That's On Point: The Web Site

[Updated Sunday 12/31/06, noonish]

Shame on you ESPN Soccernet. Shame. I realize you fall under the "Worldwide Leader" umbrella, but it doesn't mandate you have to be terrible, does it?

At around noon today, this was the text of the main story on the home page:

"Chelsea slipped six points behind league leaders Manchester United as DaMarcus Beasley's first goal for Fulham earned his side a 2-2 draw in the west London derby. The champions fought back from a goal down, thanks again to hot-shot Didier Drogba, only for Beasley to strike late on. Meanwhile, United manager Sir Alex Ferguson watched his side beat Reading 3-2 - the perfect present for his 65th birthday."

Umm...DaMarcus Beasley supposedly plays for Manchester City...oh wait he actually scored the game winner today against West Ham United.

The equalizing goal from Fulham came from another U.S. international -- Carlos Bocanegra.

Jeez.

Despite the 2006 World Cup and backward-ass, inane rules concerning MLS, American soccer/football shouldn't be disrespected this much, right?

Here's a pointer, this is Carlos Bocanegra:



This is DaMarcus Beasley:



And it really warms the cockles of my heart to see Jose Mourihno and Chelsea dropping points in the pouring rain. I simply don't know why he keeps running out Saloman Kalou as a starter while leaving Shaun Wright-Phillips -- a proven EPL player -- on the bench.

Also in England, in the vein of 'if a tree falls in the woods..', a game between Wigan and Watford was abandoned due to too much rain.

Photo of the day goes to Mikel Arteta picking Scott Parker's nose.

And if my eyes aren't deceiving me, I just might have seen Julio Baptista playing in the Arsenal starting XI. Everyone worried about the Y2K bug, but this is surely the sign of the pending apocalypse.

Oh to be in Sheffield today. What an effort, albeit against a severly depleted Arsenal side. That second half must have felt like 45 hours inside Bramell Lane. Phil Jagielka in net for the injured Paddy Kenny? No wonder he was FourFourTwo's best player outside the Premiership last season.

Finally, cross word clue: Two-word, French word for piece of shit:

Ready...

Jérémie Aliadière!

_________________________

Quick hit EPL round 22 picks. Games on New Year's Day and Jan. 2, 2007. After this its a one-week layoff for the FA Cup. Yawn.

Monday

Liverpool v. Bolton -- Someone's sipping champagne after this one, as teams No. 3 and 4 square off at Anfield. Liverpool's strikers are going to be in the spotlight, especially Crouch-bot. The pick: Liverpool 2, Bolton 1

Reading v. West Ham United -- Reading is basically copying West Ham's playbook from 2005/06. That playbook says they take care of business at home against a walking-dead team like the Irons. Reading, if they ever get Bobby Convey and King-Ginger Dave Kitson back could challenge for Europe. The pick: Reading 2, West Ham 0

Wigan Athletic v. Blackburn Rovers -- (Tape delay on FSC, 2:15 p.m.) Quietly, Rovers have climbed a touch away from the drop zone. They have crafty signings Benny McCarthy (8 goals) and Shabani Nonda (5) to thank for it. Even if they sell off Lucas Neil, they should be in good shape going forward. The pick -- Wigan 1, Blackburn 3

Portsmouth v. Tottenham -- If anyone can figure out Spurs season, let me know. I give up. I hear they might be signing a certain Phoenix Suns point guard for a couple weeks loan to play in the midfield, though. The pick: Pompey 1, Spurs 1

Fulham v. Watford -- Getting captian Luis Boa Morte back is only going to help Fulham. Adding Roma striker Vincenzo Montella probably won't. They should do the business against a hopeless Watford side. The pick: Fulham 2, Watford 0

Middlesbrough v. Sheffield United -- Again Phil Jagielka gets the performance of the year award for stepping into Paddy Kenny's shoes (and shirt) and stopping Arsenal. 'Boro have a lot more talent than the Blades, but the Blades have heart, something for whatever reason seems to be missing on a week-in, week-out basis form 'Boro. The pick: 'Boro 1, Sheffield Utd. 1

Manchester City v. Everton -- (Live on FSC, 10 a.m.) I keep writing Everton off, but they keep proving me wrong. City just might be the most pedestrian, average, flair-less, boring team in the top flight. The pick: City 0, Everton 1

Newcastle United v. Manchester United -- (live on FSC, noonish) All you need to know about this one is that former ManU standout Nicky Butt finished Newcastle'sgame against Everton at center-back. ManU should continue to roll. The pick: Newcaslte 1, Manchester United 3

Tuesday

Arsenal v. Chartlon Athletic -- Couple good subplots in this one, and hopefully the Alan Pardew/Arsene Wenger fued flairs up again. It must have steamed Pardew to no end on Saturday with Arsenal fielding a team without any English players in it. He might have a point considering how bad the Gunners looked at Sheffield United. On a sloppy, muddy pitch they could have used a little English graft and guile. Who'd think that ending the game with three Brasilians could turn out so poorly. Ugh. Arsenal was shit on Saturday, hard to imagine they could be any worse. The pick: Arsenal 2, Charlton 0

Aston Villa v. Chelsea -- (FSC, 3 p.m.) Say what you will about Jose Mourinho, at least he doesn't pull any punches. Read his comments after the 2-2 draw at Fulham. Rarely do you see a coach really lay into his team like that. He's gone at the end of the year. Good thing Villa doesn't have much in the way of strikers. The pick: Aston Villa 0, Chelsea 3

Last week: 3-6
Season: 91-108

Labels: EPL picks, ESPN sucks, Soccer

I won't bore you with the details of how shitty I feel right now. So this is what you're getting for a snappy intro prior to another round of English Premier League picks. And to make matters worse, just as I go to save this post, the computer locks up. BALLS!!!!

(all games Saturday)

Charlton Athletic v. Aston Villa -- (Live on Setanta USA, 7:45 a.m.) Aston Villa hasn't won in eight games. So new owner Randy Lerner, who also owns the Cleveland Browns, must feel right at home. the pick: Charlton 1, Villa 1

Tottenham v. Liverpool -- Here's what the numbers say: Spurs have allowed one goal at home in five games. Liverpool have eight away goals all season. The pick: Spurs 2, Liverpool 1

Chelsea v. Fulham -- (Live on FSC, 10 a.m.) Is it crisis time at Stamford Bridge? Six goals allowed in the last six, own goals, John Terry laid up with a back injury... Good thing they get Fulham, which hasn't won away to their London rivals in something like three decades. The pick: Chelsea 2, Fulham 0

Everton v. Newcastle United -- (Tape delay on FSC, 2:30 p.m.) The other day I mentioned the mindless cameos in the movie "Goal! The Dream Begins." I left out the best one -- AC/DC frontman Brian Johnson playing a Magpie fan. He's Geordie through and through. The pick: Everton 1, Newcastle 1

Manchester United v. Reading -- Poor Reading, Chelsea and ManU back-to-back. This is the last game before the Red Devils play without Henrik Larsson. The way Ronaldo is playing right now, they might not need him. The pick: ManU 2, Reading 0

Blackburn v. Middlesbrough -- Though it's not the sexiest pairing of the weekend (think Rosie O'Donnell vs. Tyne Daley in a pie-eating contest) it is the most important. Blackurn is 15th, four above the drop zone. 'Boro is 16th, three above relegation. Could be interesting. The pick: Blackburn 3, 'Boro 1

Bolton v. Portsmouth -- Another huge match, with the fourth and fifth place teams duking it out at the Reebok in Northwest England. One of these two might sneak into the Champions League, should Arsenal and Liverpool continue their up-and-down play. The pick: Bolton 2, Pompey 0

Watford v. Wigan Athletic -- Man did FSC drop the ball not airing this one live to the States. Watford has one win all season. Wigan is winless in five. Should be a classic. The pick: Watford 0, Wigan 1

Sheffield United v. Arsenal -- (Live on FSC, noon) This is the kind of game that gives Arsenal headaches. It's a good thing the Gunners have Robin Van Persie and the Blades do not. The pick: Sheffield 0, Arsenal 1

West Ham v. Manchester City -- (Tape delayed to Sunday, 11 a.m. on FSC) Here's all I have to say, have some fun and make a bet with a friend that isn't in the know when this one is on TV. You should win and make your friend look dumber than usual. The pick: West Ham 1, City 0

Last week (two rounds): 8-12
Season: 88-102

Happy New Year...if I live to see it.

Labels: EPL picks

"What's your problem?"
"Adebisi pricked me with an AIDs needle."
"Good luck with all that"

-- Seinfeld in "Oz"

Look, when you can get Jerry from Queens to parody your work, you did something right. While overshadowed by its infamous "prison rapes" and borderline XXX-rated material, HBO's "Oz" was one hell of a show. Usually 57-odd minutes of great stuff.

Yeah, it did go overboard at the end. (Saaid running a printing press from prison. To say nothing of the attempt to blow Emeral City to bits or walling up Jason Priestly, Edgar Allen Poe-style.)

"Oz" managed to pull off some acting -- Carmela Soprano before she was Carmela Soprano. (Edie Falco, yeah, she has a real name) -- for example. Perhaps the show's finest work of thespianism was of former NBA-player (can't call him an All-Star, or great, or anything other than player) Rick Fox. Fox, in a role of a lifetime protrays Jackson Vayhue, a fall-pro hoopster. (Can't say NBA or else David Stern will suspend me for 15 games.)

Range. You want range. Fox not only shows his chops on the prison hardwood, but by the end of his run developed a kinship with a murderous cello player during the riot that caps season 1. Bravo.

And basically that's the only reason by I even bring Fox up.

Oh right, floating around the office was a promo-thingy for the new FX orginal, "Dirt" starring a saucy looking Courtney Cox as the sassilly named "Lucy Spiller".

Anywho, Fox guest stars on the show as Prince Tyreese, looking beyond terrible in the promo-pic. And playing...wait for it...a basketball player!

