Worth Sharing
This site is good. Japander....yeah Japan is crazy.Strange Days at Funco...
Just got back from FuncoLand in Norwalk. (A used video game place.)I went searching for some NES games, since I just got the old system for Christmas. (thanks ebay.)
The place was packed...and this was a Friday at 1 p.m. Crazy.
So this 20 something year old girl was selling a bunch of games. She had an SNES, a Gensis, a ton of games and some NES games. Some stuff they wouldn't buy, the others weren't worth much. All in all her stuff was worth a mere $22.25.
Her old mother told her to give it to the kids or cousins.
An opening.!
I offer her money for some of the NES games...in particular: Excitebike, Little League Baseball and Marble Madness.
She offers $5 a piece.
No way. $10 for them all.
Deal.
Quite a steal for me, eh?
So here's the total haul from Funco:
Not bad, not good. Still need to find Rygar, Tecmo Super Bowl, RBI, etc. Spent around $30 bucks. Any interesting NES stories can go on the message board.)
In other news, I picked up the Upright Citizen's Brigade on DVD. All the episodes, good quality.
The guy I bought them from also has: Run, Ronnie Run and all the Family Guy episodes.
His name is Rob, click here to email him.
Separated at birth?
What do you think? Twins? (The left being the Arnold side of the family, the right Devito.) Air you opinions here.
Insert foot here...
In the interest of fairness, I begrudingly report that Shaquilino (living up the name) has evened our NBA 2K3 World Championship Series to determine the greatest player in the world and has forced the winner-take-allGAME SEVEN
That's right, the Kid has beaten me three-straight times to notch it at 3-3.
All my braggadocio (see here scroll down a bit) has come back to haunt me...in the form of Charlie Ward. (seen left, in one of his non-anti semetic moments)I might sound beaten, but no, I'll come back stronger than ever in game seven. I'm not going to let any bullshit 2-3 zone beat me. Reggie Miller cannot shoot 1-14 from three-point land again! Game seven will be played this weekend at a nuetral site yet to be determined. [Ed. note: if you'd like to host it or have a suggestion where it should be played, post on the board]
On other fronts...
Adaptation was the funniest movie I've seen in a long long time. It's no wonder Charlie Kaufman got his start writing for the classic Fox "sitcom" Get A Life. It makes a lot more sense after watching Adaptation why the main character, Chris Peterson (Chris Eliot), started to die each week. Or why one day he was visited by an alien named Spewey (special-people-entering-the-world-egg yolks.).
The movie was more creative than about 4,321 Hollywood schlock fests combined. You wonder how one guy, Kaufman, can write such a completely insanely original flick, while it take four writers to penThe Nutty Professor 2:The Klumps.
I'd go off about the commercials and previews again but see my post yesterday. I did find myself pining for the days when audiences brought fruits and vegetables to hurl at the screen. There was a preview for Nicholas Nickleby. I actually booed it. An all-English cast, costumes, Nathan Lane, Alan Cummings....I'm almost speechless. You'd have to be a writer for the New Yorker and drink wine before dinner to enjoy this steamingly pile of rotting kidney pie.
Oh one more thing, before the show, their was Barbarino himself, John Ravolta, pitching some children's charity to the audience. I figured it was Scientology recruitment video. Watching that, I hope John sends a charitable contribution to Quentin Tarantino every week. He'd have NO career without Pulp Fiction....Looks Who's Talking Now anyone?
Hopefully I'll have a report from the Nets vs. Celtics game later in the week.
Adios.
Ok. Cardillo out. Merry Christmas.
Can I sell you a bridge
No matter what people say, the Simpsons from the last couple of years haven't been that good. Sure, there's a good laugh here or there, but just not that good compared to the classics from 1992-1996. Anyway, I don't want to turn this into Simpsons bashing 101, there's enough of that on the web already.
One of the few new ones that made a good point was when Homer broke his jaw. Remember he broke it because he stormed out of a movie theather, irate, because of the endless string of commercials before the movie. "START THE MOVIE..."
Well, as many people can relate to Homer, I felt his pain the other night when I went to go see "Gangs of New York" with Nick and Suppe.
I actually feared we'd miss some of the flick because I went to the wrong theather (Trumbull) and had like 25 minutes to get to Fairfield, for the 6:40 showing. With some good driving, we made it there in time....in time for 10 minutes of commercials.
Think about that for a second, going to the movies and getting bombared with 10 minutes of commercials. Obviously most people don't care, and as scary as it might seem, enjoy the commercials. As a person, not a "consumer" I think this is total bullshit. I want to see a movie and pay money to do so. I'm not paying to see that borderline brainless Pepsi Blue commercial where the Monks start jamming with Linkin Park Jr.
What really got me angry was the beyond stupid commercial for movietickets.com or something like that. It was three dim-witted guys sitting on a bed figuring out how to use the site. I assume they were supposed to be college students. How do I know this? The two pizza boxes hanging on the wall was a dead giveaway, every college dorm room/apartment I've seen has pizza boxes hanging on the wall.
But Mike, why does this upset you?
Becuase some old-shriv or marketing asshole thinks thats what appeals to me. That is what a college student should be or be perceived as.
Fuck that.
I'll never buy movie tickets online again. But I must admit, this commercials wasn't as dumb as the Styker family using Defcon-5 style tactics to get tickets to see Scooby-Doo.
At least I wasn't the only person groaning. A kid probably around my age sitting behind me starting grumbling too. I turned behind and told him right on. Too bad the middle-aged fuck in front of me with his wife turned around to give me a dirty look. I guess he was enjoying the pre-movie "entertainment."
That's right, entertainment. We also have delightful movie trailers...that ran on for another ten minutes. These are at least encouraging, because if sure-to-be-crap like "The Life of David Glass" can get made, maybe there's hope for my Hollywood dreams.
I sat there watching these trailers and laughed at how utterly predictable and mindless these movie are. Here's what was on the table:
Final Destination 2 -- Really, was there a clamoring for another one? Basically it looked like, as Suppe said, a rip-off of parts of Donnie Darko, but with the Candyman guy in it.
The Life of David Glass -- These are the movies that make me hate life. So insincere, but those souless Hollywood producers, try to market it as a heartwrencher. Here's the plot, Kevin Spacey is an ant-death penalty advocate, convicted of murder, now sitting on death row. Kate Winslett is the journalist who has to prove his innocence. Whoa...stop the presses.It either ends two ways, Spacey walks or Spacey really did kill the person "in a surprise ending you'll remember as you walk out the theather." If you go see a movie like this, please donate your brain to a retard, maybe they can put it to better use.
Dark Blue -- Kurt Russell is a corrupt LA cop in this obvious Training Day knockoff. Ving Rhames is the good cop out to bring him down. Is there even a point to watching this? Russell (the white guy) will definitely go down in the end. I mean honestly.
But then...we get these...
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind and Kill Bill -- Two flicks that keep me going back to the movies. Confessions looks good, not great BUT Kill Bill Wow. Suppe and I were basically drooling in our seats. Tarantino doing a Hong-Kong stlye action flick starring Uma Thurman as a kung-fu expert. Amazing. Even the song in the background is good. The trailer didn't reveal the plot or tell me WHY I need to see it, with stupid voiceovers, rather the images left me counting the days until it opens.
Oh from, there, we needed a National Amusements little animated montage telling us to have a "Happy Holidays", well thanks to that, I will now. (Nick mentioned, why make that little thing, when the track telling us in case of emergency to walk to the nearest exit has more cigerette burns in it than Jim Leland's vinyl Pirates jacket circa 1991.**I now remember my first joke here was going to be, the print probably was used at Robert Evans Woodmont Estate.)
As for Gangs of New York, it was good, not great. The end was flat out terrible. Ruined the movie for me, as well as the Fairfield theather, that has probably the most uncomfortable seats in the Western Hemisphere. Jeez, La Plaza de Mexico is probably better on the lumbar region. Bottom line, two and a half hours in lightly padded, non reclining seats is no fun for anyone.
I did throughoully enjoy Daniel-Day Lewis's portrayal of Bill the Butcher. It was amazing to see My Left Foot absolutely slaughtering guys with blunt objects. I actually found myself sympathezing with him, instead of Leo Dicaprio. The thing that really hurt Gangs was that the opening sequence was the best part. All down hill from there. It should have just begun and ended with the opening battle, or extend that to two hours and forget all the mixed messages and 9/11 symbolism.
I could have sworn though, that midway through the movie at a whorehouse, Christina Aguilera was making out with some dude. I told Suppe and Nick and neither really laughed. I thought it was funny. Look for her, if you see the flick.
Well...I'll leave you with a good quote from dead comedian Bill Hicks. Again, someone else puts it a lot better than me.
By the way, if anyone here is in advertising or marketing, kill yourself. Thank you, thank you. Just a little thought. I'm just trying to plant seeds. Maybe one day they'll take root. I don't know. You try. You do what you can. Kill yourselves. Seriously though, if you are, do. No really, there's no rationalisation for what you do, and you are Satan's little helpers, OK? Kill yourselves, seriously. You're the ruiner of all things good. Seriously, no, this is not a joke. "There's gonna be a joke coming..." There's no fucking joke coming, you are Satan's spawn, filling the world with bile and garbage, you are fucked and you are fucking us, kill yourselves, it's the only way to save your fucking soul. Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill
yourself now. Now, back to the show.
