It's only fitting that my current residence -- Bridgeport, Conn. -- was home to P.T. Barnum. He was even mayor.
And it's a safe guess of Phineas would appreciate the bells-and-whistles, the smoke-and-mirrors, the made-for-ESPN spectacle from the Home Depot Center in Carson, Calif. -- David Beckham (maybe) debut with the Los Angeles Galaxy in a nice friendly exhibition game with English power Chelsea.
All things considered this is a nothing game and isn't worthy of any of the over- analysis it's sure to draw from all corners of the globe. Once again, it's one game.
That said, I had so much fun late last Friday night blogging the Portland Timbers/San Francisco Victory USL game that I figured, what the hell, let's give it a shot. To borrow a wrestling term, it's a chance for some cheap heat.
One caveat before diving in, I try not to turn this into a full anti-ESPN bash...unless they make me. It's an exhibition, so I'll have the kid gloves on -- UNLESS -- the bozos behind the mics spread clear misinformation.
And with a stroke of luck, this is the last Beckham-dominated post in a long, long time.
More importantly, today marks exactly four weeks until the 2007/08 English Premier League season kicks off. Amen.
I'll be back by kickoff. And if this non-ESPN Beckham documentary, we might not be in for such an insufferable night. Maybe.
Annnnnnnnnnnd we're back.
Almost fell asleep during the Beckham doc. Guess we learned one thing, Mr. Beckham isn't afraid to cry. Even when Victoria overcooks his bangers and mash. Other than that, well, guess some people could enjoy all the close ups of Beckham and his stubble in High-Def.
Oh, one more thing, Fabio Capello has cornered the market on designer eye glasses.
It's nearly game time. Let's boogie.
Pregame -- Some good news, well, sort of good news -- the first voice we here from the HDC is Rob Stone. Not a certain someone else. ... Drew Carey is in the house, natch. Kevin Garnett is there, too. "Twenty goals, 10 assists, five yellow cards...you know how I get down!" ... Again, I'll say it, sad indictment on the WWL, that it's most rationale analyst is Julie Foudy. ... We throw it down to Allen Hopkins for the first time. Oohhhh, Beckham had trouble on the roads. Insight! ... Stone starts reading over Beckham's rap sheet. Stats, ahoy! Will we ever reach a point in America were we don't rely on stats for every sport? ... Oh boy, first kick to the booth, the three, hmmm, not amigos, certainly not wisemen, musketeers? Well, anyway its Eric Wynalda, Tommy Smythe and Davey O'Brien. And they begin with a joke. (Biting my tongue.) ... O'Brien calls it, "a once in a lifetime night." ... Jeez, Bonnie Bernstein on the red carpet. (Double biting my tongue.) ... Perhaps its worth mentioning, 10 minutes into the pregame and nary a mention of the word "Chelsea." Or any other members of the Galaxy. ... Well, we get a shot of a Donovan jersey. Guess that counts. ... Nothing beats ignorance. In a promo of 'Rush Hour 3' that delightful Chris Tucker chastises an Asian for speaking French. Apparently all of Vietnam is 'humiliating' itself. ... Fifteen minutes in, no mention of anyone but Beckham. ... Holy shit, the Beatles were from England? James Bond, too?!!!? What?! ... Twenty mintes and we get Lando on camera. Nothing beats a monotone sideline interview. ... Is it just me or does it irk you when ESPN, et al, announce a team as "FC"? Where else do you see or here that? ... There is he is, the Special One, talking faster than usual. ... Stone tells us Andriy Shevchenko might come to MLS. ... My computer might explode, Stone actually tells us the MLS ESPN ratings haven't improved. Full disclosure, I'm scared. Scarier, a promo with O'Brien's voice telling us ESPN owns the US English rights to next year's Euro and the 2010 World Cup. ... Treated to our 45th blimp-cam shot of the HDC, yet nary a sign of Becks.
Pregame tactics: Frank Yallop (Galaxy coach) -- how do we contain Drogba? How do we not embarrass ourselves to the entire world? Watch out for the studs of Essien.
Jose Mourinho (Chelsea coach) -- Don't get hurt!
John Skipper (ESPN executive) -- How do we fit 25 promos for 'The Bronx is Burning' in a game without commercials?
