From time to time, when things are looking bleak I bemoan the fact I was born in 1980, not 1880. Saying nothing of things like penicillin, sliced bread, indoor plumbing, the Intra-net, the TMZ nightly show etc.
Part of me thinks I would have been a latter day Teddy Roosevelt, robust health, bully mustache and all.
For some very odd reason this era of African colonialism has always interested me. this whole era of Africa, though quite shameful -- look no further than King Leopold of Belgium -- is also very romantic. Maybe it's the exploring vast unknowns in the face of jungle fever that gets me. Maybe it's how the actions of imperialistic, colonial buffoons still effects us to this very day.
In any event, consider that the preamble to my (hopefully) lighthearted approach to the 2008 African Cup of Nations which runs from Jan. 20 - Feb. 10 in Ghana. Please, try not to get offended. One category that you likely will not find in any other 'Net previews is 'Livability Factor.' In a sense, how long could a doofus American suburbanite, i.e., not a greasy charmer like Matt McCounaghy live in said nation.
More pertinent, as time wears on you can tell that Africa is becoming almost a second Brasil in a sense, as it imports so many players to so many leagues. It's not just the leagues we watch like in England, Spain or Italy. Look East to places like Russia, Ukraine even Japan. Perhaps it will only be a matter of time before an African nation lifts the World Cup, as long theorized.
Country: Ghana
Formerly: Empire of Ashanti, the Gold Coast, Empire of Ghana
Team nickname: The Black Stars
Past Cups: Winners: 1963, 1965, 1978, 1982
Players of note: Michael Essien (Mid., Chelsea, Eng.); Stephen Appiah (Mid., Fenerbache, Tur); Sulley Muntari (Mid., Portsmouth, Eng.)
Worth noting: The host nation of the Cup of Nations has lifted the trophy 11 times out of 24 tournaments. Ghana has won it in two of its previous three times hosting the event. In 2000 it co-hosted with Nigeria, so maybe it doesn't count.
Livability factor: Ghana, since they speak English and have had relative stability, probably a year or two.
Final thoughts: Ghana are the clear favorites. The bookmakers have the Black Stars at 10 to 3 and with good reason, that midfield should dominate. ... Wait a tick, I'm I forgetting the events of June 22, 2006 in Nurnberg, Germany? Click, at your own peril. Dammit Marcus Merck, that was not a penalty. Not a penalty. Pimpong fell over. Shit. ... (Calming down) Guess I can't hold it against Ghana that Pimpong picked Claudio Reyna clean and froze Kasey Keller. Still... kharma could be a bitch.
Country: Guinea
Formerly: French Guinea
Not to be confused with: Equatorial Guinea, French Guyana
Nickname: Syli Nationale (Gwah?)
Past Cups: None, best finish second 1976
Players of Note: Bobo Balde (Def., Celtic, Scotland); Pascal Feindouno (Mid., St. Etienne, France); Ismael Bangoura (For., Dynamo Kiev, Ukr)
Worth noting: Guinea president Lansana Conte has been in power since 1984. Presumably he is a fan of Van Halen and Ronald Reagan. (George Orwell, not so much.) ... The capital is Conakry, which is a fun word to say. ... Guinea has never made a World Cup final.
Livability factor: Well, their haven't been any military coups in 20+ years, which is nice. I did take some high school French, which is a help, too. Guinea is also lower in AIDS rates, so maybe I'd last a year or two.
Final thoughts: Believe it or not, Guinea was ranked No. 22 in the FIFA rankings in August 2006, for whatever that is worth. It's also only a 22 to 1 odds. The entire defense plays in Europe, too. I'd guess Guinea is one of the better nations never to make a World Cup. It'll vie with Morocco for a shot in the knockout stages.
Country: Morocco
Formerly: (among many) Kingdom of Fez
Nickname: Lions de l'Atlas
Past Cups: Winners, 1976
Player of Note: Talal El Karkouri (Def. Qatar Sports Club)
Worth Noting: Pop Culture Alert! Crosby, Stills and Nash wrote Marrakesh Express in the 1960s. Decades later Epcot Center's Parade of Nations opened a Morocco exhibit, which mainly sells fez hats. At Disney's MGM studios, on the 'Great Movie Ride' the film 'Casablanca' is featured. Perhaps you've heard of it. Or at least heard people quoting it. ... Morocco was the first African nation to win a World Cup group and advance to the second round, coming in 1986. ... Morocco are part of the divide in Africa between the 'Arab'-type nations and the Sub-Sahara nations.
