Not exactly the best weekend in the Premier League to be a coach with a goatee.
In fact, the noose is all but hanging around the neck of Phil Brown and all that we're waiting for is the Hull City directors to pull the lever and drop the floor out from under him.
Meanwhile, Rafa Benitez remains on death row, but due to some savvy law papers (or his past glory at the club), the Spaniard has a stay of execution. It's safe to say, though, after Saturday's 3-1 meltdown at Craven Cottage it's only a matter of time.
In both cases, the firing are probably on hold until the clubs can figure out replacements.
At Hull, axing Brown is basically saying, yeah we got lucky with hot start last season and basically can't compete at the top level of English football. We have no other idea how to break out of this basically year-and-a-half tailspin other than the tried-and-true method of firing the manager and hoping the replacement catches lightning in a bottle. We don't want to accept relegation, but we're not going to jeopardize the long-term financial viability of the club with a slew of January signings. People look at exhibit A is you disagree -- Jimmy Bullard.
In other words, Hull fans, you'll always have 2008-09.
Liverpool, is obviously trickier.
Benitez's track record is obviously fire-worthy. In fact the loss to Fulham encapsulated everything wrong with the club fairly neatly. And this time there wasn't even a beach ball as a mitigating factor.
1) An over reliance on the peerless Steven Gerrard
2) A lack depth at striker
3) An oddly constructed squad that continually has trouble against the middle of the pack clubs in the league.
Oh, and taking off Fernando Torres with about half an hour left to play, probably not the greatest idea. Yes, Torres isn't 100 percent fit and he could conceivably aggravate his injuries. All that said, he did pull one of his typically amazing goals out of pretty much nowhere with just one touch. So I'd rather have a 50 percent Torres than guys like Ryan Babbel or David Ngog.
But that's just me.
As much as the sharks continue to swirl around Benitez, it's hard to fathom that Liverpool -- even with its ownership mess -- actually fires him during the season. Unlike a team like Hull, Liverpool can't just give up on a season in November. Except the focus has to change. Considering Torres and Gerrard are the team and are constantly fighting injuries, the Reds aren't making up a nine-point gap for first place. Now, the only priority is fighting off Tottenham, Aston Villa and Manchester City for fourth place, although perhaps missing out on the Champions League wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for Liverpool, except for Hicks and Gillette's wallets.
Anyway, a midseason replacement at Liverpool would be the classic "caretaker" manager and wouldn't really help things much.
If I had to make an outrageous guess, Liverpool's next manager will be Jose Mourinho. It almost seems destined to happen. The Portgueezer probably tired of Serie A about a month into coaching Inter. Wouldn't he enjoy the close proximity to his rival Sir Alex? Or the chance to do for Liverpool like he did at Chelsea, ending a long drought in the league?
The only hold up is the uncertain ownership situation and the fact that Inter makes Mourinho the highest paid manager in the world. Those are issues.
In any event, I pray this is the last time I waste any time writing about Benitez. It's altogether too morbid, even on Halloween weekend.
I am the great gas head*
Did anyone else catch Alan Darke's on-air orgasm describing Cesc Fabregas's goal in Arsenal's tidy 3-0 win over Spurs at the Emirates early Saturday?
Of course, Arsenal had just scored so the cameras barely caught the act, so Darke's momentary spiritual possession by Gus Johnson can be forgiven. However, his subsequent praise of the young Spaniard, which stopped just short of speculating on how tight his shorts were, got a little tedious.
Oh well, it was a very nice goal -- stripping Spurs of the ball at midfield and then taking it himself all the way to goal. Looks like somebody might be playing a lot of "FIFA 10" besides myself.
This wasn't the weekend to go ga-ga over Arsenal, however. Saturday's game was more a reflection of Spurs playing without Aaron Lennon and Jermain Defoe, allowing old 'Arry a momentary lapse of reason by playing a pseudo 4-5-1 with Peter Crouch isolated alone up top for the first half and the dramatic reemergence of David 'English Haircut' Bentley. Not good.
Also not good, the third Arsenal goal where everybody just stopped and assumed it was a foul, but the ref called advantage and Barcary Sagna kept going and crossed it to a half-speed Robin van Persie who barely touched it to beat a stunned Gomes. Again, looks like somebody (in this case ref Mark Clattenburg) has been playing too much "FIFA 10". (The advantage rule is borderline obscene in the game.)
Arsenal still has a game in hand, so I'm sticking to my theory they'll mount the biggest challenge to Chelsea for first place.
(* That's a 'King of the Hill' reference folks. Maybe the most underrated show of the late 1990s/early 2000s.)
The other two:
Pretty much ho-hum wins for Chelsea and Manchester United.