Just like Nixon...here's my enemies list
BY ANDROVICH
With more and more customers pissing me off at the bakery today…it got me thinking about people I hate. Well without further ado…my top 5 most hated villains of all time…
5)Mr. Hand-Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Who? Mr. Hand teaches history class at Ridgemont High. One of his main goals is to make an example of my number one man Jeff Spicoli. Taking Spicoli's stoner behaviors personally, Mr. Hand rips up his class schedule, shows up at Spicoli's house, and he even stole and gave away Spicoli's pizza that he ordered during a class lesson on Cuba. This top notch bastard almost flunked Spicoli. What a dick."What are you people, on DOPE?!"
4) Biff—Back to the future
Who? Biff is one bad dude. Whoops George McFly’s ass pretty much day in and day out on top of forcing him to do his homework. Biff nearly rapes Marty’s Mom and deysroys his future. However, he is no match for skateboard weilding 17 year old from the 80’s.“HEY McFLY!”
3) Bennett-Commando
Who? Former ally and member of ?Col. John Matrix's (Arnold in his finest role) 'elite commando unit', Bennett has been hired to kidnap Matrix's daughter (the ever delighful Alssya Milano) by dictator Val Verde. After turning his back on Matrix and a successful kidnapping of his daughter, Bennett proves to be heartless, evil, and of the most hated people ever to grace the big screen. Bennett proved to be so evil, that he was personally responsible for one of the greatest displays of human destruction any Arnold movie has ever seen. I kid you not."Don't you know what today is Matrix? Pay Day!"
2) Roy Stalin-Better Off Dead
Who? Roy Stalin is the sleaze ball captain of the Greendale High School ski team. Despite rumors that he can ski the K-12 successfully, Stalin purposely cuts Lane Meyer from the ski team, steals his girlfriend, and consequently ruins his life. With a name like Stalin, how could you not hate him?"Well, you sure got my vote for cutest couple. You better shave her a little closer before you kiss her goodnight."
1) Beast from 'Contra III: The Alien Wars'
Who? This beast has instilled permanent and reoccurring nightmares for me and one Pete Cardillo. I would say over a 7 year campaign, Pete Cardillo (Grizzly bear) and I have played 'Contra III: The Alien Wars' in attempts to beat its hardest setting. Just recently Cardillo and I pulled of, debatably, one of the greatest achievements in video game history; we defeated the game and have refused to play since. After defeating his two henchmen, this beast then tears through a wall to battle you. But my friend, he just doesn't try to swipe you with his 6 foot razor sharp claws, he shoots lasers from his eyes that follow you around, places timed bombs in which you only have seconds to retreat and yes…the dreaded "wheel of fire." A wall of fire comes blasting from the beast's mouth rotating clockwise at a speed that is probably twice yours. Now officially Contra III 'high priests', Cardillo and I have achieved the skills to defeat the beast only through years of play and Zen-like meditations. Still awaiting his letter of recognition from Kanami, a request to be on the "All-Japan" video game team, and a letter from the Emperor himself praising his heroics, Cardillo has told me once:"I dreamt I was having tea with Winston Churchill…then…all of the sudden…the beast ripped open the very wall behind us and right before he was about to obliterate us, I awoke in a sweat."
Rumors have it that after the 'nightmare' young Cardillo wasn't seen for several months…
I fear this beast, I hate this beast, he is the most demonic thing I have ever come in contact with, and yes, if he had the opportunity he would kill the first born of Cardillo and I.
So I say to you, if you dare engage in the horrors that are 'Contra III: The Alien Wars', I have words from one of the toughest SOB's ever. A man named Sully, a direct descendent from agent Mad Dog in the original Contra, he’ll look you dead in the eyes, give you that stone cold, emotionless glare for he knows death unavoidable, all he can say, all I can say, all anybody could ever say when going face to face with my most feared and hated individual in my life ever…is…
[Do you have a certain villain you hate? Let us know on the message board.]
The Vile-Kyle Kronikles
By Greg W. Waterwoth, Jr.
For those of you who don't know Kyle (Waterworth), this might not be too amusing.
For those who have experienced the vileness, the early morning stink after Kill-A-Keg, the rapid fire shooting of Taco Bell fire sauce packets into his mouth, then this, this will be your weekly Times-New Roman wet dream in print.
Now, I won't put all my eggs in one basket, there are numerous Kyle stories, they cannot all be told in one shot. That being said, I will give you a week-to-week sampling of his terribleness in motion. What you are about to read is 100 percent true and unexaggerated material.
Ever wake up at 1 p.m. craving a Mac-and-chesse burrito? Well, apparently Kyle must have, since that was the first thing I saw him chowing on as he walked down the stairs, shirtless as always, this Sunday morning. You can never be too quick to yell at the kid, especially when he starts to drop the Mac-and-Chee on your leather couch. I'm telling you, this shit was packed with more cheese than what you would find in between the kid's toes. Gross."Hey, you want any Snack Packs?," Kyle asks excitedly. "I got 36 four-packs in the fridge downstairs, I think I'll go have a few."
I'm convinced Kyle is a human garbage disposal, I have seen him devour boxes of ice cream sandwiches at a time. I saw him walk into my house and wax a 6-pack box of Klondike bars. What that fat fuck wouldn't do for one. And why not? He grinded with some dude for 20 bucks. Kyle is also a closet-faggot.
Two things Kyle takes pride in: eating and supposedly "banging numerous girls" - 31 to be exact, if you wanna believe that idiot. "Damn, broke up with my girl and already banged 3 chicks in 2 weeks."
What this kid doesn't tell you is that they resemble Sloth from "Goonies" if you made him put on lipstick and gain a few pounds. The teeth should stay just the way they are.
Finally, klassic Kyle last night (Weds.) as he comes home shit-faced in the middle of the week. Kyle walks down the stairs almost looking like he is trying to look drunk, not that he needs any help. After purposely breathing into my face, he goes upstairs and digs into the leftover chili. Insert your own joke here.
So where was Mista Kool getting wasted on this fine Wednesday evening? Starstruck in Plainville, what a way to go.
There is no hope for Kyle, and you are only at the beginning of this 24 hour-a-day fiasco.
[Ed. note, Kyle truly is a walking Garbage Pail Kid. His stretch marks and mayonaise sandwiches are beyond digusting. Oh yeah...Suppe and I once tried to feed him cat food on a hamburger bun to no avail.]
A quick one while he's away
Quick one here, but great news...possibly. Click HERE to read it.
While I'm here....a funny picture of what I bought the 75+ year old woman I had to buy a secret santa gift for. Well worth checking out. It was the first thing I saw when I went into the Trumbull Mall via the J.C. Penny entrance. Bear in mind, my motivation was a thoughtful looking gift that was really thoughtless. I might have pulled it off....
Secret Santa
Adios...
(So what is it 364 days and 17 hours until Return of the King?
Nintendo Madness
Christmas is right around the corner. Since Santa and I aren't on speaking terms since my Mom left Ginger Snaps instead of Oreos back in the Christmas of '87, I had to do it myself. I was at the local Circuit City looking for something for my brother and Dad and before stood a stack of Nintendo Gamecubes for only $125. With my buddy Androvich pumping up this game called "Animal Crossing" I said what the hell, and bought it.
Why am I sharing this?
Well because for almost two decades Nintendo has been making great video games and systems. Almost every Nintendo original first company game has been great. Think about it: Mario Series, Metroid, Zelda, etc. All classics. I remember being like eight, wanting NES so bad. I saw a neighbor playing Super Mario Bros. and couldn't believe it. It cost around $100, cheap all things considered.
Since I'm done with work, I've decided to post my ten favorite NES games of all time. Sure, it was hard to decide, but here's my list. Feel free to air your opinions on the message board after reading.
10. Duck Tales -- Remember the "Disney Afternoon"? Admit it, you watched it. I did. "Duck Tales" always entertained me. (Swimming through a tower filled with gold is still a dream of mine.) Anyway, the game was a fun side-scroller with great graphics for the time. You were Scrooge McDuck and had to find your lost treasures by boucing around on your cane line a pogo stick, or using it as a golf club. Simple fun.
9. Rygar -- Tecmo is remaking this game, why? They can never recreate the the total assininity of this classic. Where to even start? The hypnotic music? The good-for-the-time graphics? Garloz? Any game that features a quest for a pulley or an end boss who's got three lion heads is a rare gem. To play Rygar once is to live it for the rest of your life. One lazy day my sophomore year my friend Matt Bartolotta and I spent an entire Sunday afternoon figuring out how to beat it. Could go down as one of the best days of my life.8. Ice Hockey -- One of the first games I bought. Super fun. What more do you want in a hockey game -- fat guys, skinny guys and medium guys. Plus you get fights and the Soviet Union is a team. Playing it makes for some excellent, "U-S-A, U-S-A" chants. Try it, you'll feel better about yourself.
7. Tecmo Super Bowl -- This game is nearing legendary status online. People have leagues and still play it. The cut scenes are really ahead of their time and have yet to be matched. All I can add, is there's nothing more infruiating than breaking off a 75-yard run with "Eagles QB" only to have him fumble around the five-yard line and then need help to carry him off the field once he gets injured.
6. Contra -- Proof that video game programs are sick individuals. Why else would they put in the 30-lives code? The game is almost impossible without it. Don't believe me? Try to get through the factory level where the spikes drop down from the ceiling without dying more than three times.It's not possible. 5. Legend of Zelda -- Remember this came out in 1987. How many games have been based off of it? Impossible to say. It's pretty interesting that the third level dungeon is the shape of a Nazi Schawistka. The maze of level nine still gives me nightmares.
