MLS (huh)
MLS (huh)
MLS (huh)
Pumped?
No?
My three-bar MLS anthem doesn't do anything for you? (Here's a snippet of the real version. Safe to say Steve Sabol and the rest of NFL Films won't be worried. It's not terrible, though)
Will a snarky, half-baked preview do anything for you?
What would you say if I told you this was going to the either the best, worst or only MLS preview you're going to read this Good Friday?
Still don't like it?
Well...be warned get a few drinks in me and I will club your ass!
Team: Chicago Fire
Stadium: Toyota Park, Bridgeview, Ill.
Silverware: MLS Cup, 1998; US Open Cup 1998, 2000, 2003, 2006; Supporter's Shield 2003 (best regular season points total.)
Players of Note: Mid. Chris Armas, Mid. Justin Mapp, For. Chris Rolfe, For. Cuauhtémoc Blanco; Mid. Thiago
Reason to like: Ever since their inception in 1998, the year which they won the league, the Fire have always seemed like they "got it." Plus they've done a good job making the team a team for all of Chicago's many ethnic pockets.
Reason to loathe: Well, as an American you obviously cannot root for Blanco.
Fun Fact: Taking a guess here, might be the only North American team with radio broadcasts in Spanish AND Polish.
Supporters group: Many...and well organized. The best is the well-known Section 8. There is even a group called the Mike Ditka Street Crew, which is a downright amazing name for anything.
Final Word: Chicago is a solid MLS side from top to bottom, on and off the field. Too bad they had to screw it all up with Blanco.
_______________
Team: Columbus Crew
Stadium: Crew Stadium, Columbus, Ohio
Silverware: 2002 US Open Cup. 2004: Supporter's Shield.
Players of Note: Def. Frankie Hedjuk; Mid. Danny Szetela, Mid. Eddie Gaven, For. Andy Herron, Mid. Robbie Rogers; Mid. Ned Grabavoy
Reason to like: First team to make the commitment with the Soccer Specific Stadium. ... Brian McBride used to play for the Crew.
Reason to loathe: Sure, it's a hackneyed, tired, well-wore joke in MLS circles, but it's very very very very difficult to support a team who's logo is a constant source of Village People jokes. FACT.
Fun Fact: A couple years ago, fringe USMNT striker Jeff Cunningham purposely told youngster Edson Buddle the wrong time of a practice in order to get an edge on playing time. Good guy. True story.
Supporters group: Crew Supporters Union: Local 103
Final Word: From their utilitarian bleachers, to their nickname, to their setting at the Columbus Country Fairgrounds, the Crew embody that middle America hard-working spirit. Of course that doesn't translate into a lot of wins, though I do like coach Sigi Schmid. It's a fun name to say. On the positive side, they have a very young team and if they're ever able to pull it all together, watch out.
_______________
Team: D.C. United
Stadium: RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
Silverware: MLS Cup 1996, 1997, 1999, 2004; US Open Cup 1996; Supporters Shield 1997, 1999, 2006
Players of Note: Def. Facundo Erpen, Mid. Christian Gomez, For. Edmilison, Mid. Ben Olsen, GK Troy Perkins, Mid. Josh Gros, Def. Bobby Boswell, For. Jaime Moreno; Mid. Fred
Reason to like: Simply put, the class of MLS since its inception.
Reason to loathe: According to Wikipedia, N*Sync's JC Chasez is a fan. That's not a good thing. ... New ownership group, DC Sports Holdings, includes one Christian Laettner.
Fun Facts: In the first-ever MLS game in 1996, United played at the San Jose Clash. According to the one-and-only Art M. 'Pops' Cardillo, "Man, this DC team is terrible." Good call dad. ... Jaime Moreno is the first Bolivian to play in the EPL.
Supporters groups: Screaming Eagles; La Barra Brava...both the class of the league, though the LA Riot Squad might take issue with that.
Final Word: Unlike most winning teams, it's not hard to root for DC United. The do things the right way. There integration of young America talents with hardened South America pros figures to be copycatted by the rest of the league, in time. Let's hope their quest for a new soccer-specific stadium doesn't sabotage the great work over the last dozen years. Personally, I need to make a trek to RFK before its too late.
_______________
Team: Kansas City Wizards
Stadium: Arrowhead Stadium...for now.
Silverware: MLS Cup 2000 (with Tony Meola); US Open Cup 2004
Players of Note: Def. Jimmy Conrad, Def. Jose Burciaga Jr., Def. Nick Garcia, GK Kevin Hartman, For. Eddie Johnson, For. Scott Sealy
Reason to like: Were once owned by Lamar Hunt, the patron saint of US Soccer.