Despite some one-man attempts by Tamir Cohen, Bolton never had a shot against Chelsea. One way or another the trio of Drogba-Anelka-Lampard are going to wear you down and get a goal. That much I do know and can say so with relative authority.
Meanwhile, Manchester United took a while but finally broke down Blackburn thanks to a beautiful, acrobatic twist and shoot by Dmitar Berbatov. Bravo.
If anything the match was noteworthy for the debut of ex-Bordeaux player Gabriel Obertan, who is about as unusual looking as you'll ever see from a player. Calling him wiry would be an insult to wires and even "The Wire." He's only 20, so we'll certainly be hearing his name in the future.
As luck would have it, Chelsea and Manchester United play Sunday at Stamford Bridge. All week we'll have to endure Rio Ferdinand is done stories. At this point, that might benefit United, since the fork sticking out his back is roughly the size of the Great Wall of China from outer space.
Other stuff:
Andriy Voronin? He's at the point its almost too cliche to make fun of him. ... Who would have thought that Alex McLeish deciding to play two strikes at once would make Birmingham City look fairly competent? Viva Chucho ... Maybe Portsmouth isn't dead. A 4-0 home thumping of Wigan is at least a signal of intent. ... My two "juice" teams -- Sunderland and Stoke City -- played out to disappointing home draws against West Ham and Wolves. That said they're still just one and two points, respectively, behind Liverpool in the table. ... Depending if West Ham can every get its act together, the relegation fight seems pretty clear -- Blackburn, Wolves, Hull and Portsmouth fighting for 17th place. ... Diniyar Bilyaletdinov, a goal and a red card for Everton. Not bad for the Rad Russian. ... Clint Dempsey with a goal and Jozy Altidore with a yellow card. Guess that counts for something. ... Nice job by Shay Given on a penalty kick save, which Brum might rue the rest of the season.
Fantasy Team O' the week:
Kevin Bagley's MVee FC takes weekly top honors with 83 points and moves into first place. He got 21 massive points from Burnley's Graham Alexander, which is downright incredible. That's on par with one-week fantasy NFL guys like Ryan Moats this weekend for the Texans.
One other thing:
If you own a television set, you've probably seen the trailers for either 'The Men Who Stare at Goats' or 'The Blind Side.'
I can say without hesitation, pass on the movies and read the books. Really, Sandra Bullock or George Clooney can't really do them justice.
In fact, the noose is all but hanging around the neck of Phil Brown and all that we're waiting for is the Hull City directors to pull the lever and drop the floor out from under him.
Meanwhile, Rafa Benitez remains on death row, but due to some savvy law papers (or his past glory at the club), the Spaniard has a stay of execution. It's safe to say, though, after Saturday's 3-1 meltdown at Craven Cottage it's only a matter of time.
In both cases, the firing are probably on hold until the clubs can figure out replacements.
At Hull, axing Brown is basically saying, yeah we got lucky with hot start last season and basically can't compete at the top level of English football. We have no other idea how to break out of this basically year-and-a-half tailspin other than the tried-and-true method of firing the manager and hoping the replacement catches lightning in a bottle. We don't want to accept relegation, but we're not going to jeopardize the long-term financial viability of the club with a slew of January signings. People look at exhibit A is you disagree -- Jimmy Bullard.
In other words, Hull fans, you'll always have 2008-09.
Liverpool, is obviously trickier.
Benitez's track record is obviously fire-worthy. In fact the loss to Fulham encapsulated everything wrong with the club fairly neatly. And this time there wasn't even a beach ball as a mitigating factor.
1) An over reliance on the peerless Steven Gerrard
2) A lack depth at striker
3) An oddly constructed squad that continually has trouble against the middle of the pack clubs in the league.
Oh, and taking off Fernando Torres with about half an hour left to play, probably not the greatest idea. Yes, Torres isn't 100 percent fit and he could conceivably aggravate his injuries. All that said, he did pull one of his typically amazing goals out of pretty much nowhere with just one touch. So I'd rather have a 50 percent Torres than guys like Ryan Babbel or David Ngog.
But that's just me.
As much as the sharks continue to swirl around Benitez, it's hard to fathom that Liverpool -- even with its ownership mess -- actually fires him during the season. Unlike a team like Hull, Liverpool can't just give up on a season in November. Except the focus has to change. Considering Torres and Gerrard are the team and are constantly fighting injuries, the Reds aren't making up a nine-point gap for first place. Now, the only priority is fighting off Tottenham, Aston Villa and Manchester City for fourth place, although perhaps missing out on the Champions League wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for Liverpool, except for Hicks and Gillette's wallets.
Anyway, a midseason replacement at Liverpool would be the classic "caretaker" manager and wouldn't really help things much.
If I had to make an outrageous guess, Liverpool's next manager will be Jose Mourinho. It almost seems destined to happen. The Portgueezer probably tired of Serie A about a month into coaching Inter. Wouldn't he enjoy the close proximity to his rival Sir Alex? Or the chance to do for Liverpool like he did at Chelsea, ending a long drought in the league?