Final pregame -- Finally a glimpse of Beckham and about 500 cameramen. Crazy. ... Wynalda tells us that Beckham didn't play well at the World Cup. Umm...didn't he account for most of their goals? Maybe he was off in the Portugal game, but Eric come on now. ... Davey Boy's first flub, momentarily calling Chelsea, Celtic. (That was Thursday.) ... First shot of Posh and I think the delectable Kate Beckinsale.
Lineups : LAG: (4-4-2) GK, Cannon, D, Jazic, Harden, Xacier, Roberts; Mid: Martino, Gray, Donovan, Jones; For.: Gordon, Pavon. (Notice, no Beckham.)
As we wait for Chelsea's lineup we get a shot of Katie Holmes and the alien baby, Suri.
CFC -- (4-5-1) GK: Cech; Def: Ben-Haim, Terry, Carvalho, Ferreira; Mid: Kalou, Essien, Wright-Phillips, Malouda, Lampard; For: Drogba
O'Brien, "This is unlike anything you'll find in MLS." Gee, good way to shit on the league. Yeah, the game is sold out, but does anyone expect any atmosphere?????
Gametime...finally.
1st -- Not exactly the debut of the new Galaxy uniforms. They actually slipped into their new away kit in the second half of their loss to Tigres during the midweek.
3rd -- Chelsea aim for Drogba in the middle and the Galaxy clear it away. ... ESPN cuts away to a split-screen of the game and Beckham laughing on the bench. No comment.
5th -- O'Brien imparts that Lando doesn't want to concede freekicks to Beckham. Yeah, that seems reasonable. No Jimmy Paige, I'll handle the guitar solo this time. ... Maybe it's me but Lando looks a little fuller up top. Has he been hanging with Guisseppi Franco? ... Drobga must think he's playing Watford as he arm-bars a pair of Galaxy defenders and draws a foul.
9th -- Early impression, everytime a Galaxy player touches it, seems like he's swarmed by four guys in Blue. ... On cue Lando shanks a freekick. ... Did you know Kyle Martino was 2002 MLS rookie of the year. Thanks Mr. O'Brien I'm going to put that nugget under my pillow tonight when I go to sleep.
11th -- Great great, reflex save by Joe Cannon on a one-time volley by Malouda. It's amazing how he is continually snubbed by the USMNT.
13th -- Cech bungles a high ball in the area (with collision), but recovers to make a save from his keister on a long range try from Cobi. All things beingn equal, the Galaxy look like they came to play tonight.
14th -- Becks on the bench. Isn't he just dreamy.
15th -- B-Rod (Bernstein) interviews Jennifer Love Hewitt. "This is my first game I've been to. It's really fun." Triggers thoughts of Black Sabbath's 'War Pigs,' "Satan, laughing, spreads his wings" (Oh Lord child, du-nuh, dun dun dun.)
18th -- Sticking with Sabbath, there's gotta be a good "Faeries Wear Boots' joke involving Becks.
19th -- Martino beats Ferriera to the back post, but his lunging head skids wide of Cech. Feed from Cobi. Good attempt. Even the crowd sort of applauded.
22nd -- About to make a joke about Tal Ben-Haim playing on the outside left, but he undresses a Galaxy defender with a nice juke to win a corner.
24th -- Ty Harden shows some of the weakness of MLS defending with an awful header that puts the ball right at Kalou's foot, and he promptly fires wide. ... Wynalda equates Beckham's talent by saying he can hit a stop sign across a street seven times out of 10. All week and that's the best analogy you could come up with?
26th -- Wait a sec, Shawn Wright-Phillips still plays for Chelsea? (Beckham still sitting on the bench.)
28th -- O'Brien, "Essien, plays for Ghana, who of course knocked United States out of the second round of the World Cup." I'd lay off this one, but WEREN'T YOU IN NURNBERG?!!?!?!?!?!? Most of us have chosen to forget that gray day and it's Zeppelin ramps. Jesus.
30th -- After some build up, Fat Frank fires waaaaay wide of the right post and gets booed.
32nd -- B-Rod chats up Drew Carey....to pitch his upcoming game show. Drew seems disinterested since he's ACTUALLY WATCHING THE GAME. Drew is the man. Maybe Cleveland deserves an MLS side just because of the bespectacled funny man.
34th -- Smythe, "You can watch a game of soccer on TV." ... Good save again by Cannon, coming off his line to deny Malouda. Corner kick, Terry heads over.
36th -- Beckham is still on the bench. Landon Donovan might be sitting next to him. Or Peter Vagenas. ... Stop the presses. Arnold is in the building. "Give the people some air-ah."
