Let's cut right to the chase: has the 2010-11 Premier League season -- RooBron madness this week notwithstanding -- been boring?
Or more specifically, has the increased NFL-styled parity made the league more balanced but less exciting?
Perhaps nothing outlines the League better though eight matches than the rousing starts of West Brom and Blackpool, who we all just assumed would be relegation chattel. Both clubs have already won three matches, which has already seemed to exceed expectations, while doing slightly better than the more Premier League-ready promoted Newcastle United. Three-point ATMs, these clubs have yet to become.
And this, if anything, is why the table looks like it does. Right now it's hard to identify a dead team walking or a club so woefully inept and unready for the top flight that it skews the rest of the league.
Current bottom dweller West Ham hasn't been good, but with Avram Grant on the sideline there's at least an excuse to have confidence in the Irons. Wolves, in 18th, have the chance to fall apart if the rest of the League continues to criticize their assumed dirty style of play.
Oh right, and even the most ardent Evertonian probably would concede Liverpool won't finish the year in 19th, right? ... Right?
Last week in this space I wrote about how, during games themselves, soccer managers don't have all that much they can do to change or influence the match. You won't see, like you do in the NFL, guys like Herm Edwards and Brad Childress directly cost their team games for their inability to manage the clock. Or about 80 percent of the clipboard carriers in the NBA who's job is to basically fill out a suit and not upset the franchise's star player.
In fact, there's a whole cottage industry of smug, second-guessing pundits in America who butter their bread shooting these inept NFL coaches in the proverbial barrel. It's too easy. Wade Phillips is a walking disaster, and so it seems have the 32 teams in the NFL have an easily replaceable, incompetent, headset-wearing dope patrolling their sidelines calling the shots. Want "cheap heat" as an American media pundit? Second-guess and flambe an NFL coach.
This used to be the case in the Premier League, too, except substitute the headset and slacks for an unflattering tracksuit. Over the last three or four seasons, look at some of the incompetents Premier League chairmen have hired to steward their clubs: Joe Kinnear, Juande Ramos, Gianfranco Zola, Paul Ince, Lawrie Sanchez, Phil Brown, Gareth Southgate, Phil Scolari, Gary Megson, Sammy Lee, Glenn Roeder, Roy Keane and last but not least the unofficial chairman of this list, Sven-Goran Eriksson.
You could quibble with some of those names, but their time as a Premier League manager was spotty at best.
Right now, how many incompetent mangers are their in the Premier League? Possibly just one, with the jury out on another two. Mostly, though, the 20 middle aged men pacing the touchlines of the English top flight seem to have a pretty good idea what they're doing.
Let's check it out.
The Azzuro Standard:
For my money, right now the top manager in England is Carlo Ancelotti. The pudgy Italian keeps the Chelsea machine rolling and, unfortunately me for, keeps the comedy potential at a minimum. Ancelotti goes about his business, knows how we wants his squad to play and keeps the distractions at the minimum. The only knock is I'm half surprised the cameras haven't caught him dozing off on the sideline after a big lunch, during the second half of a Chelsea rout.
The Torch Bearers:
With multi-decades at the helms of two of the world's biggest clubs, Sir Alex Ferguson and Arsene Wenger are the exception to the rule ... and an "oil and water," "Rizzoli & Isles"(*) type odd couple.
(*) Sorry, TNT is one of the channels on the overhead TVs at my gym, so I've seen the promos about 100 times. One of the detectives is a "fashionista" the other is a "tomboy." You fill in the blanks here.
Naturally I poke plenty of fun at Wenger, but it's clear the Frenchman knows what he's doing ... well ... until we start talking goalkeepers. No trophies in the last five-odd seasons, yes, but he's got the Gunners safely in the top four despite his stubborn resolve against splurging in the transfer market.
Even with the recent RooBron situation, Sir Alex Ferguson's place in English football is hard to find fault with, even it appears he might be losing his fastball with the steady exodus of top flight attacking talent out of Old Trafford. You do have to wonder, did SAF miss a chance to go out on top in 2009, with three-straight Premier League crowns. Now, it's looking like his coda might be even meeker than "In Through the Out Door."
And as if on cue, like the triumphant "Page & Plant" tour from the mid-1990s, here are RooBron and Sir Alex smiling like a couple of old chums Friday morning after the Boy signed a new five-year deal worth about $250,000 per week, which translates to about $13.5 million per year and about $75 million total. (Hate this per-week stuff, is it to distract lazy fans who hate math into how much the contract is worth overall?)
Import Class:
Across Manchester, Roberto Mancini obviously knows how to manage a club, even if his natural inclination is for boring, defense-first soccer. Will he be able to crack the whip and get City past Chelsea in the League or take them to the top of European football? The one major weakness for Mancini is it seems he's gotten into a fair share of personality clashes, notably Robinho, Craig Bellamy, Emmanuel Adebayor and even Carlos Tevez.