4. Super Mario 2 -- Who says they don't allow drugs in Japan? How else to explain this whacked out, tripped out, all together insane game? The opening musical diddy is one of the all-time greats. I got this for my seventh birthday. My parent hid in a Nacho Chip Box, my heart dropped. Opening the box to find Super 2 was another magical moment. (yep, I'm a loser.)
3. Metroid -- Maybe this is just because Metroid Prime is so great, but the original still stands the test of time. It's still fun and challenging. Ridley, Kraid, Mother Brain...do I need to say more?
2. Mega Man 2 -- I nevere played the original "Rockman" (as it's known in Japan) but somehow there was massive hype about the sequel. My friend Josh Smith said it was the best game ever. He might be right. The levels were massive. The graphics were great. The bad guy robots were somewhat believable. Who would have though Alien Dr. Wiley would go down to the Bubble shot? An excellent put-down to this day would be, "Dude, you're weaker than Airman."
1. Mike Tyson's Punch-Out -- The best. Hands down. Where do I start? If you've played it the names: Soda Popinski, Bald Bull, Piston Honda, Don Flamingo and Von Kaiser will always hold a special place in the heart. Simple two-button gameplay. Great in-fight banter, "TKO from Toyko," "I'll drink to your health," or "Fly like a butterfly, sting like a mosquito." Beating Mike Tyson puts you ina special video game club. It's one of the ultimate tests. I spent hours my freshman year playing this game. Finally I beat Tyson and it was magic. I even took pictures of it. One day I'll post them on the site so you can laugh at them. Let's keep it clean and come out boxing.Honorable Mention -- There were no doubt some classics I left out, here they are: "RBI Baseball", "Baseball Stars', "Ninja Gaiden 2", 'Double Dragon" and "A Boy and His Blob'.
--Cardillo out....feel free to tear my choices apart on the message board . Adios.
1,000 Hits
Well, we've only been around for a little over a week, but we've passed the 1000 hit plateau. Sure, maybe half have been from my computer or Nick's...but who cares. We keep getting hits from people looking for stuff about MTV's Fat Camp thing. We even got one from someone looking on google about pimping techniques and how to brainwash women.
So keep coming back. Bookmark us, put us in your AIM profile or wherever.
Spanks....and be sure to read Androvich's story about a man named SWAT...good stuff here people.
--Cardillo signing off...I've got a long eight hours before I can get back into Metroid Prime and Animal Crossing...oh well. (very interesting that Cash and Booze are running neck-in-neck with Back to the Future DVDs for what people what for Christmas)
Hey Swat, the 10th cup's free
BY ANDROVICH
FAIRFIELD -- At 6:15 in the morning, the radio turns on in efforts to get me out of bed and into the shower to be ready for a 7:00 AM start at my job. I work at a local bakery in downtown Fairfield, Conn. called Devores. Now, you might be asking yourself, "Hey Androvich, why would you wake up so damn early for a humbling $7.00 per hour?" I ask myself the same question everyday and debate not even showing up.
On top of it all, the boss is a jerk and I work with a 55+ year old lady who talks about how she makes "whoopee" only on the weekends and her hysterectomy. When you leave for the day, you smell like a Coffee Roll, are covered in powdered sugar, and have most likely been pinched in the ass by the Mexican who greases the pans. Despite the fact, I can eat whatever I want and drink as many Snapples as my heart content. The only upside to this of course is I now know every Snapple Fact…ever.
At the magical hours between 7:30-9:00 AM, the bakery's regulars come in for their "usual" that they have been getting their entire lives. I would say out of 30 regulars, I hate 29. There is the Jamaican lady who requires her bagel, "Lightly toasted with a slight crisp" with butter and jelly and God forbid you put the hot chocolate mix in the cup before the water. Let’s turn to the old lady who looks like Sophia on a bad rerun of the Golden Girls, she checks her coffee to make sure I don't, "screw it up like last time."And who could forget about the 200+ pound bum who stumbles in the bakery orders a coffee and falls asleep, yes he falls asleep in the bakery and he smells worse than the shit the Mexican left in the toilet three weeks back. 
Every regular and about 75 percent of all customers have a Downeast coffee card. A Downeast coffee card has 4 circles running down each side, one on the bottom and it reads, "Buy 9 cups of Downeast coffee get the 10th Free" down the center. In which, every time a customer buys a coffee, I must mark one circle and when the card is full they can help themselves to a free coffee. Oh glorious day when that coffee card is full, I have heard remarks such as, "Haha! Freebie today!", “Boo Yah!”, and "HOMERUN!" I like to play along in the…excitement…of a free coffee and entice the customer by saying something like, "Is this not the most exciting day of your life?!", "Free coffee! Oh dear God!" or, "Wait just a minute? Is this card…FULL…AAAHHHH" It generally evokes blushed responses, school girl giggles, and the occasional "raise DA roof." (see picture to the left for details) Something, anything, to keep things a little interesting. How could I forget my infamous brownie joke? Customer-“I would like a brownie please”
Androvich-“Male or Female?”
Customer-“What do you mean male or female?”
Adrovich-“You know male or female, nuts or no nuts.”
All aside, there is one guy who makes the bakery experience a good time, that 1 regular is guy who goes by, "Swat." Swat stands at an estimated 5-foot-4 and 100 pounds (soaking wet) and is probably 75+ years old. Claiming to have 13 cars (all parked in his front lawn), and to have never paid for a single haircut his entire life, Swat has some of the most interesting stories, eating habits, and some of the greatest one-liners I have ever heard. Swat's wardrobe is nothing short of that the one Mr. Wilson wears on Denice the Menace. It’s really top notch. For example, today he wore a bright orange fleece, a hat that read "SWAT," brown pants that didn't cover his ankles and a pair of white keds. After getting out of his maroon 84' Benz with old army drums in the back and, "SWAT 3" as the license plate Swat struts in to Devores. He walks with a slight limp, bacially has no hair, probabbly hasn’t gotten it up in 45 years and is missing a few teeth, but hey I’m no Brad Pitt. When Swat walks in, everybody turns and shouts, "Hey Swat!" When he has finished making his rounds of all the ladies in the place (the special ones get a little suntin' suntin' on their rear) he slowly walks to the counter looks me in the eye and……….
Androvich- "Hey Swat, what's the word on the street?"
Swat -"Drop Dead."
A -"Hey Swat, you ever go to the mall?"
S -"The Mall? What would I do at the mall? Go MALLING around?"
S -"Hey, you see that guy who just walked in?"
A- "Yeah Swat, what about him?"
S- "I haven't seen him in 25 years, I guess the Japanese finally let him go"
A- "Hey Swat, what do you need chief?"
S- "Coffee"
A- "Glazed today?"
As I ask Swat if he wants a glazed donut, he looks at my cockeyed, starts to laugh and reaches in his pocket only to pull out a half eaten, week old muffin that he's been snacking on.
S- "Woo Hoo! I've been saving this guy all week!"
When Swat leaves, it's always a sad time for all. Generally after Swat has run the bakery regulars through his daily comic routine and received plenty of hardy laughs he'll leave on a high note making people want more. It's nice to see Swat rock and roll in the place everyday. Even though I'm trying to find a good way out of the bakery, because let's face it, the bakery sucks man. Bottom line, Swat is royalty…I invite all of you to come to bakery during those hours (7:30-9:00) and come down to see Swat in all his glory. I'll set you up with a donut and coffee, and hell, I'll even mark your Downeast coffee card twice. Just a bit of heads up, you better be on your guard or Swat will rip on you harder than a tin foil pipe…in winter. If you don't wanna come down I’m sure you could always watch the new Family Feud with Richard Karn hosting, yeah, Al Borlan.
What does the future have in store for Androvich? Creating a professional Zonk league? Leading a new Bolshevist revolution through the streets Moscow? Secret Agent? Or will one of the last remaining members of a Russian Cossack bloodline (true) simply wither away behind the counter of a bakery….
As one customer put it best, "You got talent Kid; don't waste it behind the counter"
-Androvich signing off…for now…
[ Ed. note, Devores Bakery is located on 1979 Post Road, Fairfield, Conn. easy access off Interstate 95, exit 21.]
Massholes
Published by Nick on December 14, 2002 at 8:32 PM.
As I was sitting on the subway the other day this old lady got on with her granddaughter and told this guy to “fu** off” and gave him the finger. So what city do you think I was in?
Sorry Cam’ron fans, it wasn’t New York.
It was Boston. Yes, Boston.
I have never been a fan of Boston. I couldn’t tell you why but maybe it has something to do with watching too many Cheers reruns as a kid or just subconsciously always knowing it was a city for losers after seeing Buckner blow it in ’86.
Anyway, on Friday I decided to make a trip to “Beantown” to see the Celtics take on the lowly Cleveland Cavs.
So after an hour trip from outside the city on the “T” we got off at Quincy Market. The place kind or looks like one of the “lands” at Disney’s Magic Kingdom. Very tourist oriented with ankle breaking cobblestone streets. It’s sad that such rich spot of American history now is home to a 6-story Abercrombie and Fitch. My name for it would be Never Never Land…Never Never “gonna win another World Series” Land.
The next stop was Hooters. After four $10 pitchers of Bud, I realized something. I have never had a hot waitress at Hooters. You can have the biggest tits in the world but if you have a horse face you better do something a little extra for that 20%.
