal four points behind Chelsea for fourth place and, ahem, 10 off third-place Spurs.

Hell, Arsenal is level with Newcastle United, which posted a confident 1-0 win against QPR in Mark Hughe's managing debut, despite the absence of Demba Ba. 

Dismaying for Arsenal fans, this looked like the winning form this season -- a goal from Robin van Persie -- and away the Gunners go. Except Swansea, a team that wants to pass and move and play something of a 4-3-3 like Arsenal, went out and won the game with Danny Grahamn erasing Theo Walcott's equalizer at 2-2 in the second half in about 70 seconds. (Think Monsieur Wenger would swap Andrey Arshavin and Walcott for Scott Sinclair and Nathan Dyer?)

Not even the El Cid presence of Thierry Henry could rally the Gunners late. Oddly enough the best chance to level the game at 3-3 came from a surge forward by Laurent Koscielny. 

After van Persie -- the top goal scorer in the Premier League this season -- the rest of the Arsenal lineup remains average, to slightly above average, so in that regard losing to Swansea and its collection of  Grahmans, Ashley Williams and Leon Brittons isn't too crazy.

More interesting is the sort of "Freakonomics" aspect of Swansea's rise under Brendan Rogers. You'd never think some random lower league team -- one in Wales no less -- would use the Barcelona-type passing style to rise the ranks and crash the Premier League party. Thinking outside the box, not wasting money on bigger names, though, seems to have worked in Catherine Zeta-Jones hometown.

And for one Sunday, they out-Arsenaled Arsenal.

The Moment:

What a pass by Landon Donovan.

What a pass.

Let's take a moment.

Did you wipe the tear from your eye?

Probably the most important thing to ever happen. Ever.

Sarcasm aside, I missed it live since I was watching a game that mattered in England -- Spurs/Wolves and, yes, it was one hell of a through pass to Vicotr Anichebe.

That said, it really shouldn't come as any surprise that, arguably, the second-best American professional is actually able to contribute at the Premier League level.

Maybe Everton, since it doesn't have any money, can turn itself into the England version of the U.S. National Team, taking a page from the days of the old NASL. Edson Buddle is on trial with the Toffees so perhaps David Moyes can convert his basement into sort of a youth hostel for vagabond American internationals and instead of paying them can simply put up their room and board as they try to impress Jurgen Klinsmann without resorting to changing their birth certificates to have umlauts in their last name.

I hear, too, Mrs. Moyes makes a lovely German Muffin for breakfast.


Makes sense, actually: 

Maybe I've related more and more to Tottenham in recent years, as they seem to embody my core philosophy of "you're a winner and a loser." How perfect was it for Spurs to take a million bows for beating toothless Everton in the midweek to pull three points behind Manchester City, only to struggle to a 1-1 draw with Wolves a couple days later, right?

Figures, too, Luka Modric finally gets on the scoresheet and the rest of the team is crap -- notably Emmanuel Adebayor.

Spurs were certainly due a hiccup, and given the club's MO we probably all should have seen this Mustard Yellow tinged red flag miles away. To Wolves credit, too, Mick McCarthy's grim bunch played a taught game with on-loan Arsenal youngster Emmanuel Frimpong doing his best hockey agitator performance. 

Looks like I'll be getting up early Sunday for City/Spurs, as if Tottenham is honestly realistic about winning the title, it'll have to go to the Etihad and take three points. (More than likely, though, this will be the halftime song next week at Eastlands, not to be too negative on Spurs chances on the road.) 

A line on a fellow Ginger(*):

It was probably friend of the Blog, @30frames who alerted to me how on Champions League telecasts, Derek Rae and Tommy Smyth used to wax poetic about Paul Scholes like American commentators on Brett Favre during his pomp.

Unlike Favre, in a crazy, unforeseen comeback to Manchester United, Scholes has helped the team and not acted like a greedy, legacy-driven prima donna like the ol' gunslinger during his failed stints in New York and Minnesota.

