That's On Point: The Web Site

Not a ton of time today, but something had been nagging at me since last Saturday when Everton upset Manchester United 3-1.

A lot was made how the winning goals for the Toffees were scored by young club products Dan Gosling and Jack Rodwell. Within a day or two, there were already "stories" surfacing that David Moyes "hoped" he'd be able to keep those players.

Never mind the fact that this is a massive jump to conclusions on a pair of players, one who's 18, the other that just turned 20 this month. What do their career trajectories look like? Impossible to say.

What really got me was the fact that since these two guys played well and scored against Manchester United, the British press felt it was their right to start speculation to where they'd end up, since Everton obviously isn't a big enough club, even while it's "a grand old team to play for."

Just where exactly is the ideal destination for players, be in the Premier League or around the globe?

If we're talking the utterly elite, best of the best, players it's a pretty short list -- Manchester United, Arsenal, Chelsea, Real Madrid and Barcelona. That's it. (Sorry Liverpool, you've lost a little luster, same thing for both Milan giants.)

It's also why one of the world's best -- Franck Ribery -- is at a fairly huge club, Bayern Munich, but has been linked to move away from the Bavarian giants seemingly since he signed for the club in 2007.

But let's do a little math? I'll provide the No. 2 pencils and graph paper.

Let's say a "big" club is competing in the league, Cup and Europe in a given season. What's the ideal squad size? A solid core of 7-8 regular starters and a general first team of capable players around, say, 20?

Do the math, that's roughly 100 spots at the "big" clubs in the entire world. Sure you could be part of the squad at one of these teams, but what's the chances of getting off the bench? It seems some players would rather be a surplus part at Barcelona -- cough, cough, Cesc Fabregas -- than carry a slightly lesser club.

Quite simply, there are only so many minutes to go around.

For fun, I decided to look at the Premier League this season, with most clubs playing either 26 or 27 games and two -- Manchester United and West Ham 28. I figured it would be interesting to see how many players at the 20 clubs had logged over 2,000 minutes creeping toward the three-quarters mark of the season.

The results?

Mildly interesting. Overall 52 players have passed the mark, or about 2.6 per club.

For one, would you believe Peter Crouch has played in all 27 matches for Tottenham this season? However, he's not passed the 2,000-minute plateau.

The current league leader? That would be Patric Evra, who's at 2,490 minutes going 28-for-28 in matches, playing roughly 89 minutes per. Somewhat surprisingly, the only other United player to join him in the 2,000-club is Wayne Rooney.

In fact, the top three clubs aren't dominated by a select few players logging major minutes. Chelsea (2) has England stalwarts John Terry and Frank Lampard, while Arsenal only has defenders William Gallas and Thomas Vermaelen.

Further down the table, Aston Villa had six players beyond the 2,000-minute mark -- Carlos Cuellar, Richard Dunne, James Milner, Stilian Petrov, Ashley Young and Gabby Agbonlahor.

Yet Villa wasn't the top club in this study, it was Wigan Athletic with seven. (Titus Bramble, Maynor Figueroa, Mario Melchoit, Charles N'Zogbia, Paul Scharner, Hendry Thomas and Hugo Rodellega.)

The only club with zero players passed the mark? Yep, Portsmouth.

Two clubs only had one -- West Ham (Julian Faubert) and Wolves (Karl Henry).

So did this quick study prove anything? Are there actually more minutes that it looks?

For one, I'll admit it's a little flawed. While 2,000 is a nice round number, it's nothing but arbitrary, even if it equates to around 75-80 minutes per Premier League match.

I still don't think there's as many jobs at the "big" clubs as it might seem to be in the media, who like to link any player with an inkling of skill to the Chelseas and Real Madrids of the world.

And with the stories that came out this week that the Premier League owes over 50 percent of the European club debt, it seems unlikely clubs are going to bring in players to big fees and let them sit at the end of the bench or on the fringes of the squad as an excess part. If you're going to buy somebody, they better get on the field.

Me? If I were a player and had the requisite skill to take my pick of clubs? I'd probably go for a solid midtable club in Spain like Villareal. Nice weather. Nice community based team. The chance to become a local legend. Of course, there's always the chance that a pissed off Ben Kingsley could show up and ruin everything, so there's that to consider.