So here it comes, probably the most lopsided Yay or Nay we'll do, ever.



Yay -- Played a role in "Oz", see above.

Nay -- Went to North Carolina. (We have no affinity to the Heels.)

Nay -- Besides playing basketball players in "He Got Game" and "Blue Chips" has an imdb profile to howl at.

Nay -- Formerly married to Vanessa Williams. Explanation: Yes, she did win Miss America and did have the whole Penthouse scandal. Both here's the thing, by default any NBA player can bag a good looking woman. FACT. Even sleazy-Euro types like Zaza Pauchlia are likely bagging model-caliber chicks, so what if some might have hair on their chests. The fact is, yes, Williams looked good. But is it even fair to call her a celebrity? Name of a movie she was in? She sung some god-awful tune, right? All I can recall her from are Infomercials and Radio Shack ads. They did file for divorce, so some stories have happy endings.

Nay -- Managed a round-the-clock, 24/7, 365-day 5 o'clock shadow. Other than on Homer Simpson, this does not get a Yay rating in my arbitrary book.

Yay -- I'll give him credit for this (or maybe more to moronic GMs) Foxy stuck around in the Association froom 1991 to 2004 despite a career scoring average of 9.6 points. It's a astounding how even barely mediocore "the back of his baseball card" looks.

Eh -- Canadian.

Final verdict: NAY notice the all caps. Nay again. The mere fact that this guy can call himself an NBA-champion and get parts in Hollywood productions further endorses the ethos of Tool's "Aemna." Learn to swim indeed.

Labels: Canadian basketball players, Oz, yay or nay

There's really nothing snappy to add in this intro. I want to write something before, possibly, Cleo Lemon rips my heart out.

If you're looking for some decent soccer reading, check out Jack Bell's New York Times article on "M.L.S." jersey advertising. (I'm too fully of turkey to any snide suggestions. Ok, perhaps Tampax ultra glides for Landon Donovan's LA Galaxy, especially if they somehow manage to ink David Beckham, whom most women find to be the bees knees.)

The real purpose of this post is to go on record with the mid-week EPL fixtures. I think its Boxing Day or something. So I chose the welterweight by TKO in the eighth round. (Ugh...)

In any event, Fox Soccer Channel is airing four game tomorrow, three live.

Tuesday

Blackburn v. Liverpool -- Good test to see if the Reds are legitimately a good team, or just a so-so team that plays great at home. As I type Mark Hughes might be lining Ewood Park with bear traps. The pick: Blackburn 1, Liverpool 2

Tottenham v. Aston Villa -- Both teams were shite a few days ago. Who has better toliet paper, Martin Jol or Martin O'Neil? The pick: Spurs 2, Villa 0

Bolton v. Newcastle -- (Live on FSC, 10 a.m.) On Christmas Eve I watched that movie "Goal! The Dream Begins." About as formulaic as it comes, but entertaining, if lacking some needed humor -- aside from David Beckham, Zidane and Raul's bizarre cameos. Pretty shameless, as the producers basically said, let's figure out a way to get these blokes in the film. Why do I tell this? Most of the movie takes place in Newcastle. Tuesday's game is at the Reebok in Bolton, though. Thanks for reading this graph. The pick: Bolton 2, Newcastle 1

Chelsea v. Reading -- Wigan made Chelsea work very very very hard on Saturday. Arjen Robben ruined my draw prediction. What's the Dutch term for asshole? In any event, the plucky Royals might be in for a tough trip to the capital. Bring your Advil. The pick: Chelsea 4, Reading 0

Everton v. Middlesbrough -- For what it's worth, Everton seem like a club you can really get behind. Quality up-and-down, although if they move from Goodison Park to some soulless suburb, I take all that back. The pick: Everton 1, 'Boro 0

Manchester United v. Wigan Athletic -- Wigan might have used up too much gas on Saturday. Can't see them coming up big again against the league's best. The pick: United 3, Wigan 1

Sheffield United v. Manchester City -- Win it for Boromir. The pick: Sheffield Utd. 2, City 0

Watford v. Arsenal -- (Live on FSC, noonish) Watford's only chances -- 1. The Arsenal shows up so arrogant from their 6-2 win on Saturday they take Watford lightly. 2. Elton John pulls some sort of rock-off that blows Arsene Wenger's socks off. The pick: Watford 1, Arsenal 3

West Ham v. Portsmouth -- (tape delay, FSC 2:30ish) Maybe this is a week West Ham shows up. The pick: West Ham 1, Pompey 1

Wednesday

Fulham v. Charlton -- Read the title of this post. Oh right, Alan Pardew got hired at Chartlon...guess they recycle managers in England like they do in the NBA.The pick: Fulham 2, Charlton 0

In closing, if there are any justic for local sports Emmys, the Christmas Special of "Mike'd Up" live from the Francesa compound on Long Island deserves it. All I shall type is this, an intro mashing a clip from the Wizard of Oz (there's no place like home) into Motley Crue's "Home Sweet Home" as we drive down the streets of Long Island.

Lastly, an open question to Super Bowl winning quarterback Joe Theisman. The Jets/Phins Monday Night tilt closed with a clip show. Any Joltin' Joe saying that, "There is something special about Monday night."

What Joe? What exactly? Tell me.

Thanks and try to answer in a sentence, a coherent one. Call Al McGuire if you need help.

Adios.

Labels: EPL picks, ESPN sucks

Nothing says Christmas like David Bowie. Fact.



Ok, it was Bing and Bowie or this touching holiday-tinged jam.

Enjoy that Nog.

Labels: Christmas, City of Dreams

Cheerio. Or should it be tally-ho?

Regardless, this weekend marks the final game of the first half of the English Premier League season. By Sunday each team will have played the other 19 once. (Imagine that, a schedule that is fair, reasoned and balanced.) They then played about 400 games over the next week and a half, go figure.

With that in mind, let's take a look at the first half of the year, a year filled with bungs, bitch-fights and it's not even Boxing Day...whatever that is.

Before we dive in, it's worth mentioning that American Clint Dempsey, he of the USMNT-camp roster, gets a nice one page profile in the latest FourFourTwo magazine. Nothing earth-shattering to us Yanks. Still, Duece looks like he should succeed at his likely destination -- Fulham. At least for his first six months, it would seem his best option would be to come off the bench and freelance for 20-30 minutes to best utilize his across-the-board talents. With Jimmy Bullard out until spring, he could be the spark the Cottagers need, except without the freekicks. He should be fresh, after what he did in MLS this past campaign.

And with that in mind, let's begin. Do something like guzzle a cup of tea (from the tillerman, or not); drive on the wrong side of the road; etc. for full experience.

Best goal celebration -- Rio and the ManU boys have this silly, SOCOM-inspired pose due to their win over Chelsea in some video game thing. That's not our winner. It's Bullard for this jig after his freekick vs. Sheffield United.

Best goal celebration (manager division) -- Jose Mourinho following Didier Drogba's wonder-strike vs. Everton last week. Someone needs to pelt this guy with a battery, seriously. I could get into all his antics, but I have neither the time or energy.

Best performance by an American -- For the first month or two this was a no-brainer: Tim Howard. But the last couple weeks Timmy has been out to sea or out to lunch on some long range efforts. Marcus Hahneman has impressed for Reading, including a some 400-minute scoreless streak in November/December. But again, Mr. Consistency is Brad Friedel, at times keeping a pretty poor Blackburn Rovers team in games. Let's not forget he also stopped a pair of penalty kicks in the same game. Outisde Brian McBride no American field player has had a 1st half to rally behind, though Jay DeMerit has at least been consistent for cellar-dwelling Watford.

The G.O.B. Bluthe award (best disappearing act by an American) -- DaMarcus Beasley, Manchester City. After leaving Champions League Round of 16er PSV, the American winger has made five appearances at City with two starts and roughly 244 minutes played without a goal or assist. Was Ronald Koeman's rule against music in the dressing room all that bad? Runner up: Since going down with an injury in late October Bobby Convey has been MIA for Reading.

Dapper Dan Award: Best use of motor oil, err, petrol in hair -- David James, GK Portsmouth. Sometimes a picture is worth 1,000 words.

Sheik happens Award: Best use of oil bucks -- The Sheik of Dubai is primed to buy Liverpool. (Take that Silvio Burlesconi.)

Best extra from Lord of the Rings -- Gareth Southgate, manager Middlesbrough. Ok, he's started to wear a shirt and tie to matches, but that doesn't make him any less of a troll.

Three's company award -- You've been warned. Do not ask Wayne Rooney and his girl for a threesome.


Rocky Balboa: Best surprise -- Steve Coppell has Reading playing like a team that certainly doesn't look like its in its first-ever year in the top flight. Different guys each week. They have some good mojo going on, especially at home where they have a decent swagger.

Soprano's Season Six: Worst surprise -- Watford in last place, though in my preseason guess I thought they'd somehow survive. Bad break losing Marlon King, which left them with NO chance. (And I also had Liverpool in first and Portsmouth going down, d'oh.) Liverpool gets some marks here too for their awful run for most of October and November.

(now too lazy/unmotivated to creat snappy award titles, sorry. No best kiss, either, though there are plenty of candidates.)

Best performance (team) -- Bolton. Look, I don't like the Trotters. Hate their brand of footie. But they've got a win more than Arsenal, with a cast of characters that would make the Oakland Raiders blush. And they're level with the Gunners on points too. Manchester United and Chelsea are 1-2, but are they doing anything we didn't expect?(Also considered: Reading, Portsmouth, Wigan)

Isiah Thomas Award: Worst performance (team) -- West Ham United. This team looked great last year, reaching the FA Cup Final and playing fun, quality ball. That hasn't happened this fall and it's not just because Dean Aston got hurt. Sacking Alan Pardew for Alan Curbishley isn't a cure-all either. It's amazing how fast the wheels fell off.