Suppose, too, Scholes has some miles left since he retired from international duty for England a decade ago.

Not sure Scholes will be contributing in April, but he's given United -- which got a nice game from Luis Valencia -- a big lift when it needed it, tying City for the time being on points.

Just remember, at the end of the day, things always come up Milhouse for Sir Alex Ferguson. 

(*) I'm only like part-ginger, as unlike Paul Scholes I can get a tan. Fact.

Around the League:

The Internet scripted the only goal in Chelsea's 1-0 win over Sunderland. Fernando Torres hits a sideways scissor kick off the crossbar, only for it to fall directly on Frank Lampard's foot. Sublimely brilliant give both players histories. ... Poor Fulham. The Cottagers go to last-plast Blackburn, watch Yakubu sent off inside of 20 minutes then lose 3-1. Truly a non-fun season for Fulham, Clint Dempsey aside. ... I had Liverpool's scoreless draw with Stoke on my TV most of Saturday morning. Didn't write down a single note from it. Let's move on. ... If you read this article from the Telegraph, Bolton are seriously effed if they get relegated. ...After winning away at West Brom 1-0, Norwich City's record is a lucky 7-7-7, thanks a lot to the 15 goals combined from unheralded Steve Morrison and Grant Holt. ... Chris Samba has handed in a transfer request to Blackburn. He's a player I've always enjoyed for his sheer physicality, yet it's not like Blackburn's defense has been very stout with him in the center of it, realistically.


Fantasy Team O' the Week:

Christopher Price's "thescouringshirefc" takes top honors in a low-scoring week with 65 points, led by Nathan Dyer, van Persie, Ryan Taylor and Steve Morrison.

One Other Thing:

If you haven't been able to tell in my writing over the last year or so, its suffered a gradual decline mainly due to lack of focus on soccer for some other "off field" stuff, but some things have changed -- for better or worse -- and I feel a new sense of commitment. Hope to keep it going through 2012. Nothing worse, as a writer, when you feel you've written every sentence you're ever going to write already.

In the words of Frank Costanza, "I feel like a Phoenix, rising from Arizona."

One More Other Thing:

Why do I keep dreaming of Kevin Prince Boateng and Benoit Assou-Ekotto forming the most awesome wrestling tag team ever?

Song of the Week:

This song by The Rapture is nothing new, but it's part of a new Spotify playlist, if you're into that sort of stuff. Plus it's been stuck in my head all weekend.

Labels: EPL, Monday recaps, Soccer

The Big Book of British Smiles thanks you guys.

After an admittedly much needed break for the FA Cup, we're back in action this weekend in the Barclay's Premier League -- aka the most important sporting league in the galaxy, well, aside from Premier League Darts.

Wait, err, thought you said world's drunkest sporting league.

Darts wins that in a triple bullseye.

That said, let's take a look at a couple issues/questions for the back nine of the EPL season.

And a word of warning, if allusion to the drunken madness that is professional darts, well, you might get annoyed. If not, you might get an unexpected laugh or two. 

1. Is Manchester City out of gas? 

Short answer, yes. Long answer no.

City's lead is now down to a scant three points over both Manchester United -- who just beat them 3-2 in the FA Cup last Sunday -- and Tottenham. City also loses both Kolo Toure and Yaya Toure to the African Cup of Nations for the next month, has captain Vincent Kompany suspended for three more matches and might not be able to offload Carlos Tevez, either, although aside from his pouty faces what damage is Carlito going to inflict on the team?

Crisis? What crisis. Actually, unlike Jose Mourinho who would shrug this off, Roberto Mancini has been stamping around that his billion dollar squad is stretched too thin. (Hey, you signed Stefan Savic.)

City, which looked like it might stroll to the title, look as vulnerable as they been, especially considering the KO in the Champions League, the loss in the FA Cup and the 1-0 Carling Cup semifinal deficit to Liverpool.