Reason to loathe: Not their fault, but when a game is played in front of "4,000" at Arrowhead is embarrassing for the whole league. ... Also it was sad to see the team ditch the "Wiz" nickname so quickly.
Fun Fact: The Wiz won their only title thanks to hard-charging Dane Milkos Molnar.
Supporters group/section: The Cauldron.
Final Word: If it weren't for Jimmy Conrad, it'd be a lot easier to take a dump on this team. Still, there's not a lot to get revved up about, and unfortunately they decided not to play their games at high school stadiums. That would have been depressingly hilarious and remains on the table for 2008, as Overland Park awaits.
_______________
Team: New England Revolution
Stadium: Gilette Stadium (now with FieldTurf!!!!)
Silverware: None of Note. In fact, the Revs are replacing the Red Sox as New England's hard luck team.
Players of Note: GK Matt Reis, For. Pat Noonan, For. Taylor Twellman, Mid. Steve Ralston, Mid. Sharlie Joseph, Def. Matt Parkhurst
Reason to like: Maybe because he's a ginger, but coach Steve Nicol seems like a good dude.
Reason to loathe: Owned by Robert Kraft, who pays the salaries of Tom Brady and Bill Belichek. Nuff said. ... Oh it doesn't hurt that they converted to field turf this season either.
Fun Fact: I've paid, get this, $25 dollars to park at the Gillette Stadium parking lot for games. Soccer games. Hope Donte Stallworth, Wes Welker and Adalius Thomas have new rides.
Supporters group: Midnight Riders
Final Word: The Revs have been remarkably consistent the last few years under Nicol and his famed 3-5-2 system. That said, it might be time to breakup the core of Twellman, Noonan, Joseph and Ralston. They had their chance in last year's MLS Cup, but let Brian Ching erase Twellman's extra time goal seconds later. The window looks like its shutting. And it doesn't help that Sharlie Joseph is already disgruntled about not being able to move to Celtic on a pair of occasions.
_______________
Team: Red Bull New York
Stadium: Giants Stadium
Silverware: Hhahahahaha....the Red Bulls? Trophies? Please.
Players of Note: Mid. Claudio Reyna, For. Jozy Altidore, GK Ronald Waterreus, Mid. Marcus Schopp, Def. Marvell Wynne, For. Clint Mathis (sorry, even all puffy and jowly Clint is my boy.)
Reason to like: Bruce Arena will always get almost a free pass in my book. I admit it. ... Shepp Messing is my favorite America soccer color man.
Reason to loathe: Where to begin? First and foremost, Giants Stadium might have been designed by Satan himself. From the parking lots to the concourses, the place is a dump. And its even worse for soccer. There might not be a worse venue in North America for a game than the Meadowlands. FACT. Saying it sucks is an understatement. For a while they brought in grass, but that went out the door with the prevalence of FieldTurf. And by the end of the year its gridiron lines out the ass, which make it impossible to watch. What is it, a high school game? Claudio Reyna is in some trouble. ... Next, the team has just been so damn terrible. ... Lastly, moral question. Can you really throw your hard earned support behind a puppet of a rich Austrian tycoon and his highly-caffeinated energy drink? ... One more thing. The MetroStars/Red Bulls are the reason it would be great if MLS has promotion and relegation. This sorry excuse for a club should have been banished and forgotten years ago. Unfortunately soccer fans like myself in the New York metro area are stuck with these guys.
Fun Fact: Last year, just after Red Bull bought the team, they went balls out promoting the team. Constant ads on WFAN, etc. with the likes of Franz Beckenbauer touting the club. For the opener they brought in NY Cosmos greats Pele, Carlos Alberto, etc for a nice dog and pony show. They even got the boneriffic Shakira to shake his stuff at halftime, with Wyclef Jean. ... Then after that game? Nothing. It was like that game never happened. ... Oh yeah, they used to be the MetroStars.
Supporters group: Empire Supporter's Club
Final Word: Maybe the black cloud hovering over this 'franchise' ends when they finally escape from the Meadowlands, Snake Plisken style. Right now this team is trapped in the Elysium Fields. Sort of like Mr. T in that Brandon Bird painting.
_______________
Team: Toronto FC
Stadium: BMO Field (which gets points for reminding me of Houston rapper and drank connoisseur, Big Moe.)
Silverware: None. This is their first year.