Goal of the Year (so far)-- Hard to pick anything better than Matt Taylor's 50-yard volley against Everton.Kind of a trick shot, but amazing nonetheless.



Runners up:

(If I forgot something, please alert me one way or another.)

Michael Essien v. Arsenal
Emre vs. Reading
Robin Van Persie v. Charlton
Wayne Rooney (from Ronaldo) v. City
Rio Ferdinad v. Liverpool
Didier Drogba v. Liverpool
Seol Ki-Hyeon v. West Ham
Niklas Anelka v. Arsenal
Mikel Arteta v. Bolton
Gareth Barry v. Tottenham
Kevin Gillespie v. Charlton


Best XI

(Considering it's the default formation, I'm going 4-4-2 with this. Sorry 4-5-1 lovers.)

Goalkeeper
Jussi Jaaskelainen, Bolton. Wanderers have only conceded 15 goals and that's most thanks to the Finland No. 1.
In consideration: David James, Portsmouth; Brad Friedel, Blackburn; Edwin Van der Saar, Manchester United; Paddy Kenny, Sheffield United

Outside backs:
Michael Essien, Chelsea*, aside from Drogba the Blues best player. We cheat here, putting him at rightback, where he's shifted later in games making a huge impact.
Leighton Baines, Wigan Athletic, first he's got about as bloody-English a name as there is. Second he's probably the only real, first class player the surprisingly decent Latics possess;
In consideration: Emmanuel Eboue, Arsenal; Gary Neville, Manchester United; Liam Ridgewell, Aston Villa; Patrica Evra, ManU

Central defense
Kolo Toure, Arsenal, the more you watch him, the more you appreciate his mastery, especially since he's gotten an eye for making forward runs now.
John Terry, Chelsea, not exactly 'Mr. Super Cuts' best season, still provides a 'British Steel' heart and backbone for the two-time defending champs.
Honorable mention: Ibrahima Sonko, Reading; Jolean Lescott, Everton; Richard Dunne, Manchester City; Daniel Agger, Liverpool; Sol Campbell, Portsmouth

Outside midfielders
Cristiano Ronaldo, Manchester United, as much as disgust and scorn he creates, that's how good the young Portugeezer is, second only to Drogba so far. A cheap diving, so-called cynical player...yet a true danger on every touch.
Matt Taylor, Portsmouth, this guy is simply playing out of his mind, though he might qualify as a defender is some regard. He's a wide player, sue me.
Honorable mention: Seol Ki-Hyeon, Reading; Aaron Lennon, Tottenham; Gareth Barry, Aston Villa; Ryan Giggs, ManU

Central Midfielders
Mikel Arteta, Everton, essentially keeping Everton in the top-half by himself. A scouse fav.
Cesc Fabregas, Arsenal maybe I'm overrating him over Gerrard or Lampard, but all things being equal Fabregas is at the current moment playing better than the two England standbys.
Honorable mention: Steven Gerrard, Frankie Lampard, Chelsea; Gary Speed, Bolton; Joey Barton, Manchester City; Stilian Petrov, Aston Villa

Forwards
Didier Drogba, Chelsea, the league's best player so far. In the words of a real, tired-and-true soccer-scribe David Hirshey: "Drogba is an animal and I mean that in the best possible way-direct, relentless, lethal.".
Louis Saha, Manchester United, tailed off a bit, but his goals (8) have kept United in first place
Honorable mention: Kevin Doyle, Reading; El-Haj Diouf, Bolton; Wayne Rooney, ManU, Kanu, Portsmouth, Andy Johnson, Everton; Dirk Kuyt, Liverpool

Five guys to keep an eye on: Theo Walcott, Arsenal; Tom Huddlestone, Tottenham; Stephen Quinn, Sheffield United; Niko Kranjcar, Portsmouth; Dave Kitson, Reading (if he ever gets healthy); Isaiah Osbourne, Aston Villa.

Five questions going forward:

1. Wither Europe? Seven EPL teams are still alive in Europe, Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester United (Champions Leauge); Tottenham, Blackburn, Newcastle (UEFA Cup). What does that mean? A lot for the race in the table. Will Chelsea's burning desire in the Champions League stymie their quest for a third-straight EPL title. Same for Manchester United? Will it burn out, with a relatively thing team. Arsenal...all bets are off. And Liverpool might well win its second European crown in three years the way they're gaining steam. (Liverpool/Barcelona, let the hype begin!) UEFA...Spurs look good, but probably not savvy enough with the amount of good teams still kicking around. Blacburn would do itself a favor and lose, they just don't have enough depth for two competitions. Newcastle should go for it full bore. They have basically won nothing, so what if it's a UEFA Cup, it's something for the Shorties, errr "Geordies".

2. Who's going to be the best January signing? Last year it may have been Adebayor for Arsenal. We know (King) Henrik Larsson is bound for Old Trafford. What about Franck Ribery? Or...?

3. Which "big" team is going down? Watford and Charlton are dead. Fact. So of, Newcastle, Blackburn, Middlesbrough, City, Fulham or maybe still Aston Villa will make the drop to the Championship. (Somehow I think Sheffield and unfacited Wigan survive and consolidate.) The drop this year might be worth more than $30 million US. Could be fun...and a lot of desperate, crying, pale English geezers.

4. Will Bolton or Portsmouth be this year's Spurs? Tottenham was poised for the Champions League...at least the qualifiers, until the last game of the season and its famous bout of food poisoning. Can either of these teams, or maybe even Spurs again pip Arsenal for the fourth European dreams spot?

5. The big one: Can Manchester United hold off Chelsea? Let's just hope so. The lesser of two evils.

___________

Round 19 picks

(All games Saturday)

Arsenal v. Blackburn Rovers -- When they sharpened their spikes and stick a nail in their boxing gloves, Rovers are a team that can give Arsenal fits. Then again, with Andre Oojer prominently involved RVP and Adebayor should run rampant. Blackburn's best chance is another huge effort from former Arsenal-man David Bentley. The Pick: Arsenal 2, Rovers 0

Aston Villa v. Manchester United -- I think Martin O'Neil and Sir Alex are friends. They will after the game, even though United should be pretty ticked off following last's weeks loss. The Pick: Villa 0, United 3

Fulham v. West Ham United -- (Live on Setanta USA, 7:30ish) Call West Ham's win over ManU in Alan Curbishley's first game what it is -- a deadcat bounce. The Pick: Fulham 3, West Ham 1

Liverpool v. Watford -- (Live on FSC, 10 a.m. EST) Why not, for fun, force Liverpool to wear their Yellow Submarine away kits, and let Watford wear their equally offensive Burger King yellow smocks. Hilarity would ensue. And that's maybe Watford's only chance. Are you reading this Aidy Boothroyd? The Pick: Liverpool 5, Watford 0

Manchester City v. Bolton -- Multiply the fouls committed in this game by 100 and compare it to the empty seats at the City of Manchester Stadium. This is the weekly stab yourself in the eye socket match, though Niclas Anelka's return should be fun. I suggest cabbage tossed in his direction, but that's me. The Pick: City 2, Bolton 2

Middlesbrough v. Charlton Athletic -- Or is it? This one is such a dog I can feel the fleas inching up the back of my neck. The Pick: 'Boro 2, Charlton 1

Newcastle United v. Tottenham -- (Tape delay, FSC 2:30) This is my call for match of the week. The Magpies have won three of their last four, while Spurs are winners of four from five. Out of nowhere Obefami Martins has been on a goal-scoring tear for Newcastle with five goals in his last four games. Meanwhile, Spurs seemed to have hit their mark when Tom Huddlestone replaced Didier Zokora in Michael Carrick's old spot. Should be a good one with a load of tallies. The Pick: Newcastle 2, Spurs 2

Portsmouth v. Sheffield United -- In the last couple weeks Sheffield Utd. has grown on me. They're not fancy or flashy. They don't have any must-see talents or over-bearing personalities either. They are just pretty decent around the field and play hard each game. On the other side, Pompey's frontline looks pretty thin. The Pick: Portsmouth 0, Sheffield Utd. 1

Reading v. Everton -- James Harper v. Mikel Arteta. Have fun, I have really no opinion on this one. The Pick: Reading 1, Everton 0

Wigan Athletic v. Chelsea -- (Live on FSC, noon) For whatever reason this one feels like its no going to be a Chelsea walkover. Maybe Wigan still feel cheesed-off from last year's corresponding fixture and Hernan Crespo's thunderbolt winner. The Pick: Wigan 1, Chelsea 1


Last week: 5-5

Season: 68-89

Happy Christmas.

Labels: EPL picks, Soccer

"It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times?!?!" -- C. Montgomery Burns



Ok, before we delve into our second installment of TOP: Yay or Nay perhaps this is something to put on your list for Santa:

"Big Apple Takedown"

The description literally blew my mind.

"December 2001: Vince McMahon steps out of a snowy night into a diner in upstate New York for a meeting with old friend Phil Thomson, now a highly placed government official. Thomson has a strange proposition: creating a new covert black-ops group using the Superstars of World Wrestling Entertainment. The WWE's talented men and women are perfect. Highly skilled athletes with the ideal cover, they travel all across the country and the globe; no one would find it unusual to find them in a town one day and gone the next. The government would train and support the wrestlers in every way possible except one: no one must know the truth.

March 2006: The Superstars have been handed their latest assignment -- take down a commercial-grade methyl-amphetamine plant that is bankrolling terrorist activities in Europe. Their mission seems simple and straightforward, until a member of their team is taken prisoner. Now all that they've worked so hard for is in jeopardy, and one of their own might be killed..."

There aren't even words for this one. What's left of my cerebral cortex has melted into a substance somewhere between Flubber and silly putty. (Though, the thought of say, Hulk Hogan giving a stinky leg drop to Osama Bin Laden makes me smile.)

Now for the Yays and Nays...

Yay -- One of the few places in America to buy "FourFourTwo" magazine.