Up to this point I really started to like the city a little. Being half in the bag, going to see my favorite NBA player Tyrone Hill, and buying a “Truth Fund” T-shirt everything was going good till I took a piss at Hooters. Above one of the urinals they had the sports page from a Boston newspaper posted and five words ruined my next 2 hours….they were “Probable: Paul Pierce, Darius Miles.” All I was thinking was “Why did I even come.”
Bummed out with an hour till the opening tip, we went into this sports bar called Sullivan’s Tap. In the bar I felt as out of place as a white quarterback in the Bayou Classic. All Celts fans with bad accents, while I’m a Knicks fan that “talks funny” according to one of the bar patrons.
While waiting, V and Pat decided to play some pool. They waited for the next turn at the table they started a game. Not really paying attention I noticed that they were running the table and I got a little nervous that Chuckie Sullivan and Will Hunting would break a $1.75 bottle of Pabst over one of their heads and stab the other with the broken shards. To my relief they beat two girls. (Way to go guys!)
So we get to the Fleet Center and as we are walking to our seats I catch a glimpse of the Jumbotron…and thank god it was the triple-thick headband wearing, #34 himself. Relieved I went to get a beer and my sudden joy was again turned, this time to sadness, anger, and fury. At the Fleet Center, If you are under 25 and have an out of state license they won’t serve you beer. With my dreams of “rocking the boat” shattered, I hung my head low as I took my seat.
The game itself was great…Antoine Walker had a Triple Double …the antennas came out of D-Miles headband…and Ricky Davis put up another all-star performance. If the game wasn’t of any interest at least there were some things to laugh at. I will list them in order of hilarity.
Learn to HARLEM SHAKE like Lil' Bow Wow: Click Here!
After the game was a complete nightmare getting back to the car. To put it simply, The “T” is probably the worst public transportation system on this planet next to the Indian rickshaw. For about an hour I couldn’t get a seat and the entire ride I had to hear this kid cry about how he got chicken grease on his pants. In New York I would be sitting next to some crackheads but at least I would have a seat. Also, I forgot to mention that on the ride to the Fleet Center an old lady decided to take my seat by threatening to sit on my lap until I got up.
I don’t know if they are talking about the city when the band Boston says “Don’t Look Back.” If it wasn’t for the Celtics and the NBA, I probably wouldn’t. At least I can show my face in Boston another time unlike Syracuse where I may be banned for life.
Shaquilino...Boston Fans, Click here to send the hatemail!
Sorry Cam’ron fans, it wasn’t New York.
It was Boston. Yes, Boston.
I have never been a fan of Boston. I couldn’t tell you why but maybe it has something to do with watching too many Cheers reruns as a kid or just subconsciously always knowing it was a city for losers after seeing Buckner blow it in ’86.
Anyway, on Friday I decided to make a trip to “Beantown” to see the Celtics take on the lowly Cleveland Cavs.
So after an hour trip from outside the city on the “T” we got off at Quincy Market. The place kind or looks like one of the “lands” at Disney’s Magic Kingdom. Very tourist oriented with ankle breaking cobblestone streets. It’s sad that such rich spot of American history now is home to a 6-story Abercrombie and Fitch. My name for it would be Never Never Land…Never Never “gonna win another World Series” Land.
The next stop was Hooters. After four $10 pitchers of Bud, I realized something. I have never had a hot waitress at Hooters. You can have the biggest tits in the world but if you have a horse face you better do something a little extra for that 20%.
Up to this point I really started to like the city a little. Being half in the bag, going to see my favorite NBA player Tyrone Hill, and buying a “Truth Fund” T-shirt everything was going good till I took a piss at Hooters. Above one of the urinals they had the sports page from a Boston newspaper posted and five words ruined my next 2 hours….they were “Probable: Paul Pierce, Darius Miles.” All I was thinking was “Why did I even come.”
Bummed out with an hour till the opening tip, we went into this sports bar called Sullivan’s Tap. In the bar I felt as out of place as a white quarterback in the Bayou Classic. All Celts fans with bad accents, while I’m a Knicks fan that “talks funny” according to one of the bar patrons.
While waiting, V and Pat decided to play some pool. They waited for the next turn at the table they started a game. Not really paying attention I noticed that they were running the table and I got a little nervous that Chuckie Sullivan and Will Hunting would break a $1.75 bottle of Pabst over one of their heads and stab the other with the broken shards. To my relief they beat two girls. (Way to go guys!)
(Another notable moment at Sullivan’s occurred when a Celts fan went to put a few songs on the jukebox and the song “Bad Boy for Life” came on. The whole bar turned and looked over to see who played this song and the kid turned around and said, “It wasn’t me!” He then went on to select the Beastie Boys “Flute Loop” and ZZ Top “Cheap Sunglasses”… two excellent choices.)
So we get to the Fleet Center and as we are walking to our seats I catch a glimpse of the Jumbotron…and thank god it was the triple-thick headband wearing, #34 himself. Relieved I went to get a beer and my sudden joy was again turned, this time to sadness, anger, and fury. At the Fleet Center, If you are under 25 and have an out of state license they won’t serve you beer. With my dreams of “rocking the boat” shattered, I hung my head low as I took my seat.
The game itself was great…Antoine Walker had a Triple Double …the antennas came out of D-Miles headband…and Ricky Davis put up another all-star performance. If the game wasn’t of any interest at least there were some things to laugh at. I will list them in order of hilarity.
1) According to the game program, the most memorable gift Vin Baker ever received is Black and Red Michael Jackson “Thriller” Jackets…J.R. Bremer got a Bernie Kosar football uniform, “pads and all.”
2) Antoine Walker’s charity section, “Walker’s Wigglers” was shown on the Jumbotron. Imagine 15-20 little kids popin’ and lockin’ and doing the Harlem Shake for all to enjoy.
Learn to HARLEM SHAKE like Lil' Bow Wow: Click Here!
3) “Gino” – Not Auriemma. The crown cheered louder for this American Bandstand clip of a white guy with an afro wearing a shirt that said “Gino”, than Walker hitting his 8th three pointer of the night. (Sorry! No picture available.)
4) The Caddyshack Clip of Al Czervik and D’Annunzio…So What! So lets Dance!
5) The Celtics mascot looks like an old Chinese lady.
After the game was a complete nightmare getting back to the car. To put it simply, The “T” is probably the worst public transportation system on this planet next to the Indian rickshaw. For about an hour I couldn’t get a seat and the entire ride I had to hear this kid cry about how he got chicken grease on his pants. In New York I would be sitting next to some crackheads but at least I would have a seat. Also, I forgot to mention that on the ride to the Fleet Center an old lady decided to take my seat by threatening to sit on my lap until I got up.
I don’t know if they are talking about the city when the band Boston says “Don’t Look Back.” If it wasn’t for the Celtics and the NBA, I probably wouldn’t. At least I can show my face in Boston another time unlike Syracuse where I may be banned for life.
Shaquilino...Boston Fans, Click here to send the hatemail!
Battle of the Holiday Chick Flicks
There's nothing I personally like better than a good chick flick -- the original plots, the suspense if the leads will get together, those delightful musical montages... you know everything that makes chick flicks great. (Mmm...can you smell the sarcasm coming through your monitor?)
As with anything, you have to take the good with the bad. This winter, I'm excited for three movies: "The Two Towers," "Gangs of New York" and "Adaptation." So I'll deal with the mindless advertising of these two clunkers: "Maid in Manhattan" and "Two Weeks Notice." I only pick on these movies because they are completely unoriginal Hollywood schlock.
So in the effort of trying to bring Christmas/Kwanzaa joy, I'm giving prospective guys a heads up on which of these two flicks to see, when and if your girlfriend drags you there. It's going to happen, so if it does, force her to sit through three hours of Middle Earth, because that’s about the equivalent of watching 15 minutes of one of these.
First up, the destined to be Blockbuster Viedo Favorite, the Jennifer Lopez vehicle, Maid in Manhattan
- Premise -- Marisa Ventura is a single mother born and bred in the boroughs of New York City, who works as a maid in a first-class Manhattan hotel. By a twist of fate and mistaken identity, Marisa meets Christopher Marshall, a handsome heir to a political dynasty, who believes that she is a guest at the hotel. Fate steps in and throws the unlikely pair together for one night. When Marisa's true identity is revealed, the two find that they are worlds apart, even though the distance separating them is just a subway ride between Manhattan and the Bronx. (I wonder if they'll find true love)
Leading Lady -- Jenny from the block herself, Jennifer Lopez. I just don't get the J-Lo thing. She's become one the most famous people in the world without any visible talent other than her nice ass. But somehow she's parlayed that into a singing AND film career -- baffling. Call me crazy but J-Lo doesn't do it for me. (Is there anything more annoying that celebrities who insist they're "keepin' it real" yet drive Escalades and where million dollar diamond rings. Just admit you're an egotistical jerk and we'll all feel a lot better instead of being lied to.)
Leading Man -- Ralph Fiennes. It's hard to take guy who pronounces his name like "Raef" seriously. He's like the Matchbox 20 of actors -- just there. Have you ever heard someone actually fired up for a Matchbox 20 concert or CD or song or anything invloving them? Same thing with Fiennes, he's made a career on being as bland and medicore as possible.
Date Factor -- Moderate. Since J-Lo is supposedly the hottest thing going, some girls might feel inadequate in her presence for the screen time. But of course the sappy premises will have females drooling.