Players of Note: For. Connor Casey, For. Alecko Eskandarian, For. Edson Buddle, Mid. Jose Cancela, Mid. Ronnie O'Brien, Mid. Paulo Nagamura
Reason to like: Good fan support already. ... Presumably will sell Canadian confectionery treat 'Beaver Tails' at the stadium.
Reason to loathe: In the words of Abe Simpson, "Who you callin' Canadian? Thems fightin' words." ... Coach Mo Johnston is a bit of a dandy. He also is the first guy to play for both Celtic and Glasgow Rangers. A story for another day.
Fun Fact: Toronto will play under the MLS rules that prohibit foreign players per roster, so they'll have to fill out with Canadians. Eh?
Supporters group: U-Sector; Red Patch Boys (which sounds like either a Boy Band...or gay porn.)
Final Word: If you're new to the league, could be a fun team to throw your support behind, assuming you enjoy maple syrup. Could mirror some of the successes seen in pockets for the new A-League in Australia.
____________________
Team: Chivas USA
Stadium: Home Depot Center, Carson, Calif.
Silverware: Nada
Players of Note: Def. Claudio Suárez; For. Ante Razov; Def. Jonathan Bornstein; Mid. Sacha Kljestan; Mid. Amado Guevara
Reason to like: One of my favorite, all-time MLSers -- Preki -- is now the coach of Chivas. Also they keep former Arena-era DC United stalwart Carlos Llamosa, gainfully employed.
Reason to loathe: Surprisingly, not many.
Fun Facts: The original Chivas, the team based in Guadalajara has a policy of only fielding Mexican players. Currently there are only five Mexican nationals on Chivas USA. (Damn gringos.) ... Claudio Suárez is the second most capped player of all time.
Supporters group: Legión 1908
Final Word: When Chivas USA entered the league in 2005 I thought it was a good idea, as it would create a genuine rivalry in Los Angeles -- and those SuperClasico games are the best of the MLS regular season. Still, overall Chivas hasn't made the impact the league probably would have liked and have in turn denied places like Seattle, St. Louis, Philadelphia and Charlotte teams of their own.
_______________
Team: ColoradoArsenal Rapids
Stadium: "The Dick" (Dick's Sporting Goods Park, Commerce City, Colo.)
Silverware: Nyet.
Players of Note: Mid. Kyle Beckerman, Mid. Pablo Mastroeni, Mid. Mike Petke, GK Zach Thornton, Mid. Roberto Brown, Mid. Herculez Gomez
Reason to like: The new color scheme and logo are great.
Reason to loathe: For the first 12 years of the league there hasn't been as bland, boring, faceless team as Colorado. And that's saying something for MLS. Also, the have Marcelo Balboa (w/hair) is their ring of honor. Ouch.
Fun Fact: Typically, the Rapids would draw their best crowds on fireworks night, because as we all know, idiots love fireworks. ... Owner Stan Kroenke and his amazing cookie duster bought a 9.9 percent stake in the real Arsenal in London Thursday.
Supporters group: According to the Wiki, they are reforming a couple units into a team group called The Centennial Firm. If they need a new nickname inspired group, why not the Tubbers? (Pronounced like YouTube, bot bath tub.)
Final Word: Rebranded with new colors and a new stadium, Colorado is almost starting from scratch. Why not get in on the ground floor. (I might.)
_______________
Team: FC Dallas 96 (nee Dallas Burn)
Stadium: Pizza Hut Park, Frisco, Texas. (Games 90 minutes or less or you're pizza is free!)
Silverware: MLS Open Cup 1997
Players of Note: For. Carlos Ruiz, For. Kenny Cooper, Mid. Adrian Serioux; Def. Bobby Rhine
Reason to like: First of the old-line MLS teams to get ride of its stupid nickname and logo in favor of a traditional soccer scheme. (Ooh, fire breath horsey, edgy.)
Reason to loathe: According to Hank Hill, he "hates soccer". So he probably would hate FC Dallas for incorporating a Texas longhorn into its logo.
Fun Fact: When I attended UConn in the early 2000s FC Dallas back Chris Gbandi played there, where he won the Hermann trophy, which they like to say is like the Heisman trophy for NCAA football. Fascinating, huh?
Supporters group: The Inferno.
Final Word: Literally nothing is better than playing in 100-degree plus weather in Dallas in the summer. Nothing. I'm not joking, I'm surprised no one has collapsed during a game yet. Thank God it hasn't happened. Oh yeah, about the team. Ummmmm....