The other question for Mancini, when you build a team like City, heaping money on players and making them rich in the process, how do you motivate them to succeed? By taking away their booze privileges, naturally. The temperance movement is alive and well and living in Eastlands. Someone alert Margret Schroder.
Trader 'Arry(*):
People like to criticize Harry Redknapp like its going out of style, but the results speak for themselves. He won an FA Cup with Portsmouth, even if it nearly bankrupted the club. Now he has Spurs in the Champions League. He must be doing something right, even if his choices are easily second-guessable.
(*) If you've ever shopped at Trader Joes, you'll understand this. Wouldn't Trader 'Arry be a perfect name for the store if it sold frozen fish-and-chips or kidney pies, a la Trader Giotti and Trader Ming? Okay, even bourgeoisie grocery store references for one post.
The Toyota Camry Division:
The Camry is the Camry. Is it the nicest car in the world? No, but it gets the job done. Much like these managers.
David Moyes, Sam Allardyce and Mark Hughes are all in the same boat. They get by on middling budgets, getting the most out of players. Of the three, Allardyce -- he of the stupid headset and bold declarations -- is the most mock-worthy, but he does have a "Soup Kitchen" Blackburn side safely in the middle of the table. These three all are proven winners in the Premier League. They won't win the League for your club, but they won't get your club relegated either.
Of this trio, the biggest question mark actually might be Moyes, who's been with Everton since 2002. Maybe he's settled into his class ceiling, guiding a team on a shoestring budget to mid-table safety. In his once chance to make a difference in 2005, Everton crashed out before the Champions League Group Stages.
Toyota Tercel Tier:
On a slightly lower tier are Alex McLeish and Steve Bruce. Both made a lot of savvy-looking moves in the transfer markets, (Hleb, Gyan, etc.) trying to solidify Birmingham City and Sunderland. McLeish seems like the better tactician of the two. Neither the greatest tactically, nor inspire lock-solid confidence, but you could do a lot worse.
Stoke City's Tony Pulis is almost a merge of the two, turning the Potters into a solid team with an identity, though it's not like people are rushing out to buy Robert Huth replica shirts.
Forward thinkers? Tier:
Until this season, it seemed like most lower hung Premier League teams were happy to go on the road or play against the Big Boys and hope to lose 1-0. These next three are trying to buck those conventions.
Owen Coyle, Ian Holloway and Roberto di Matteo all seem cut from the same cloth, with an offense-first approach that has injected life into the Prem. Perhaps Holloway and di Matteo are in the honeymoon stage of management life, but they're off to a good start.
Coyle started this trend with Burnley last year, taking the minnows and playing pretty well until he jumped ship for Bolton, which he's transformed into a tolerable team to watch.
The unifying threat is these three prefer, fast, skilled teams who like to play it on the ground and put opponents on the backheel on the counter. It's a strategy that worked in other European leagues, but seemed to be phased out in the Prem for the ever-so-lovely "10-man Behind the Ball" scenario.
Hey, he looks good in a suit tier:
Avram Grant, Roberto Martinez and Mick McCarthy are all close to being filed in the re-tread collection. They've all been effective, seem to have a plan, but could easily be replaced.
Grant hasn't put much of a stamp on West Ham, after performing miracles at Portsmouth last year. He's well-traveled (nine different managerial posts) for a reason.
Martinez is in an unenviable spot, managing Wigan a team nobody wants to play for and that nobody cares about. In a way he's got the most freedom in the League since Wigan owner David Whelan is committed to the Spaniard.
We'll see on McCarthy, perhaps his methods -- which won Wolves promotion -- are leveling out in a second season in the Prem.
Wait-and-see tier:
The jury is still out of Newcastle's Chris Hughton, who might be proven to be in over his head.
Gerard Houllier has barely gotten his feet wet at Aston Villa, so I'll reserve judgment. He did win a couple Cups with Liverpool and some Ligue 1 titles at Lyon, but I'm not completely sold.
Disaster divison:
So, what's that? Nineteen of the 20 managers?
It means, right now, as of Oct. 22, 2010 the only truly, hapless, incompetent, scorn-worthy manager in the Premier League is .... (drumroll) ... Roy Hodgson, who has to take the brunt of the blame for Liverpool's apocalyptic start.
From failing to find a formation, to allegedly falling out with Fernando Torres and Pepe Reina, from the complete ineptitude, Hodgson has been a disaster on Merseyside.
Since his assaults on Hodgson via Twitter are out-and-out hilarious, I dialed up Nate from "Oh You Beauty" for his take on the man Fulham fans affectionately called, "Uncle Roy."
RooBron Closure:
Money talks.
Can you imagine if the Wayne Rooney played out in the U.S.? Is there a comparable other than LeBron James? Maybe if Michael Jordan wanted to force an exit from the Chicago Bulls to play for the Lakers or Knicks at the peak of his powers.
This one, it's pretty clear, was all posturing by Rooney's handlers, namely agent Paul Stretford.
It's not about United's ability to win, and Rooney not wanting to stick around Old Trafford as it (possibly) morphs into the Dino Radja-era Boston Garden/Fleet Center; the Quincy Carter-era Texas Stadium or the Horace Clark-era Yankee Stadium.