Livability factor: Hell, if Graham Nash, Graham freaking Nash can write a song about the wilds of Morocco I'd guess I could survive in its crazy markets for a couple weeks...until inevitably succumbing to herion addiction, i.e. William S. Burrough's protagonist in Tangiers/Interzone. Of course, I could also take a wrong turn down an alley and wind up in an terrorist training cell. Could go either way.
Final thoughts: Morocco appears in a bit of transition. It's Cup team seems a little aged, while it's youth teams have players at clubs across Europe. Morocco are traditionally one of the powerful teams in Africa, but this probably won't be it's year.
Country: Namibia
Formerly: German South West Africa, South-West Africa
Nickname: Brave Warriors
Claim to fame: Didn't Madonna or Angelia Jolie adopt a kid from there? Honestly, how many Americans even knew the country existed prior to that?
Past Cups: Second time qualified.
Player of note: Colin Benjamin (Mid., Hamburg SV, Germany)
Worth noting: Namibia has the third-lowest population density of all sovereign nations. ... Natural beauty is high and probably a cool place to visit given the means and resources.
Livability factor: Not high. I'm not Bear Grylls, and not willing to eat animal dung to survive.
Final thoughts: Strike a pose. If Namibia had some balls it would have it's players lineup up at the touchline and 'Vogue' before the first kickoff. Yeah, it's not very manly or anything, but at least it would get them noticed because the Brave Warriors time in this tournament will be short.
Will advance: Ghana (winners, 3-0-0); Guinea (2-1-0)
Country: Benin
Formerly: Dahomey
Nickname: Les Ecureuils (the Squirrels...scary!)
Past Cups: Second time qualified.
Player of note: Err...umm.... well, keeper Rachad Chitou plays for the Wikki Tourists in Nigeria and they do have a guy named Wisdom Aka.
Worth noting: This is a crude, crude, low-grade joke. But take a gander at the country's map. It kind of looks like something. ... History traces the origins of voodoo to Benin. ... According to Wiki, "Benin is widely considered a model democracy in Africa." ... Benin is another place that has both a capital and a seat of government.
Livability factor: Questionable. Since there's pretty much minimal health-care, one mosquito bite might do me in.
Final thoughts: Remember that scene from "Jaws" where Brody is shoveling the chum? Yeah, that chum is poor Benin. If they get out of this group it would be a major miracle.
Country: Cote d'Ivoire
Formerly: Federation of French West Africa
Nickname: Les Éléphants
Past Cups: Winners, 1992
Players of Note: Didier Drogba (For., Chelsea, England); Kolo Touré (Def., Arsenal, England); Yaya Touré (Mid., Barcelona, England); Salomon Kalou (For., Chelsea, England)
Worth noting: Well, not to cop out, but there are plenty of nuggets on the Elephants from my 2006 World Cup preview.
Livability factor: High. I own a Cote t-shirt/jersey. Just by wearing that everyone from Abidjan to Worodougou would love me.
Final thoughts: Next to Ghana, Cote have to be considered favorites, chalking up 4 to 1 odds. Primarily the same team made the 2006 Final in Egypt only to lose on penalties. Coach Gérard Gili got the Elephants U-23 team into the Olympics, so he knows the players. Perhaps the only thing to derail a trip to the finals is the old standby crutch the media use in Africa -- goalkeeping. No, I'll use a different reason, personality conflicts, the thing that has plagued the Dutch in the past. This is just a guess, not fact. Also complicating things, if they slip up and finish second they get a date against Ghana in Accra in the quarterfinals. Ouch.
Country: Mali
Formerly: French Sudan, the Mali Empire
Nickname: Les Aigles (the Eagles)
Past Cups: Fourth appearance, no wins.