Saturday:

* Chelsea v. Manchester City -- (Live, ESPN2, 7:45 a.m.) Even without a specially tailored "calf-helmet" (perhaps talk to Adrian Peterson to acquire some of his Nike-designed lizard skin) Chelsea should be fine with Petr Cech on the sidelines. Methinks they'll manage. But how about City? Are we so sure that Roberto Mancini is any better equipped to take City to the next step than Mark Hughes? Sure he had success at Inter, but how much of that was a result of the Juventus scandal? And look how much different Inter looked in the Champions League knockout stages under Jose Mourinho. The Nezzazzuri played to win, looking nothing like the timid squad that was dumped out uncermonisously by Liverpool and Manchester United the last couple seasons. The last few weeks, with Carlos Tevez away and off the boil, City has looked uninspired. How about some of the main players at City -- Emmanuel Adebayor, Gareth Barry, Kolo Toure -- are they winners? Getting over the final hump from also-rans to Champions Leaguers isn't easy. ... Chelsea 2, City 0 (Side wager, I'm setting the over/under of mentions on Wayne Bridge quitting England at eight.)

* Birmingham City v. Wigan Athletic -- (Live, FSC, 10 a.m.) Battlefield England? ... Birmingham City 2, Wigan 1

* Bolton v. Wolves -- (Live, Setanta, 10 a.m.) Let's put it kindly. Nobody associated with Bolton probably figured that bringing on Owen Coyle as manager would result in this -- 18th in the table and sinking like a stone. At least Stuart Holden finally saw the field, except it was in an FA Cup thrashing by Spurs. If Bolton can't find a way to beat Wolves at home, it doesn't deserve to stay in the Premier League. ... Bolton 1, Wolves 0

* Burnley v. Portsmouth -- On the bright side, Burnley looks like it's going down, but unlike Portsmouth it's not Armageddon for the club. ... Burnley 3, Portsmouth 1

* Stoke City v. Arsenal -- (Live, FSC, 12:30 p.m.) Trap game for Arsenal? Stoke isn't a good matchup for the Gunners, what with all the size and overall ruggedness that transpires at the Britianna. One thought on Arsenal? Are the Gunners really playing such free-flowing football that we've come to expect? In spurts, yes, but do we overrate them because of who are they are? Arsene Wenger will know more than I ever will, but is a 4-3-3 formation with the players Arsenal has the smartest idea? Nicklas Bendtner is not, despite his size, a target center forward. ... Stoke City 1, Arsenal 1

Sunday:

* Tottenham v. Everton -- (Live, Setanta, 8 a.m.) The last game for Setanta in America is a good one. Spurs look to have snapped out of their slump, with seven goals in the last week, thanks to Roman Pavlychenko. Funny, remember how post Euro-08 everyone was clamoring for the big Russian, and how quickly he turned into a punchline. He's not a bad player. He's an okay player. If you expect him to do anything more than score a goal, you're foolish. Right now he's producing, so 'Arry ought to ride him. Wonder how much Everton will have in the tank after a tricky Thursday night game in Portugal. Hate to say it, but they're due a clunker. ... Tottenham 2, Everton 1

* Liverpool v. Blackburn -- (Live, FSC, 10 a.m.) Open question to Liverpool fans -- how much do you care about the Europa League? Is it contingent on league position? A door prize? Is finishing fourth more important? Would winning the tournament take the pressure off Rafa? I'd like to know. ... Liverpool 3, Blackburn 1

* Sunderland v. Fulham -- That is a tremendous job by Fulham this week, to go to Ukraine and knock out the defending UEFAEROPA League champions, Shaktar Donetsk. How Roy Hodgson keeps together a team that looks like it would be right at home in the English League Championship is remarkable. Sunderland? It's testament to how many other truly awful clubs are out there that they haven't won since November and still aren't in the relegation zone. Steve Bruce, it might be a good time to start planning a nice summer vacation. ... Sunderland 1, Fulham 0

Last round: 5-6
Season: 137-125

Enjoy the Car-car-carling Cup!

(USMNT fans, I'll have some Dutch friendly thoughts on Tuesday.)

Labels: English Premier League, Prem Picks, Soccer

Fun fact.

If you add the "Benny Hill music", it makes anything fun.

Getting home, feeling like actual "white dog crap" and turning on the DVR recording of the USMNT playing El Salvador in rainy Tampa, Fla. I would have loved a little Benny Hill antics spliced in at opportune times.

Maybe it was the grating voice of John Harkes and the production meeting topic of the night -- "this is Player X's last chance." ... "Will they book a ticket to South Africa?"