In the end, naturally, this was all about RooBron getting paid. Why else would this have happened in the middle of a season -- Rooney's worst as a pro -- and so publicly? It all seems calculated from the Maverick Carter LMR Marketing playbook. (See: Angry fans burning RooBron in effigy.)
I'll stand by my theory during the week that Rooney's career might already be hitting a downturn, thus he (or his handlers) floated all these stories this week to make United sweat and offer him a new mega-money contract before the current deal expires in 2012, while he's still considered a "superstar." Floating the name Manchester City simply made United panic and do whatever it could to save face publicly, since nothing would both damage the mythology of United and give City the credibility it so desperately wants like Rooney moving across the way to Eastlands.
All the posturing turned what should be a financial/sporting move, i.e. evaluating the future of Rooney, into an emotion one, where David Gill, the Glazer and even Sir Alex, couldn't afford to let Rooney go.
Rooney needed to do all this before the whispers about his seven-month (and counting) dip in form grow into a chorus. Don't misunderstand me, Rooney still has the chance to be great, but his days of contending for the Ballon d'Or just might be over. It happens.
So Rooney gets what he wants, a nice five-year contract that sets him up for life regardless of his form or future injuries. (Here is where you make a, those prostitutes can get pretty expensive joke.) United get to keep the face of the club and tell other teams that Manchester United is still Manchester United.
In shorthand, much a-Roo about nothing.
Round 9 Picks:
Odd slate of games, with the two best matches book-ending the weekend.
Saturday:
* Tottenham v. Everton -- (Live, ESPN2, 7:45 a.m.) Gotta love European soccer. Gareth Bale stars for Spurs in a 4-3 loss to Inter and immediately his future is called into question. Aren't Spurs a big club? Arguably a team in the Top 20 in the world? Unless he follows the path of LeBron Rooney, why would Spurs even contemplate selling him? (Okay, for silly money, yes Redknapp would listen.)
At least this should be a fun game, worth getting up early on Saturday on ESPN, featuring two U.S.-friendly clubs. Wonder if Ian Darke will address "Distribution Brilliant" Howard's claims how the Toffees would love to welcome back Landon Donovan.
Though the club is a rollercoaster, let's hand it to Tottenham for a second. Despite a baker's dozen of different central defense pairings this year, Spurs have one more win than Manchester United and an identical record (4-2-2) as Arsenal. Chalk it up to the fun-to-watch stylings of Bale and Rafael van der Vaart.
Everton are back on track. It's not the most exciting stuff in the world, but Tim Cahill and Mikel Arteta scoring vs. Liverpool probably put Toffee fans over the moon. I'd be more excited by the balance Seamus Coleman gives on the right, to match the width of Leighton Baines on the left. Still, don't think this team wins on the road consistently. ... Tottenham 2, Everton 0
* West Brom v. Fulham -- Both teams likes to score late, but West Brom is good at home and Fulham is miserable on the road ... have we ever figured out why this is so? ... West Brom 1, Fulham 1
* Sunderland v. Aston Villa -- (Live, FSC+, 10 a.m.) So yeah, I was bullish on Sunderland signing Asamoah Gyan, events in Rustenberg notwithstanding. The Ghanaian hasn't helped much, scoring just once. In fact Sunderland is 1-6-1 with only Darren Bent finding the scoresheet.
Still don't have a read on Villa. Sure the team looked solid enough holding Chelsea to a 0-0 draw last week, but what's this team's identity? Will Houllier just make them boring, but solid? ... Sunderland 2, Aston Villa 1
* Birmingham City v. Blackpool -- I really thought Birmingham was ready to take off, then they fell apart in the second half at West Brom. Guess karma doesn't like Lee Bowyer yelling at a grandmother in the stands. Funny how things work like that, huh? This is a game against Blackpool, the team now probably needs to win to stop the freefall.
If you haven't seen it yet, here's Ian Holloway's long-ranging, contradictory rant about the Rooney situation. Does he make a point? Well, that's beside the point itself. "WHO IS THAT?!? ... sort your life out." Fantastic. Jim Mora and Mike Singletary would approve, even if it didn't make much sense. ... Birmingham City 2, Blackpool 1
* Wigan Athletic v. Bolton -- You know you have a EPL Problem when you sit down to watch this one start to finish. Sorry Stu. ... Wigan 1, Bolton 1
* Chelsea v. Wolves -- (Live, FSC, 10 a.m.) About the only thing to say here is if Chelsea reverts back to its August/September shit-stomping ways, where it crushes teams like Wolves by four or five goals. The buzzword for Chelsea under Ancelotti is professionalism. Expect a professional performance here. ... Chelsea 3, Wolves 0
* West Ham United v. Newcastle United -- (Live, FSC, 12:30 p.m.) Kind of an important relegation game, early in the calendar. West Ham are going to flirt with the bottom three all year simply because what is the team's calling card? What can they fall back on? Or who is going to pick this team up by the scruff and pull them to safety? The same things may apply to Newcastle, as that 6-0 thrashing of Villa seems like a long time ago. ... West Ham 1, Newcastle 1
Sunday:
* Stoke City v. Manchester United -- (Live, FSC+, 8:30 a.m.) Wonder if Stoke have it in them to really put United and SAF in crisis mode? The Potters, Delap-bombs aside, don't seem dynamic enough to trouble United even in this weakened state, though you have to think its for matches like these that Pulis brought in Kenwyne Jones.