38th -- Donovan with an ab-so-lutely shambalic free kick. How many times have I written that sentence on the chalkboard.
39th -- Donovan actually puts a freekick on target, maybe it was more a cross. Too bad from the angle of camera ESPN chose it was hard to tell it went on target until the replay. Actually Xavier got a head to it. Great camera work. Rest assured, Beckham liked it.
40th -- Silence. Arnold speaking.
43rd -- Galaxy treading on thin ice. They are allowing the Chelsea players far too much space inside the area. Luckily Chelsea is trigger-shy.
45th -- Halftime. As disjointed as you might have expected from both sides. (Beckham is still on the bench.)
Halftime -- "I already have a pennant. I want a ring!!!!
Second half: Joe Cole, Sheva and John Obi Mikel in for Chelsea. No immediate announcement for whom.
46th -- According to Wynalda, he doesn't like Drogba and Sheva's body language when they are together. I'll just leave that one alone.
49th -- Holy shit. Johny Terry scores...not with his head. Horrific clearance by the Galaxy and Terry bangs it in from the top of the area to the bottom right corner.
51st -- Even before the goal, Galaxy beginning to show why they are one of the worst in MLS. Lots of standing around. Lando in June 2006 form.
52nd -- Believe it or not...David Beckham is STILL sitting on the bench. ... Joe Cole, he wears wristbands. ... Donovan takes ANOTHER rotten freebie.
54th -- Oh my god. Beckham put a shoe on! And what a set of shoes, they have his kids names on them. Awesome.
55th -- Sheva and Kalou play a pretty 1-2 combo, to set up Drogba but Drogba is called offside, wiping out his tap-in. Nah, these guys don't play well together.
56th -- Here it comes. The moment you've all waited for -- Quavas Kirk enters the game for Cobi. ... Martino take a crack. ... Drogba with one of his patented handballs.
59th -- Carlos Pavon writhing on the ground for the fifth time tonight. ... Yes, Brandon Inge walk-off homer for the Tigers. (A game that counts.)
61st -- Will you remember where you were when Peter Vagenas entered the game for the Galaxy in their exhibition with Chelsea? (Beckham is still sitting on the bench.)
63rd -- Here's a question, what exactly is Herbalife and how much did they spend to sponsor the Galaxy? Probably seems like a bargain at this point. Probably for the Sports Illustrated cover alone.
Perhaps it will prompt other MLS teams to follow suit. Again, not Euro-snobbery, but continuing to have teams opt for their names instead of ads on the front of their shirts only adds to the 'Mickey Mouse' perception of the league. Yes, this is distinctly non-American, but NASCAR fans have no problem with it and they aren't usually the most tolerant demographic, right?
64th -- Where the hell did O'Brien come up with the term, 'mixer'? Never heard it anywhere else. Ugh, the chemistry these three idiots have is worse than the ill-fated Monday Night Football crew of Al Michaels, Dennis Miller and Dan Fouts.
66th -- SPINNING NEWSPAPER ALERT -- Beckham is off the bench and is jogging.
68th -- The Simpsons Movie comes out next week. There is still, possibly, a god somewhere. ... This game might be 6-0 if it weren't for Xavier...who might be wearing his own hooped socks. ... David Beckham is stretching. Pulses are races across America.
71st -- Landon had a form header right in front of net, wide open and he heads high. Galaxy's best chance and no surprise, they blunder it.
72nd -- Again, not Euro-snobbery, but nothing shows your rank amatuerism than saying "Man U." ... Chelsea, I think they'll be participating in the next African Cup of Nations, represented are Cote D'Ivoire, Nigeria and Ghana.
74th -- Ginger extraordinaire, Steve Sidwell comes in for Frank the Tank. It was in his contract he couldn't play in Los Angeles until the sun went down, otherwise he might burst into flames, sort of like poor Paul Scholes in the midday Japanese heat at the 2002 Cup. In my book though, Sidwell is scum.
75th -- While I was talking Smythe makes the blanket statement that Sheva will one day play in MLS. I think Rooney, Ronaldo and Rivaldo are right behind him. ... Showing his depth in the soccer world, O'Brien compares Beckham's possible insertion to the famous Willis Reed game for the Knicks in the early 1970s.
77th -- Allen Hopkins reports Beckham will come in.