Players of Note: Frederic Kanoute (For. Sevilla, Spain); Seydou Keita (Mid., Sevilla, Spain); Mahamadou Diarra (Mid., Real Madrid); Momo Sissoko (Mid., Liverpool, England...for now.)
Worth noting: Old-time comedic staple, Timbuktu is located in Mali. ... Mali comes from an African word for Hippopotamus. ... There are a lot of ancient buildings located in Mali.
Livability factor: That movie 'Sahara' was supposedly set in Mali. So if Penelope Cruz and Steve Zahn can pull it off, I'd could last a few weeks.
Final thoughts: Mali are my unofficial darkhorses. They're long shots, but if Kanoute can play like he does for Sevilla, they could do some damage. With Sissoko and Diarra in the midfield they can break some legs and leave an impact on either Nigeria or Cote D'Ivoire if they don't get through.
Country: Nigeria
Formerly: Part of numerous African kingdoms
Nickname: Super Eagles (take that Mali!)
Past Cups: Champions: 1980, 1994
Players of Note: Joseph Yobo (Def., Everton, England); John Utaka (For., Portsmouth, England); Kanu (For., Portsmouth); Yakubu (For, Everton, England); John Obi Mikel (Mid., Chelsea, England)
Worth noting: Nigeria is 16th in the FIFA rankings, highest among African nations. ... Oil! Texas Tea makes Nigeria one of the most wealthy nations in the continent. It's also got the largest population in Africa.
Livability factor: Medium to high. There's probably enough swank parts of Lagos to stroll around. Plus they speak English, which helps. Of course in the words of Basil Fawlty, 'Don't mention the war.' In this case we're taling Biafra
Final thoughts: Coach Berti Vogts is blessed with plenty of attackers to toss onto the field. The question is whether the Eagles have enough in the center of the park to win the scraps with Mali and Cote D'Ivoire. This is definitely a dangerous team that's due to make some noise on the International stage.
Will advance: Cote D'Ivoire, Nigeria
Dont' forget, online looks like the only Stateside option for viewing.
Part II here.
Part of me thinks I would have been a latter day Teddy Roosevelt, robust health, bully mustache and all.
For some very odd reason this era of African colonialism has always interested me. this whole era of Africa, though quite shameful -- look no further than King Leopold of Belgium -- is also very romantic. Maybe it's the exploring vast unknowns in the face of jungle fever that gets me. Maybe it's how the actions of imperialistic, colonial buffoons still effects us to this very day.
In any event, consider that the preamble to my (hopefully) lighthearted approach to the 2008 African Cup of Nations which runs from Jan. 20 - Feb. 10 in Ghana. Please, try not to get offended. One category that you likely will not find in any other 'Net previews is 'Livability Factor.' In a sense, how long could a doofus American suburbanite, i.e., not a greasy charmer like Matt McCounaghy live in said nation.
More pertinent, as time wears on you can tell that Africa is becoming almost a second Brasil in a sense, as it imports so many players to so many leagues. It's not just the leagues we watch like in England, Spain or Italy. Look East to places like Russia, Ukraine even Japan. Perhaps it will only be a matter of time before an African nation lifts the World Cup, as long theorized.
Group A
Country: Ghana
Formerly: Empire of Ashanti, the Gold Coast, Empire of Ghana
Team nickname: The Black Stars
Past Cups: Winners: 1963, 1965, 1978, 1982
Players of note: Michael Essien (Mid., Chelsea, Eng.); Stephen Appiah (Mid., Fenerbache, Tur); Sulley Muntari (Mid., Portsmouth, Eng.)
Worth noting: The host nation of the Cup of Nations has lifted the trophy 11 times out of 24 tournaments. Ghana has won it in two of its previous three times hosting the event. In 2000 it co-hosted with Nigeria, so maybe it doesn't count.
Livability factor: Ghana, since they speak English and have had relative stability, probably a year or two.
Final thoughts: Ghana are the clear favorites. The bookmakers have the Black Stars at 10 to 3 and with good reason, that midfield should dominate. ... Wait a tick, I'm I forgetting the events of June 22, 2006 in Nurnberg, Germany? Click, at your own peril. Dammit Marcus Merck, that was not a penalty. Not a penalty. Pimpong fell over. Shit. ... (Calming down) Guess I can't hold it against Ghana that Pimpong picked Claudio Reyna clean and froze Kasey Keller. Still... kharma could be a bitch.