United? Hard to believe that Nani, who seemed on the way out not too long ago, is now maybe the most important offensive player along with Dimitar Berbatov. Wonder if Ferguson would consider breaking away from his standard 4-4-2 alignment, just to see if something new would inject some life in the team.
Of course there's the chance that Rooney basically throwing the entire team under the bus galvanizes the squad and it gives them a rallying cry. Unfortunately, that's more likely to be found in the American sporting ethos, whether real or the stuff of cliched sports movies. Anyway, Rooney is back so it's time to sing Kumbaya around the Stretford end.
As it is, this team doesn't seem to have an alpha dog (unless Rooney regains his form), with Giggs and Scholes being too old for that kind of week-in, week-out work. Sir Alex is going to kick himself he couldn't find a way to bring in Ozil or van der Vaart (how did Redknapp steal him from Real?) for a long time, even with the Boy Wonder back in the fold. ... Stoke City 1, Manchester United 2
* Liverpool v. Blackburn -- Now that Liverpool fans don't have Hicks and Gillett to kick around, guess it's on to Hodgson ... who, let's face it, is a lot less fun to burn in effigy. Hicks, yeah, it makes sense a pigheaded, ugly American, who doesn't want to beat that pinata? Hodgson? It's like a dottering old Pep Pep. ... Liverpool 1, Blackburn 0
* Manchester City v. Arsenal -- (Live, FSC, 11 a.m.) Well, we have to wait until the last game of the weekend for a truly juicy match up and this is that.
Wenger will probably look wise holding back Cesc Fabregas until this match, since the Spanish wunderkind will be needed against the wall of City midfielders.
This might be more of a litmus test for City and it's sometimes suspect defense, as Arsenal's attack presents a multitude of problems. Assuming Fabregas plays, and pings the ball around the field, City has to cope with the physical (flopping) presence of Maroune Chamakh, as well as the tricky play of Andrey Arshavin and Samir Nasri on the wings, which opens it up for Fabregas to romp forward.
City, well, we kind of have a read on them. Tevez is the talisman, do-it-all forward. If the outside players of James Milner, David Silva or Adam Johnson show up and bring the goods, City is tough to cope with.
Hate to boil these down to cliches, but this might be about which team wants it more, since this game is crying out for a late winner. Arsenal did play well in a similar spot at Stamford Bridge, but couldn't finish its chances. For some reason, think the Gunners are due. ... City 1, Arsenal 2
Last round: 6-4
Season: 32-48
Or more specifically, has the increased NFL-styled parity made the league more balanced but less exciting?
Perhaps nothing outlines the League better though eight matches than the rousing starts of West Brom and Blackpool, who we all just assumed would be relegation chattel. Both clubs have already won three matches, which has already seemed to exceed expectations, while doing slightly better than the more Premier League-ready promoted Newcastle United. Three-point ATMs, these clubs have yet to become.
And this, if anything, is why the table looks like it does. Right now it's hard to identify a dead team walking or a club so woefully inept and unready for the top flight that it skews the rest of the league.
Current bottom dweller West Ham hasn't been good, but with Avram Grant on the sideline there's at least an excuse to have confidence in the Irons. Wolves, in 18th, have the chance to fall apart if the rest of the League continues to criticize their assumed dirty style of play.
Oh right, and even the most ardent Evertonian probably would concede Liverpool won't finish the year in 19th, right? ... Right?
Last week in this space I wrote about how, during games themselves, soccer managers don't have all that much they can do to change or influence the match. You won't see, like you do in the NFL, guys like Herm Edwards and Brad Childress directly cost their team games for their inability to manage the clock. Or about 80 percent of the clipboard carriers in the NBA who's job is to basically fill out a suit and not upset the franchise's star player.
In fact, there's a whole cottage industry of smug, second-guessing pundits in America who butter their bread shooting these inept NFL coaches in the proverbial barrel. It's too easy. Wade Phillips is a walking disaster, and so it seems have the 32 teams in the NFL have an easily replaceable, incompetent, headset-wearing dope patrolling their sidelines calling the shots. Want "cheap heat" as an American media pundit? Second-guess and flambe an NFL coach.
This used to be the case in the Premier League, too, except substitute the headset and slacks for an unflattering tracksuit. Over the last three or four seasons, look at some of the incompetents Premier League chairmen have hired to steward their clubs: Joe Kinnear, Juande Ramos, Gianfranco Zola, Paul Ince, Lawrie Sanchez, Phil Brown, Gareth Southgate, Phil Scolari, Gary Megson, Sammy Lee, Glenn Roeder, Roy Keane and last but not least the unofficial chairman of this list, Sven-Goran Eriksson.