Or how about how these players had so much "pressure" on them to perform. (If a guy is too nervous to play El Salvador in a half-empty stadium, how can he handle the pressure of the World Cup, where, lo and behold the stadiums just might end up being half-empty. I'd want a guy that says, "Eff it, I'm going balls out." Not the guy that's nervous and plays not to lose. But that's me.)

When Rob Stone broke out the NCAA "bubble" watch terminology in the 80th minute my head near exploded.

Yeah, you've got to talk about something during the course of a 90-minute game, but still. The more I heard this, the more that idea seemed like a fallacy.

A couple things to consider in this game, if you try to analyze it:

1) Is one 90-minute game vs. El Salvador going to make it or break it for a player? It's nice pre-game talking point, but Bob Bradley -- for all his confounding decisions -- isn't that simple minded. He has a squad in mind and what pieces he wants to bring over. Like it or not, he's got an idea of what the U.S. will look like. Judging that process via a meaningless friendly vs. training sessions and the overall makeup of the squad is just silly and simplistic.

2) All the guys in Tampa are likely spare parts. They're fitting into a lineup that's keyed by Landon Donovan, plain and simple. Sacha Kljestan might be forced into pulling the midfield strings against El Salvador, but the offense isn't going through him in South Africa. (And if he's starting in a key role in June, well, the U.S. is royally boned. Cue the Hetfield voice -- Don't yoooo know it's Sad but troooo.)

2a) The only real things to evaluate are tangible, like cross delivery, field awareness or set pieces. Otherwise, when the curtain goes up in South Africa, the XI on the field in Tampa might have some familiar faces, but their roles will be much different.

That's why, it's harsh, but Brad Evans -- you are the weakest link, goodbye. (My 1999 novelty t-shirt goldmine.)

Heading the ball to the center of the field in your own box with a player rushing on? It's a mistake, but was made nonethless. You can shrug it off against El Salvador, but not when it counts. Mental mistakes are the ban of a winning team.

To point No. 1, is a stoppage time goal vs. El Salvador really what's going to separate Kljestan getting on the plane to South Africa or not? While it must have felt like a walk-off home run, to him at least, did scoring that goal true the equation into a true-false scenario?

As meaningless in the grand scheme of things this match was, you really can't fall behind 1-0 at home to El Salvador. It's not good for business. (Really, El Salvador could have borrowed Homer Simpson's boxing robe, which read "Opponent.")

Until the U.S. finally broke through via the noggin of Brain Ching in the 75th-ish minute, all this game turned out to be was a never-ending string of missed chances and false hopes. The poor crowd in Tampa, on top of being rained upon, they had to put up with more cock-teases, err, goal-teases than the nearby Mons Venus.

On the one hand, it's good to create all these chances against an opponent that looks as motivated as a seventh grade in algebra class.

But aren't we beyond glimpses of hope, or juuuuuust misses on a set piece? It's getting pretty late in the game.

If you've watched everything to do with the U.S. and live-and-die with the team day-in, day-out, this game almost went entirely to script.

Except the soundtrack needs work.

Miscellany:

* Robbie Rogers = Ethan Rom? Maybe. Rogers the player? Handwave.

* Brad Davis, a soup kitchen Eddie Lewis? Actually, he'd be a good addition to the final squad of the other similar candidates. He's got a nice foot from dead balls and crosses. Also factor in he's been a consistent winner at Houston, he wouldn't take away from the game, if he ever saw the field.

* Rob Stone, why did we need to hear the name "Chad Deering"? Isn't there a PBA Event around?

Seriously Rob, why even bother asking Bob Bradley after the match who's going to be included in Amsterdam next week. You know that Channing Tatum is winning an Oscar before he reveals something like that on live television. Granted, sideline reporter isn't the greatest media gig in the world, but pulling a straight, outright answer from Bradley in that spot is about unlikely as a single man creating one of those old-fashioned rope bridges.

* Fun comparable. Let's say Brian Ching is the Emile Heskey mold of forwards. Call him the Wal-Mart version. Ching will never be a player that fan gravitate toward. He game doesn't cater to YouTube mash-up reels, no offense. Yet he doggedly does try to bring stuff to the table.

I'd be stunned if Ching didn't make the World Cup roster. Can he bring it at a high-level against a top international team for more than 45 minutes? Ching is an effort/physical player, once he starts to dip he loses nearly all effectiveness.