Nay -- Sell Seattle's Best Coffee, which doesn't say much about the Pacific Northwest. (Not to get all Peter Kingy, but Seattle's Best is far to bitter and acidic for my taste buds.)

Yay -- Sell literary classics written by the likes of Charles Dickens and Fyodor Dostoevsky, for a pittance.

Yay -- Sell some good calendars, such as the "24" monthly 2007 jam.

Nay -- Sell some terrible calendars, like the "Daily Dave Barry."

Nay -- 99.9 percent of the staff at said establishment falls into the "suck at life" category. I'll leave it at that.

Yay -- Sell books by everyone's favorite former soccer goalie turned Illuminati-chaser, and all-around kook David Icke in the "Speculation" aisle, rather than the comedy aisle.

Nay -- Sell books "inspired" by the life story of WWE wrestler Kane.

Yay -- Good selection of graphic novels, and always has "The Watchmen" prominently displayed.

Nay -- Not just a good, but a great selection of books written by Havard Economics School grads telling us their theory on what is wrong with American culture and why the world is soon going to end. We get it. We're fat, lazy and self obsessed. Find a new theory or grab a shovel.

Yay -- Surprisingly decent selection of obscure CDs and DVDs.

Nay -- No matter how many times I say no, they keep trying to push their "Borders Rewards" on me.

Yay -- When I went in there the other day, Greg Kihn Band's "Jeopardy" was playing.

Nay -- The people that frequent these kind of places also fall into the "suck at life" category. You know, psuedo-intellectuals...sorta like me, but not wearing sweatpants.

Yay -- No books in the bathroom.

Nay -- Remember that thing about the good selection of CDs? Usually the ones that are displayed the most prominently is god-awful stuff like Josh Groban and The Fray. It's not surprising that at the Fairfield branch the CDs are right next to Pilates mats.

Nay -- Once hosted this event.

Despite its ease of access and decent selections, the overall lameness of Borders makes its final verdict a nay.

Labels: david icke, WWE books, yay or nay

Bravo Isiah. Bravo.



Yo, Melo he's from B-More. He don't take any of your guff Jared Jeffries.

Pretty classy, no mention on the Knicks homepage about said brawl. Although there is a link to Steph Marbury's Poetry Slam.

Should be fun on 'Mike and the Mad Dog' Monday.

How many callers will accuse Chris Russo of being racist during the 1-6:30 p.m. show? Five? Ten? ("They fight in hockey all the time!")

Ought to be a classic.

* First 1,000 paying fans 12 and under get a free jail-house neck tat done by your choice of Nate Robinson or Mardy Collins.

Labels: brawls, Mike and the Mad Dog, NBA, neck tats, New York Knicks

Fans of soccer in America take a second to scan through this link.

The ceremonial egg nog is on me.

Though it doesn't officially confirm that Davey 'Double-chin' O'Brien is out for broadcasting any form of soccer on ESPN, it at least give all us soccer-nerds hope for the holidays. (And sorry Red Sox Nation, I have no pity at all for you.)

Meanwhile no immediate word on Marcelo Balboa. Rumor has it, he plans to get involved in this developing story.

If you want to revisit the terribilocity that was and is Dave O'Brien, this site recaps it better than I can.

With any luck at least Double Chin will have more time to enjoy his daughter's AYSO games.

Labels: ESPN sucks, Soccer

About a year ago New York Giants owner Wellington Mara died. In all my life I never anyone so lionized after their death. The stories that were so overflowingly positive that I was left with the impression that the NFL patriarch single handily saved a convent of nuns from a burning bus and also stitched the first football with his bare hands with a pig he slaughtered. (Meanwhile, Well's top contribution to the world -- Kata Mara was hardly mentioned, naturally.)

As you might imagine all this sappiness didn't have the desired effect on yours truly, the cynical dweeb I am.

That said, a Mara analogue -- Lamar Hunt -- passed away this week and I find no mockery of the founder of the AFL, NASL and MLS.

In fact this quote from an ESPN report probably says it all.

"If Lamar had done for sports in Great Britain what he has done for them here he would have been knighted by the queen."
-- Kenny Cooper, former Dallas Tornados goalie, North American Soccer League.

Now there's no sense in waxing poetic about Hunt, just go to any sports site and you can find it there. What I will say is that it's a true shame when a classy owner that is also a legitimate fan of the teams he owns passes away. When the trend in American sports is for teams to be owned by heartless corporations or total schmucks like Daniel Synder or Arthur Blank, losing a guy like Hunt or Mara hurts.

All you need to know is that Arrowhead Stadium remains just that Arrowhead Stadium, rather than say, KC Masterpiece Barbecue Sauce presents Arrowhead Stadium. And from 1970-2002 Hunt attended each and every World Cup.

He will be missed.

_____________

Champions League knockout stage draw announced today. Obviously two matches jump out -- Barcelona/Liverpool; Chelsea/Porto.


It's hard to make any declarative proclamations on the ties, considering there is about two months before the first legs are played. There's the whole January transfer window, plus injuries. So yes, Arsenal should be favored vs. PSV, but what if Monsieur Henry is off to greener pastures or his neck injury hasn't healed?

It's a shame Celtic drew Milan, but it's been a down year at the San Siro, so maybe the Bhoys can spring the upset. Lyon, a lot of pundits favorites, catches a break since Roma just might be the weakest team still standing. Inter, which is on a major roll in Serie A, gets Valencia. Hard to say anything here since Valencia is so banged up by injuries currently. Real Madrid/Bayern has history on its side...and that's about it. And Lille/ManU has the spectre of last year's Lille upset that knocked United out of Europe.

Though the marquee pairing remains Liverpool/Barcelona as it pits the last two competition winners. Liverpool might gain the slight edge, if only for Rafa Benetiz's excellence in Europe, particularly against Spanish opposition. Then again, if Eto'o returns he could run the Reds backline ragged.

Porto/Chelsea...other than the fact its Jose Mourinho's old team...well...the Blues should roll.

In any event, should be fun.

______________

Announced yesterday a USMNT friendly vs. Mexico on Feb. 7, 2007. Only intrigue here is how many foreign-based players each side recalls, as its a FIFA date. Otherwise, hopefully the fans in Phoenix enjoy shelling out a pretty penny for a meaningless game. All things considered -- 65,000 Mexican fans, 10,000 (at best) US fans. Good job Federation. Why not just play it in the Rose Bowl, the players could use a couple bags of urine or hot coins tossed in their direction.

_______________

Need any further proof that all awards for television and film have about ZERO credibility? Yesterday the vaunted Golden Globes nominees were announced. Up for best dramatic series, an HBO show. Want to guess which one?

Nope, "The Wire" didn't pass the Hollywood Foreign Press muster.

What did? The Bill Paxton atrocity that is "Big Love."

Can't wait to see the Chet's tux on the Red Carpet.

_______________

Round 18 EPL Picks

Saturday

Arsenal v. Portsmouth -- This match pits the No. 3 vs. No. 4 team in the table, but Pompey comes in missing about all its strike force, meaning a pretty busy day for David "The Teaman" James. (Better put an extra dab of pomade in the hair.) Also, longtime Arsenal hero Sol Campbell returns to play the club he basically walked out on. It would look like the Gunners should roll, but Pompey will play them tough. The pick: Arsenal 1, Portsmouth 0


Wigan Athletic v. Sheffield United -- (Live in FSC, 10 a.m. EST) Probably should complain. We've had ManU/Chelsea and Arsenal/Chelsea live for free on American television. So you have to take the good with the bad. And maybe that's not fair. These teams aren't all that bad, just not household names -- in Wigan in Sheffield that is. Zing! The pick: Wigan 1, Sheffield 1

Aston Villa v. Bolton -- (Live on FSC, noon EST) There might be a goal or two in this one, but unless you exchange Christmas cards with Sam Allardyce perhaps this time would be better spent on finishing said Holiday shopping. The pick: Aston Villa 2, Bolton 2

Charlton Athletic v. Liverpool -- (Live on Setanta, 7:45 a.m. EST) Consider how astounded I was when I found out that new Addicks boss Les Reed is only 54 years young. Looked to be in his 60s. Doesn't quite matter as Liverpool is hitting cruise control. Could be ugly. The pick: Charlton 1, Liverpool 3

Newcastle United v. Watford -- Maybe it was just me, but the midweek Chelsea/Newcastle game was next to unwatchable because of the gulf in talent the Blues held over the Magpies. It could be the same story Saturday at St. Andrew's with Newcastle in the Chelsea position. Watford, thanks for playing, we have some lovely parting gifts, including a Casio Keyboard and BK Knights sneakers. The pick: Newcastle 2, Watford 0

Reading v. Blackburn Rovers -- (Tape delay FSC, 2:15 p.m.) Reading is two points froma Champions League spot. Blackburn is two points from relegation. You do the math. (Also we get a nice American vs. American in net with Marcus Hahnemann vs. Brad Friedel.) The pick: Reading 1, Blackburn 1

Sunday

Everton v. Chelsea -- At full strength (Cahill/Arteta) this would be a tricky game for Chelsea to pick up three points. Instead, the Toffees are going to be under seige for 90 minutes, regardless of which lineup Mourinho tosses out there. Everton center back Jolean Lescott, one of the better signing in the offseason, is going to have his hands full, maybe even from Sheva. Everton is going to fight, but it won't be enough. The pick: Everton 0, Chelsea 2

Manchester City v. Tottenham -- (tape delay FSC, 2 p.m.) City hasn't lost at home yet, but Spurs come in on a major roll. Both sides have their share of injuries, but Spurs are a little deeper. The pick: City 1, Spurs 2

West Ham United v. Manchester United -- (Live on FSC, 11 a.m.) For what its worth, its been a wild ride for West Ham this year: the Tevez/Mascherano debacle/the Wenger/Pardew dust-up/Pardew getting fired/Curbisley hired. And what a way for Curbs to get his first match at Upton Park -- vs. Manchester United. West Ham is probably going to give it a good go, but will go down valiantly. Should be a fun one to watch. The fans ought to be up for it. The pick: West Ham 1, Man U 2

Monday

Fulham v. Middlesbrough -- (Live on FSC, 2:30 p.m.) Both these teams need a win badly, to avoid falling closer to the drop zone. The pick: Fulham 2, Boro 1

Last week: 6-6

Season: 63-84

Labels: EPL picks, MLS, Soccer, The Wire, USMNT

So yeah sitting here at work, on the AP wire's "Names in the Games" is this dispatch. (Note in that picture, 'actor' Jimmy Fallon. What a conversation that must have been.)