You could quibble with some of those names, but their time as a Premier League manager was spotty at best.
Right now, how many incompetent mangers are their in the Premier League? Possibly just one, with the jury out on another two. Mostly, though, the 20 middle aged men pacing the touchlines of the English top flight seem to have a pretty good idea what they're doing.
Let's check it out.
The Azzuro Standard:
For my money, right now the top manager in England is Carlo Ancelotti. The pudgy Italian keeps the Chelsea machine rolling and, unfortunately me for, keeps the comedy potential at a minimum. Ancelotti goes about his business, knows how we wants his squad to play and keeps the distractions at the minimum. The only knock is I'm half surprised the cameras haven't caught him dozing off on the sideline after a big lunch, during the second half of a Chelsea rout.
The Torch Bearers:
With multi-decades at the helms of two of the world's biggest clubs, Sir Alex Ferguson and Arsene Wenger are the exception to the rule ... and an "oil and water," "Rizzoli & Isles"(*) type odd couple.
(*) Sorry, TNT is one of the channels on the overhead TVs at my gym, so I've seen the promos about 100 times. One of the detectives is a "fashionista" the other is a "tomboy." You fill in the blanks here.
Naturally I poke plenty of fun at Wenger, but it's clear the Frenchman knows what he's doing ... well ... until we start talking goalkeepers. No trophies in the last five-odd seasons, yes, but he's got the Gunners safely in the top four despite his stubborn resolve against splurging in the transfer market.
Even with the recent RooBron situation, Sir Alex Ferguson's place in English football is hard to find fault with, even it appears he might be losing his fastball with the steady exodus of top flight attacking talent out of Old Trafford. You do have to wonder, did SAF miss a chance to go out on top in 2009, with three-straight Premier League crowns. Now, it's looking like his coda might be even meeker than "In Through the Out Door."
And as if on cue, like the triumphant "Page & Plant" tour from the mid-1990s, here are RooBron and Sir Alex smiling like a couple of old chums Friday morning after the Boy signed a new five-year deal worth about $250,000 per week, which translates to about $13.5 million per year and about $75 million total. (Hate this per-week stuff, is it to distract lazy fans who hate math into how much the contract is worth overall?)
Import Class:
Across Manchester, Roberto Mancini obviously knows how to manage a club, even if his natural inclination is for boring, defense-first soccer. Will he be able to crack the whip and get City past Chelsea in the League or take them to the top of European football? The one major weakness for Mancini is it seems he's gotten into a fair share of personality clashes, notably Robinho, Craig Bellamy, Emmanuel Adebayor and even Carlos Tevez.
The other question for Mancini, when you build a team like City, heaping money on players and making them rich in the process, how do you motivate them to succeed? By taking away their booze privileges, naturally. The temperance movement is alive and well and living in Eastlands. Someone alert Margret Schroder.
Trader 'Arry(*):
People like to criticize Harry Redknapp like its going out of style, but the results speak for themselves. He won an FA Cup with Portsmouth, even if it nearly bankrupted the club. Now he has Spurs in the Champions League. He must be doing something right, even if his choices are easily second-guessable.
(*) If you've ever shopped at Trader Joes, you'll understand this. Wouldn't Trader 'Arry be a perfect name for the store if it sold frozen fish-and-chips or kidney pies, a la Trader Giotti and Trader Ming? Okay, even bourgeoisie grocery store references for one post.
The Toyota Camry Division:
The Camry is the Camry. Is it the nicest car in the world? No, but it gets the job done. Much like these managers.
David Moyes, Sam Allardyce and Mark Hughes are all in the same boat. They get by on middling budgets, getting the most out of players. Of the three, Allardyce -- he of the stupid headset and bold declarations -- is the most mock-worthy, but he does have a "Soup Kitchen" Blackburn side safely in the middle of the table. These three all are proven winners in the Premier League. They won't win the League for your club, but they won't get your club relegated either.
Of this trio, the biggest question mark actually might be Moyes, who's been with Everton since 2002. Maybe he's settled into his class ceiling, guiding a team on a shoestring budget to mid-table safety. In his once chance to make a difference in 2005, Everton crashed out before the Champions League Group Stages.
Toyota Tercel Tier:
On a slightly lower tier are Alex McLeish and Steve Bruce. Both made a lot of savvy-looking moves in the transfer markets, (Hleb, Gyan, etc.) trying to solidify Birmingham City and Sunderland. McLeish seems like the better tactician of the two. Neither the greatest tactically, nor inspire lock-solid confidence, but you could do a lot worse.
Stoke City's Tony Pulis is almost a merge of the two, turning the Potters into a solid team with an identity, though it's not like people are rushing out to buy Robert Huth replica shirts.