_______________
Team: Houston1836 Dynamo (nee San Jose Clash/Earthquakes)
Stadium: Robertson Stadium, on campus of University of Houston
Silverware: MLS Cup 2006 (defending champs)
Players of Note: Mid. Ricardo Clark, For. Brian Ching, For. Dwayne De Rosario, Def. Wade Barrett, For. Paul Dalglish, Mid. Brian Mullan
Reason to like: In the words of Stanley Spadowski, "I'm thinking of something Orange." ... All kidding aside, Ching and DeRosario are two of the most exciting offensive players in the league. DeRo is legitimately nasty. And Ching is no slouch with his skull.
Reason to loathe: If you're a San Jose Earthquakes fan, the Dynamo's title from last year must make you feel pretty bittersweet.
Fun Fact: It's been said a lot of times, but whatever. The original name was going to be 1836, the year Houston was founded. But some people felt it was insensitive to Mexican-Americans, so they chose Dynamo because AEG (the owners) is a big fan of all things Eastern Europe, where the Dynamo name is prevalent. They even have team cheerleaders and do not allow them to shave their legs.
Supporters group: Texian Army; El Batallon
Final Word: Houston was a stunner last year and won the league. What can they do for an encore? Maybe the bigger question is whether they can live without Ching and Clark as they are recalled into USMNT duty. This team is solid and knows how to play and should be around barring any major injuries. (Putting the finishing touches of the CONCACAF Champions Cup with the Dynamo playing at Pachuca, it must be pretty ballsy to support Houston with all of the Mexican team's in such close proximity. Tough loss for Dynamo. Real tough.)
_______________
Team: Los Angeles Galaxy
Stadium: Home Depot Center, Carson, Calif.
Silverware: MLS Cup 2002, 2005; US Open Cup 2001, 2005; Supporters Shield 1998, 2002
Players of Note: GK Joe Cannon; For. Landon Donovan, For. Santino Quaranta, For. Nate Jaqua, Def. Chris Albright, Def. Tyrone Marshall, Mid. Cobi Jones...that Beckham guy
Reason to like: Drew Carey is apparently a big Galaxy fan. And we all know Drew Carey is a sweet dude. Apparently he bought a bunch of fans blow-up dolls for the first game against Chivas to provoke their fans. Who cares if 'Who's Line is it Anyway' is terriblocity in TV form. ... Alexi Lalas's press releases are something to behold. Just keep an eye out for his quotes. Pro wrestling would be proud.
Reason to loathe: Beckham...Donovan...Beckham.
Fun (Made up) Fact: At some point the Galaxy will probably make new-Scientology approved uniforms when Beckham arrives.
Supporters group: LA Riot Squad. ... And this guy (the guy with the blow horn). He gets his own mention. On the train to Kaiserslautern last summer this guy made quite an impression trying to get the US supporters going. He also claimed to have gone to Galaxy reserve games and almost getting in a fight with the coach. And trips through CONCACAF. A legit hardcore crazy.
Final Word: Prepare for 1,001 bad puns off the movie, 'Bend it Like Beckham.' Hi-oh!
_______________
Team: Real Salt Lake
Stadium: Ricce-Eccles Stadium, University of Utah campus (yay! gridiron lines)
Silverware: None.
Players of Note: Mid. Freddy Adu, For. Jason Kreis, Mid. Mehdi Ballouchy, Def. Eddie Pope, For. Jeff Cunningham
Reason to like: You live in Utah.
Reason to loathe: Even though he got into a long defense of soccer on WFAN's Mike and the Mad Dog show, owner Dave Checketts is kind of a douche, and almost moved the team because he couldn't get a sweetheart stadium deal. ... Also, by extension RSL reminds me of the utterly shit HBO series, "Big Love." Nope. No more "Rome" or "Deadwood" or "Carnivale" but two scoops of big ol' Bill Paxton.
Fun Fact: RSL was the first team to sell advertising rights on the front of their shirts to enegry drink thingy XanGo. ... Jason Kreis is the league's all-time leading scorer.
Supporters group: Loyalists, Rogue Cavaliers Brigade, Jesters
Final Word: Ready Freddy? Crazy little thing called goal.
Sincerely hope you enjoyed. Yes, there were a lot of things about the league that were committed. It's a long season, there's plenty of time for to address that.
This definitely wasn't a labor of love.
SuperQuick EPL Picks... -- Friday: Man City 2, Charlton 1...Everton 1, Fulham 0 (Yanks Alert); Saturday: Chelsea 1, Tottenham 2...Arsenal 1, West Ham 1...Blackburn 2, Villa 0...Middlesbrough 1, Watford 1...Reading 0, Liverpool 2...Sheffield United (c'mon Blades) 1, Newcastle 0...Wigan 0, Bolton 0...Portsmouth 0, Manchester United 1
MLS (huh)
MLS (huh)
Pumped?