78th -- Jesus' sermon on the mount. Erik the Red traversing the North Atlantic. Gutenberg printing the first word. Neil Armstrong stepping foot on the moon. Basically all of recorded human history pales into comparison to this moment -- David Beckham has come onto the field for the Galaxy. Chills are literally running down my spine.
79th -- To commemorate this 'historic' moment, ESPN decides to cut to a blimp cam overhead shot of the game. "Your honor, I submit Exhibit A."
80th -- Our first Beckham cam...on the field. If only Roone Arledge were still alive. ...Beckham gets his first touch and launches it down the field. Apparently KG liked it.
82th -- Jazic nails Essien with an elbow. Too bad Jazic is Canadian or I'd say he's getting us Americans some revenge. ... Beckham heads away a Chelsea corner.
84th -- Maybe this is football, football. Sidwell gets sideslammed by Roberts in the box and gets no love from the ref.
88th -- This game is crap, yes, but does ESPN need to take up half the screen with Beckham's "C.V.". Everyone has Wikipedia. Jeez. ... This might be the first game where I haven't seen multiple shots of Mourinho during the match. It's throwing me off.
89th -- Glenn Johnson goes studs up, but he doesn't get called for a foul. People are weeping. No Beckham freekick.
91st -- Sidwell wipes out Beckham, looked worst than it was. ... Lando had a chance, but we don't get to see it was we see a replay of that tackle. ... Brilliant. ... Kirk wipes out Cole...no call.
93rd -- They cut to Posh Spice...again. She ducks behind some old, saggy leathery broad.
94th -- Galaxy win a corner....Beckham serves it in...not a great one, like the match.
Final thoughts -- I'm immediately drawn to Dennis Green's postgame meltdown. "They were who they thought they were." That was this match. A world class club showing its utter superiority over a middling MLS side. The Galaxy started off decently, but were clearly outmatched by a team that has ambitions of winning both the EPL and the Champions League. By contrast the Galaxy might not be one of the eight (out of 13) teams that make the MLS playoffs.
Other than a few nice plays from Sheva and Malouda, Chelsea didn't do too much to impress would-be American fans.
For the Galaxy? Ugh. As said before, thank the hair care Gods they had Xavier or else this would have been an NFL scoreline. Cobi Jones was good in the first half and Martino had his moments, everyone else, well, Mr. Yallop, you've got your work cut out for you.
ESPN's coverage wasn't as bad as we feared, likely since Beckham hardly played.
The announcing is bad, but thankfully there is the mute button. I can almost live with it. The current three-man booth is the classic, "square pegs, round hole" situation.
What I can't live with is the constant jumping around with different cameras and graphics that take up the entire screen. Americans can access the beautiful game on an array of cable channels and see it presented the right way. ESPN, adapt for once in your life, that's all I'll say.
On the plus side, the High-Def was nice. And thankfully there was nary a sign of Reggie Bush and his sneakers.
Gotta wrap this up, because Neil Everett is starting to yell. No mas. No mas. (Gee, on your ensuing 'Sportscenter' might we see the game's lone goal?)
Considering how dearly ESPN wanted to make this much hyped and ballyhooed a 90-minute infomercial for soccer on the network, why didn't they get Ron Popeil to 'Inject' a little flavor into the game.
Beckham said after the game that it was, "incredible." Anyone from the HDC care to back that up?
Hopefully Jennifer Love Hewitt and all the other assorted celebs had fun.
Adios.
Hang ten.
And it's a safe guess of Phineas would appreciate the bells-and-whistles, the smoke-and-mirrors, the made-for-ESPN spectacle from the Home Depot Center in Carson, Calif. -- David Beckham (maybe) debut with the Los Angeles Galaxy in a nice friendly exhibition game with English power Chelsea.
All things considered this is a nothing game and isn't worthy of any of the over- analysis it's sure to draw from all corners of the globe. Once again, it's one game.
That said, I had so much fun late last Friday night blogging the Portland Timbers/San Francisco Victory USL game that I figured, what the hell, let's give it a shot. To borrow a wrestling term, it's a chance for some cheap heat.
One caveat before diving in, I try not to turn this into a full anti-ESPN bash...unless they make me. It's an exhibition, so I'll have the kid gloves on -- UNLESS -- the bozos behind the mics spread clear misinformation.
And with a stroke of luck, this is the last Beckham-dominated post in a long, long time.