Forward thinkers? Tier:
Until this season, it seemed like most lower hung Premier League teams were happy to go on the road or play against the Big Boys and hope to lose 1-0. These next three are trying to buck those conventions.
Owen Coyle, Ian Holloway and Roberto di Matteo all seem cut from the same cloth, with an offense-first approach that has injected life into the Prem. Perhaps Holloway and di Matteo are in the honeymoon stage of management life, but they're off to a good start.
Coyle started this trend with Burnley last year, taking the minnows and playing pretty well until he jumped ship for Bolton, which he's transformed into a tolerable team to watch.
The unifying threat is these three prefer, fast, skilled teams who like to play it on the ground and put opponents on the backheel on the counter. It's a strategy that worked in other European leagues, but seemed to be phased out in the Prem for the ever-so-lovely "10-man Behind the Ball" scenario.
Hey, he looks good in a suit tier:
Avram Grant, Roberto Martinez and Mick McCarthy are all close to being filed in the re-tread collection. They've all been effective, seem to have a plan, but could easily be replaced.
Grant hasn't put much of a stamp on West Ham, after performing miracles at Portsmouth last year. He's well-traveled (nine different managerial posts) for a reason.
Martinez is in an unenviable spot, managing Wigan a team nobody wants to play for and that nobody cares about. In a way he's got the most freedom in the League since Wigan owner David Whelan is committed to the Spaniard.
We'll see on McCarthy, perhaps his methods -- which won Wolves promotion -- are leveling out in a second season in the Prem.
Wait-and-see tier:
The jury is still out of Newcastle's Chris Hughton, who might be proven to be in over his head.
Gerard Houllier has barely gotten his feet wet at Aston Villa, so I'll reserve judgment. He did win a couple Cups with Liverpool and some Ligue 1 titles at Lyon, but I'm not completely sold.
Disaster divison:
So, what's that? Nineteen of the 20 managers?
It means, right now, as of Oct. 22, 2010 the only truly, hapless, incompetent, scorn-worthy manager in the Premier League is .... (drumroll) ... Roy Hodgson, who has to take the brunt of the blame for Liverpool's apocalyptic start.
From failing to find a formation, to allegedly falling out with Fernando Torres and Pepe Reina, from the complete ineptitude, Hodgson has been a disaster on Merseyside.
Since his assaults on Hodgson via Twitter are out-and-out hilarious, I dialed up Nate from "Oh You Beauty" for his take on the man Fulham fans affectionately called, "Uncle Roy."
"I can't decide what about Hodgson makes me angriest. The unchanging,Long story short, let's hope Leiscester City -- Sven's new employer -- gains promotion to the Premier League soon. It hard when these jokes don't write themselves.
prehistoric tactics that are completely unsuited to Liverpool's squad? His inability to understand the Liverpool fans, leading to post-match remarks like last Sunday's, where he called the second half of a 0-2 loss to Everton one of the best performances the team's had during his reign? His refusal to climb out of Alex Ferguson's rectum? Oh right, the results make me angriest. The fact that Liverpool currently, and deservedly, sits 19th after eight Premiership games, and that's only down to a lucky 1-0 win over West Brom. It may be disrespectful to a man who's by all accounts "nice," but every time I log onto the Internet, I hope to read he's been fired, preferably from a cannon. Unfortunately, not yet."
RooBron Closure:
Money talks.
Can you imagine if the Wayne Rooney played out in the U.S.? Is there a comparable other than LeBron James? Maybe if Michael Jordan wanted to force an exit from the Chicago Bulls to play for the Lakers or Knicks at the peak of his powers.
This one, it's pretty clear, was all posturing by Rooney's handlers, namely agent Paul Stretford.
It's not about United's ability to win, and Rooney not wanting to stick around Old Trafford as it (possibly) morphs into the Dino Radja-era Boston Garden/Fleet Center; the Quincy Carter-era Texas Stadium or the Horace Clark-era Yankee Stadium.
In the end, naturally, this was all about RooBron getting paid. Why else would this have happened in the middle of a season -- Rooney's worst as a pro -- and so publicly? It all seems calculated from the Maverick Carter LMR Marketing playbook. (See: Angry fans burning RooBron in effigy.)
I'll stand by my theory during the week that Rooney's career might already be hitting a downturn, thus he (or his handlers) floated all these stories this week to make United sweat and offer him a new mega-money contract before the current deal expires in 2012, while he's still considered a "superstar." Floating the name Manchester City simply made United panic and do whatever it could to save face publicly, since nothing would both damage the mythology of United and give City the credibility it so desperately wants like Rooney moving across the way to Eastlands.
All the posturing turned what should be a financial/sporting move, i.e. evaluating the future of Rooney, into an emotion one, where David Gill, the Glazer and even Sir Alex, couldn't afford to let Rooney go.
Rooney needed to do all this before the whispers about his seven-month (and counting) dip in form grow into a chorus. Don't misunderstand me, Rooney still has the chance to be great, but his days of contending for the Ballon d'Or just might be over. It happens.