Overall, the amount of talent on board you'd think City rights the ship and can reassert themselves next week when they host Tottenham at the Eithad Stadium. Nobody else in the league is all that impressive, either.

Three things that do worry you about City: a) Edin Dzeko seems to feast against bad teams while Mario Balotelli is still insane, though he could do nothing for 89 minutes and then score a goal with his butt check in the other minute; b) who is the leader on this team? who pulls it together when the crisis starts to swirl? c) City plays United on April 28, which should loom above everything as Sir Alex Ferguson cranks up the "mind games" once spring hits.

Oh and fans in Eastlands might want a preemptive #prayfordavid hashtag warmed up because David Silva seems on track to miss a handful of games. If he doesn't -- and I do like him, picked him as my preseason player of the season -- he's one tough dude. You just think, with the weather in England, the way he's on the ball so much, eventually he'll tweak something.

City would have to readjust completely with Silva out, if only for two or three games.

2. Is Manchester United, back? 

Probably. Did they even go anywhere? To Manchester United fans credit, most don't stand for second place, so that's why it seems like, when judged in proper context, a solid season is already seems lost.

What we do know is that Paul Scholes is back. Edwin van der Sar, isn't.

And that's the issue for United. For all its central midfield woes, it's forwards are still the envy of anyone outside of City -- Rooney, Chicharito, Welbeck and even Berbatov. The Red Devils are still going to score goals, especially if Ashley Young gets healthy. Ji-Sung Park, for all his tireless contributions for the club, is showing signs of age playing in his stead.

Problem is, Nemanja Vidic is gone for the year. Ferguson might bitch about a lot of things in his way of doing it, but he doing moan about losing Vidic very much, did he? It's simple, old school logic but you can't cry over spilled milk, right?

Rio Ferdinand is a shell of his former self, regardless. The rest of the defense, though promising, is young. And then there's the whole David de Gea mess in goal.

If United are going to defend the title and gazump City, it'll likely need Rooney at his rampaging best as well as a consistent Nani to outscore teams and accept that even up 3-1 in the final 20 minutes might make for some nervy moments seeing out the games.

United are United, by Ferguson's sheer force of will, you know they're hanging around until you every single last finger has been forcefully ripped from holding the trophy.

3. Is Tottenham honestly -- REALLY -- going to push the Manchester clubs for the title?

Push, yes. Win it, no. Let's hope the players don't think that way, though -- to dare is to dream, right?

Tottenham don't have to worry about the Europa League, though those games against Shamrock Rovers did seem to come in handy since Jake Livermore has played some games before being forced to play in place of Scott Parker and Sandro.

The red flags for Tottenham? Two losses -- albeit in August -- to both Manchester clubs and a draw with Chelsea in a game it was ahead 1-0 early. Plus the brittle bones of all its important players -- Ledley King, William Gallas, Rafael van der Vaart -- is a worry.

One area Spurs could improve? Jermain Defoe has a big second half as he pushes for a place in the England Euro squad.

There's really no good reason Spurs shouldn't push all the way until May, unless the injuries pile up. If they can use their speed to stretch out teams and catch them out, they are deadly.

That said, stay away from any lasagna between now and the end of the year.

Spurs might not win the title, fine, but up eight and nine points on Chelsea and Arsenal a Champions League place is a must.

4. Is Clint Dempsey stuck at Fulham forever?

One quick thing, Dempsey's Twitter account is setting up as the biggest disappoint of 2012, that or the new Batman movie. Either or. One way or another, something will be listed in a "Biggest Dissappointiments of 2012" in slideshow form in 11 or so months on numerous websites. Dempsey's twitter probably won't be one, rightfully.

Then again, what really do you expect from Dempsey's Twitter? If he wants to retweet random people wearing his jerseys, that's his right as a person. It's not exactly stimulating to the mind, but he's famous and why not interact with your fans? Be a good guy, right? There are plenty of cynical assholes on the service.

Big fan of Dempsey before twitter and after twitter.