Resembles -- The promo says its, "the best romantic comedy sine Pretty Woman." Soooooo...this means its "Pretty Woman" without Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. As much as I just bashed him, Fiennes is certainly better than Gere.
HBO Factor -- Since romantic comedies are a staple of HBO, would this be worth watching on a Tuesday afternoon with nothing else on? Maybe. Depends on how revealing J-Lo's outfits are. Considering she's a maid, not very likely. The trailer makes this look more annoying than anything else, with Jenny dancing it up with her maid friends. Plus the cute kid scenes are guarenteed to be as annoying as a punch in the dick.
Bit Players to Make it Worth Watching -- Not really. Mr. Smee from Hook, Bob Hoskins is in it, but big deal. I don't think he'll be battling it out with Rufio and the Lost Boys, so I’ll pass.
Would I Go See It? -- No surprise here, no...unless I had a girlfriend who threatened to cut me off if I didn't go. (Honestly, is dragging loved ones to movies they don't want to see the way for harmony between the sexes? Wouldn't girls be better off watching these flicks with their gal pals? And then gushing about them over a Frappachino? Men are not going to enjoy this stuff no matter how many times they are dragged to them. I'll take any Steven Seagal movie or anything with the words "romantic" and comedy" in them. Plus they give totally unrealistic goals to the whole dating scene, since real life is nothing like a romantic comedy.)
Pussy Whipped Rating -- two and a half out of four whips. (At least for most men J-Lo is good spank material.)
Now we come to the Sandra Bullock/Hugh Grant soon-to-be-classic "Two Weeks Notice"
- Premise -- Explores the question of whether it's ever too late to say 'I love you'.(Something I ponder on a daily basis.) The story revolves around Lucy Kelson, a brilliant but neurotic attorney, and her client, who is "charming, irresponsible and fabulously wealthy." (I wonder if they'll find true love too?)
Leading Lady -- Sandra Bullock. Another actress with some across-the-board appeal. Personally, I think she peaked as an actress in her 21st Century "love scene" with Sly Stallone in "Demolition Man." (I always liked "Demolitian Man" for some reason, Snipes top form as the psycho-killer-from-the-past Simon Phoenix with the blonde haired that inspired Dennis Rodman. Even Otho form "Beetle Juice" shows up for a few scenes...so does the "Hot Chick" Rob Schneider, who also has a nice role in "Judge Dredd." Check out Schneider's film credits, good for a laugh.)
Leading Man -- Hugh "Chick Flick is my middle name" Grant. Honestly, has Grant ever been in a non-chick flick? Does he always play the same character? Why do women like him? I harken back to that old bit, "British or Gay" for some possible explanation. I don't know. Maybe it's better he sticks with these movies since he has no discernible talent otherwise.
Date Factor -- The combo of Bullock and Grant is to women, what Saturn and Jupiter aligning for astronomers. Any woman from 16-to-45 will flock to this like junkies to the ice cream truck in GTA:Vice City. (Ok, I'll limit the alliterations to one per line.)
Resembles -- Every other Hugh Grant movie.
HBO Factor -- Destined. This has the potential to replace "Castaway" as no. 1 in HBO rotation, since "Miss Congeniality" and "Nothing Hill" are two HBO staples, this could be nirvana for the junior executives.
Bit Players to Make it Worth Watching -- Shocker here, Mike Piazza plays himself. Do I even need a callow remark here. Use your brain. Mike, weren't there any offers for "Major League IV" or even "Most Valuable Primate Part 2" on your desk?
Would I Go See It? -- I'll take Chinese Water Torture for $2000 Alex. Good God, if you somehow find me watching this movie, please alert the proper authorities.
Pussy Whipped Rating -- four out of four whips. If you're a man caught seeing this, please hand in your balls to a testicular cancer survivor. There is no reason any self-respecting man would watch this dreck.
Final Thoughts -- While both of these flicks aren't worth the price of admission and will amount to an two hours of your life you're not getting back, take "Maid in Manhattan" if you've got no chance of talking your girlfriend out of going. Best way to get out of this, as many trips to the bathroom and snack line as possible..."Honey I think the popcorn needs a little more artificial butter flavoring."
--Cardillo out.
Stuck At Work
Well we're under 24 hours until I tell my boss, Don Harrison, thanks but no thanks. I'd like to take the Merle Haggard approach -- take this job and shove it. Well, I'll put it nicer than that, although I'd like to need some kind of security to have to escort me out of the building. In the meantime they roped me into doing Secret Santa, one of the worst innovations of the 20th century. Of course, I get this 70-year-old cunt-rag reporter who I depise. (Basically the first time she met me she went off to describe what kind of person I am, after I said about three words. I believe she called me reserved.)
So I have to idea what to get her. I've come up with three options:
- Hickory Farms Summer Sausage
- $10 donation in her name to the Human Fund
- Spencer Gifts Penis Pasta
Plus I suppose I'll have to go to the staff Christmas party at some lame restuarant in Greenwich...fun. Enough "I hate my job" shit for today.
I was reading the Spin Magazine 2002 wrap up, nothing very interesting. The usual pretentious music mag crap. They did a little thing about girls like Avril Lavignereplacing Britney Spears. Not really a fan of that since at least Britney was enjoyable when as long as you had a mute button.
The mag had one good feature, with Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins discussing some big songs from the last year. Funny stuff, including this exchange about Nelly's "Hot in Herre."
Grohl: you know this song? Nelly?
Hawkins: He could have gang affliations -- we'd better be careful.
Spin: I don't think he's in a gang anymore.
Hawkins: Anymore? Once you're in you're never out.
Spin also gave their top 40 albums of the year. Pretty predictable, White Stripes coming out on top. Actually better than the other album review I'd read so far from Blender, which of course, put Eminem on top. (But why nitpick, just a list afterall. And everyone should know that music writers know nothing about music and don't really love it either.)
This got me to thinking about my favorite albums from the 2002. I don't even think I bought five new albums this year. Here's my picks anyway.
- Queens of the Stone Age -- Songs for the Deaf . It was actually a quote in Spin this year that got my intrigued on them. Something like this from Josh Homme, "If you think nu-metal sucks, and hate Creed...then we're your band." Amen to that.
- The Flaming Lips -- Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots Just good stuff here. Great layered sounds and meaningful lyrics. Sorry that's all I can say. Listen to it, if you like music, you'll dig it.
- DJ Shadow -- The Private Press I'm not the world's biggest Tecno fan, but as Suppe put's it...it's like tripped out video game music.
Now that's all the new stuff I think I got, or otherwise it wasn't very good (think Weezer's Maladroit.)
Most critics and people bemoan that music sucks...it's a fucking broken record. What do they what? The Beatles to come back from the grave? There will always be good music out there, you just have to find it. What critics say is "good" and what MTV plays might not fly for you. Go your own road.
Do we need every month -- "Is Rock Dead?" or "Return of the Rock?"
I feel sorry for people that think that way. Look, no matter how you slice it, "The Vines" aren't that good, no matter what Gideon Yago or some Rolling Stone writer might say.
And should what I say have any more creedance, nope. I just feel bad for anyone that listens to nu-metal crap (think TRUSTcompany)or mall-punk shit (think New Found Glory).
Find your own musical niche, and while you're at it, check out Sigur Ros's (). It'll be worth your time.
I'm gonna go pop in some Huey Lewis and the News for the long drive home.
Remember kids, "It's hip to be square."
Good Laughs
Hey...not a big post here, just sending a link of a complilation of Jack Handey's "Deep Thoughts." Those were always some of my favorite things on the early 90s "Saturday Night Live" Check it out.
Gotta listen up, Doris From Rego Park is on WFAN.
cough cough
I'll be back later with some good stuff.
anyway, here was a Deep Thought that always cracked me up.
I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
Here's a deep thought of my own -- what song is worse -- "She Hates Me" by Puddle of Shit or "The Game of Love" by Santana and Michelle Branch. (If you have an answer, e-mail me, I'll post the best response.)
I’m not paying the bear(d) tax.
(Got this one from my buddy Androvich in Fairfield. One of the world's greatest Risk players...so watch out. The USSR will rise again, eh comrade?)
This past Saturday, Dec. 7, 2002, I voyaged up to the University of Connecticut in Storrs, Conn., to see my good friend Pete. (Mike’s brother.)
As I walked into his room my jaw hit the floor. Consistently, for almost a year now Pete has flaunted the legendary, "Cardillo Suave" in sporting a rock solid beard that has been nothing shy of a Remington commercial.
Shocked I said, "Dude, why did you shave your beard?!?"
He responded with, "My dad made me do it."
Bullshit I say! BULLSHIT!
During that illustrious bearded reign, Pete has turned heads and adopted nicknames such as the, "Grizzly Bear." The Grizzly bear's beard has been topic of many locker room, snack line, and even water cooler conversations. Talk turned into folklore, folklore turned into myth, and myth turned into legend.
The legend of the Grizzly Bear's beard grew, and some people even claimed that his beard was so top notch that it was better than all the beards of ZZ TOP combined. In a recent interview with Pete's brother, Mike Cardillo (this site’s creator.), he had one and one thing only to say about the disappearance of his brother's beard:
"He lost his edge."
Grizzly Bear, if you're listening, you Zonked out bro, you gotta man up and get that beard back in action
--Androvich signing off
(Left): before
(Right): after
So...it's come to this...
I haven't posted my thoughts in a while. Nothing I'd really like to say, don't want to depress anyone who stumbles across this site looking for Johnny Cage crotch-punch pictures.