More importantly, today marks exactly four weeks until the 2007/08 English Premier League season kicks off. Amen.
I'll be back by kickoff. And if this non-ESPN Beckham documentary, we might not be in for such an insufferable night. Maybe.
Annnnnnnnnnnd we're back.
Almost fell asleep during the Beckham doc. Guess we learned one thing, Mr. Beckham isn't afraid to cry. Even when Victoria overcooks his bangers and mash. Other than that, well, guess some people could enjoy all the close ups of Beckham and his stubble in High-Def.
Oh, one more thing, Fabio Capello has cornered the market on designer eye glasses.
It's nearly game time. Let's boogie.
Pregame -- Some good news, well, sort of good news -- the first voice we here from the HDC is Rob Stone. Not a certain someone else. ... Drew Carey is in the house, natch. Kevin Garnett is there, too. "Twenty goals, 10 assists, five yellow cards...you know how I get down!" ... Again, I'll say it, sad indictment on the WWL, that it's most rationale analyst is Julie Foudy. ... We throw it down to Allen Hopkins for the first time. Oohhhh, Beckham had trouble on the roads. Insight! ... Stone starts reading over Beckham's rap sheet. Stats, ahoy! Will we ever reach a point in America were we don't rely on stats for every sport? ... Oh boy, first kick to the booth, the three, hmmm, not amigos, certainly not wisemen, musketeers? Well, anyway its Eric Wynalda, Tommy Smythe and Davey O'Brien. And they begin with a joke. (Biting my tongue.) ... O'Brien calls it, "a once in a lifetime night." ... Jeez, Bonnie Bernstein on the red carpet. (Double biting my tongue.) ... Perhaps its worth mentioning, 10 minutes into the pregame and nary a mention of the word "Chelsea." Or any other members of the Galaxy. ... Well, we get a shot of a Donovan jersey. Guess that counts. ... Nothing beats ignorance. In a promo of 'Rush Hour 3' that delightful Chris Tucker chastises an Asian for speaking French. Apparently all of Vietnam is 'humiliating' itself. ... Fifteen minutes in, no mention of anyone but Beckham. ... Holy shit, the Beatles were from England? James Bond, too?!!!? What?! ... Twenty mintes and we get Lando on camera. Nothing beats a monotone sideline interview. ... Is it just me or does it irk you when ESPN, et al, announce a team as "FC"? Where else do you see or here that? ... There is he is, the Special One, talking faster than usual. ... Stone tells us Andriy Shevchenko might come to MLS. ... My computer might explode, Stone actually tells us the MLS ESPN ratings haven't improved. Full disclosure, I'm scared. Scarier, a promo with O'Brien's voice telling us ESPN owns the US English rights to next year's Euro and the 2010 World Cup. ... Treated to our 45th blimp-cam shot of the HDC, yet nary a sign of Becks.
Pregame tactics: Frank Yallop (Galaxy coach) -- how do we contain Drogba? How do we not embarrass ourselves to the entire world? Watch out for the studs of Essien.
Jose Mourinho (Chelsea coach) -- Don't get hurt!
John Skipper (ESPN executive) -- How do we fit 25 promos for 'The Bronx is Burning' in a game without commercials?
Final pregame -- Finally a glimpse of Beckham and about 500 cameramen. Crazy. ... Wynalda tells us that Beckham didn't play well at the World Cup. Umm...didn't he account for most of their goals? Maybe he was off in the Portugal game, but Eric come on now. ... Davey Boy's first flub, momentarily calling Chelsea, Celtic. (That was Thursday.) ... First shot of Posh and I think the delectable Kate Beckinsale.
Lineups : LAG: (4-4-2) GK, Cannon, D, Jazic, Harden, Xacier, Roberts; Mid: Martino, Gray, Donovan, Jones; For.: Gordon, Pavon. (Notice, no Beckham.)
As we wait for Chelsea's lineup we get a shot of Katie Holmes and the alien baby, Suri.
CFC -- (4-5-1) GK: Cech; Def: Ben-Haim, Terry, Carvalho, Ferreira; Mid: Kalou, Essien, Wright-Phillips, Malouda, Lampard; For: Drogba
O'Brien, "This is unlike anything you'll find in MLS." Gee, good way to shit on the league. Yeah, the game is sold out, but does anyone expect any atmosphere?????
Gametime...finally.
1st -- Not exactly the debut of the new Galaxy uniforms. They actually slipped into their new away kit in the second half of their loss to Tigres during the midweek.