Must be nice to be able to jet across the pond to take in the world's greatest sporting outfit -- the New York Knicks. Rooney, I think, was under orders from Rio Ferdinand to acquire Eddy Curry's workout regime. ZING!

...couple other things...

** Freddy Adu trade to Real Salt Lake. Good for both teams. No loss for DC, which wouldn't even reap the transfer winfall once Mr. Adu is eventually transferred to Europe. For Real, mostly a PR move as they try to get a new suburban stadium financed.

Kind of amazing that this story got oodles more play in the American media than the whole Jurgen Klinsmann fiasco. Even Chris "My head is roughly the size and density of a block of cheese" Berman even mentioned it during the halftime of Monday Night Footall. Against every fiber of his cholestrol-soaked being he avoided a cheap joke at footie's expense.

A minor miracle.

** Do "cool guys" ever get caught with a Band Aid on? (No, Nelly and St. Lunatics don't count.)

** Saw this on the wire too, most of the governing bodies for soccer in the Middle East want to oust Australia out of the Asian Confederation. Nobody messes with the Socceroos on my watch, so be warned Qatar and UAE.

** Quick, midweek EPL Picks, after a 4-6 weekend which brought my yearly total to a resepectible 61-84. ... Chelsea 2, Newcastle 0; Arsenal 2, Wigan 1

Labels: EPL picks, neck tats, Soccer, Wayne Rooney

Slogans.

Pretty interesting to see which are and which aren't effective.

Like in the old days all you needed to say was "Try Coke!" and put it on a red metal sign and stick it somewhere and by gum, people would drink it.

As our brains got more and more susceptible to this, ad execs had to really put their BAs to work and crank out pure gold. In the advancement of slogans, take: "It's not TV. It's HBO."

Simple, sends a message.

In that vain, when season five of "The Wire" they ought to just tag it in a manner like this: "It's not TV. That would be unfair to everything else."

Now, it would be very easy to rave for as long as I can type until I fall asleep, but who really in fact would want to plow through that. Instead I will try my darndest to offer some reasoned analysis of the season four finale, "Final Grades."

First and foremost, be warned if you're not current with the show. If I ruin a season that you slept on or couldn't rent the DVD, tough. You legitimately should be re-chewing and marinating on those years by now.

Got that.

Aight.

Marlo Stanfield got to fall. And thankfully since HBO re-upped the show, we'll get an entire season five to see Lester Freamon match whits with the thoroughly ruthless and cunning Mr. Stanfield. ("Yes sir, proud to be chasin' Mr. Marlo Stanfield")

It'll be interesting to see how it plays out, if Freamon will adopt Jimmy McNulty's self-destructive) tendancies in his pursuit of his White Whale.

And unlike the coda for season three, which at the time did a pretty good job wrapping things should season four never come to pass, hinted at a reduced role for McNulty. (Season three closing montage to 'Fast train' was a touch better than season four's close, if only for the finality of it.)

Season five "Bushytop" looks to be back in the mix. Perhaps he won't twice crash his car drunk in the span of a minute anymore, but whenever he is on screen the show takes it up a notch.

Witness the season four finale. McNulty's tragic turn with Bodie?! People like to toss the word "irony" a lot these days. Read a sports story and you'll likely find it misued at least once or twice. (Put it this way Ben Wallace didn't cut his hair in order to buy a chain for Scott Skiles' pocketwatch...)

No, irony is McNutty trying to help Bodie -- a relationship cultivated over what we're to assume is at least five years -- only to have his favor lead to young Preston's demise. And how about turning a slinger/hopper into a sympathetic character. One of emphatize with. I can only dream of ever writing something a sliver as rich as that, honest.

That not good enough for you?

Think on this. Bodie, in a an absolutely hair-raising scene, is merc-ed out by young Michael Lee. Significant because Michael used to work Bodie's package? Yeah, but that's not the bigger picture.

Think to season one. In order for Bodie to really make his way into the Barksdale organisation he had to snuff out his boy -- Wallace. That was Bodie's first (and perhaps only) body. In the end for all his grindin' on the streets of West Baltimore he's iced out in cold blood for Michael Lee's first confirmed kill. [UPDATE -- According to the episode guide Bodie was killed by a character called "O-Dog" so disregard everything I wrote. Could have sworn it was Michael, but I guess Partlow was true to his word that his first kill should be "someone he aint know." My bad.]

Ok, yeah this took years for the payoff and we didn't get the wisdom and witticism of Det. Horacio Cain along the way, and that's quite all right. Check out some of this excellent interview with Robert Wisdom, the man in Bunny Colvin's shoes.

Look, this isn't to rag on all other TV shows or to make me feel smarter than you or whatever. It's just a fact. I watch "House" like a mindless idiot, too. It's as formulaic as tv comes, but its a good show. But to say it and "The Wire" fall into the same general grouping is like comparing apples to volcanic rock.

Suppe posted on our message board last week thanks to On-Demand and made a great point.

"Just got done with the finale of the The Wire: Season 4...I'm just going to say it might be the best media of all time, not just the best T.V. show of all time..."

Hard to argue that, though literary scholars might argue the merits of say, "The Canterbury Tales" or "Crime and Punishment," but in withouth question the last two or three decades what can hold a candle to this piece of work as a whole? (No, Hulk Hogan turning his back on the Hulkamaniacs and joining the nWo doesn't cut the mustard.)

What else is there really to say other than if you have a pulse...a brain...a heart...a human body of flesh and blood take timeout to watch this show. Track me down, I'll give the DVDs to keep. Give them back to me when you're finished. Honest.

At the very least, this show is real.

How was there going to be a "happy ending" for Randy or Dukie?

Namond? Bittersweet, at best.

And Michael Lee. I'd like to see Kenard light him up.

Even this. To for the course of say, 11 episodes get you as a view come to grow and like Michael Lee, then for the final two making him the most vile, detestable cretin says something to the power of writing. (Some can defend Michael for his love for Bug, but that's not enough for me. He's a cold-blooded sonofabitch, albeit a product of his environment.)

Before I forget. Another thought as season four winds down. Notice, if you go back and watch an encore, the use of touch with the four kids from the school. In the second to last episode you'll notice that Prezbo put his hand on Dukie at the computer like it, "Aint no thang" Michael bucks at Cutty, "He say he don't want to be touched." Namond doesn't mind a hand on the back from Colvin and Randy turns down Carver's shoulder to cry on.

Meaningful without hammering you over the head with trick-camera angles, yes?

Final quick hit thoughts from the finale. Glad to see Spiros and Waylon make brief returns. Glad to see that even if he took two hot slugs from Monk Metcalf that Cutty found a loving woman. Glad to see that McNulty in the end taught Daniels a thing or two about "real police." Glad to see that maybe Namond might find out why Colvin is "Bunny."

On the other hand, just about emotionally drained and depressed about the rest. Didn't like the diner scene with Burrell and Clay Davis sceaming, neither.

Keeping my fingers crossed that the "Greeks" take care of Marlo. And wouldn't it be nice if the Major Crimes Unit was able to take down the Stanfield organisation AND the "Greeks" in one fell swoop.

But this is "The Wire" and there are no "happy endings." Another crew would be there to pick where they left off anyway.

And for a final bit of black humor/irony. How about the exasperated Colvin wondering who'll care about their program once the city turned them down. Paretti finds solace in "Academics." Maybe that's all who's finding "The Wire." So it will at least live on in hearts in minds in one way shape or form.

Considering how bleak a picture the show sometimes paints of American life, I think all the fans out there like me, will take it.

Got them yellow tops!

Labels: The Wire

"Good old-fashioned American democracy...let's these third world fucks how it's done." -- Deputy Ops. Col. William Rawls.

Only a few hours until the season four finale of "The Wire." At least there was some stuff to keep my mind occupied until then.



Let's begin today's Sunday hodgepodge with a game that lived up to the advance billing -- Chelsea v. Arsenal, played in a driving rainstorm, no less.

Holy shit is basically the only thing I can type about Michael Essien's 35+ yard 84th minute equaliser. For a guy who hadn't scored in the league to pull off a Seedorf-esque blast is fairly unreal. The Mighty Thor would have appreciated the thunderbolt, fo sho.



As great as that goal was, the Ghanian dynamo HAD to score late of a Lampard corner.

Still not as bad as Super Frankie missing at point blank at the death. What a miss! If Chelsea end up second, that might be the reason.

Yet nothing was as unreal as Mathieu Flamini scoring the first one for Arsenal. There had to be over 50-to-1 odds that the French utilityman would break the duck at Stamford Bridge. Though Hilario should have made the save, in fact helping it into the corner with his ill-timed punch. Nice set up on the goal, by Alexsander Hleb no less.

Chelsea and Mourinho will certainly curse themselves for all of Didi Drogba's missed chances. Especially when he was clear on goal, only to have Gilberto Silva make a kick save. (And how about the girly-slapfest between Drogba and Jens Lehmann, I didn't realize the Arsenal ladies were holding a tryout.)

And the Blues must watch a lot of pre 2006-07 NBA tapes, because they protest like Judge Reinhold after each and every call. Can't wait to hear Jose find something to moan about this one, though the result was pretty fair.

What a gritty, gutty defensive show by the Arsenal. I lost count of times that men threw their bodies on the line. Losing Thierry Henry...well, RVP and Adebayor are capable replacements. But no Stringer Bell, err, Kolo Toure, that's a huge man to replace in the middle of the defense and Senderos and Djourou played remarkably well, save for a few bad giveaways.