I'll just offer some advice to our college readers -- stay in school.
Flunk a class.
Go to grad school.
Change majors at the last minute.
Trust me, the real world sucks. I thought I'd have a job I'd like, but four months in I'm almost certain I'm handing in my two weeks notice.
Working full-time is like a bad dream that you can't wake up from. The days blend into the next, the only difference is what's for dinner. And yeah, I still live at home with my folks.
Ok, this might sound like me whining, and maybe it is. I'm not starving. I have roof over my head. No incurrable diseases.
It's just maybe in college you have goals, ideals...dare I say dreams. I luckily found a job doing what I went to school for -- writing. Hell, I found it in the newspaper and emailed my resume. But I hate it. Every day I drive an hour to work and dream of "Grand Theft Auto" coming to life.
There has to be more to life than 40-hour work weeks and two-week vacations. Thankfully I have this venue to vent my frustration.
I look at things these days totally differently. I can barely watch television even. Commericials are completely overbearing, projecting a totally false set of values in our heads. Not just television, adverstising haunts me everywhere I go. I open up last week's "Sports Illustrated" and there is a full-page ad for man's body wash showing a totally naked dude, strategically covered by water. Jesus Christ, I could go my life without male body wash or body spray or any of that other crap. Look at AJ on the Sopranos, complaining about too many carbs at breakfast. Commercials and popular culture are not reality. I do not need all this stuff being forced down my throat.
I'm sure most readers have seen "Fight Club" remember the scene where Norton and Pitt are on the bus and see the male underwear ad and ask, "Is that what a man looks like?"
I'm tired of everything in American society trying to emalsculate me. It's sad that the Martha Burks of the world are winning the war simply because people like me are eating their bad medicine without putting up a fight. It's one thing to be sensitive to other people, but to be hammered over the head with it to make you a walking tool.
If there is such a thing, that's what the "Powers that Be" want. They certainly don't want free thinkers, they want consumers. They'd be happy to see people quabbling over Democrats and Republicans without thinking about the issues for yourself. America is "the land of the free" but not really. (I'd get into this, but what do I really have to add to the issue? It's all been said probably someplace else. Just look at your next paycheck and tell us we're free.I really need to pay a Connecticut State Cop's salary so he can sit in his car talking on a cell phone "overlooking" a construction site. Get real.I'd say vote for change, but the only people that vote in America are old shrivs.)
I don't know how I got to this point, I actually wanted to comment on this show I caught a glispe of last night, "MTV True Life: I'm Going to Fat Camp." Who knows, I feel I little better that I rambled on for a while.
As Tool's Maynard James Keenan quoted Timothy Leary so nicely at a concert I saw this summer-- "Think for yourself, Question authority."
I'll leave this incoherent rambling with some words from our good friend D-E-L....
Fuck the system, non-conformist humans
Walk around because of their ordinance, just ornaments
Super-thugs use computer bugs, all ignoramusas
Reduced to savage half-beasts off a crack piece
Not me, I'm shit-faced, which way but loose
In a hovercraft, not no bubble-bath, turbo-boost
Fuck Earth, I want to live on Mars somewhat closer to the stars
And farther away from dumb civilization with no mental stimulation
They changed the constitution for your red white and blue friends
Exterminate nuisance, no one listens to what you said
The online is touching your head
With brainwashing, with propaganda about your fearless leader
Who got two hundred body guards so you can't touch him either
Bodies disappear, obviously of fear
Lobbyists can't get near shit
Everybody's spirits are under control
Computers run with the soul
Elitists defeat us, they live by the beaches
Bubbledome over the hemisphere, so you can't enter here
We live in the dumps with mutant rodents
With blood red eyes, saliva drips for opponents
Scratch your ID chip off cuz everybody own it
I envision turbulence and murder since it's an everyday occurrence
--Mad at the World, Mike Cardillo signing off until next time.
(On a lighter note, check out Chris Kulenych's piece on the passing of former UConn golf coach Joe Gianelli, good stuff here people, almost gives you hope.
Also, check out my friend Josh Levinson's column from Tuesday's Daily Campus, it's on point.)
Suppe Flys the Coop
Baby aka #1 Stunna
2 platinum teeth out of 5
Ladies and Gentlemen, this young man is the author of the book
Pimps are people too
He is also the president of guns, bitches, and automobiles
He also controls all the seafood trade…
Yes folks, those are actual intro lyrics from the song “Ice Cold” by Cash Money minor leaguer Baby (aka the #1 Stunna) on his newest hot shit “Birdman.” Now when dealing with this album, tough decisions must be reached by the listener. First and foremost, should this be treated as a regular solo album or a concept album? Or, maybe Baby is trying to create an alter ego in the same ilk as Eminem/Slim Shady or RZA/Bobby Digital? Could it be that the #1 Stunna might be lobbying to become the next president of the NRA judging by the aforementioned lyrics? Who knows? Those are the serious questions that XXL or The Source should be asking. Since none of the “famous” rap critics of those magazines have yet to bring the issue directly to Baby (Greg, you should be all over this), I just had to do a little critical listening of my own. This is what I concluded after the trial run.
The beats on this album aren’t revolutionary; they easily could have been made on the Fisher Price My First Turntable Kit (available at all Co-Op City Child Worlds). While not earth shattering, they aren’t terrible, which is about all you can expect from Cash Money nowadays. If you like to roll down the back window of your 4 Runner while cruising down Bourbon St. sipping on some OE, you will like the bass lines. Most of the beats have strong bass hits that will definitely rattle the body kit of your tricked out Civic. But the consumers of this genre of rap aren’t looking for “block rockin’ beats.”
Maybe they are looking for lyrical integrity. But, does Baby rock out with his sock out? If you put a gun to my head with Christopher Walken across from me, I would say yes. He does kill it on a couple of tracks, in particular “Looks Like A Job 4…” and “Heads Up.” Baby would probably qualify as one of the best lyricist in the Cash Money Click. But that really isn’t saying much. One interesting feature of the CD is it comes with nature sounds mixed into it. I kept hearing Baby unleash a pigeon like coo in the background of almost every song on the album. Like Ghost Dog, he must spending too much of his time isolated up in the coop. Or maybe he goes out there when he dusted like Smokey in “Friday.” But I’m losing focus.
The one thing that saves “Birdman” from travesty status is the guest stars. Baby and Clipse roll out together on the album’s best track, “What Happened to That Boy.” Clipse’ Virginia boy drug drawls complement Baby’s self aggrandizing, ‘Nawlins rhetoric. Also of note, it seems the producers of this album (including Jermaine Dupree, Timbaland, and Swizz Beats) dragged P. Diddy out of Scores’ champagne room long enough to drop knowledge on the album. This is almost an oxymoron because P. Diddy hasn’t been able to rap since never. Dupree and even Toni Braxton (who is still reeling from the effects of the bizarre three way love triangle which broke up the Mav’s infamous 3 J troika) show up for some mic time. Braxton’s appearance is especially puzzling to me. Throwing her on just doesn’t make any sense- like the Celtics trading Kenny Anderson for Vin Baker. Hopefully Janet Jackson will be available to lay down some tracks for Lil’ Wayne or B.G. in the future. Also worth noting, both Cam’ron and Petey Pablo appear on “Birdman,” but on different tracks. This could have caused some in studio tension if Cam’ron came through with his posse which he eloquently refers to as “The Taliban.” My guess would be the ever patriotic Petey Pablo “raised up” and squashed Cam for that. (Seriously, is there any rapper around who tries to be harder than Cam’ron? Someone should tell him to shave those stiletto sideburns. Moustaches make you tough, not sharp sideburns.)
In the end, I would have to conclude that Baby is trying to establish a rap game pen name. The album doesn’t fail but I expected more with all the talent aboard, both in the both and in front of the mic. This album is the rap equivalent to the Golden State Warriors, loading up on skill and talent doesn’t always equal success. Looking good on paper isn’t the important thing, a polished album is. “Birdman” will fade away into our memories like “400 Degrees” and “Chopper City in the Ghetto”, leaving us a little bit disappointing. Maybe the same can be said for this article.
---Suppe
[Editor's note, Mike Suppe took one for the team, wasting $15 to buy this CD, when a certain someone who will remain nameless decided it was beneath him.This is the first CD review on TOP:TWS, if you've got some hot knowledge to drop on an album contact us, maybe we'll post it and then you can put it on your resume when you apply for a job at Rolling Stone or the Source]
Cardillo Takes Commanding Lead in 2K3 2002 Championship Series
STORRS -- (AP) Thanks to an amazing night from Reggie Miller, Cardillo and his Indiana Pacers now lead Shaquilino and the New York Knicks 3-0, in their best of seven Championship series, which will determine the world's greatest NBA 2K3 player.
"Yeah I knew he couldn't stop Reggie...it was Miller Time all the time last night," Cardillo said.
Miller finished the game with 30 points, on 7-for-12 shooting from three-point land, including three, three-pointers in the last two minutes. Jamaal Tinsley did his part with 12 points, 10 assists, 4 steals and 2 blocks. The Knicks had a balanced attack with Antonio McDyess, Latrell Sprewell, Kurt Thomas and Charlie Ward all scoring within 16-12 points. Noticeably absent was sharpshooter Allan Houston who did not even attempt a three-pointer.
That's bullshit," Shaquilino commented after the game. "All he could do was shoot with Miller....garbage."
Shaquilino looked to have the series moved to 2-1, when Sprewell hit a three with less than two minutes remaining as the shot count wound down, however on the next possession, Miller hit a screen behind a screen from Brad Miller to tie the score.