3rd -- Chelsea aim for Drogba in the middle and the Galaxy clear it away. ... ESPN cuts away to a split-screen of the game and Beckham laughing on the bench. No comment.
5th -- O'Brien imparts that Lando doesn't want to concede freekicks to Beckham. Yeah, that seems reasonable. No Jimmy Paige, I'll handle the guitar solo this time. ... Maybe it's me but Lando looks a little fuller up top. Has he been hanging with Guisseppi Franco? ... Drobga must think he's playing Watford as he arm-bars a pair of Galaxy defenders and draws a foul.
9th -- Early impression, everytime a Galaxy player touches it, seems like he's swarmed by four guys in Blue. ... On cue Lando shanks a freekick. ... Did you know Kyle Martino was 2002 MLS rookie of the year. Thanks Mr. O'Brien I'm going to put that nugget under my pillow tonight when I go to sleep.
11th -- Great great, reflex save by Joe Cannon on a one-time volley by Malouda. It's amazing how he is continually snubbed by the USMNT.
13th -- Cech bungles a high ball in the area (with collision), but recovers to make a save from his keister on a long range try from Cobi. All things beingn equal, the Galaxy look like they came to play tonight.
14th -- Becks on the bench. Isn't he just dreamy.
15th -- B-Rod (Bernstein) interviews Jennifer Love Hewitt. "This is my first game I've been to. It's really fun." Triggers thoughts of Black Sabbath's 'War Pigs,' "Satan, laughing, spreads his wings" (Oh Lord child, du-nuh, dun dun dun.)
18th -- Sticking with Sabbath, there's gotta be a good "Faeries Wear Boots' joke involving Becks.
19th -- Martino beats Ferriera to the back post, but his lunging head skids wide of Cech. Feed from Cobi. Good attempt. Even the crowd sort of applauded.
22nd -- About to make a joke about Tal Ben-Haim playing on the outside left, but he undresses a Galaxy defender with a nice juke to win a corner.
24th -- Ty Harden shows some of the weakness of MLS defending with an awful header that puts the ball right at Kalou's foot, and he promptly fires wide. ... Wynalda equates Beckham's talent by saying he can hit a stop sign across a street seven times out of 10. All week and that's the best analogy you could come up with?
26th -- Wait a sec, Shawn Wright-Phillips still plays for Chelsea? (Beckham still sitting on the bench.)
28th -- O'Brien, "Essien, plays for Ghana, who of course knocked United States out of the second round of the World Cup." I'd lay off this one, but WEREN'T YOU IN NURNBERG?!!?!?!?!?!? Most of us have chosen to forget that gray day and it's Zeppelin ramps. Jesus.
30th -- After some build up, Fat Frank fires waaaaay wide of the right post and gets booed.
32nd -- B-Rod chats up Drew Carey....to pitch his upcoming game show. Drew seems disinterested since he's ACTUALLY WATCHING THE GAME. Drew is the man. Maybe Cleveland deserves an MLS side just because of the bespectacled funny man.
34th -- Smythe, "You can watch a game of soccer on TV." ... Good save again by Cannon, coming off his line to deny Malouda. Corner kick, Terry heads over.
36th -- Beckham is still on the bench. Landon Donovan might be sitting next to him. Or Peter Vagenas. ... Stop the presses. Arnold is in the building. "Give the people some air-ah."
38th -- Donovan with an ab-so-lutely shambalic free kick. How many times have I written that sentence on the chalkboard.
39th -- Donovan actually puts a freekick on target, maybe it was more a cross. Too bad from the angle of camera ESPN chose it was hard to tell it went on target until the replay. Actually Xavier got a head to it. Great camera work. Rest assured, Beckham liked it.
40th -- Silence. Arnold speaking.
43rd -- Galaxy treading on thin ice. They are allowing the Chelsea players far too much space inside the area. Luckily Chelsea is trigger-shy.
45th -- Halftime. As disjointed as you might have expected from both sides. (Beckham is still on the bench.)
Halftime -- "I already have a pennant. I want a ring!!!!
Second half: Joe Cole, Sheva and John Obi Mikel in for Chelsea. No immediate announcement for whom.
46th -- According to Wynalda, he doesn't like Drogba and Sheva's body language when they are together. I'll just leave that one alone.
