It wasn't all that long ago when the Internets were a simpler, kinder place. A place that was roughly 98 percent low-grade Czechslovakian porn with the remaining two percent left for usenet.alt.newsgroups of people worldwide bitching about the quality of the 'The Simpsons' on their 28.8 kbps modems. (Mo-dem?)
As a kid who was absolutely reared 'Round Springfield, as it were, I had some high hopes for Morgan Spurlocks's documentary about the 20 years of 'The Simpsons' on Sunday night. Sadly, the doc basically broke down as an excuse for Spurlock (you know, 'Super Size Me' guy) to travel around the world to places like England, Brazil and Argentina.
Oh and Scotland, that's semi-crucial to the rest of this post.
Something struck me during the broadcast, 'The Simpsons' have done plenty of sports-centric episodes and had athletes like -- Joe Namath, Magic Johnson, Rosey Grier, LeBron James, etc. on the show to do voices. Yet the only mention of sport during the Spurlock doc was a trip to Sir Alex Ferguson's old haunt -- Aberdeen -- where the football club's current manager Mark McGhee made a pitch that Groundskeeper Willie was from the city. (Go Aberdeen!)
A little odd, no? Not even a Drederick Tatum cameo? Hell, if I ever lost my mind and went on a seven-state killing spree, I'd ask to watch "Homer at the Bat" before they stuck the lethal injection needle in my arm.
It's not like writers of 'The Simpsons' exactly profile as soccer fans, either. Let's not forget the infamous "center holds it" game featuring Mexico v. Portugal, which lead to rioting in the streets of Springfield. (That episode, 'The Cartridge Family' get a full-time pass since it was penned by the peerless John Swartzwelder.)
As my brain works, perhaps stabbed by too many Q-Tips, a day later another thought dawned on me from the Simpsons doc. Spurlock featured two South American countries -- Brazil and Argentina. Famously, Brazil took major offense to the 2002 episode "Blame it on Lisa", what with the different colored rats and roving monkey gangs. Meanwhile, according to Spurlock, Argentina has the highest percentage of Simpsons fans as anywhere in the world.
A tad illuminating about each country, right? Kind of makes me want to root for Argentina a little more at the World Cup, Maradona or no Maradona.
And in light of his hat trick for Manchester City yesterday, it made me wonder if Carlos Tevez is a 'Simpsons' fan? somehow I don't see it, although Tevez did pull off the oddity as an Argentine playing club soccer in Brazil with Corinthians, which he did before moving to West Ham in 2006. Still, I don't see Tevez cooling off after the game with a Duff beer in one hand and a 'Simpsons' Season Six DVD set in the other. Hell, I can't even imagine Tevez watching television, or anything in street clothes for that matter. (Think Bart running into principal Skinner at the laundromat.)
Consider this a clumsy transition toward something I tweeted yesterday during Manchester City's 4-1 win over Blackburn. There is going to be an interesting alpha dog battle for Argentina at South Africa between Lionel Messi and Tevez.
The Messi v. Tevez argument is fairly compelling.
On the one hand, Messi plays like his feet taste like timber in a crackling fire, while Tevez's face looks like just got out of a fire. [Ed. note, I'm acutely aware that Tevez was scalded as a child. This wasn't a slight at him or a potshot, in fact he deserves massive credit for opting to keep the scars. Tough dude.]
When people write about Messi, they use words like "magician", "wizard" and other professions you may have found on a boat sailing away from Donovan's fabled "Atlantis." Tevez? How about "bulldog" or "rugged"?
Messi pulls off moves of grace and transcendence -- think the all-time run vs. Getafe -- while Tevez seems to score and create plays through his sheer force of will.
Or how about their nicknames? Messi is "El Pulga" (the Flea), while Tevez is "El Apache" or colloquially, 'The Hulk' both slightly more badass.
Suffice to say, there's at opposite ends of the spectrum. On a side note, we don't need to turn this into a standard sports talk argument, just arguing for the sake of itself. Both Messi and Tevez can and are great players, though which players' will influences Argentina will impact the World Cup in June.
Looking at the Argentina depth chart, yes, it's possible Tevez might not start. Messi would seem a lock, despite his lack of international impact. Then there's Maradona favorite Kun Aguero, followed by Real Madrid's Gonzalo Higuain.