Shaquilino had another chance to put the game away when he went up three again, when Sprewell hit a shot and was fouled. Again Miller had the answer.
"I just knew he couldn't guard Miller around the screens," Cardillo said. "He thinks I'm a one-trick pony, stop me then."
After a poor shot by the Pacers with 30 seconds remaining, the Knicks had the chance for the win. Ward tried to break down Tinsley and did, but Jermaine O'Neal came through with a weakside block. A quick timeout to get the ball to center court and it was Miller Time again, as Miller pulled up and drained the deciding three-pointer with two seconds left on the clock.
"That really felt good," Cardillo said. "He thinks he's unbeatable at this game...so what you slaughtered Newman by 50, big deal."
Shaquilino boasted on numerous occasions that he can beat anyone in NBA 2K2/3. Last spring he certainly held his own, dominating Cardillo, winning every four-out-of-five against his rival. But with some new training techniques, Cardillo has brought his game to another level, putting a hurting on Nick-bag.
"Ok, the series might only be 3-0, but it might as well be over," Cardillo said. "Look, I'm not going to choke or trip over my own feet like some contestant on Double Dare. Mark Summers is nowhere in sight, so Nick, take you're BK Knights and other lovely parting gifts and thanks for playing."
The series began on Nov. 25 at Cardillo's house. Cardillo won both games. The series will conclude sometime in the near future at a date and site to be determined. Rumor has it, the participants are petitioning Sports Haven to allow them to use the big screen for games 4-7 (if necessary).
(above)Nick "Shaquilino" Aquilino doesn't Reggie Miller's night was kosher. Miller was 7-for-12 from three-point territory. (right) A closer look at Reggie Miller's equator-hot shooting night
Reggie Miller Sucks
Shaquilino
Shaquilino
From the Mind of Greg W. Watterworth, Jr.
Greg IM'd me saying he was bored. Since I was probably more bored, I decided to post it...for better or worse...
The real "vice" city
You know you have a problem when the right side of your right pinkie-finger has a shiny, silver coating. That's right, it's time I check myself into STA, or for those who like things spelled out, Scratch Tickets Anonymous.
Since I spend my postgraduate hours jockeying a register at a liquor store deep into the heart of Meriden's ghetto, I often sit there bored. Magazines are good for a while, but then I turn to instant lotto tickets -- the worse kind.
Soon five dollars down turns into thirty-five and you think since you lost five times in a row, the next one will bounce you back, only to get five dollars to cover the price of the last ticket you bought. If I didn't get lucky and hit big a few times, I'd probably have drained my checking account already.
But things could be worse, at least I have the money to lose, unlike most of the customers who come in every day with five empty 40's just so they can complete the two bucks they need to buy a half-pint of Bukoff Vodka. Let me tell you, Dubra it ain't.
The moral of the story -- don't work in ghetto package stores for $8.50 an hour after graduating from a college that cost $44,000. But maybe a few Holiday Bingos will get you your tuition back...
Make sure to make fun of Greg on our new message board and or email him
Maybe since we posted this, he'll get us some usable pictures of Vile Kyle to post for the world to see. Yes, Vile Kyle who once ate seven Taco Bell Fire sauces in a row, squirting the disgusting paste into his mouth raw right in front of me...if any man deserves a website, it is him.
--Cardillo out.
Jingle All the Way?
What is it about the holidays that turns people into completely helpless idiots?
I was just at Best Buy trying to buy some stuff (natch) and I had to wait in line to pay for at least 20 minutes. I counted 11 registers, and only one in action.
What is the point of 11 registers, if you're not going to use them at Christmas? To make matters worse, they had an employee at the front of the line to direct you to the register when it was time. She couldn't ring and move the speed up the line at least 50 percent?
Not to whine, but there had to be over 20 people working. I don't think that they needed 18 unloading the new shipment of Goldmember DVDs, or checking your reciept on the way out?
I nearly felt like Frank Costanza, and understood why he gave up Christmas for Festivus.
And about Jingle All The Way how could Arnold not easily take the combined forces of Sinbad and Phil Hartman? This is a guy who in the course of one scene in Commando crashed into a telephone pole at over 80 mph, walks away unscathed, pushes over a tipped over sportscar holding his enemy, dangles said enemy over a cliff with one arm and then drops him (after some classic banter).
Oh and lets not forget the whole killing Ricky Williams, I mean the Predator singlehandily.
Anyway. I got some Kwanzaa shopping to take care of.
--Cardillo out
(Oh and I posted a "column" on the power of the NFL on ECSN, click here to read it. Sorry for the shameless self promotion)
What is it about the holidays that turns people into completely helpless idiots?
I was just at Best Buy trying to buy some stuff (natch) and I had to wait in line to pay for at least 20 minutes. I counted 11 registers, and only one in action.
What is the point of 11 registers, if you're not going to use them at Christmas? To make matters worse, they had an employee at the front of the line to direct you to the register when it was time. She couldn't ring and move the speed up the line at least 50 percent?
Not to whine, but there had to be over 20 people working. I don't think that they needed 18 unloading the new shipment of Goldmember DVDs, or checking your reciept on the way out?
I nearly felt like Frank Costanza, and understood why he gave up Christmas for Festivus.
And about Jingle All The Way how could Arnold not easily take the combined forces of Sinbad and Phil Hartman? This is a guy who in the course of one scene in Commando crashed into a telephone pole at over 80 mph, walks away unscathed, pushes over a tipped over sportscar holding his enemy, dangles said enemy over a cliff with one arm and then drops him (after some classic banter).
Oh and lets not forget the whole killing Ricky Williams, I mean the Predator singlehandily.
Anyway. I got some Kwanzaa shopping to take care of.
--Cardillo out
(Oh and I posted a "column" on the power of the NFL on ECSN, click here to read it. Sorry for the shameless self promotion)
Ok guys. Now you have the chance to tell us what a lame site we have.
I posted a link on the side to our message board.
Please try to use a common name on the board to stay consistent.
Unlike other boards, I suppose profanity is welcome.
--Cardillo out
I posted a link on the side to our message board.
Please try to use a common name on the board to stay consistent.
Unlike other boards, I suppose profanity is welcome.
--Cardillo out
A Quick Tip
Since Spongebob for some reason wasn't on Nickelodean this morning at 8:30, I had to find something else to watch before going to work. With only two NBA games that I already knew the scores for, there was no reason to watch Sportscenter. (Suppe must have had a big night with Garnett and Jamison putting up big stats.)
So I scanned the channels and caught on either MTV or MTV2 (I can't tell anymore), the new Kelly Osbourne video.
IF YOU OWN OR LISTEN TO KELLY OSBOURNE PLEASE DO HUMANITY A FAVOR AND KILL YOURSELF
With snow on the ground and Christmas around the corner, I'm reminded of a passage by Dickens who puts it a little more eloquently than I can....(From A Christmas Carol).
Petitoner: We're collecting alms to feed the poor for the holidays, to buy them some meat and bread.
Scrooge: Are there no prisons? Are there no poorhouses?
Petitioner: Some would rather die, than go there.
Scrooge: Let them and decrease the surplus population
---Cardillo out.
Since Spongebob for some reason wasn't on Nickelodean this morning at 8:30, I had to find something else to watch before going to work. With only two NBA games that I already knew the scores for, there was no reason to watch Sportscenter. (Suppe must have had a big night with Garnett and Jamison putting up big stats.)
So I scanned the channels and caught on either MTV or MTV2 (I can't tell anymore), the new Kelly Osbourne video.
IF YOU OWN OR LISTEN TO KELLY OSBOURNE PLEASE DO HUMANITY A FAVOR AND KILL YOURSELF
With snow on the ground and Christmas around the corner, I'm reminded of a passage by Dickens who puts it a little more eloquently than I can....(From A Christmas Carol).
Petitoner: We're collecting alms to feed the poor for the holidays, to buy them some meat and bread.
Scrooge: Are there no prisons? Are there no poorhouses?
Petitioner: Some would rather die, than go there.
Scrooge: Let them and decrease the surplus population
---Cardillo out.
No Comment
Ivana Mandic
Shout out to Chris Collins for this Gem.
"I know you ain't questioning my hunger!"
Nick
Ivana Mandic
Shout out to Chris Collins for this Gem.
"I know you ain't questioning my hunger!"
Nick
NEWSFLASH
If you can believe it or not, right now "Jaws" is on TBS.
How many times you think it's been on in history.
I'm curious what number people would come up with.
Tell me what you think...
HERE
If you can believe it or not, right now "Jaws" is on TBS.
How many times you think it's been on in history.
I'm curious what number people would come up with.
Tell me what you think...
HERE
Winter Wonderland?
It snowed like a bastard here in Fairfield C-O-N-N.
I didn't even make it to work. I actually spun out coming home...almost made me miss the old Saab...almost.
Shoveling my driveway made me think about a little diddy by the official songwriter of TOP:TWS....Randy Newman.
Sing along if you know the words.
Roll down the window, put down the top
Crank up the Beach Boys, baby
Don't let the music stop
We're gonna ride it till we just can't ride it no more
From the South Bay to the Valley
From the West Side to the East Side
Everybody's very happy
'Cause the sun is shining all the time
Looks like another perfect day
I love L.A. (We love it)
I love L.A. (We love it)
Look at that mountain
Look at those trees
Look at that bum over there, man
He's down on his knees
Look at these women
There ain't nothin' like em nowhere
Ok...so if the song doesn't do it for ya, how about this?