No?
My three-bar MLS anthem doesn't do anything for you? (Here's a snippet of the real version. Safe to say Steve Sabol and the rest of NFL Films won't be worried. It's not terrible, though)
Will a snarky, half-baked preview do anything for you?
What would you say if I told you this was going to the either the best, worst or only MLS preview you're going to read this Good Friday?
Still don't like it?
Well...be warned get a few drinks in me and I will club your ass!
EASTERN CONFERENCE
Team: Chicago Fire
Stadium: Toyota Park, Bridgeview, Ill.
Silverware: MLS Cup, 1998; US Open Cup 1998, 2000, 2003, 2006; Supporter's Shield 2003 (best regular season points total.)
Players of Note: Mid. Chris Armas, Mid. Justin Mapp, For. Chris Rolfe, For. Cuauhtémoc Blanco; Mid. Thiago
Reason to like: Ever since their inception in 1998, the year which they won the league, the Fire have always seemed like they "got it." Plus they've done a good job making the team a team for all of Chicago's many ethnic pockets.
Reason to loathe: Well, as an American you obviously cannot root for Blanco.
Fun Fact: Taking a guess here, might be the only North American team with radio broadcasts in Spanish AND Polish.
Supporters group: Many...and well organized. The best is the well-known Section 8. There is even a group called the Mike Ditka Street Crew, which is a downright amazing name for anything.
Final Word: Chicago is a solid MLS side from top to bottom, on and off the field. Too bad they had to screw it all up with Blanco.
Team: Columbus Crew
Stadium: Crew Stadium, Columbus, Ohio
Silverware: 2002 US Open Cup. 2004: Supporter's Shield.
Players of Note: Def. Frankie Hedjuk; Mid. Danny Szetela, Mid. Eddie Gaven, For. Andy Herron, Mid. Robbie Rogers; Mid. Ned Grabavoy
Reason to like: First team to make the commitment with the Soccer Specific Stadium. ... Brian McBride used to play for the Crew.
Reason to loathe: Sure, it's a hackneyed, tired, well-wore joke in MLS circles, but it's very very very very difficult to support a team who's logo is a constant source of Village People jokes. FACT.
Fun Fact: A couple years ago, fringe USMNT striker Jeff Cunningham purposely told youngster Edson Buddle the wrong time of a practice in order to get an edge on playing time. Good guy. True story.
Supporters group: Crew Supporters Union: Local 103
Final Word: From their utilitarian bleachers, to their nickname, to their setting at the Columbus Country Fairgrounds, the Crew embody that middle America hard-working spirit. Of course that doesn't translate into a lot of wins, though I do like coach Sigi Schmid. It's a fun name to say. On the positive side, they have a very young team and if they're ever able to pull it all together, watch out.
Team: D.C. United
Stadium: RFK Stadium, Washington, D.C.
Silverware: MLS Cup 1996, 1997, 1999, 2004; US Open Cup 1996; Supporters Shield 1997, 1999, 2006
Players of Note: Def. Facundo Erpen, Mid. Christian Gomez, For. Edmilison, Mid. Ben Olsen, GK Troy Perkins, Mid. Josh Gros, Def. Bobby Boswell, For. Jaime Moreno; Mid. Fred
Reason to like: Simply put, the class of MLS since its inception.
Reason to loathe: According to Wikipedia, N*Sync's JC Chasez is a fan. That's not a good thing. ... New ownership group, DC Sports Holdings, includes one Christian Laettner.
Fun Facts: In the first-ever MLS game in 1996, United played at the San Jose Clash. According to the one-and-only Art M. 'Pops' Cardillo, "Man, this DC team is terrible." Good call dad. ... Jaime Moreno is the first Bolivian to play in the EPL.
Supporters groups: Screaming Eagles; La Barra Brava...both the class of the league, though the LA Riot Squad might take issue with that.
Final Word: Unlike most winning teams, it's not hard to root for DC United. The do things the right way. There integration of young America talents with hardened South America pros figures to be copycatted by the rest of the league, in time. Let's hope their quest for a new soccer-specific stadium doesn't sabotage the great work over the last dozen years. Personally, I need to make a trek to RFK before its too late.
Team: Kansas City Wizards
Stadium: Arrowhead Stadium...for now.
Silverware: MLS Cup 2000 (with Tony Meola); US Open Cup 2004
Players of Note: Def. Jimmy Conrad, Def. Jose Burciaga Jr., Def. Nick Garcia, GK Kevin Hartman, For. Eddie Johnson, For. Scott Sealy
Reason to like: Were once owned by Lamar Hunt, the patron saint of US Soccer.