Let's talk about Dempsey's career on the field.

Dempsey is putting together the best season by an American in England, possibly ever. No, probably ever with 12 goals in 28 games. Dude is ballin out the frame, even if it's for a middling Fulham team that's at its best ... slightly better than mediocre.

Is he stuck doing it for Fulham, which peaked with its Europa League final loss two years ago?

Here's a crazy thought, why wouldn't Harry Redknapp make a bid Martin Jol can't refuse? Would Dempsey be an automatic starter at White Hart Lane? Maybe not, but consider this ... Dempsey could play in behind Emmanuel Adebayor in games van der Vaart is out. He could play on either side of midfield. More importantly, you'd think as he gets older Dempsey moves more central on the field and a team can never have too much midfield cover.

Above all, unlike switching leagues, Dempsey is established in England, so a move across London wouldn't be too far flung.

If Dempsey is ever to play in the Champions League, Tottenham provides the best case for it.

WARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNINING
WE INTERUPT THIS BLOG POSTING FOR A SPECIAL INTERNET ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

Congrats, Mario Balotelli. First soccer play to crossover from human being to Internet meme. Bravo!

THIS CONCLUDES THE LETS LAUGH AT WHAT MARIO BALOTELLI IS DOING SEGMENT OF THIS POST THAT IS REQUIRED BY INTERNET LAW VIA SOCCER.

5. What's up with Chelsea? 

I'll mercifully refrain from making any jokes about the new NBC Cheslea Handler sitcom. You're welcome.

Actually wait, just to ruin your day, think of Whitney Cummings making an open-mouth sneer/snarl promoting her program on the same network -- which will now broadcast MLS and USMNT matches starting this year, on its new 24/7 sports network previously known as Versus. And, yes, somehow I know that an episode of "Whitney" featured Chicago Fire regalia. Yes, it happened. Look it up. Pretty sure the Fire were the only Chicago-area team they could afford to get the licensing for.







 (MLS by NBC promo. Would be five to eight times better with Whitney Cummings narration. Am I right?)

Wait, what were we talking about here?

Soccer, right?

It's a mild surprise, though, that Roman Abramovich hasn't asked the E! host, Handler(*), for player advice.

The irony around Chelsea, its kept its key players from the Mourinho years -- Petr Cech, John Terry, Frank Lampard and Didier Drogba -- but made about 100 other moves around them without, seemingly, any direction.

The Blues said they wanted to get younger, but Romelu Lakuku is stuck in the reserves. Josh McEachran is off to Swansea. Flourent Malouda and Saloman Kalou are still around. David Luiz -- a future building block -- seems like a flop or a bench player. Michael Essien might, finally, be healthy. Oriol Romenu came from Barca as an almost afterthought and already seems to be the fans favorite player. Most amazingly, Paulo Ferreira still collects a check signed by Abramovich.

And, of course, the Fernando Torres conundrum.

It's not wonder results under first year manager Andre Villas-Boas have been scattershot.

Chelsea, all told, have as many pieces as any team in the league, but putting them together is a mess. There are almost three teams at Chelsea -- the old guard, the new wave (Mata, Romenu, etc.) and the Abramovich dream team (Torres and 10 other players.)

This might work when you play "FIFA" online, where player's egos don't play a factor, but when you're always wondering about your place in the team it affects how you play on the field in real life.

(*) If you ever have to consulate a talk show host for player personnel moves in any sport, the first call you make is to Whoopi Goldberg, right?

6. Was Demba Ba the best signing of the summer? 

Yes.

Fun to watch player, too. Pray he stays healthy playing for Senegal this month down in Equatorial Guinea and Gabon at the African Cup of Nations(**).

That said, if you prescribe to the entire "Moneyball" theory that's trying to be applied to soccer, Newcastle United would be outright insane NOT to sell him as soon as possible. Look at it this way, the Magpies got Ba for basically nothing and now he's scored 15 goals. It's the season of his life. Many guys have had one great season, as a club you sell off that. It only makes sense.