It seems Tevez is playing with this knowledge in mind, trying to force himself into the equation with 10 goals in the last nine matches for Manchester City. Granted, this could bizarrely work against him since the way the drug-addled brain of Maradona works, be might penalize Tevez for playing in England and just pick whomever is starting at Boca Juniors. You never know.
And therein lies a weird little wrinkle in the current Argentina camp.
There seems to be a division between the Maradona line of thinking, where he wants to reward players that still play in Argentina, compared to a guy like Messi who shipped off to the warm shores of Barcelona as an 11-year-old. Doesn't Messi seem more like the kind of guy who's laughing on the couch at the exploits of Homer and the gang? That's no knock either, though many fans back home in Argentina look at Messi with a slightly jaded eye since he's never done anything of note for his country at the senior international level, even with 13 goals in 41 international games.
Tevez, too, is a bit of an Argentina outsider, but still seems to fall on the opposite end of the socioeconomic/cultural picture of Messi.
Let's file this dynamic away and see what happens in a couple months. It's probably a nice quandary to have, though we've seen international teams mainly fail when they try to shoehorn too many of the similar positioned players into the same lineup, just look at Brazil at the last World Cup. If Maradona can figure out a way to get both Messi and Tevez firing on all cylinders in South Africa, which defense is going to keep them off the score sheet?
In the meantime, will Tevez be able to continue his scoring barrage at Man City? He seems to have assumed the on-field leadership status at Eastlands. When you think of City, his Hulk-like visage immediately springs to mind.
Is Tevez the most talented player in the world? Probably not, though he's no slouch. If you lined him up with the consensus top 10 talents, he'd look more out of place than if you dressed him in a tuxedo and brought him to a five-star restaurant. If you were a scout and caught Tevez on an off-day, you might not remember anything else about him beyond his one-of-a-kind mug.
What Tevez is, though, is the rare type player that can take over a game through his work and determination. He makes things happen.
More than that, he's a cult hero at both major Manchester clubs no less. Only a few players have the type of game to pull off that nearly impossible trick, right?
Remember in the Spring of 2007 when he essentially saved West Ham United from relegation all by himself? Or how he always seemed to be in the right place at the right time during his sporadic appearances at Manchester United? (Think Sir Alex regrets letting him leave this summer? Dimitar Berbatov might be more technically gifted than Tevez, but which player would you want in the fox hole next to you?)
Now, fully established in England, it seems as if Roberto Mancini has given him the keys at City and let him drive the bus up the top of the table -- with the only requirement that he wear some sort of neck accoutrement. He seems to have hit that mythical realm of sports, in basketball it's the "zone" in soccer it's simply "in-form", where he's seeing and playing the game at a different level than everyone else on the field.
Right now Tevez is playing like he was writing for 'The Simpsons' from Seasons 3 through 6. The laughs, err, goals just keep, a-comin' with no end in sight.
Now the question remains, come the World Cup will Tevez's play remind us of Homer piloting the ill-fated Springfield monorail (that's a good thing), or, will it be revealed that he and Messi were really secret elves that doubled as jockeys a.k.a. the worst 'Simpsons' episode ever.
(Hopefully somebody in Argentina, at least got those final references.)
As a kid who was absolutely reared 'Round Springfield, as it were, I had some high hopes for Morgan Spurlocks's documentary about the 20 years of 'The Simpsons' on Sunday night. Sadly, the doc basically broke down as an excuse for Spurlock (you know, 'Super Size Me' guy) to travel around the world to places like England, Brazil and Argentina.
Oh and Scotland, that's semi-crucial to the rest of this post.
Something struck me during the broadcast, 'The Simpsons' have done plenty of sports-centric episodes and had athletes like -- Joe Namath, Magic Johnson, Rosey Grier, LeBron James, etc. on the show to do voices. Yet the only mention of sport during the Spurlock doc was a trip to Sir Alex Ferguson's old haunt -- Aberdeen -- where the football club's current manager Mark McGhee made a pitch that Groundskeeper Willie was from the city. (Go Aberdeen!)
A little odd, no? Not even a Drederick Tatum cameo? Hell, if I ever lost my mind and went on a seven-state killing spree, I'd ask to watch "Homer at the Bat" before they stuck the lethal injection needle in my arm.
It's not like writers of 'The Simpsons' exactly profile as soccer fans, either. Let's not forget the infamous "center holds it" game featuring Mexico v. Portugal, which lead to rioting in the streets of Springfield. (That episode, 'The Cartridge Family' get a full-time pass since it was penned by the peerless John Swartzwelder.)