Reason to loathe: Not their fault, but when a game is played in front of "4,000" at Arrowhead is embarrassing for the whole league. ... Also it was sad to see the team ditch the "Wiz" nickname so quickly.
Fun Fact: The Wiz won their only title thanks to hard-charging Dane Milkos Molnar.
Supporters group/section: The Cauldron.
Final Word: If it weren't for Jimmy Conrad, it'd be a lot easier to take a dump on this team. Still, there's not a lot to get revved up about, and unfortunately they decided not to play their games at high school stadiums. That would have been depressingly hilarious and remains on the table for 2008, as Overland Park awaits.
Team: New England Revolution
Stadium: Gilette Stadium (now with FieldTurf!!!!)
Silverware: None of Note. In fact, the Revs are replacing the Red Sox as New England's hard luck team.
Players of Note: GK Matt Reis, For. Pat Noonan, For. Taylor Twellman, Mid. Steve Ralston, Mid. Sharlie Joseph, Def. Matt Parkhurst
Reason to like: Maybe because he's a ginger, but coach Steve Nicol seems like a good dude.
Reason to loathe: Owned by Robert Kraft, who pays the salaries of Tom Brady and Bill Belichek. Nuff said. ... Oh it doesn't hurt that they converted to field turf this season either.
Fun Fact: I've paid, get this, $25 dollars to park at the Gillette Stadium parking lot for games. Soccer games. Hope Donte Stallworth, Wes Welker and Adalius Thomas have new rides.
Supporters group: Midnight Riders
Final Word: The Revs have been remarkably consistent the last few years under Nicol and his famed 3-5-2 system. That said, it might be time to breakup the core of Twellman, Noonan, Joseph and Ralston. They had their chance in last year's MLS Cup, but let Brian Ching erase Twellman's extra time goal seconds later. The window looks like its shutting. And it doesn't help that Sharlie Joseph is already disgruntled about not being able to move to Celtic on a pair of occasions.
Team: Red Bull New York
Stadium: Giants Stadium
Silverware: Hhahahahaha....the Red Bulls? Trophies? Please.
Players of Note: Mid. Claudio Reyna, For. Jozy Altidore, GK Ronald Waterreus, Mid. Marcus Schopp, Def. Marvell Wynne, For. Clint Mathis (sorry, even all puffy and jowly Clint is my boy.)
Reason to like: Bruce Arena will always get almost a free pass in my book. I admit it. ... Shepp Messing is my favorite America soccer color man.
Reason to loathe: Where to begin? First and foremost, Giants Stadium might have been designed by Satan himself. From the parking lots to the concourses, the place is a dump. And its even worse for soccer. There might not be a worse venue in North America for a game than the Meadowlands. FACT. Saying it sucks is an understatement. For a while they brought in grass, but that went out the door with the prevalence of FieldTurf. And by the end of the year its gridiron lines out the ass, which make it impossible to watch. What is it, a high school game? Claudio Reyna is in some trouble. ... Next, the team has just been so damn terrible. ... Lastly, moral question. Can you really throw your hard earned support behind a puppet of a rich Austrian tycoon and his highly-caffeinated energy drink? ... One more thing. The MetroStars/Red Bulls are the reason it would be great if MLS has promotion and relegation. This sorry excuse for a club should have been banished and forgotten years ago. Unfortunately soccer fans like myself in the New York metro area are stuck with these guys.
Fun Fact: Last year, just after Red Bull bought the team, they went balls out promoting the team. Constant ads on WFAN, etc. with the likes of Franz Beckenbauer touting the club. For the opener they brought in NY Cosmos greats Pele, Carlos Alberto, etc for a nice dog and pony show. They even got the boneriffic Shakira to shake his stuff at halftime, with Wyclef Jean. ... Then after that game? Nothing. It was like that game never happened. ... Oh yeah, they used to be the MetroStars.
Supporters group: Empire Supporter's Club
Final Word: Maybe the black cloud hovering over this 'franchise' ends when they finally escape from the Meadowlands, Snake Plisken style. Right now this team is trapped in the Elysium Fields. Sort of like Mr. T in that Brandon Bird painting.
Team: Toronto FC
Stadium: BMO Field (which gets points for reminding me of Houston rapper and drank connoisseur, Big Moe.)
Silverware: None. This is their first year.
