That's On Point: The Web Site

Hey Labor Day to any of the proletariat stumbling across this here slice of the Inter-tubes.

In honor of the Josef Stalin-approved holiday, I'll try to keep things short. Well, short for me.

If you live outside the radius of the New York Yankees radio network, this might be foreign to you. Bear with me. If you know about Yankee radio play-by-play guy John Sterling either you love him or hate him. It's that simple. He straddles, more like trampers, the line between genius and insanity nine innings a time 162 days per year.

Personally, as stated previously, the seventh layer of hell is announced by Sterling and partner Suzyn Waldman. Still, for all his warts, Sterling is entertaining...in a buffonish uncle sort of way.

One of his favorite chestnuts is the simple incredulous statement, "Who can figure out baseball?"

Today I'd like to liberally steal from the Sterling playbook by apply it to the English/Barclays Premier League. In short, this is going to be a banner year for the bookies and oddsmakers because apparently there is no rhyme nor reason to the 2008-09 campaign after three weeks.

Basically this sentiment seems from odds-on title favorites Chelsea sleepwalk through a 1-1 draw vs. previously pointless Tottenham. Throughout all the parity and indistinguishable mid-pack teams, you'd think the one constant week-to-week would be the souless blue machine, bludgeoning opponents into three points.

Before Sunday I was actually trying to calculate how many points out of the maximum 114 the Blues might be able to take in the mediocre league. Again, before Sunday this was a best-case (or worse) scenario for Chelski. Losses away to Manchester United and Arsenal (minus six); another random road loss (minus three); three home draws (minus six); four away draws (minus eight). That's a 28-7-3 record for 91 points. (In case you're interested since the 2000-01 season here are the first-place points hauls: 80, 87, 83, 90, 95, 91, 89, 87.)

Maybe the crummy showing at fortress Stamford Bridge was a blip. By the same token it's semi-depressing since Chelsea (hate to say it) are by rote the class of the league and have put together back-to-back uninspiring showings (Don't forget Wigan outplayed them a week ago in the second half). Over time perhaps the Blues will gel and round into shape under Scolari and get better once Drogba returns.

Again, I'm probably reading a lot too much into it. Probably not as much as the betting pools, though.

** Stars -- Lots of great individual showings this weekend. A couple that stood out in no order, Jermain Defoe playing a part in three Pompey goals (Peter Crouch got credit for the third, but it looked like Defoe's effort was like Smokey in Lebowski -- 'Over the line'.) ... Robin Van Persie and his pompadour nailing a brace for rampant Arsenal. ... Jonathon Woodgate defensively for Spurs. ... SWP coming back to the realm of the living in the baby blue for Man City. ... My one preseason pick I got right, Amr Zaki with brace for Wigan. ... West Ham team. Where did that come from?

** Duds -- Not to single him out for dreadful Everton, but Jolean Lescott was beaten again for a goal Saturday. ... Stewart Downing, you may be English, but you can't miss a penalty v. Stoke. ... Hull City, which may have showed its true colors in a 5-0 loss at home. ... Frank Lampard's careless pass which gifted Darren Bent a goal for Tottenham right before the end of the first half.

** Goal of the week -- I'm a sucker for freekicks, so I'll give it to Afonse Alves for Middlesbrough vs. Stoke City.

** Heelies -- Not sure which was better, Arsenal's goal that Van Persie poked home thanks to a cheeky (required descriptive term) from Emmanuel Eboue or the one-two combination from Defoe and Glenn Johnson, which also involved a back heel pass.

** Ouchies -- Imagine if the Jonas Brothers (just an example, I don't even know what their music sounds like) got into some sort of bizarre farm equipment mishap on a video shoot. Think of the screeching and crying tweens. Now imagine how Scouser world felt with Fernando Torres limped off with what initially appeared to be an innocuous injury. Doesn't take a genius to note that Liverpool isn't going far without Gerrard and Torres.

** Penalty heroes -- Weird coincidence? Within two minutes of each other Saturday morning Robert Green stopped Jason Roberts penalty attempt, followed by David James turning away Yakubu at Goodison Park. Odds either of them play for England in the Wold Cup qualifiers?

** A word on Arsenal -- Very nice and tidy demolition of Newcastle. Vintage Gooner football, even. The only thing is, for Arsenal to seriously mount a threat at the league they need to bring that kind of energy and will on the road in the winter months. Naturally we'll have to wait and see on that front.

** Don't taste me bro -- Honestly, the chances are low, but let's play hypothetical. If I ran across Craig Bellamy I'm run as fast as I could in the other direction. To say nothing of his prowess with a nine-iron, the dude's full-arm tattoo sleeve is seriously scary. He might officially own the unofficial title for Europe's best forearm ink. Too bad there wasn't a WWF belt for that.

** Brasilian style -- Scolari's ass-pat on Belletti after his first half goal Sunday for Chelsea was the mother of all sports related 'atta boy' rump pats. Just trust me on it.

** Why I'm glad I don't exactly live and die with a team -- Here's your Middlesbrough season so far. Two goals in the last 20 minutes to beat Tottenham on opening day, followed by leading Liverpool 1-0 for most of the game last week before losing 2-1. This week Boro is up 1-0 vs. Stoke City only to have Downing miss the penalty, allowing Stoke to tie it, before Tuncay saves the day in the final five minutes. That's about 10 minutes from being atop the table at nine points and five from having a mediocre four points. Weird how it works.

** How bad can you get -- Derby County. Yeah, remember them? Guess what, after four games in the Championship, last seasons Premier League urinal are sitting dead last on one point. I consulted a thesaurus to find a word other than bad to describe this outfit. Execrable was my favorite.

** Random thing of the week -- Noticed during the Aston Villa/Liverpool snoozer, that Villa's back Luke Young's jersey reads 'L. Young.' Meanwhile winger Ashley Young's simply reads 'Young.' What's the deal? Randy Lerner charging players per vowel?

** FSC Paid Advertisement of the weekend -- Max Performance, which uses one-time heavyweight boxing champ Michael Moorer to pitch its 'product'. Seriously. He's still alive? Soda Popinski wasn't available?

** Fantasy team of the week -- Believe it or not, goes to your humble writer with 45 points, thanks mainly to Zaki and James.

** Question of the week -- Not exactly about the Premier League. We're jumping to Serie A since I watched both Milan outfits play. Why or who started the trend of Italian players wearing NFL numbers? Ronaldinho doesn't look right in the No. 80. He appears slower.

Speaking of Serie A, I think I've finally figured out Zlatan Ibrahimovic. He needs to go to a 'bad/lesser' team. The guy is so good on the ball that a teams needs to be built around him so he's not just stranded up top. On on second-tier team he'd be the focal point every week and would probably thrive, like Cassano with Sampdoria. Ibrahimovic is a lot like Rooney in that they're both so good on the ball, that their talents are almost wasted as pure strikers.

That's about it for today. Hope you enjoyed '80 Hours of the 80s' on VH1 Classic. Choice.

Sadly, no games for a couple weeks for the International break.

Labels: Premier League, serie a, Soccer