So Rooney gets what he wants, a nice five-year contract that sets him up for life regardless of his form or future injuries. (Here is where you make a, those prostitutes can get pretty expensive joke.) United get to keep the face of the club and tell other teams that Manchester United is still Manchester United.
In shorthand, much a-Roo about nothing.
Round 9 Picks:
Odd slate of games, with the two best matches book-ending the weekend.
Saturday:
* Tottenham v. Everton -- (Live, ESPN2, 7:45 a.m.) Gotta love European soccer. Gareth Bale stars for Spurs in a 4-3 loss to Inter and immediately his future is called into question. Aren't Spurs a big club? Arguably a team in the Top 20 in the world? Unless he follows the path of LeBron Rooney, why would Spurs even contemplate selling him? (Okay, for silly money, yes Redknapp would listen.)
At least this should be a fun game, worth getting up early on Saturday on ESPN, featuring two U.S.-friendly clubs. Wonder if Ian Darke will address "Distribution Brilliant" Howard's claims how the Toffees would love to welcome back Landon Donovan.
Though the club is a rollercoaster, let's hand it to Tottenham for a second. Despite a baker's dozen of different central defense pairings this year, Spurs have one more win than Manchester United and an identical record (4-2-2) as Arsenal. Chalk it up to the fun-to-watch stylings of Bale and Rafael van der Vaart.
Everton are back on track. It's not the most exciting stuff in the world, but Tim Cahill and Mikel Arteta scoring vs. Liverpool probably put Toffee fans over the moon. I'd be more excited by the balance Seamus Coleman gives on the right, to match the width of Leighton Baines on the left. Still, don't think this team wins on the road consistently. ... Tottenham 2, Everton 0
* West Brom v. Fulham -- Both teams likes to score late, but West Brom is good at home and Fulham is miserable on the road ... have we ever figured out why this is so? ... West Brom 1, Fulham 1
* Sunderland v. Aston Villa -- (Live, FSC+, 10 a.m.) So yeah, I was bullish on Sunderland signing Asamoah Gyan, events in Rustenberg notwithstanding. The Ghanaian hasn't helped much, scoring just once. In fact Sunderland is 1-6-1 with only Darren Bent finding the scoresheet.
Still don't have a read on Villa. Sure the team looked solid enough holding Chelsea to a 0-0 draw last week, but what's this team's identity? Will Houllier just make them boring, but solid? ... Sunderland 2, Aston Villa 1
* Birmingham City v. Blackpool -- I really thought Birmingham was ready to take off, then they fell apart in the second half at West Brom. Guess karma doesn't like Lee Bowyer yelling at a grandmother in the stands. Funny how things work like that, huh? This is a game against Blackpool, the team now probably needs to win to stop the freefall.
If you haven't seen it yet, here's Ian Holloway's long-ranging, contradictory rant about the Rooney situation. Does he make a point? Well, that's beside the point itself. "WHO IS THAT?!? ... sort your life out." Fantastic. Jim Mora and Mike Singletary would approve, even if it didn't make much sense. ... Birmingham City 2, Blackpool 1
* Wigan Athletic v. Bolton -- You know you have a EPL Problem when you sit down to watch this one start to finish. Sorry Stu. ... Wigan 1, Bolton 1
* Chelsea v. Wolves -- (Live, FSC, 10 a.m.) About the only thing to say here is if Chelsea reverts back to its August/September shit-stomping ways, where it crushes teams like Wolves by four or five goals. The buzzword for Chelsea under Ancelotti is professionalism. Expect a professional performance here. ... Chelsea 3, Wolves 0
* West Ham United v. Newcastle United -- (Live, FSC, 12:30 p.m.) Kind of an important relegation game, early in the calendar. West Ham are going to flirt with the bottom three all year simply because what is the team's calling card? What can they fall back on? Or who is going to pick this team up by the scruff and pull them to safety? The same things may apply to Newcastle, as that 6-0 thrashing of Villa seems like a long time ago. ... West Ham 1, Newcastle 1
Sunday:
* Stoke City v. Manchester United -- (Live, FSC+, 8:30 a.m.) Wonder if Stoke have it in them to really put United and SAF in crisis mode? The Potters, Delap-bombs aside, don't seem dynamic enough to trouble United even in this weakened state, though you have to think its for matches like these that Pulis brought in Kenwyne Jones.
United? Hard to believe that Nani, who seemed on the way out not too long ago, is now maybe the most important offensive player along with Dimitar Berbatov. Wonder if Ferguson would consider breaking away from his standard 4-4-2 alignment, just to see if something new would inject some life in the team.
Of course there's the chance that Rooney basically throwing the entire team under the bus galvanizes the squad and it gives them a rallying cry. Unfortunately, that's more likely to be found in the American sporting ethos, whether real or the stuff of cliched sports movies. Anyway, Rooney is back so it's time to sing Kumbaya around the Stretford end.