Players of Note: For. Connor Casey, For. Alecko Eskandarian, For. Edson Buddle, Mid. Jose Cancela, Mid. Ronnie O'Brien, Mid. Paulo Nagamura
Reason to like: Good fan support already. ... Presumably will sell Canadian confectionery treat 'Beaver Tails' at the stadium.
Reason to loathe: In the words of Abe Simpson, "Who you callin' Canadian? Thems fightin' words." ... Coach Mo Johnston is a bit of a dandy. He also is the first guy to play for both Celtic and Glasgow Rangers. A story for another day.
Fun Fact: Toronto will play under the MLS rules that prohibit foreign players per roster, so they'll have to fill out with Canadians. Eh?
Supporters group: U-Sector; Red Patch Boys (which sounds like either a Boy Band...or gay porn.)
Final Word: If you're new to the league, could be a fun team to throw your support behind, assuming you enjoy maple syrup. Could mirror some of the successes seen in pockets for the new A-League in Australia.
WESTERN CONFERENCE
Team: Chivas USA
Stadium: Home Depot Center, Carson, Calif.
Silverware: Nada
Players of Note: Def. Claudio Suárez; For. Ante Razov; Def. Jonathan Bornstein; Mid. Sacha Kljestan; Mid. Amado Guevara
Reason to like: One of my favorite, all-time MLSers -- Preki -- is now the coach of Chivas. Also they keep former Arena-era DC United stalwart Carlos Llamosa, gainfully employed.
Reason to loathe: Surprisingly, not many.
Fun Facts: The original Chivas, the team based in Guadalajara has a policy of only fielding Mexican players. Currently there are only five Mexican nationals on Chivas USA. (Damn gringos.) ... Claudio Suárez is the second most capped player of all time.
Supporters group: Legión 1908
Final Word: When Chivas USA entered the league in 2005 I thought it was a good idea, as it would create a genuine rivalry in Los Angeles -- and those SuperClasico games are the best of the MLS regular season. Still, overall Chivas hasn't made the impact the league probably would have liked and have in turn denied places like Seattle, St. Louis, Philadelphia and Charlotte teams of their own.
Team: Colorado
Stadium: "The Dick" (Dick's Sporting Goods Park, Commerce City, Colo.)
Silverware: Nyet.
Players of Note: Mid. Kyle Beckerman, Mid. Pablo Mastroeni, Mid. Mike Petke, GK Zach Thornton, Mid. Roberto Brown, Mid. Herculez Gomez
Reason to like: The new color scheme and logo are great.
Reason to loathe: For the first 12 years of the league there hasn't been as bland, boring, faceless team as Colorado. And that's saying something for MLS. Also, the have Marcelo Balboa (w/hair) is their ring of honor. Ouch.
Fun Fact: Typically, the Rapids would draw their best crowds on fireworks night, because as we all know, idiots love fireworks. ... Owner Stan Kroenke and his amazing cookie duster bought a 9.9 percent stake in the real Arsenal in London Thursday.
Supporters group: According to the Wiki, they are reforming a couple units into a team group called The Centennial Firm. If they need a new nickname inspired group, why not the Tubbers? (Pronounced like YouTube, bot bath tub.)
Final Word: Rebranded with new colors and a new stadium, Colorado is almost starting from scratch. Why not get in on the ground floor. (I might.)
Team: FC Dallas 96 (nee Dallas Burn)
Stadium: Pizza Hut Park, Frisco, Texas. (Games 90 minutes or less or you're pizza is free!)
Silverware: MLS Open Cup 1997
Players of Note: For. Carlos Ruiz, For. Kenny Cooper, Mid. Adrian Serioux; Def. Bobby Rhine
Reason to like: First of the old-line MLS teams to get ride of its stupid nickname and logo in favor of a traditional soccer scheme. (Ooh, fire breath horsey, edgy.)
Reason to loathe: According to Hank Hill, he "hates soccer". So he probably would hate FC Dallas for incorporating a Texas longhorn into its logo.
Fun Fact: When I attended UConn in the early 2000s FC Dallas back Chris Gbandi played there, where he won the Hermann trophy, which they like to say is like the Heisman trophy for NCAA football. Fascinating, huh?
Supporters group: The Inferno.
Final Word: Literally nothing is better than playing in 100-degree plus weather in Dallas in the summer. Nothing. I'm not joking, I'm surprised no one has collapsed during a game yet. Thank God it hasn't happened. Oh yeah, about the team. Ummmmm....