In Newcastle's case, where it's been on fire with low-profile signings (Cabaye, Tiote) you reinvest that money for a couple more useful players, perhaps a right midfielder, another striker or an outside back.

(**) My favorite ACN bet is Morocco to win the whole thing at 10-to-1. 

7. Speaking of "Moneyball," is that what Arsene Wenger did with Thierry Henry?

Normally a club like Arsenal bringing in a 34-year-old striker from MLS would be cause for jokes, but Henry is a rare case.

Maybe his goal vs. Leeds in the third round of the FA Cup is nothing more than a flash in the pan, a moment for a highlight DVD. (Absolutely hilarious to hear Henry yell, "get in, yeah!" as he walked off the field.)

However, Arsene Wenger -- who hates to spend money -- got a player, short term, who will help the team and more importantly raise morale when the Gunners season basically comes down to its Champions League Round of 16 ties with AC Milan next month.

The problem with the Henry move is it still glosses over the Gunners over-reliance on Robin van Persie, who is going to slow down his scoring rate -- he's only human. Arsenal is still counting too much on Theo Walcott and to a degree, Andrey Arshavin. If anything, Gunners fans should worry more about scoring goals than preventing them because the Arsenal defense has been better than it gets credit for.

Two reasons for optimism via Arsenal? Alex Song keeps getting better and Jack Wilshere will, maybe, play a couple games this year.

8. Will any team surprise in the second half, in a good way? 

Sunderland ... maybe.

One mystery lost on me is why Martin O'Neill wears No. 31 on his shirt he uses on the sidelines. Anyone have an answer for this? Maybe Jonathon Wilson knows.

The ceiling for Sunderland is, at best, seventh or eighth, but with Stephane Sessagnon and Seb Larsson there's some nice attacking talent. If O'Neill can cut the deadwood from the Steve Bruce era, bring in a first-choice striker who isn't Nic Bendtner this team could make strides.

9. We're dying to know, who gets relegated?

Bolton -- Sorry Tim Ream, get ready for trips to Ipswich Town next year. There's just no talent at Bolton and failing to come up with a way to replace Johan Elmander and Daniel Sturridge was killer.

Wigan -- Hey now. Hey noooow. Don't dream it's over. Roberto Martinez, if you want to sing Crowded House karaoke with me, the offer is on the table next time you're in the United States.

QPR -- This is going out on a limb, considering Mark Hughes is going to have money to spend, but QPR is like a North American sports expansion team, adding players from teams nobody else wants. Losing Alejandro Faurlin will be tough to rebound from, plus trying to seismically shift from the team that won the Championship to a Premier League team is hard to do -- doubly with a new manager in January. QPR's chairman Tony Fernades is gambling but that gamble might pay more dividends in 2013 than this 2012.

10. Any other random predictions or guesses for the next five months?

a) A "big game" will be overshadowed by an early red card.
b) Teams will continue to attempt crosses, despite its low percentage.
c) Blackburn fans will eventually protest a Steve Kean protest.
d) Wenger will figure out how the pocket on a jacket works.
e) Rooney will kiss his badge after a goal.
f) The ratio of words written about Andy Carroll not scoring goals vs. actual Andy Carroll goals will be something like 43,312 to 3.
g) Everton's top signing in January will be a player from the fifth division of Peru.
h) A missing persons report will be issued for Samir Nasri in February.
i) A key member of England's Euro team will break his metatarsal.
j) John Terry won't sleep with a teammates wife or racially abuse anyone.
k) Harry Redknapp will be linked with 5-6 random players from Brazil and claim not to know who they are. Gonzo?
l) Rory Delap's throw-ins will stop being a "thing."
m) On the day the Mayan calendar ends, the only person on Earth who will be "raptured" will be Gareth Bale.

11. You've written a bunch anything you'd like to say about Liverpool?

Not really.