As my brain works, perhaps stabbed by too many Q-Tips, a day later another thought dawned on me from the Simpsons doc. Spurlock featured two South American countries -- Brazil and Argentina. Famously, Brazil took major offense to the 2002 episode "Blame it on Lisa", what with the different colored rats and roving monkey gangs. Meanwhile, according to Spurlock, Argentina has the highest percentage of Simpsons fans as anywhere in the world.
A tad illuminating about each country, right? Kind of makes me want to root for Argentina a little more at the World Cup, Maradona or no Maradona.
And in light of his hat trick for Manchester City yesterday, it made me wonder if Carlos Tevez is a 'Simpsons' fan? somehow I don't see it, although Tevez did pull off the oddity as an Argentine playing club soccer in Brazil with Corinthians, which he did before moving to West Ham in 2006. Still, I don't see Tevez cooling off after the game with a Duff beer in one hand and a 'Simpsons' Season Six DVD set in the other. Hell, I can't even imagine Tevez watching television, or anything in street clothes for that matter. (Think Bart running into principal Skinner at the laundromat.)
Consider this a clumsy transition toward something I tweeted yesterday during Manchester City's 4-1 win over Blackburn. There is going to be an interesting alpha dog battle for Argentina at South Africa between Lionel Messi and Tevez.
The Messi v. Tevez argument is fairly compelling.
On the one hand, Messi plays like his feet taste like timber in a crackling fire, while Tevez's face looks like just got out of a fire. [Ed. note, I'm acutely aware that Tevez was scalded as a child. This wasn't a slight at him or a potshot, in fact he deserves massive credit for opting to keep the scars. Tough dude.]
When people write about Messi, they use words like "magician", "wizard" and other professions you may have found on a boat sailing away from Donovan's fabled "Atlantis." Tevez? How about "bulldog" or "rugged"?
Messi pulls off moves of grace and transcendence -- think the all-time run vs. Getafe -- while Tevez seems to score and create plays through his sheer force of will.
Or how about their nicknames? Messi is "El Pulga" (the Flea), while Tevez is "El Apache" or colloquially, 'The Hulk' both slightly more badass.
Suffice to say, there's at opposite ends of the spectrum. On a side note, we don't need to turn this into a standard sports talk argument, just arguing for the sake of itself. Both Messi and Tevez can and are great players, though which players' will influences Argentina will impact the World Cup in June.
Looking at the Argentina depth chart, yes, it's possible Tevez might not start. Messi would seem a lock, despite his lack of international impact. Then there's Maradona favorite Kun Aguero, followed by Real Madrid's Gonzalo Higuain.
It seems Tevez is playing with this knowledge in mind, trying to force himself into the equation with 10 goals in the last nine matches for Manchester City. Granted, this could bizarrely work against him since the way the drug-addled brain of Maradona works, be might penalize Tevez for playing in England and just pick whomever is starting at Boca Juniors. You never know.
And therein lies a weird little wrinkle in the current Argentina camp.
There seems to be a division between the Maradona line of thinking, where he wants to reward players that still play in Argentina, compared to a guy like Messi who shipped off to the warm shores of Barcelona as an 11-year-old. Doesn't Messi seem more like the kind of guy who's laughing on the couch at the exploits of Homer and the gang? That's no knock either, though many fans back home in Argentina look at Messi with a slightly jaded eye since he's never done anything of note for his country at the senior international level, even with 13 goals in 41 international games.
Tevez, too, is a bit of an Argentina outsider, but still seems to fall on the opposite end of the socioeconomic/cultural picture of Messi.
Let's file this dynamic away and see what happens in a couple months. It's probably a nice quandary to have, though we've seen international teams mainly fail when they try to shoehorn too many of the similar positioned players into the same lineup, just look at Brazil at the last World Cup. If Maradona can figure out a way to get both Messi and Tevez firing on all cylinders in South Africa, which defense is going to keep them off the score sheet?
In the meantime, will Tevez be able to continue his scoring barrage at Man City? He seems to have assumed the on-field leadership status at Eastlands. When you think of City, his Hulk-like visage immediately springs to mind.
Is Tevez the most talented player in the world? Probably not, though he's no slouch. If you lined him up with the consensus top 10 talents, he'd look more out of place than if you dressed him in a tuxedo and brought him to a five-star restaurant. If you were a scout and caught Tevez on an off-day, you might not remember anything else about him beyond his one-of-a-kind mug.