Team: Houston
Stadium: Robertson Stadium, on campus of University of Houston
Silverware: MLS Cup 2006 (defending champs)
Players of Note: Mid. Ricardo Clark, For. Brian Ching, For. Dwayne De Rosario, Def. Wade Barrett, For. Paul Dalglish, Mid. Brian Mullan
Reason to like: In the words of Stanley Spadowski, "I'm thinking of something Orange." ... All kidding aside, Ching and DeRosario are two of the most exciting offensive players in the league. DeRo is legitimately nasty. And Ching is no slouch with his skull.
Reason to loathe: If you're a San Jose Earthquakes fan, the Dynamo's title from last year must make you feel pretty bittersweet.
Fun Fact: It's been said a lot of times, but whatever. The original name was going to be 1836, the year Houston was founded. But some people felt it was insensitive to Mexican-Americans, so they chose Dynamo because AEG (the owners) is a big fan of all things Eastern Europe, where the Dynamo name is prevalent. They even have team cheerleaders and do not allow them to shave their legs.
Supporters group: Texian Army; El Batallon
Final Word: Houston was a stunner last year and won the league. What can they do for an encore? Maybe the bigger question is whether they can live without Ching and Clark as they are recalled into USMNT duty. This team is solid and knows how to play and should be around barring any major injuries. (Putting the finishing touches of the CONCACAF Champions Cup with the Dynamo playing at Pachuca, it must be pretty ballsy to support Houston with all of the Mexican team's in such close proximity. Tough loss for Dynamo. Real tough.)
Team: Los Angeles Galaxy
Stadium: Home Depot Center, Carson, Calif.
Silverware: MLS Cup 2002, 2005; US Open Cup 2001, 2005; Supporters Shield 1998, 2002
Players of Note: GK Joe Cannon; For. Landon Donovan, For. Santino Quaranta, For. Nate Jaqua, Def. Chris Albright, Def. Tyrone Marshall, Mid. Cobi Jones...that Beckham guy
Reason to like: Drew Carey is apparently a big Galaxy fan. And we all know Drew Carey is a sweet dude. Apparently he bought a bunch of fans blow-up dolls for the first game against Chivas to provoke their fans. Who cares if 'Who's Line is it Anyway' is terriblocity in TV form. ... Alexi Lalas's press releases are something to behold. Just keep an eye out for his quotes. Pro wrestling would be proud.
Reason to loathe: Beckham...Donovan...Beckham.
Fun (Made up) Fact: At some point the Galaxy will probably make new-Scientology approved uniforms when Beckham arrives.
Supporters group: LA Riot Squad. ... And this guy (the guy with the blow horn). He gets his own mention. On the train to Kaiserslautern last summer this guy made quite an impression trying to get the US supporters going. He also claimed to have gone to Galaxy reserve games and almost getting in a fight with the coach. And trips through CONCACAF. A legit hardcore crazy.
Final Word: Prepare for 1,001 bad puns off the movie, 'Bend it Like Beckham.' Hi-oh!
Team: Real Salt Lake
Stadium: Ricce-Eccles Stadium, University of Utah campus (yay! gridiron lines)
Silverware: None.
Players of Note: Mid. Freddy Adu, For. Jason Kreis, Mid. Mehdi Ballouchy, Def. Eddie Pope, For. Jeff Cunningham
Reason to like: You live in Utah.
Reason to loathe: Even though he got into a long defense of soccer on WFAN's Mike and the Mad Dog show, owner Dave Checketts is kind of a douche, and almost moved the team because he couldn't get a sweetheart stadium deal. ... Also, by extension RSL reminds me of the utterly shit HBO series, "Big Love." Nope. No more "Rome" or "Deadwood" or "Carnivale" but two scoops of big ol' Bill Paxton.
Fun Fact: RSL was the first team to sell advertising rights on the front of their shirts to enegry drink thingy XanGo. ... Jason Kreis is the league's all-time leading scorer.
Supporters group: Loyalists, Rogue Cavaliers Brigade, Jesters
Final Word: Ready Freddy? Crazy little thing called goal.
Sincerely hope you enjoyed. Yes, there were a lot of things about the league that were committed. It's a long season, there's plenty of time for to address that.
This definitely wasn't a labor of love.
SuperQuick EPL Picks... -- Friday: Man City 2, Charlton 1...Everton 1, Fulham 0 (Yanks Alert); Saturday: Chelsea 1, Tottenham 2...Arsenal 1, West Ham 1...Blackburn 2, Villa 0...Middlesbrough 1, Watford 1...Reading 0, Liverpool 2...Sheffield United (c'mon Blades) 1, Newcastle 0...Wigan 0, Bolton 0...Portsmouth 0, Manchester United 1
0 Responses to “MLS-07-Rama”
Post a Comment