As it is, this team doesn't seem to have an alpha dog (unless Rooney regains his form), with Giggs and Scholes being too old for that kind of week-in, week-out work. Sir Alex is going to kick himself he couldn't find a way to bring in Ozil or van der Vaart (how did Redknapp steal him from Real?) for a long time, even with the Boy Wonder back in the fold. ... Stoke City 1, Manchester United 2
* Liverpool v. Blackburn -- Now that Liverpool fans don't have Hicks and Gillett to kick around, guess it's on to Hodgson ... who, let's face it, is a lot less fun to burn in effigy. Hicks, yeah, it makes sense a pigheaded, ugly American, who doesn't want to beat that pinata? Hodgson? It's like a dottering old Pep Pep. ... Liverpool 1, Blackburn 0
* Manchester City v. Arsenal -- (Live, FSC, 11 a.m.) Well, we have to wait until the last game of the weekend for a truly juicy match up and this is that.
Wenger will probably look wise holding back Cesc Fabregas until this match, since the Spanish wunderkind will be needed against the wall of City midfielders.
This might be more of a litmus test for City and it's sometimes suspect defense, as Arsenal's attack presents a multitude of problems. Assuming Fabregas plays, and pings the ball around the field, City has to cope with the physical (flopping) presence of Maroune Chamakh, as well as the tricky play of Andrey Arshavin and Samir Nasri on the wings, which opens it up for Fabregas to romp forward.
City, well, we kind of have a read on them. Tevez is the talisman, do-it-all forward. If the outside players of James Milner, David Silva or Adam Johnson show up and bring the goods, City is tough to cope with.
Hate to boil these down to cliches, but this might be about which team wants it more, since this game is crying out for a late winner. Arsenal did play well in a similar spot at Stamford Bridge, but couldn't finish its chances. For some reason, think the Gunners are due. ... City 1, Arsenal 2
Last round: 6-4
Season: 32-48
Labels: English Premier League, EPL, EPL picks, Liverpool, Soccer, Wayne Rooney
I appreciate what you're saying about Hodgson's inability to find tactics or a lineup that suits Liverpool, but he was named English manager of the year less than six months ago.
Liverpool's problem is Liverpool, not Hodgson, and while he may have made a mistake leaving Fulham (though reasonably, what more could he have accomplished there?) and his tactics are better suited for mid-table clubs, a bad two months with a club in crisis doesn't erase the magical Europa run last year.
First, absolutely LOVE both Rooney and SAFs plays in all this. Both knew from day 1 what this was all about. This is why sports writers make a barely living wage and actual managers make millions. This is the greatest ending this story could have had. Makes me rest easy at night knowing capitalism and greed can still be counted on.
Sunderland v Villa - this game has unpredictable 0-5 Villa goal fest all over it.
Stoke 1 - MU 4. Rooney could never handle the stress. Now that he's comfortable and paid and can do whatever, he's dangerous. Captain him on your fantasy league this week. 2 goals (one from a header) and an assist.
City - Gunners: I have the same read. Gunna be who wants it more. Offense v Defense. In American football I'd give the edge to the defensive team when that happens but something tells me Arsenal has some magic coming this week...
Overall, isn't it great that we have Totters and City playing as big boys this year?! The odds of having a weekend where none of City, MU, Blues, Spurs, Arsenal, or Pool playing each other is pretty much 0. Yes I included Pool in that list. Even if they're losing all those matches, it's still a rivalry.
To attempt to answer the how did Harry steal VdV from Real question, I think Levy at Tottenham has a pretty good relationship with Real Madrid.
Last year during Real's fire sale of their Dutch contingent Levy went to Madrid at least once to negotiate for some of their castoffs, probably Huntelaar and Robben. Real was trying to make the deals work with some possible wage subsidies but we couldn't get the players on board (they didn't want to come). But Real appreciated our efforts in the negotiations and so when they brought in Ozil and VdV was surplus, they called up Levy and offered him.
Allegedly, a possible aspect of the deal is that Spurs also gave them a three-year right of first-refusal on Bale (if we choose to sell him and someone meets our price, we have to give Real the opportunity to match that price and buy him instead). That suits Spurs since if/when we sell him, better he goes to Spain and not a rival.
Mourinho probably wasn't too involved with the transfer dealing, but I think he has a bit of a soft spot for Spurs as well.
@ Simon,
Liverpool were never this bad last year, despite some terrible performances against the likes of Pompey, Wolves, Wigan and even accounting for players lost this summer (specifically Mascherano). Liverpool were rarely this bad under Houllier, who used similar (if more effective) tactics, or Souness for that matter.
There are deeper problems at Liverpool, thanks to the rotten previous owners, but we've thankfully got a fresh start in that regards. I've seen some, although increasingly fewer, argue to give Hodgson more time because of that, but it's the aforementioned unsuited, unchanging tactics that make me think it's not worth it. And given Liverpool's current league placement, the change needs to be made before the season's completely lost.
Also, that Hodgson won LMA Manager of the Year doesn't mean he's a paragon of management. Some previous winners: Steve Coppell (twice), Alan Curbishley, George Burley, Dave Jones, Joe Kinnear.