Saturday:

* Manchester United v. Bolton -- (Live, ESPN3, 10 a.m.) Assuming Sir Alex puts out a first choice lineup, United should roll. Something tells me Berbatov has something to offer the club in 2012 before being sold off to a rich Russian team. ... Manchester United 3, Bolton 1

* Tottenham v. Wolves -- Tottenham has allowed 20 goals this year, an impressive record -- even more impressive if you realize eight were in the first two games against Manchester United/City. Funny how a proven, gaffe-free keeper (Brad Freidel) and a healthy (sometimes) Ledley King will do that for you. Also, we're officially at the point of the season when every article or mention of Wolves must begin with "relegation threatened Wolves." ... Spurs 2, Wolves 1

* Blackburn Rovers v. Fulham -- In Yakubu we trust? Blackburn, assuming it can hold onto Junior Holliet and Chris Samba, actually does have a pulse to avoid relegation if only for the consistency of the big Nigerian striker (12 goals in 14 starts.) Admittedly, I usually have a good grasp on the player movement in the Prem, however this "Orlando" fellow on Fulham seems to be some sort of figment of Martin Jol's imagination. ... Blackburn 1, Fulham 1

* Aston Villa v. Everton -- Just when you think every Premier League club is getting smarter, along comes Alex McLeish signing Robbie Keane on loan from the LA Galaxy. It's a shame he didn't do it in October, though, as Keane and Emile Heskey could have trick or treated as Master Blaster from "Beyond Thunderdome." Sadly, Everton could actually kind of use Keane considering all those cross-continental flights to Down Under seem to finally be catching up on Tim Cahill, who has not scored this year. Also, Darren Gibson -- hated by United fans -- isn't a terrible move for Everton, unless he has to replace Jack Rodwell and Maroune Feliani. Is he great? No, but a perfect Toffee bargain buy for David Moyes. ... Aston Villa 1, Everton 0

* West Brom v. Norwich City -- This counts for nothing, but West Brom's Simon Cox might well be the feistiest player in the Premier League. ... West Brom 1, Norwich City 1

* Chelsea v. Sunderland -- (Live, FSC, 10 a.m.) Last time this fixture was contested, Asamoah Gyan, Daniel Sturridge and Nedum Onuoha were dancing around Stamford Bridge, ending the Blues outstanding home record. Little did we know it would be a sign of things to come as Chelsea have already lost three times at home this year. ... Chelsea 2, Sunderland 1

* Liverpool v. Stoke City -- (Live, FSC+ 10 a.m.) While Liverpool can't score, its defense is good -- second fewest goals allowed (18) to Manchester City. Credit that to both Daniel Agger and Martin Sktrel saying healthy, playing 17 and 18 games respectively. Assuming they can defend Stoke on set plays -- including Robert Huth V2 (deflected) rockets, that record should continue. ... Liverpool 1, Stoke City 0

Sunday:


* Newcastle United v. QPR -- (Live, FSC+, 8:30 a.m.) Shame Joey Barton is suspended for this one from a red card, which he took to Twitter to try to defend. Seriously, all that was missing from Barton's ranting and raving was a, "back ... and to the right," comment. No surprise from Barton, who is an unhinged, unapologetic asshole -- making him the best athlete to follow. Oh right, it's a shame he'll miss this because there was probably a very high chance he did his best Eric Cantona dojo impression on a fat Geordie in the stands. Realistically, good luck for Newcastle finding goals without Demba Ba, but the club has been -- if anything -- resilient this year. ... Newcastle United 1, QPR 0


* Swansea City v. Arsenal -- (Live, FSC, 11 a.m.) Let's see how defensive a style Swanseas's ball-possesion, Wales-cum-Barcelona system is. Playing 90 minutes of keep away from the Gunners is probably the best bet, of course, until Thierry Henry comes on in the 80th minute and scores. ... Swansea 0, Arsenal 1


Monday: 

* Wigan Athletic v. Manchester City -- Wigan back in slumpbuster mode? ... Wigan 0, Manchester City 2


Last round: 4-7
Season:96-106

Labels: Chelsea, EPL, EPL picks, gareth bale, manchester city, manchester United, mario balotelli, thierry henry, tottenham hotspur

And ... I'm a ginger, too.