Not that I want to see Chelsea do better, but maybe just maybe Jose Jose will realize he needs to start at least Arjen Robben one of these days. The game picked up when the speedy Dutchman jumped in on the left side. I've obviously never managed a team to any silverware (except in the videogames) but come on now. This is obvious.

Even money that Sheva goes back to Milan in January? I'd have to say yes. How many times did he miss low and wide Sunday?

Did Cashley Cole even show up?

Happiest person on the day? Easy. Sir Alex Feurgeson, as Manchester United is now eight points clear of Chelski. Nine would have been better, but eight is still great, albeit with an extra game played.

** Need a final ruling on this. As Americans, not that it likely matters anymore, going to write it -- Jürgen (with the umlat), Jurgen (without umlat) or Juergen (adding an 'e' to account for lack of umlats on our keyboards)?

** Given that wherever I read the Bob Bradley appointment as interim USMNT coach has been met with knashed teeth and howling, let me offer some thought three days later. The key word here is interim. Regardless of what happens the program needed a coach, if only to hold an MLS-only camp in January and get the ball rolling for the Gold Cup and Copa America.

From the sound of things Bradley, who lost in the shuffle was also appointed U-23 coach (which makes little sense but is par for the USSF course), might only be around for a couple months anyway. Part of me whats to see that the Federation realizes all the egg it got on its face and will try to mend fences with Klinsmann or go out and hire Quieroz or Pekerman (non Houllier, S'il vous plaît.)

Still, the weight of blame lies entirely with the Federation for totally botching the Klinsmann thing. Although Klinsmann did have his flaws, you can't get all us soccer nerds worked up and then pull the rug out from under. (Though you can't make a hire based solely on PR.)

Let's just hope there's an olive branch or two left on both sides...

** I've never been shy to hide my disregard for Manchester City FC. Yet I must say, there's not more than one or two sporting events I'd rather than attend than the Manchester derby, sitting with the City supporters at Old Trafford.

I only caught the highlights, but the City fans really made a great account for themselves. And since the game in England is going more and more corporate, sadly following the American model, the City fans deserves kudos. The City fans are the true-blue lunatics, whilst a good-chunk of the 'Theater of Dreams' was probably just soccer-tourists that probably couldn't tell you who Matt Busby was. Even though City lost 3-1, their fans can hold their heads high that they aren't soulless, replica-kit buying Glazer-ites. (Where's Beckham, right?) So what the hell...City (clap clap clap) City!!! Shit, DaMarcus Beasley even got 18 minutes of run. Remember him?

** Here's a legitimate suggestion that MLS could adopt from the EPL. One of the things I think is great is when the kids dress up in the full kit and walk out onto the field with the starting lineup. Good stuff. (Not like this, of course.)

** One thing the MLS bit off from England is the Colorado Rapids new kits. Credit my buddy Zack over at 116 Street Soccer for tipping me off. Perhaps they can change their name to the Colorado Hammers...

** Think it's safe to say that Catania Calcio's badge/crest is one of the worst out there.

** Lookalikes: the dearly departed, Kangol-wearing Fruit (a.k.a. actor Brandon Fobbs) from "The Wire" and Denver Nugget shooting guard J.R. Smith.

** Not big on movie recommendations, but if you've got half a brain and don't mind a little bloodshed, check out the Western, by way of the Australian outback, "The Proposition." Guy Pearce gets top billing here, but notice how Ray Winstone ("The Departed"'s Mr. French) steals the show as the tormented Capt. Stanley. Don't sleep on this one.

** Realize I'm not the first to make this point over the last two decades, but with "Rocky Balboa" coming out soon, might as well say it. There have been some ridicolous things in the history of movies to make one suspend his or her disbelief, but "Rocky III", come on now. There is no way, coked-up or not, that Bones Stallone could knock out Mr. T. In fact they would have stopped the rematch fight in the second round. Where's Larry Merchant when you need him? Yes, I did get suckered into to an extra half hour on the machine at the gym in order to watch the final bout the other day. Thanks TNT. You do really know Drama. And power-montages.

Labels: Arsenal, bob bradley, Chelsea, Soccer, The Wire

"Hang on to your ego...Hang on because I know that youre gonna lose the fight." -- Brian Wilson (Beach Boys)

Ahh...freshly shaved my head for the Bob Bradley look.

Time to delve into the weekly (Barclay's) English Premier League picks. Trudging forward with a 57-78 mark as we head toward the busy Christmas season.

This week I'll isolate the marquee match of the week -- Chelsea v. Arsenal (Sunday, live on FSC, 11 a.m.).

It'd be hard to find two more "glamourous" teams outside perhaps Barcelona and Real Madrid. For whatever reason be it Roman Ambrovich's billions in blood-money or the fact Jay-Z wants to buy a stake in the club, these two teams have it in spades.

Yet what seperates the giants isn't a cultural divide as in Spain (Catalan vs. Castillians) it's more of a good vs. evil thing.

Simply put, if you weren't born into a Chelsea family or grew up on the hard terraces of Stamford Bridge there is no good reason to be Blues' fan. Look, as I've said I tried dabbling in it two seasons ago and came to my senses. Think of it for that briefest of moments when Luke embraced the Dark Side in "Empire/Jedi." Yes, Chelsea do have some great talents -- Terry, Robben, Drogba, etc. -- but on the whole they are throughly unlikeable, play a rock 'em sock 'em, widthless style that is about as pleasant to view as your average episode of "The View" (but maybe with a little more hair product now with Ballack in the midfield).

The fact that they've openly bought their last two titles doesn't help either.

Let's not even get started on Jose (Jose) Mourinho, who believe it or not, I like. If only for his bizarre rants and hysterical histeronics. For better or worse, it's always interesting around the Portugeezer. If Chelsea loses Sunday he'll blame everyone up until the Lord Almighty for the defeat. Fun stuff.

Meanwhile, lately I've thought about it. There's not really that much to dislike about Arsenal. Yeah, if you're a fan of another London team or stuck rooting for Wigan you're certainly covetous of the beautiful brand of footie that the Gooners are famous for. The only thing that really makes the Arsenal tough to stomach is the prevelence of fans they have worldwide.

Most of my contempt for Arsenal usually stemmed from my disdain for manager Arsene Wenger. Mildly, he was more dirty Frenchie than a beret-wearing Mime, performing on the banks of the Seine, whilst eating a baguette with frog legs patte smeared on it.

Still, Wenger has grown on me and shown to be the best manager at the club level in the world. I bring all this up because bizarrely inside this weeks Sports Illustrated (Dwyane Wade Sportsman of the Year) there is an insert called "The Honor Roll" saluting sports character. Wenger earns plaudits for an FA Cup game in 1999 involving kicking the ball out of bounds when a player is injured. Don't know why it took seven years to recognize this, considering it played a big roll in last year's Tottenham/Arsenal match.

Regardless, Wenger gets my respek for getting all sorts of different players from Tony Adams to Dennis Bergkamp to Patrick Viera to Thierry Henry to Cesc Fabregas to Kolo Toure to flourish at Highbury and now the Emirates.

An area Wenger gets overlooked in is his development of players from Western Africa, which plays into his French ties. As time goes by this area -- Senegal, Togo, Cote D'Ivoire, Mali, etc. -- could be the next fertile crescent of soccer talents.

Enough though, of this glowing love letter. I'm not going to become a Gooner, but I will support them this Sunday against the Blues.

As for the game itself, Chelsea is at 35 points, Arsenal 25 behind. An Arsenal win probably does more for Manchester United than themselves, since they are realistically too far back to jump into the mix. If the Gunners scored an upset it would mean they took six points at Stamford Bridge and Old Trafford.

The biggest subplot in this game is (C)Ashley Cole facing his former squad. Cole, an unlikebale sort if their ever was one, basically wanted a couple thousand pounds more per week from that club that reared him. Enough is never enough with these guys. Keep him away from cell phones in any event. I believe the proper British term for a guy like Cole is "twat."

Also of note, Toure is out for this game with yellow-card accumlumation, leaving Swissmen Phillippe Senderos and Johan Djourou in the middle to cope with Sheva and Drogba.

Henry, William Gallas and Tomas Rosicky are out with injuries too. This leaves a yeomen's work for Fabregas in the center of the park. If the Spainard is the best young two-way midfielder in the world (which I personally think) now's his chance to shine. Same goes for Robin Van Persie and Emmaunel Adebayor. Gilbero Silva, the only Brasilian doing anything of note in the EPL, needs to be hard too.

Though everything seems to lean in Chelsea's favor, Arsenal seems to pick moments of magic when you least expect them. Wenger will have them ready. The Pick: Chelsea 0, Arsenal 1

The rest...