Country: Guinea
Formerly: French Guinea
Not to be confused with: Equatorial Guinea, French Guyana
Nickname: Syli Nationale (Gwah?)
Past Cups: None, best finish second 1976
Players of Note: Bobo Balde (Def., Celtic, Scotland); Pascal Feindouno (Mid., St. Etienne, France); Ismael Bangoura (For., Dynamo Kiev, Ukr)
Worth noting: Guinea president Lansana Conte has been in power since 1984. Presumably he is a fan of Van Halen and Ronald Reagan. (George Orwell, not so much.) ... The capital is Conakry, which is a fun word to say. ... Guinea has never made a World Cup final.
Livability factor: Well, their haven't been any military coups in 20+ years, which is nice. I did take some high school French, which is a help, too. Guinea is also lower in AIDS rates, so maybe I'd last a year or two.
Final thoughts: Believe it or not, Guinea was ranked No. 22 in the FIFA rankings in August 2006, for whatever that is worth. It's also only a 22 to 1 odds. The entire defense plays in Europe, too. I'd guess Guinea is one of the better nations never to make a World Cup. It'll vie with Morocco for a shot in the knockout stages.
Country: Morocco
Formerly: (among many) Kingdom of Fez
Nickname: Lions de l'Atlas
Past Cups: Winners, 1976
Player of Note: Talal El Karkouri (Def. Qatar Sports Club)
Worth Noting: Pop Culture Alert! Crosby, Stills and Nash wrote Marrakesh Express in the 1960s. Decades later Epcot Center's Parade of Nations opened a Morocco exhibit, which mainly sells fez hats. At Disney's MGM studios, on the 'Great Movie Ride' the film 'Casablanca' is featured. Perhaps you've heard of it. Or at least heard people quoting it. ... Morocco was the first African nation to win a World Cup group and advance to the second round, coming in 1986. ... Morocco are part of the divide in Africa between the 'Arab'-type nations and the Sub-Sahara nations.
Livability factor: Hell, if Graham Nash, Graham freaking Nash can write a song about the wilds of Morocco I'd guess I could survive in its crazy markets for a couple weeks...until inevitably succumbing to herion addiction, i.e. William S. Burrough's protagonist in Tangiers/Interzone. Of course, I could also take a wrong turn down an alley and wind up in an terrorist training cell. Could go either way.
Final thoughts: Morocco appears in a bit of transition. It's Cup team seems a little aged, while it's youth teams have players at clubs across Europe. Morocco are traditionally one of the powerful teams in Africa, but this probably won't be it's year.
Country: Namibia
Formerly: German South West Africa, South-West Africa
Nickname: Brave Warriors
Claim to fame: Didn't Madonna or Angelia Jolie adopt a kid from there? Honestly, how many Americans even knew the country existed prior to that?
Past Cups: Second time qualified.
Player of note: Colin Benjamin (Mid., Hamburg SV, Germany)
Worth noting: Namibia has the third-lowest population density of all sovereign nations. ... Natural beauty is high and probably a cool place to visit given the means and resources.
Livability factor: Not high. I'm not Bear Grylls, and not willing to eat animal dung to survive.
Final thoughts: Strike a pose. If Namibia had some balls it would have it's players lineup up at the touchline and 'Vogue' before the first kickoff. Yeah, it's not very manly or anything, but at least it would get them noticed because the Brave Warriors time in this tournament will be short.
Will advance: Ghana (winners, 3-0-0); Guinea (2-1-0)
Group B
Country: Benin
Formerly: Dahomey
Nickname: Les Ecureuils (the Squirrels...scary!)
Past Cups: Second time qualified.
Player of note: Err...umm.... well, keeper Rachad Chitou plays for the Wikki Tourists in Nigeria and they do have a guy named Wisdom Aka.
Worth noting: This is a crude, crude, low-grade joke. But take a gander at the country's map. It kind of looks like something. ... History traces the origins of voodoo to Benin. ... According to Wiki, "Benin is widely considered a model democracy in Africa." ... Benin is another place that has both a capital and a seat of government.