The only hold up is the uncertain ownership situation and the fact that Inter makes Mourinho the highest paid manager in the world. Those are issues.
In any event, I pray this is the last time I waste any time writing about Benitez. It's altogether too morbid, even on Halloween weekend.
I am the great gas head*
Did anyone else catch Alan Darke's on-air orgasm describing Cesc Fabregas's goal in Arsenal's tidy 3-0 win over Spurs at the Emirates early Saturday?
Of course, Arsenal had just scored so the cameras barely caught the act, so Darke's momentary spiritual possession by Gus Johnson can be forgiven. However, his subsequent praise of the young Spaniard, which stopped just short of speculating on how tight his shorts were, got a little tedious.
Oh well, it was a very nice goal -- stripping Spurs of the ball at midfield and then taking it himself all the way to goal. Looks like somebody might be playing a lot of "FIFA 10" besides myself.
This wasn't the weekend to go ga-ga over Arsenal, however. Saturday's game was more a reflection of Spurs playing without Aaron Lennon and Jermain Defoe, allowing old 'Arry a momentary lapse of reason by playing a pseudo 4-5-1 with Peter Crouch isolated alone up top for the first half and the dramatic reemergence of David 'English Haircut' Bentley. Not good.
Also not good, the third Arsenal goal where everybody just stopped and assumed it was a foul, but the ref called advantage and Barcary Sagna kept going and crossed it to a half-speed Robin van Persie who barely touched it to beat a stunned Gomes. Again, looks like somebody (in this case ref Mark Clattenburg) has been playing too much "FIFA 10". (The advantage rule is borderline obscene in the game.)
Arsenal still has a game in hand, so I'm sticking to my theory they'll mount the biggest challenge to Chelsea for first place.
(* That's a 'King of the Hill' reference folks. Maybe the most underrated show of the late 1990s/early 2000s.)
The other two:
Pretty much ho-hum wins for Chelsea and Manchester United.
Despite some one-man attempts by Tamir Cohen, Bolton never had a shot against Chelsea. One way or another the trio of Drogba-Anelka-Lampard are going to wear you down and get a goal. That much I do know and can say so with relative authority.
Meanwhile, Manchester United took a while but finally broke down Blackburn thanks to a beautiful, acrobatic twist and shoot by Dmitar Berbatov. Bravo.
If anything the match was noteworthy for the debut of ex-Bordeaux player Gabriel Obertan, who is about as unusual looking as you'll ever see from a player. Calling him wiry would be an insult to wires and even "The Wire." He's only 20, so we'll certainly be hearing his name in the future.
As luck would have it, Chelsea and Manchester United play Sunday at Stamford Bridge. All week we'll have to endure Rio Ferdinand is done stories. At this point, that might benefit United, since the fork sticking out his back is roughly the size of the Great Wall of China from outer space.
Other stuff:
Andriy Voronin? He's at the point its almost too cliche to make fun of him. ... Who would have thought that Alex McLeish deciding to play two strikes at once would make Birmingham City look fairly competent? Viva Chucho ... Maybe Portsmouth isn't dead. A 4-0 home thumping of Wigan is at least a signal of intent. ... My two "juice" teams -- Sunderland and Stoke City -- played out to disappointing home draws against West Ham and Wolves. That said they're still just one and two points, respectively, behind Liverpool in the table. ... Depending if West Ham can every get its act together, the relegation fight seems pretty clear -- Blackburn, Wolves, Hull and Portsmouth fighting for 17th place. ... Diniyar Bilyaletdinov, a goal and a red card for Everton. Not bad for the Rad Russian. ... Clint Dempsey with a goal and Jozy Altidore with a yellow card. Guess that counts for something. ... Nice job by Shay Given on a penalty kick save, which Brum might rue the rest of the season.
Fantasy Team O' the week:
Kevin Bagley's MVee FC takes weekly top honors with 83 points and moves into first place. He got 21 massive points from Burnley's Graham Alexander, which is downright incredible. That's on par with one-week fantasy NFL guys like Ryan Moats this weekend for the Texans.
One other thing:
If you own a television set, you've probably seen the trailers for either 'The Men Who Stare at Goats' or 'The Blind Side.'
I can say without hesitation, pass on the movies and read the books. Really, Sandra Bullock or George Clooney can't really do them justice.
Labels: English Premier League, Liverpool, Monday recaps, Premier League, rafa benitez
Good call on King of the Hill. I still use Rusty Shackleford as a fake name every now and again.
Also, The League is pretty hilarious. Any show with one of the Cavemen from ABC's hit show Cavemen is OK in my book. (Seriously though, the show is really funny)