That's On Point: The Web Site

Pass the dutchie on the left hand side. We look at what many call the best nation to never lift the Jules Rimet trophy -- the Netherlands

World Cup experience: Eight trips; best: second place 1974/1978.

Group: C -- Argentina, Cote D'Ivorie, Serbia (Group of Death Lite)

Odds: 2:6 win Group; 12:1 win Cup

World Rank: No. 3

How qualified: Won UEFA group 1 ahead of third-ranked and fellow qualifier the Czech Republic.

Nickname: Oranje (Variations include, Brilliant Oranje and Clockwork Oranje)

Key Players: Rafael Van Der Vaart (MF, Hamburger SV); Arjen Robben (F, Chelsea); Ruud Van Nistlerooy (F, Manchester United); Dirk Kuyt (F, Feyernoord); Edwin Van der Saar (GK, Manchester United)

Choice honey: Famke Jansen -- her leg crushing kill in 'Goldeneye' pushed her over the top. (Runner up was the Dutch prostitute/contract killer from 'Munich'.)

Icon: Johan Cruyff -- The Dutch Master. Just watch below, it's long and black and white, but worth it:



Tedious miscellania: It is an absolute, proven fact that with -- Ruud, Gert, Jap, etc. -- the Dutch have the goofiest names on the planet. ... The world's first replicant and noted B-action star Rutger Hauer is a Dutch. (See the name thing.) ... Believe it or not, the first Dutch side played -- and dominated -- in wooden shoes. ... Continuing the wackiness trend, sports the Dutch love -- field hockey and speed skating. ... Due to its former colonial holding the Dutch National Team can call on players from places like Surinam to find players. Some of these include former stars -- Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink, Edgar Davids and Clarence Seedorf -- amongst others. ... Would the NBA be where it is without the contributions of Rik Smits? ... If my brother Pete is reading this, remember Peter Stuyvesant, the colonial gov'ner of New Amsterdam, is Dutch. Err, was Dutch. ... I must say, Rafael Van Der Vaart's wife Sylvie, almost makes me want to kill myself. Apparently she's some sort of MTV presenter in Holland. ... There are two types of Netherlands fans, one like these, that dress in goofy orange costumes. And then the hooligans, like these. ... My pops was recently in Rotterdam, the world's largest port, and shared a train with an ultra-right wing, gun nut, who also happened to be a horse butcher. ... Current boss Marco van Basten is generally considered one of the best strikers ever, winning the European player of the year thrice (1988, 89, 92). He's made some bold moves to rejuvenate the Orange, like leaving the country's all-time leading scorer Patrick Kluivert out of the World Cup process. ... Holland, in particular super-clubs like PSV and Ajax are springboards to international success. Talents like Ronaldo, Romario, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, in addition to all the Dutch greats that got their start here. ... Ruud Gullit is one of Holland's best, both on the pitch and in the salon. (So Vincent, tell us again about the hash bars.) ... Back on the names thread, nothing, absolutely nothing tops PSV striker -- Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink. (That's his name, really.) ... "Total Football is a system where a player who moves out of his position is replaced by another from his team, thus retaining their intended organisational structure. In this fluid system no footballer is fixed in their intended outfield role; anyone can be successively an attacker, a midfielder and a defender Total Football depends largely on the adaptability of each footballer within the team to succeed." The Dutch brought it to prominence in the late 1960s and early 1970s behead Cruyff and coach Rinus Michaels. Think of soccer pre-Total Football as the "Love Me Do" Beatles, and post-TF the Beatles. ... Keep your mothers, sisters and daughters away from youngster Robin Van Persie. ... Defender Khalid Boulahrouz has garnered the nickname "Khalid the Killer" for his fearsome tackles at Hamburger SV. ... Lastly, what kind of name is Giovanni van Bronckhorst? And why does he just wear "Gio" on his Barcelona jersey. What is the Dutch word for terrible? -- vreselijk!

General notes: The Netherlands used to be a pretty liberal place. Amsterdam notwithstanding, there's been a sea change ever since filmmaker Theo Van Gough was brutally stabbed in the heart by a Muslim extremist. How does this pertain to soccer? Well, Feyenoord striker Salomon Kalou, an Ivorian, tried to get a Dutch passport. National coach Marco Van Basten even spoke on his behalf. Well, apparently knowing how to speak, read and write Dutch has become a priority, since his bid was denied. Had it been accepted be would have played his brother PSG man Bonaventura Kalou in the group stage. ... Watch out for 21-year-old midfielder Hedwiges Maduro, if he sees time on the pitch. The boy is a bit special. ... Everyone's favorite Dutch horse, Ruud Van Nistelrooy is like the Rob Deer of softball. All he does is score goals, like Deer did homers. Maybe I'm selling Ruud short, but who doesn't like a good Rob Deer joke? ... If they stick around, Dirk Kuyt has the chance to lead the tournament in goals. ... The Oranje's greatest success was winning the 1988 European Championship, played, yep in West Germany. ... One of the knocks on the Dutch is that for all their individual techinique and skill, it gets lost when applied inside the team structure and that selfishness takes over. That's a good problem to have in my book. ... Netherlands/Argentina on June 21 in Frankfurt looks, on paper, to be the match of the group stage. In particular from the bad blood from their 1998 encounter. But the Dutch can't look past Serbia or the Soccer Elephants.

Worth watching: Yes, simply for moments like these (still think soccer sucks?):



Will they win a game?: Yeah, but not the Cup.

Suppe Sez: Since Cardillo already stole my thunder with Cruijff, I'll use this
space to tout my favorite non pack-a-day smoker, Edgar Davids.

Davids is nicknamed "The Pitbull" for a reason. Only five-foot-seven, the Suriname (ne Dutch Guiana) native plays with a bit of a mean streak. But his mouth may be his most dangerous weapon.

At Euro 96, Davids was kicked off the team for saying "(Manager Guus) Hiddink must take his head out of white players' arses, so he can see better." And you thought Larry Brown and Stephon Marbury were "at odds?" As David Brent would say, "Racial."

Davids also gets plus points for a stellar career despite suffering from glaucoma, hence the protective eye wear. With stints in Ajax Amsterdam, Barcelona and Juventus, it might be safe to assume he's procured some medicinal marijuana along the way. But, maybe not, though he is a convicted doper.

Bottom line: This is a talented, fun to watch team. Or at least that's what history tells us. For some reason the Dutch feel like they're in prime position to be one of this tournament's underachievers. To quote Dutch filmmaker Paul Verhoeven, director of "Robocop", from his DVD commentary on "Starship Troopers" -- (note: our hero, Johnny Rico, had finally done the deed with his longtime admirer Dizzy Flores, but in the ensueing battle she is impaled by a giant space insect.) "Johnny Rico can't have hish cake and eat it too."

That's Dutch football in a nutshell.

---

Who you callin' guay? Paraguay is next.

For other capsules: Angola--Brazil; Cote D'Ivorie--England; France -- Italy.