It's fitting, isn't that the final two matches during the Premier League's rock 'em, sock 'em, player fitness be damned, 30-matches over 10 days "Holiday Program" included Newcastle United smacking Manchester United around the ground formerly known as St. James Parks, as well as American goalie Tim Howard launching a ball 100 yards, hitting the perfect angle and beating his Bolton counterpart Adam Bogdan for the fourth keeper score in Premier League history?

Long story short, those10 days exhibited everything we love and hate about the (Barclay's) Premier League.

Upsets? Yuuup.

Tons of goals? Yuuup.

Injuries, dodgy defending and helter skelter play? Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup.

There's always been a stigma attached to English soccer by people who are (admittedly) smarter than me what, with their tweedy continental football brains. The Premier League is, and will forever be, way too kick-and-run. It's far to gauche for an intelligent fan to take seriously. It's almost like -- gasp -- nobody in England has ever heard of a three-yard square pass.

It's enough for any right-minded person to drop a, "Blimey!"

Naturally, as you should know by now, your humble author is just a dude in America sitting behind a keyboard making sometimes insightful, often times snarky comments about the world of soccer. Due to the power of its broadcasting contract -- and self promotion -- the average soccer fan in America is always going to drift toward the Premier League. These last 10 days summed up why.

Sure, in a purist sense it's wonderful -- nay -- life-affirming and magical to watch Barcelona pass the ball back in forth to itself for 90 minutes while random Spanish "opponent" sits back and takes its medicine. As I've written 100 times, if you don't appreciate the majesty that is Sergio Busquets, well, you really should stick to watching MMA matches on Spike TV or GoDaddy.com commercials.

That said, pardon me if ... ahem ... I like a little entertainment -- even if its in the form of schadenfreude -- with my soccer. As nice as it is to see passing stats -- looking in your direction Yohan Cabaye -- or possession or whatever a growing cadre of writers want to break the sport down into so they can classify each game in a cold, detached scientific way pin-pointing exactly why Team A beat Team B. There's nothing wrong with this and obviously tactics are a large part of the game, even if unlike most team sports soccer remains more of art than science.

At the same time, give me a little entertainment.

Give me the blood, guts and reckless tackling of Lee Cattermole.

Give me the grumbling and complaining that comes with "Fergie Time."

Give me Demba Ba and the season of his life. 

Give me Andre Villas-Boas crime-solving trench coat.

Give me Kun Aguero making it look too easy. 

Give me toothless Aston Villa beating Chelsea at Stamford Bridge or Bobby Zamora firing a late winner for Fulham against Arsenal. Or of all players, Yakubu helping last place Blackburn win at Old Trafford.

Give me musical chair relegation scraps and Champions League place merry-go-rounds.

Give me Gareth Bale running through a hapless defense.

Give me Arsene Wenger blaming the refs, the opponents, the laws of physics ... anything but the resolve of his own squad.

For me, it's just entertainment. Pop on a match, watch for two hours and hope something to pass the time in an enjoyable manner. If Mario Balotelli is in the mix, all the better.

If the Premier League is stuck in a tactical backwater, even better. I'm not English so the league continuing to hold the Three Lions back in major international tournaments is no skin off my back as I sit there on a Saturday morning on my couch with one hand on my keyboard the other on a Dunkin' Donuts coffee.

Hell, it just gives me more material to make fun of John Terry, et al, when they walk off the field this summer in either Poland or Ukraine fighting back tears.

Just don't give me any more Luis Suarez stories. 


The last couple weeks I've been slacking with writing, but when the Premier League resumes in force next weekend I'll have a nice, second-half preview ready to go, hopefully. 