What Tevez is, though, is the rare type player that can take over a game through his work and determination. He makes things happen.
More than that, he's a cult hero at both major Manchester clubs no less. Only a few players have the type of game to pull off that nearly impossible trick, right?
Remember in the Spring of 2007 when he essentially saved West Ham United from relegation all by himself? Or how he always seemed to be in the right place at the right time during his sporadic appearances at Manchester United? (Think Sir Alex regrets letting him leave this summer? Dimitar Berbatov might be more technically gifted than Tevez, but which player would you want in the fox hole next to you?)
Now, fully established in England, it seems as if Roberto Mancini has given him the keys at City and let him drive the bus up the top of the table -- with the only requirement that he wear some sort of neck accoutrement. He seems to have hit that mythical realm of sports, in basketball it's the "zone" in soccer it's simply "in-form", where he's seeing and playing the game at a different level than everyone else on the field.
Right now Tevez is playing like he was writing for 'The Simpsons' from Seasons 3 through 6. The laughs, err, goals just keep, a-comin' with no end in sight.
Now the question remains, come the World Cup will Tevez's play remind us of Homer piloting the ill-fated Springfield monorail (that's a good thing), or, will it be revealed that he and Messi were really secret elves that doubled as jockeys a.k.a. the worst 'Simpsons' episode ever.
(Hopefully somebody in Argentina, at least got those final references.)
Labels: 2010 world cup, Argentina, carlos tevez, Lionel Messi, Soccer, the simpsons
Did someone get just a little *too* excited by the Monday hatty from Tevez?
Your questions about who Maradona might be favoring and the relative "Argie-ness" of Tevez versus Messi is intriguing, but no World Cup team is picking their squad based on form in January. If that was the case, then Michael Owen (hat trick versus Wolfsburg) and Darren Bent would be sure things for England.
Tevez is a very specific kind of player, and he can thrive with the right other pieces around him, but I don't see him as a game changer who can dictate a game like Messi or CRon or even City's own Ireland or Martin Petrov.
Tevez always makes me think of guys like Kuyt, JS Park or in the NBA Robert Horry and Bruce Bowen. They can be a super valuable and even game winning piece on a championship team when surrounded by championship level players. Those crowd favorite 'grinders' are the offensive linemen or linebackers and they must be good, but the star quarterback is much, much harder to find. I see Messi as the star quarterback and Tevez as more the unsung supporting player - even if the supporting guy is the one who ends up scoring twice and winning the Super Bowl MVP - as is often the case.
All of that leads me to think that Tevez (or someone with his kind of drive) is key to Argentina doing well in South Africa. A squad of high talent 'dancers' (like Citeh with Robinho, Adebayor and Santa Cruz all playing at once) is usually better off sacrificing some obvious 'talent' in order to get some variety and grit on the pitch. Is Diego that smart/sober?
Tevez may be in good form, but ever listen to Tim Vickery talk about him and his chances for Argentina and he'll tell you that he's been horrible for the national team. This included missing a penalty and I believe receiving two red cards in successive games in key qualifier games(after the suspension was served). He's got a deep hole to get out if he wants to get back in the national team.
He seems to have hit that mythical realm of sports, in basketball it's the "zone" in soccer it's simply "in-form"
Beast Mode.
As for Tevez, he's slightly slower, slightly stronger Rooney. Or slightly faster, slightly more skilled Kuyt. Really good, but not great. However, you'd think that would mean he could play a supporting role for the Argies and help enable Messi to do his thing. But they don't seem inclined to build that team around enabling Messi to do his thing, which is sort of nuts.
Tevez looks like he got just got out of a fire?
I'm hoping you know that he did survive 3rd degree burns from boiling water as a child.
That being said... the domination that Messi and Tevez bring to the table for their respective clubs and their lack of form for country has to be the "Dempsey" syndrome for Argentina.
When you think about it there a numerous players that suffer from such a syndrome: Gerrard for England, Ronaldo for Portugal, Ribery for France, et al.
Makes me feel better for the USMNT that we don't suffer alone.
Glad you brought that up Dan. Didn't want to come off as insensitive. I made an editor note. To me, Tevez doesn't get enough credit for playing with the scars. Just felt it was good way to contrast the two players.
Agreed... his decision to pass on surgery and thus his look make his presence all that more intimidating.
I certainly didn't think you were being insensitive. Just wanted to make sure others didn't make the comment. You know rather have a loyal reader find it rather than a newcomer!