49th -- Holy shit. Johny Terry scores...not with his head. Horrific clearance by the Galaxy and Terry bangs it in from the top of the area to the bottom right corner.
51st -- Even before the goal, Galaxy beginning to show why they are one of the worst in MLS. Lots of standing around. Lando in June 2006 form.
52nd -- Believe it or not...David Beckham is STILL sitting on the bench. ... Joe Cole, he wears wristbands. ... Donovan takes ANOTHER rotten freebie.
54th -- Oh my god. Beckham put a shoe on! And what a set of shoes, they have his kids names on them. Awesome.
55th -- Sheva and Kalou play a pretty 1-2 combo, to set up Drogba but Drogba is called offside, wiping out his tap-in. Nah, these guys don't play well together.
56th -- Here it comes. The moment you've all waited for -- Quavas Kirk enters the game for Cobi. ... Martino take a crack. ... Drogba with one of his patented handballs.
59th -- Carlos Pavon writhing on the ground for the fifth time tonight. ... Yes, Brandon Inge walk-off homer for the Tigers. (A game that counts.)
61st -- Will you remember where you were when Peter Vagenas entered the game for the Galaxy in their exhibition with Chelsea? (Beckham is still sitting on the bench.)
63rd -- Here's a question, what exactly is Herbalife and how much did they spend to sponsor the Galaxy? Probably seems like a bargain at this point. Probably for the Sports Illustrated cover alone.
Perhaps it will prompt other MLS teams to follow suit. Again, not Euro-snobbery, but continuing to have teams opt for their names instead of ads on the front of their shirts only adds to the 'Mickey Mouse' perception of the league. Yes, this is distinctly non-American, but NASCAR fans have no problem with it and they aren't usually the most tolerant demographic, right?
64th -- Where the hell did O'Brien come up with the term, 'mixer'? Never heard it anywhere else. Ugh, the chemistry these three idiots have is worse than the ill-fated Monday Night Football crew of Al Michaels, Dennis Miller and Dan Fouts.
66th -- SPINNING NEWSPAPER ALERT -- Beckham is off the bench and is jogging.
68th -- The Simpsons Movie comes out next week. There is still, possibly, a god somewhere. ... This game might be 6-0 if it weren't for Xavier...who might be wearing his own hooped socks. ... David Beckham is stretching. Pulses are races across America.
71st -- Landon had a form header right in front of net, wide open and he heads high. Galaxy's best chance and no surprise, they blunder it.
72nd -- Again, not Euro-snobbery, but nothing shows your rank amatuerism than saying "Man U." ... Chelsea, I think they'll be participating in the next African Cup of Nations, represented are Cote D'Ivoire, Nigeria and Ghana.
74th -- Ginger extraordinaire, Steve Sidwell comes in for Frank the Tank. It was in his contract he couldn't play in Los Angeles until the sun went down, otherwise he might burst into flames, sort of like poor Paul Scholes in the midday Japanese heat at the 2002 Cup. In my book though, Sidwell is scum.
75th -- While I was talking Smythe makes the blanket statement that Sheva will one day play in MLS. I think Rooney, Ronaldo and Rivaldo are right behind him. ... Showing his depth in the soccer world, O'Brien compares Beckham's possible insertion to the famous Willis Reed game for the Knicks in the early 1970s.
77th -- Allen Hopkins reports Beckham will come in.
78th -- Jesus' sermon on the mount. Erik the Red traversing the North Atlantic. Gutenberg printing the first word. Neil Armstrong stepping foot on the moon. Basically all of recorded human history pales into comparison to this moment -- David Beckham has come onto the field for the Galaxy. Chills are literally running down my spine.
79th -- To commemorate this 'historic' moment, ESPN decides to cut to a blimp cam overhead shot of the game. "Your honor, I submit Exhibit A."
80th -- Our first Beckham cam...on the field. If only Roone Arledge were still alive. ...Beckham gets his first touch and launches it down the field. Apparently KG liked it.
82th -- Jazic nails Essien with an elbow. Too bad Jazic is Canadian or I'd say he's getting us Americans some revenge. ... Beckham heads away a Chelsea corner.
84th -- Maybe this is football, football. Sidwell gets sideslammed by Roberts in the box and gets no love from the ref.
88th -- This game is crap, yes, but does ESPN need to take up half the screen with Beckham's "C.V.". Everyone has Wikipedia. Jeez. ... This might be the first game where I haven't seen multiple shots of Mourinho during the match. It's throwing me off.