Labels: English Premier League, Premier League, Soccer

Anything can happen in the WWF, err, EPL.

Bar none this was the best weekend of Premier League results. It began with Manchester United losing at Old Trafford to last-place Blackburn and finished with Sunderland pulling an absolute shock at the death against first-place Manchester City.

There is so much to mull over and ponder, yet I frankly had zero free time to do it this weekend and form a post that I feel proud about serving up to you, dear reader. I can't live with mailing-in yet another post just to simply say I did it.

Negative enough for you?

Aside from that it was a great New Year's weekend, just very time consuming.

So here's the deal since it's an FA Cup weekend coming up, on Friday I'll attempt to write a nice, meaty post that will be worth your time to read. Rants, raves, predictions, speculation, strained pop culture references, links, you name it, it'll be in there.

For now, though, since the Premier League seemingly wants to play every day from now until the end of the Mayan calendar, a couple picks.



Monday:

* QPR v. Norwich City -- Rangers have won since Nov. 19 -- a string where the club has taken just two points from seven matches. Not good, not good at all. Expect a million transfer rumors in the next 30 days. Norwich is Norwich. Boring analysis, but true. ... QPR 1, Norwich City 1

* Wolves v. Chelsea -- (Live, FSC, 10 a.m.) It's the fun time of year where now Chelsea is the "crisis" club, where every result means the end of a job for somebody. More on the Blues Friday, there's a lot to discuss since the team seems to lack a long-term strategy for team-building. Wolves should be "up" for this one, so if anything it won't be a walkover. ... Wolves 1, Chelsea 2

* Aston Villa v. Swansea City -- Good god, Stephen Ireland sighting for Villa. That might be the sign of the 2012 pending apocalypse more than anything. To reiterate, Villa should be in store for an improved second half. ... Aston Villa 1, Swansea City 0

* Blackburn Rovers v. Stoke City -- As bad as Blackburn has been this year, even when the club was losing it was scoring goals. You could do worse, in a pinch, than an in-form Yakubu up top. Stoke still can't get over the hump of being a slightly better than average midtable team, to a slightly better than average team that finishes in seventh place. ... Blackburn Rovers 1, Stoke City 2

* Fulham v. Arsenal -- (Live, FSC, 12:30 p.m.) It almost seems destined for Clint Dempsey to elbow Robin van Persie in the jaw, shattering it into a 100 pieces, leaving the Dutchman looking like the late Gus Fring. ... Fulham 1, Arsenal 3

Tuesday:

* Tottenham v. West Brom -- (Live, Fox Deportes, 2:30 p.m.) Spurs are going to rue dropping two points away to Swansea on a rare mistake by Brad Freidel. It's a longshot, but if Tottenham beats Everton in that game in hand, its only three points off first. Then again, West Brom is the type of team that gives Spurs fits. ... Spurs 2, West Brom 0

* Wigan Athletic v. Sunderland -- (Live, FSC+, 2:45 p.m.) For all the crap and mean things said in English football, you hear nary a bad word -- ever -- about either Roberto Martinez or Martin O'Neill. ... Wigan 2, Sunderland 1

* Manchester City v. Liverpool -- (Live, ESPN2, 3 p.m.) We'll devote some time on Friday to both these teams. Amazing how seemingly overnight City seems unstoppable and now seem like a fragile house of cards. Teaser: Steven Gerrard = super sub? ... City 1, Liverpool 1

Wednesday:

* Everton v. Bolton -- Every paying customer at Goodison Park for this one should have to bring a pound note to give to each club's board of directors to help buy some players this month. ... Everton 1, Bolton 0

* Newcastle United v. Manchester United -- You have some set of stones, Sir Alex, dropping Wayne Rooney from the squad against Blackburn for going out to dinner on Boxing Day. ... Newcastle United 1, Manchester United 1

Last round: 3-7
Season: 92-99

Labels: EPL, EPL picks, monday posts, Soccer