Saturday

Manchester United v. Manchester City -- (Guessing live on Setanta around 9 a.m.) This is the other big match of the weekend, but considering the strengthes of the sides and the fact its at Old Trafford, don't expect much. Figure on a couple red cards and penalty kicks too. City will fight to keep it close, but Saha and Rooney will have the final say. Since the game figures to be shite, who would win a this tornado tag-team match: Rooney & Gary Neville managed by Colleen vs. the Gallagher Bros. from Oasis. Discuss. The Pick: United 3, City 1

Blackburn Rovers v. Newcastle United -- Both played at the midweek. Rovers lost at Charlton. Newcastle won at home vs. Reading. What does that mean? Probably a dull draw. Just watch Emre's goal vs. Reading again. The Pick: Blackburn 1, Newcastle 1

Tottenham v. Charlton -- (Live on FSC, 10 a.m.) We might see a decent amount of goals in this one. Charlton might even spring the upset. The Pick: Spurs 2, Charlton 2

Liverpool v. Fulham -- Is Liverpool back on track? Hard to say. They'll get fat on the lesser-runs of the league for the next month or so. The Pick: Liverpool 2, Fulham 1

Middlesbrough v. Wigan Athletic -- This has "diehards only" written all over it. And by diehards, I mean people with the club badge tatooed on their inner lips. Avoid at all costs. The Pick: Middlesbrough 2, Wigan 0

Watford v. Reading -- Two promoted teams. Two totally different seasons. Watford is pretty much done, but if they lose hear they might as well start booking hotels for Norwich and Luton. The Pick: Watford 0, Reading 2

Bolton Wanderers v. West Ham United -- (Live on FSC, noon) Of note, Bolton midfielder Gary Speed will make his 500th EPL apperence. That about sums up the attractiveness of this one. The Pick: Bolton 2, West Ham 1

Portsmouth v. Everton-- (Tape delay, 2:45) Both started the season on fire. Both have levelled off some. If either side wants to stick around and dream of pipping a UEFA Cup spot, this is a game to win. The Pick: Pompey 2, Everton 0

Sunday

BONUS PICK

Roma v. Lazio -- (Live on FSC, 2:30 p.m.) It's the eternal derby live from the eternal city. This is always a fun one, if just for the lunatic fans inside the Olympia Stadium. Expect a lot of flares, mixed with a dash of facism from the Lazio nutjob Ultras. Maybe they can ping Francesco Totti. The pick: Roma 3, Lazio 1

Monday

Sheffield United v. Aston Villa -- (Live on FSC, 3 p.m.) It's nice to get a middle of the day game on a Monday afternoon. Just not this one. The Pick: Sheffield 1, Villa 0

Last week: 5-9
Season: 57-78

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This is just great. ESPN gets the Euro 2008 rights. There's got to be a PPV feed from Europe, right?

In other ESPN news. They managed to interview Bob Bradley on the Hotlist today. Seeing how this would be top news anywhere else and over here in the States its gets buried under Rich Rodriguez staying at West Virginia just about says it all.

Not much said by Bradley. Didn't quite cut an inspiring figure either.

At least someone with a clue fed host Steve Bunin some intelligent questions including the question of players going to Europe.

Instantly forgettable. Other than the prominently placed Nike Swoosh, of course.

Labels: Arsenal, Chelsea, EPL picks, Soccer

So there you have it.

Jurgen Klinsmann isn't going to be the next coach of the USMNT.

Apparently, Bob Bradley is the guy.

Stunning in the fact that this seemed like a done deal for the last few months -- the worst kept secret in sports. Particularly to a certain writer at Foxsports.com who's now pleading for forgiveness with a mea culpa. (Looks like Prof. Jon Satlin was right about him, though some of the venom calling from his ouster is too strong. He's not the first journo to make a mistake.)

Now it would be pretty easy to take the "sky is falling" approach to the story.

Was Jurgen the best candidate for the post? Probably. (I did my part campaigning.)

Then again, just assuming that because he lived in America, spoke English and had a great run coaching Germany at the 2006 World Cup he could immediately transform the Yanks into Die Manshafft.

Could this have happened? Possibly.

Could Jurgen have convinced Bobby Convey, et al to grow a faux-hawk like Bastian Schweinstiger? Perhaps.

Let's not forget, part of Klinny's innovations with the German team was implementing so-called "American" training techniques. He also did a lot to make the younger players believe in themselves. Let's not forget that Klinny's successor -- Joachim Low -- is garnering a lot of praise for being the man really pulling the strings. Though this could be a classic media revisionist history sort of thing.

Would Landon Donovan take better instruction from a guy who's won a cabinet full of major trophies? Probably. (Talk about weird, some kid just walked by with a Landy Cakes t-shirt jersey.)

Jurgun probably could have baked up some beautiful apple schnitzel, too.

But if the guy doesn't want the job,l so be it. The cards looked in order. He was the "perfect" candidate. And there's no saying that in 2008 he couldn't come on board.

What this seven month coaching search has shown most of all is the absolute fiasco that is the US Soccer Federation. There are so many problems from top-to-bottom that hiring a coach like Klinny might have been more of a Band Aid on a bullet wound.

And I don't think these are problems that can be easily rectified by the "right" coach either. Soccer in America is likely never going to be what it is in the rest of the world. There are so many forces both internal and external and pulling the Fed in so many different directions that one man can't possibly be a cure-all.

It'd be easy for me and others that care to heap all the blame on Sunil Gulati for taking FOREVER to ink a coach. But he was in fact in a pretty tough position. Though a lot of the time Gulati seems more like a super-fan than anything else.

Despite his success this summer Klinsmann didn't have enough of long-term track record to give him the keys to the Ferrari and turn him loose.

The power-sharing thing may come back to haunt Gulati and the rest of the federation if that was indeed the sticking point for Klinsmann. It's safe to say there are far too many people meddling at the Federation that are out for themselves and not the betterment of US Soccer.

Obviously Bruce Arena didn't do a great job in Germany in all aspects. From the aftermath though, it seems his hands were tied on a lot of issues. If Bradley's the new guy priority A No. 1 needs to be to find a Technical Director that knows what he's doing.

How we as fans can change the bullshit politics behind the scenes at the Fed is anyone's guess. Line forms behind me, ok.

In any event, there figures to be a huge Gulati backlash. This was posted on Wikipedia at 6:58 p.m. tonight: "On December 7th 2006 after Sunil Gulati (aka miserable failure) lost Jurgen Klinsman, Bob Bradley became the interim US National Coach."

Personally, Bob Bradley isn't a terrible fall back. Yes, people will deride him as Bruce Arena-lite. That's not entirely fair.

Yes, he is an MLS-only coach, but he's done a good job wherever he's coached. Don't forget he took the expansion Chicago Fire to the MLS title their first season. Granted he did have a boatload of foreign and domestic talent -- including current DC United boss Peter Novack. And guiding Chivas USA to respectability this season merits some respect too. (We'll disregard the stint with the black-hole that was the NY/NJ MetroStars.)

Yes, he's never coached or played in Europe. And who know if he'll have the tactics to coach on a big stage. He's not Jose Pekerman, but it's not like Jose didn't totally screw the Argies vs. Germany, pulling off his striking midway through the second-half at the World Cup this summer.

But for me at least, I'll give him a chance. For better or worse he knows what talent lies in MLS and you've got to figure he's at least kept tabs on his son Michael at Herenveen in the Netherlands. He should have learned for the mistakes Brucey Boy made too.

Bradley did at least attend Princeton, so he should be pretty smart.

And brains are something the USSF is sorely lacking on all fronts.

Is this another bad day in what's turned out to be a terrible year for US Soccer?

Undoubtedly.

Is it the end of the world?

Time will tell.

Labels: bob bradley, jurgen klinsmann, Soccer, USMNT

Busy busy day. I actually had a new "Yay or Nay" planned for today, but I'll save it for a rainy day and jump into a frantic day in the world of soccer.

Might as well start with Arsenal advancing into the Round of 16 of the Champions League via a 0-0 draw at Porto. Sadly, this eliminated CSKA Moscow, who amazing lost to hapless Hamburg. Didn't see a minute of this match, but there must not have been too much going on. I'll assume Monsieurs Henry and Flamini modeled some stylish and sensible man-scarfs from the Estádio do Dragão stands.

Still, if I needed another reason to strengthen my man-crush on Emmanuel Eboue, I found it in the above picture. Not sure how that flies in the Muslim sectors of the Cote D'Ivoire, but kudos for standing up for your beliefs, even if it means getting a burning tire placed around your neck. (Note, most Ivorians are Christians, but still.)

Now for a game I did actually watch...for about 60-odd minutes -- Manchester United 3, Benfica 1. Revenge for Fergies' boys.

In some regard, it might have been beneficial (from a sporting standpoint) for United to have been eliminated from the Champions League. Hear me out. The side is thin (witness John O'Shea is the first or second guy off the bench) and if they're going to push the swelled ranks of Chelsea for the English crown, midweek games won't exactly help. God forbid if Rooney, Ronaldo or Giggs ever picked up an injury. King Henrik won't be able to do it all himself.

That said, for a financial standpoint United couldn't afford another early exit in Europe especially considering the lump of dept Malcom "They're always stealin' me gold" Glazer incurred when he took the club off the stock exchange. (SAF needs to find some way to get Bruce Gradkowski out there.)

The first half of this one was gritty, compelling and rich stuff.

Nelson's strike was a thing of beauty. Though, for all the money lavished around the pitch on United -- the defense led by "Oh Rio, Rio dance across the Rio Grande" can be super lackadaisical and gave the Cape Verdian more space than Andy Ritcher at an all-you-can-eat buffet. (Yeah, Nelson had a hand ball later too.)



Of course, it was a defender -- Serbian shower fanatic Nemanja Vidic -- that headed home the equaliser for United past a stunned Quim. Great point by Derek Rae how the £16-million pound man Michael Carrick drew Luisao out of position. Good to see all the loot is accounting for something. (After that there were a couple more headers from Giggs and Saha to give United first place in the group, after I had turned away to FSC.)

Still, I'm enamored by Benfica's Simao. Someone would do some good busniess snapping him up in January, even if he is Cup-tied for Europe.

Final 16: Aresenal, Manchester United, Porto, Lille, Barcelona, AS Roma, Chelsea, Bayern Munich, Inter Milan, Liverpool, PSV Eindhoven, Valencia, Lyon, Real Madrid, Celtic and AC Milan

As a stand up guy, here was my pre-tournament predictions. I went 10-6. Took too many gambles. Still sticking with my thoughts on Real Madrid winning it all, even if Lyon look the best team in Europe right now. Personally, I'm pulling for the Bhoys.

And let's all collectively cross our fingers that and save ourselves from: Chelsea/Barcelona or Chelsea/Liverpool. Please.

_________

Now, I'll need the video back-up for this...but boy howdy, Emre had a goal-of-the-year candidate for Newcastle today vs. Reading. The helmet-haired Turk took the ball from about midfield, put a sneaky move on the Royal defense and then chipped sickly over American Marcus Hahnemann.