Livability factor: Questionable. Since there's pretty much minimal health-care, one mosquito bite might do me in.
Final thoughts: Remember that scene from "Jaws" where Brody is shoveling the chum? Yeah, that chum is poor Benin. If they get out of this group it would be a major miracle.
Country: Cote d'Ivoire
Formerly: Federation of French West Africa
Nickname: Les Éléphants
Past Cups: Winners, 1992
Players of Note: Didier Drogba (For., Chelsea, England); Kolo Touré (Def., Arsenal, England); Yaya Touré (Mid., Barcelona, England); Salomon Kalou (For., Chelsea, England)
Worth noting: Well, not to cop out, but there are plenty of nuggets on the Elephants from my 2006 World Cup preview.
Livability factor: High. I own a Cote t-shirt/jersey. Just by wearing that everyone from Abidjan to Worodougou would love me.
Final thoughts: Next to Ghana, Cote have to be considered favorites, chalking up 4 to 1 odds. Primarily the same team made the 2006 Final in Egypt only to lose on penalties. Coach Gérard Gili got the Elephants U-23 team into the Olympics, so he knows the players. Perhaps the only thing to derail a trip to the finals is the old standby crutch the media use in Africa -- goalkeeping. No, I'll use a different reason, personality conflicts, the thing that has plagued the Dutch in the past. This is just a guess, not fact. Also complicating things, if they slip up and finish second they get a date against Ghana in Accra in the quarterfinals. Ouch.
Country: Mali
Formerly: French Sudan, the Mali Empire
Nickname: Les Aigles (the Eagles)
Past Cups: Fourth appearance, no wins.
Players of Note: Frederic Kanoute (For. Sevilla, Spain); Seydou Keita (Mid., Sevilla, Spain); Mahamadou Diarra (Mid., Real Madrid); Momo Sissoko (Mid., Liverpool, England...for now.)
Worth noting: Old-time comedic staple, Timbuktu is located in Mali. ... Mali comes from an African word for Hippopotamus. ... There are a lot of ancient buildings located in Mali.
Livability factor: That movie 'Sahara' was supposedly set in Mali. So if Penelope Cruz and Steve Zahn can pull it off, I'd could last a few weeks.
Final thoughts: Mali are my unofficial darkhorses. They're long shots, but if Kanoute can play like he does for Sevilla, they could do some damage. With Sissoko and Diarra in the midfield they can break some legs and leave an impact on either Nigeria or Cote D'Ivoire if they don't get through.
Country: Nigeria
Formerly: Part of numerous African kingdoms
Nickname: Super Eagles (take that Mali!)
Past Cups: Champions: 1980, 1994
Players of Note: Joseph Yobo (Def., Everton, England); John Utaka (For., Portsmouth, England); Kanu (For., Portsmouth); Yakubu (For, Everton, England); John Obi Mikel (Mid., Chelsea, England)
Worth noting: Nigeria is 16th in the FIFA rankings, highest among African nations. ... Oil! Texas Tea makes Nigeria one of the most wealthy nations in the continent. It's also got the largest population in Africa.
Livability factor: Medium to high. There's probably enough swank parts of Lagos to stroll around. Plus they speak English, which helps. Of course in the words of Basil Fawlty, 'Don't mention the war.' In this case we're taling Biafra
Final thoughts: Coach Berti Vogts is blessed with plenty of attackers to toss onto the field. The question is whether the Eagles have enough in the center of the park to win the scraps with Mali and Cote D'Ivoire. This is definitely a dangerous team that's due to make some noise on the International stage.
Will advance: Cote D'Ivoire, Nigeria
Dont' forget, online looks like the only Stateside option for viewing.
Part II here.
Labels: African Cup of Nations, Soccer
Hey I own a Les Éléphants Jersey as too... But I couldn't do half as well with a ACoN preview, nice work.
Thanks for the TeleSud link as well to catch some of the matches.
any TV options in America? or will i be scrolling for sopcast links to watch my Arsenal boys Toure and Eboue (and Song)?
The Cote D'Ivoire t-shirt bit had me lol. More "livability factor"-type content, please !