It snowed like a bastard here in Fairfield C-O-N-N.
I didn't even make it to work. I actually spun out coming home...almost made me miss the old Saab...almost.
Shoveling my driveway made me think about a little diddy by the official songwriter of TOP:TWS....Randy Newman.
Sing along if you know the words.
Roll down the window, put down the top
Crank up the Beach Boys, baby
Don't let the music stop
We're gonna ride it till we just can't ride it no more
From the South Bay to the Valley
From the West Side to the East Side
Everybody's very happy
'Cause the sun is shining all the time
Looks like another perfect day
I love L.A. (We love it)
I love L.A. (We love it)
Look at that mountain
Look at those trees
Look at that bum over there, man
He's down on his knees
Look at these women
There ain't nothin' like em nowhere
Ok...so if the song doesn't do it for ya, how about this?
Anger Management
"You buy this car or I break your F--king head!" - The Jerkey Boys
Seriously, can anybody explain why a person takes a 45 minute shower at 2:30 in the morning? Or goes through about 20 bottles of hand soap in three months? Can't throw away the toiltet paper tubes when a roll runs out? Is this weird or just laziness?
The kid that I share a bathroom with does all of the above and I need some suggestions on how to stop this kid. Most people might say that you should nicely confront this guy and explain what he is doing wrong. I Can't, Won't, and Refuse to do that.
Why? There are 2 reasons.
1) He will be instantly choked Spreewell style regardless of his response.
2) A 85% chance his head will be punched clean off his shoulders, like Johnny Cage does in Mortal Kombat.
There are some things I just can't tolerate and extreme laziness is very high on that list.
Seriously, I am going out on a limb here but I would rather live with Vile Kyle Watterworth (Pictures coming Soon!!) than this guy.
Holla at 'cha boy!
Shaquilino
So I was playing Vice City and I buy the Printworks.
And there is the worst voice acting ever.
Tommy (Ray Liota) looks at the old machines and says something like, "my father was a printer. He used to let me stack the plates after school."
..."I would have followed in his trade if I didn't go to the slammer."
Wait until you hear it. It is so so so bad. We is more wooden that a Louisville Slugger (Albert Belle, notwitstanding).
Now there....did Liotta really become a coke-head like Henry Hill OR did Rockstar games just dissect real audio from Liotta movies like "No Escape" (w/Ernie Hudson), "Turbulence" (I believe he plays a psycho and along the line a stewardess has to land a jumbo jet or something to that extent) and "Operation Dumbo Drop." (About Elephants, I'd gather.)
Jeez...did they hold him up with a gun and force him to talk in a tape recorder.
Just a thought...
and!!!!!!
This just in -- Greg IM'ed me to tell me that Christina Aguilera will be/pose in/for Playboy.
Not sure what to think. I'll definitely make sure to see the pictures. But if I was her or her management team, this is the last thing she should do since, even though I'll throughoully enjoy reading...I mean looking at the article, that's it. I'm not buying any stupid Christmas Album or Spanish Language Christmas Album. Plus in 10 years she couldn't be considered legit, since she'll always be known "as the girl that posed for Playboy."
this just in part 2....
Oh course, as with Greg, the information is not right. Christiana will be the first women to pose for Playboy with her clothes on.
Ummm....
I guess she'll just be known "as the girl that posed for Playboy......with her clothes on."
Is Playboy changing its name to PlayHim?
I'm out....got a round of eBay the game to play and watch Junkyard Wars
Pez Out.
And there is the worst voice acting ever.
Tommy (Ray Liota) looks at the old machines and says something like, "my father was a printer. He used to let me stack the plates after school."
..."I would have followed in his trade if I didn't go to the slammer."
Wait until you hear it. It is so so so bad. We is more wooden that a Louisville Slugger (Albert Belle, notwitstanding).
Now there....did Liotta really become a coke-head like Henry Hill OR did Rockstar games just dissect real audio from Liotta movies like "No Escape" (w/Ernie Hudson), "Turbulence" (I believe he plays a psycho and along the line a stewardess has to land a jumbo jet or something to that extent) and "Operation Dumbo Drop." (About Elephants, I'd gather.)
Jeez...did they hold him up with a gun and force him to talk in a tape recorder.
Just a thought...
and!!!!!!
This just in -- Greg IM'ed me to tell me that Christina Aguilera will be/pose in/for Playboy.
Not sure what to think. I'll definitely make sure to see the pictures. But if I was her or her management team, this is the last thing she should do since, even though I'll throughoully enjoy reading...I mean looking at the article, that's it. I'm not buying any stupid Christmas Album or Spanish Language Christmas Album. Plus in 10 years she couldn't be considered legit, since she'll always be known "as the girl that posed for Playboy."
this just in part 2....
Oh course, as with Greg, the information is not right. Christiana will be the first women to pose for Playboy with her clothes on.
Ummm....
I guess she'll just be known "as the girl that posed for Playboy......with her clothes on."
Is Playboy changing its name to PlayHim?
I'm out....got a round of eBay the game to play and watch Junkyard Wars
Pez Out.
Chicken Break! Chicken Break!
The dangerous 208 year old uncle of Dr. Octagon, Mr. Gerbik was not in attendence at Toads Place in New Haven Tuesday night. I was.
Black Elvis, Dr. Dooom, whatever you would like to call him, Kool Keith was DESTRUCTIVE. I really didn't know what to expect going to this show except for that fact that I was getting in for free and I was going to be in the same building as a guy that spent a some time in a mental institution. I can use some time in a mental institution, he was in one...positive energy was flowing through building once I arrived.
There was a bit of confusion at the start of the show when one of Keiths hype men jumped on stage and started kickin some wack ass flows. He didn't introduce himself so I think alot of people thought it was Keith. I wasn't fooled. Kool Keith dosen't look like a strung out Tommy Davidson with 2 teeth missing.
When Kool Keith decided to come on stage the madness began. Keith, who is about a foot shorter and 40 pounds heavier than expected, looked like the George Costanza of rap. He busted out some Analog Brothers and a few tracks off of his Sex Style album before the break. The Chicken Break.
The music stopped and Keith and Co. explained that they had a gift for those in attendence. An empty case of Skol Vodka was brought out on stage and zip lock bags with a piece of chicken breast and a Hi-C juice box started to fly out into the crowd. An R&B jam played in the background while they sang "Chicken Break!, Chicken Break!" for 2 minutes while Keith devoured his own piece of chicken and finished his juice box while chillin out in front of the stage.
I did not try the chicken. I heard it was delicious. My friend Greg declined his piece because he only eats chicken from Aruba and Turkey Subway.
I had to feel bad for Kool Keith for a minute of the show. He broke out into his song "Girl Let Me Touch You There....I Want to Feel You" the only problem was there were only like 3 girls in attendance. It remined me of that scene from Spinal Tap where the crowd was all 13 year old boys...except here it was all 22 year old white stoners, 3 black guys, 3 girls, and this kid that kept doing a bad interpretation of the robot dance.
Overall Amazing.
Nick "Shaquilino" Aquilino
Dmbnick75@aol.com
Thoughts While Stuck In Traffic
**this will probably be a recurring theme on the site, since I do spend around two hours a day sitting in traffic on the parking lot that is I-95. (Thank God for WFAN)
Anyway...
I was thinking...Wasn't Dr. Dre one of the people that sued Napster because it was "stealing"? But didn't Dre get famous by ripping off other guys beats. (I think Greg would know who that was.)
As Greg/Phil Burke would say (quoting their Hip-Hop teacher) -- "And y'all thought Dre was dope."
**this will probably be a recurring theme on the site, since I do spend around two hours a day sitting in traffic on the parking lot that is I-95. (Thank God for WFAN)
Anyway...
I was thinking...Wasn't Dr. Dre one of the people that sued Napster because it was "stealing"? But didn't Dre get famous by ripping off other guys beats. (I think Greg would know who that was.)
As Greg/Phil Burke would say (quoting their Hip-Hop teacher) -- "And y'all thought Dre was dope."
This is our good friend from Globo-Chem...Pit Pat.
Just felt like this was worth posting, while I try to figure this stuff out.
I've really needed to type this somewhere, why not here?
Is there anything more annoying than this new wave of Subway commercials?
I thought Jared and Clay Henry were bad, but Mr. Round and Greasy is worse.
Does this ring a bell?
--"Subway club with hot peppers"
--"Because we like it hot."
--...."Just give me what they're having."
This guy needs a punch in the face, not that's too easy. He needs a GTA style nine-iron to the groin.
Do the ad-execs at Subway really think that the way to get girls is to order the same kind of Sub as them? Next time I go to Subway, I'll order the same thing as the person in front of me, usually a 300-lb. women with facial hair...but hey...I could always go for a double meat, double cheese sub.
Is there anything more annoying than this new wave of Subway commercials?
I thought Jared and Clay Henry were bad, but Mr. Round and Greasy is worse.
Does this ring a bell?
--"Subway club with hot peppers"
--"Because we like it hot."
--...."Just give me what they're having."
This guy needs a punch in the face, not that's too easy. He needs a GTA style nine-iron to the groin.
Do the ad-execs at Subway really think that the way to get girls is to order the same kind of Sub as them? Next time I go to Subway, I'll order the same thing as the person in front of me, usually a 300-lb. women with facial hair...but hey...I could always go for a double meat, double cheese sub.