89th -- Glenn Johnson goes studs up, but he doesn't get called for a foul. People are weeping. No Beckham freekick.
91st -- Sidwell wipes out Beckham, looked worst than it was. ... Lando had a chance, but we don't get to see it was we see a replay of that tackle. ... Brilliant. ... Kirk wipes out Cole...no call.
93rd -- They cut to Posh Spice...again. She ducks behind some old, saggy leathery broad.
94th -- Galaxy win a corner....Beckham serves it in...not a great one, like the match.
Final thoughts -- I'm immediately drawn to Dennis Green's postgame meltdown. "They were who they thought they were." That was this match. A world class club showing its utter superiority over a middling MLS side. The Galaxy started off decently, but were clearly outmatched by a team that has ambitions of winning both the EPL and the Champions League. By contrast the Galaxy might not be one of the eight (out of 13) teams that make the MLS playoffs.
Other than a few nice plays from Sheva and Malouda, Chelsea didn't do too much to impress would-be American fans.
For the Galaxy? Ugh. As said before, thank the hair care Gods they had Xavier or else this would have been an NFL scoreline. Cobi Jones was good in the first half and Martino had his moments, everyone else, well, Mr. Yallop, you've got your work cut out for you.
ESPN's coverage wasn't as bad as we feared, likely since Beckham hardly played.
The announcing is bad, but thankfully there is the mute button. I can almost live with it. The current three-man booth is the classic, "square pegs, round hole" situation.
What I can't live with is the constant jumping around with different cameras and graphics that take up the entire screen. Americans can access the beautiful game on an array of cable channels and see it presented the right way. ESPN, adapt for once in your life, that's all I'll say.
On the plus side, the High-Def was nice. And thankfully there was nary a sign of Reggie Bush and his sneakers.
Gotta wrap this up, because Neil Everett is starting to yell. No mas. No mas. (Gee, on your ensuing 'Sportscenter' might we see the game's lone goal?)
Considering how dearly ESPN wanted to make this much hyped and ballyhooed a 90-minute infomercial for soccer on the network, why didn't they get Ron Popeil to 'Inject' a little flavor into the game.
Beckham said after the game that it was, "incredible." Anyone from the HDC care to back that up?
Hopefully Jennifer Love Hewitt and all the other assorted celebs had fun.
Adios.
Hang ten.
Labels: David Beckham, ESPN sucks, live blog, MLS, Soccer
Notice Rob Stone explaining how the 1998 World Cup happened in the US? Good times.
Abel Xavier almost headed in a brilliantly executed set piece... and ESPN almost ruined it with their novelty-cam.
Based on the halftime score, Alexi Lalas thinks the L.A. Galaxy would have finished no worse than second or third on the Premiership.
Well, that was ludicrous, albeit entertainingly so at times. Chelsea looked like total ass, with the exception of Essien, who almost never has an off day. Abel Xavier was huge. Lando really sucked. The ESPN circus was so ridiculous it's almost not worth the trouble to even make fun of it. It was nice to see a full soccer-only venue with a decent atmosphere here in the States, but we'll see if that lasts.
Only 3 Weeks til the EPL.
Well played ginger joke, Sidwell may not be scum but is certainly foolish. Though if Chelsea pulls off multiple trophies again and he plays some role i'm on the scum wagon. In my prayers there will be exultant schadenfreude Aug. 15th.
Agree about Joe Cannon getting effed.
Cleveland could support a team.....right into a better city. Though I would like to see it.
ESPN, I don't know how it could get much worse, except for the unfortunate fact that they seem to perfect such a thing with time. Agree with last poster, and the post in general, the labor of making fun betrays the simplicity of just indulging in the miasmic jocularity.
your live blog is way better than mine...
My question is, how the hell did Tyronn Lue get into that game? In the Governator's suite, no less. I tried for a few minutes to come up with some kind of rational thought to explain that sight, but my brain just started to unravel.
I'm going to start referring to American teams as "Yankees BC" or "Steelers AFC" (American Football Club, of course)
And why is Landon Donovan so bad? Is it because his name is Landon?
I will see the Beckham Cam in my dreams. Can't we get a Drew Carey cam next time?
Two things:
1) Sheva's wife is American... so you never know. At some point the Milan rumors will die down and he'll have to choose between Kiev, Middlesbrough, or New York.
2) You won't get laughed out of any London pub for saying ManU.