I'm all for great goals, but this was the second day in a row that an American keeper in England was made to look foolish. Tuesday, my personal hero, Brad Freidel fell asleep on a last-second free kick vs. Charlton. Moroccan Talal El Karkouri didn't do much with the kick, but Big Brad hardly reacted, letting it easy go into the net. As a colleague of mine is fond to say -- "BALLS!"

Then again, I guess the Addicks owed him for this.

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The other big news from today is that FIFA has changed some qualification rules for the 2010 World Cup. In a minor tweak, the fourth place CONCACAF squad will now have a playoff with the fifth place South American squad. Previously the CONCACAF team played the fifth best Asian team, note Trinadad & Tobago defeating Bahrain to gain entry to Germany 2006. Oceania, which formerly played off against South American, plays the fifth Asian team. It could put the odd scenario of Australia -- which bolted Oceania for Asia -- could play one of its former whipping boys. In any event this makes it a whole lot easier for Asia to gain five teams and a whole lot harder for CONCACAF to get four.

Oh right, the USSF again denies its hired Jurgen Klinsmann. Apparently they're too busy scheduling the 2009 U-17 girls Pan American Gold Cup Championship to see to the matter.

Labels: champions league, Soccer

The Pyramids.

Modern man looks at them in awe and wonderment.

So in the future, what will man look back at our time with the same sense of wonder?

I'll say the 1985 classic video, "The Super Bowl Shuffle."

It mesmorizing me everytime. There are thousands of songs on my iPod, but I never, ever skip past the Shuffle when it comes up. It never ceases to amaze.



And it's safe to say, the Onion hit the nail on the head.

Labels: 46 defense, fat guys dancing, football, whimsy

Just checking in with a few soccer odds and ends.

First, praise for ESPN for actually showing the two juicest final day Champions League matches live in America on ESPN2. Today (Tuesday) it's Barcelona v. Werder Bremenm, with the holders needing a win to avoid relegation into the UEFA Cup. Tomorrow (Wednesday) it's Manchester United v. Benfica, with United needing a point to advance into the knockout stages. I'm considering live-blogging one or both of these games, so if you're interested in that sort of thing, stop by at gametime and see if my lazy-ass decided to do it. Otherwise, if you're stuck, you can track them at Soccernet.

Personally I have no love for Barca and it would be fantastic to see Bremen get through -- which they can with a draw. Yet, the German's strength is attack so it's hard to figure they'll hunker down and let Ronaldinho run rampant. Then again, Barca clearly misses Eto'o and Messi, so it may be easier said than done. Bremen does have some quality defenders -- Nadlo and Per Mertesacker -- but these guys are more of the lumbering brute type center halfs. Can't see them advancing too far away from Tim Wiese's net. Don't forget, Wiese wears a pink shirt and committed this world-class gaffe in the knockout stage vs. Juventus last season.



Will they gain attonement?

Hard to say. This looks like a 3-2 game either way, and I'll go on record calling a Bremen upset eventhough in all likelihood Barca will probably romp 4-0. It's very very very hard to see them putting up a stinker at Camp Nou.

UPDATE -- Yeah, good thing I hedged my bets. It's 2-0 Barca after 15 minutes and I've flicked over to Blackburn/Charlton. There is only one word to describe Ronaldihno's freekick for the first goal -- cheeky. Squirted it right under the leaping Bremen wall. The second Barca goal, pretty academic. Guily to Gujohnsen behind the sleeping Bremen defense. Perhaps there is a reason Pierre Wome has already been on 11 teams AND was the guy that missed a penalty for Cameroon that kept them out of the 2006 World Cup. So much for upsets. If its any consolation, Bremen should be the strongest team in the UEFA Cup, but since they are such a thin squad -- and likely to sell off Miroslav Klose -- they'll probably focus their attention on winning the Bundesliga. Check back tomorrow for a possible ManU/Benfica liveblog.

I'll keep this short, Manchester United will not lose to Benfica. End of story.

Another English team coule be in some trouble -- Arsenal, depending how they fare at Porto. Everything is in play in that group. Maybe CSKA loses at Hamburg to save the Gooners bacon.

Also, couple midweek EPL game, so I'll make some quick picks. (Last week, 4-6.)

Tuesday: Charlton v. Blackburn -- Rovers are awful on the road. Charlton is pretty much awful everywhere. ... Charlton 1, Blackburn 1 ... Tottenham v. Middlesbrough -- Spurs' rectums are still sore from Arsenal, but 'Boro probably won't put up much on an effort here after Saturday's tough-luck loss to ManU. .. Spurs 2, 'Boro 1

Wednesday: Newcastle v. Reading -- Reading is on a big-time roll and hasn't conceeded a goal in something like over 400 minutes. Considering Newcastle's striking options, that streak should continue. Newcastle 0, Reading 1 ... West Ham United v. Wigan Athletic -- Umm....yeah... West Ham 1, Wigan 0

In closing, enjoy this goal. Top notch, from a middling EPL player.



Oh right one more thing. Everyone's favorite American soccer writer -- Jamie Trecker, of Fox Sports is breaking the news that Klinsmann is the next USMNT boss. The only reason I mention this is that the ESPN2 botton line actually posted that "Fox Sports is reporting..." which I found mildly shocking. Good to see Trecker is still finding ways to bash Bruce Arena. Give it a rest already.

Labels: EPL picks, Soccer, USMNT

Today, the thumbs down is for me.

No, it's not what you're thinking. It's not for my general sucking at life for the last oh, four years.

No, it's not for my glaring lack of charity work or failure to adopt a starving African child. Or my lack of church going, neither.

No sir.

I direct a downward digit in my direction for failing to watch the tv show "Arrested Development" when it was originally on television.

If I could, I'd punch myself in the dick.

As, what I'd like to think, a conossieur of all things television how did I screw up so badly on this one. And it's beacause of people like me that a show -- that lives up to the advance hype -- gets the network axe, whilst the Michael Rappaport vechicle, err, umm...what's it called? Oh right "The War at Home" churns along with 22 episodes a season.

"Arrested Development" will probably stand the test of time, since the humor comes at such a broad spectrum. Slapstick, veiled dick jokes, dry stuff, sight gags, mild parody... the full comedic gambit.

It's definitely on par with some of the recent greats like "Curb Your Enthuaism" and "The Office."

Man, it's a shame that if only a few more dopes like me had tuned in on FOX it might have stuck around another year or too. The 50-odd episodes aren't nearly enough time with the Bluthes...and Franklin...or even the Veals for that matter. All I can do at this point is thank Theodore Blake for letting me borrow the first volume on DVDs.

Ratfarts.

__________________________

Since this is a blog and this is apparently what a blog is supposed to be about, why not tell you about a super fun time called "Tenacious D" at Madison Square Gordon, err, Garden.

Let's chat about train malfunctions, going backward to go forward and the like. Adding to my list of grievences against Metro North Railroad, I add last Friday. Apparently there were "wire problems" and the only authority was a Fairfield "special police" officer. In other words, no straight answers from anyone.

Not the end of the world, although one agitated female yuppie with a nice trendy Beyonce-inspired hat wondered aloud if, "Someone jumped in front of the tracks." (Gasp, even from me.) ... "What, it happens all the time."

I didn't realize it at the time, but here was a chick nearly as angry as me. At the time all I concluded is that this is why most of the country doesn't like us Connecticut Yankees.

Another reason -- our New Englandy weather is a joke. After eventually arriving at Grand Central, after a would-be 'Strangers on a Train' moment, I trekked down to MSG and worked up enough of a sweat (I was running late, I thought) to doft my hoodie and walked in my t-shirt. Two hours later, freezing cold and wind. Curse you Poor Richards Almanac!

Oh, perhaps the malfunctions on the train platform did me some good, as in maybe it will inspire me to get a haircut, seeing the high school-erish kids en route to the very same Tencious D show as I. Felt like a babysitter. And let me tell you, these kids were such chuckleheads that one of their overheard stories included -- "Ooh man, I picked up a chick on an airplane because I said I was homeless and didn't have a family."

Right. Should I note this kid had a pizza face and terrible dreads.

At this point it must make some sense to add my two (digital) cents at the show itself. Overall grade: B-.

The first part was pretty amazing. The set of "Kyle's Apartment" with the Live Nudes in the back...priceless. Lee...amazing as always. The Saxaboom jam-out, with KG bustin' a move...the highlight of the show. (This isn't a highlight.)

Then...the descent into hell. Which was funny for like two songs. Then...eh...it divolved into bad high school musical theater. I'll leave it at that.

We didn't even get Meatloaf for this show. And maybe that was the problem, I'm assuming most people that went to the show saw "The Pick of Destiny." So there was no need to rehash the major plot points on stage. Particularly with Jack and Kyle subbing for Loaf and Ronnie James on "Kickapoo."

"Storm the Gates"...ugh...."Car Chase City"...not even a guffaw from my standpoint. Waste of time. (Let's not even mention the abysmal showing on "SNL" on Saturday that I stupidly recorded.)

This was offset by the excellent Who medley that closed the show. No Beatles' medley, but pretty rockin' none-the-less. (Granted, on my walk back to Grand Central, which included finding Doner Kebabs, a middle-aged chap explained to his 10-year-old son who the Who were. Fantastic.)

The lack of interplay with the audience and the adherence to a tight set list were also mildy surprising from the D. (Ok, maybe harsh. They did aparently let any dolt with a camera bootleg the show, including some chuckleheads in front of me. Oh, one more thing, can we knock of the camera phones at concerts. Thanks.)

Perhaps I was expecting a repeat of a D show at Roseland a couple years ago. You know, Sass, Spiderman, etc. Alas. Maybe the D have grown up and I haven't.

And judging by the ecclectic crowd buzzing around MSG, that's not neccesarily a good thing.

Wonder if Nuke Laloosh showed up this time.

Labels: Arrested Development, Tenacious D