It was still good to see him finally cash in on a goal, because the classic Ching play is from the 2007 Gold Cup final, the U.S. up 2-1 after the Feilhaber goalazo and he hits the post with an open net which could have sealed the game.

* From as much as I can gather, the U.S. central defense wasn't pressed into much service. Odd that Jonathan Bornstein was slotted into the center of defense next to Clarence Goodson. It did give Heath Pearce an opportunity at left back and say this of the ex-Hansa Rostock defender, he does have a decent cross of the ball. His defense? Not great. Basically Pearce has better ball delivery, but Bornstein has a bigger motor.

The real indictment is on Chad Marshall, who didn't get off the bench. Putting him thoroughly off any World Cup radar.

* In probably the least compelling roster battle of all time -- third goalie -- Nick Rimando didn't really do anything. With Tim Howard and Brad Guzan locked in, whomever Bradley picks likely comes down to personal choice. I'd definitely go with Marcus Hahnemnann since a) he's a good dude b) you could pick his brain about the England team.

In the end...

In a way, this game wasn't all that hard to figure out.

The U.S. players created chances by the boatload and certainly looked good in spurts. Hell, a couple of inches here-or-there and it could have been in the 4-0 range.

But you know what, the balls didn't go in. They were short wide, or the keeper made a nice save, or what have you. There's a reason these players were on the field Wednesday night in soggy Tampa and not across the pond waiting to book a flight to Amsterdam for next Wednesday.

And hell, they're on that field whilst I'm grumpily hammering these thoughts into my keyboard. There's all making a living as a soccer player, and even in MLS that is pretty darned cool. There's nothing wrong with somebody peaking in their respective career as simply a good MLSer.

They're all good players, but not good enough.

And that won't hack in the World Cup. The U.S. only has year games guaranteed in a tournament that happens once every four years.

All those misses? You don't get a do-ever in South Africa.

Labels: bob bradley, Soccer, USMNT

Do you respect wood?

Have you ever inadvertently sported a "pants tent"?

Better yet, have you ever starred in "The Producers" on Broadway?

Even if you're not Larry David, it's hard to be less enthused by Wednesday night's USMNT pre-World Cup friendly in Tampa, Fla., against El Salvador.

Admittedly, it's hard to remember a time my gusto has been so curbed for a U.S. international. That's even counting those January encounters the last couple seasons with the "B" teams from Sweden and Denmark.

This lack of spirit likely boils down to three major sticking points:

a) Of the 20-men Bob Bradley selected for the match, how many are legitimately going to South Africa in June? Two? Three? And one of those players is the lightning rod named Jonathon Bornstein.

b) On Wednesday, gun to your head, what would you rather spend two hours of your time doing? Watching Chelsea and Inter in the Champions League in the afternoon or a bunch of fringe U.S. players taking on team No. 71 in the FIFA rankings in a stadium that features a pirate's ship in one end zone? (Really, there is only so much of the beautiful game your body can injest.)

c) The residual base taste in my mouth from the previous friendly -- last month vs. Honduras -- that winded up being a colossal waste of time and energy for the U.S. since it played 70-odd minutes with 10 men.

Beyond that, barring some strange new developments or injuries the roster is essentially set for the U.S. World Cup team. We know the stone-cold locks, assuming they're healthy: Landon Donovan, Tim Howard, Clint Dempsey, Jozy Altidore, Michael Bradley, Carlos Bocengra, Oguchi Onyewu and Brad Guzan. From there the next clutch of guys are about 90 percent certain: Stuart Holden, Ricardo Clark, Jonathon Spector, Charlie Davies, Jay DeMerit, Bornstein and Steve Cherundolo.

How many of the remaining eight slots will be filled from the pool Wednesday in Tampa is debatable, though some recent developments across the pond do change some dynamics.

* The $1,000,000 question -- Remember how I mentioned nobody on the U.S. roster oozed charisma? Idiotically I omitted Charlie Davies from the discussion since he's one of the few U.S. players that seems to always have a smile on his face. He plays with a swagger.

Over the last week the injured Sochaux striker has swayed public opinion to levels where most followers think he'll be part of the World Cup mix, making his horrific car accident in October seem like a thing of the distant past.

You don't need to write how much better the U.S. attack is with a healthy Davies. It's like saying is a sandwich better with bacon on it -- an obvious point.

Davies' health alone could change the entire tenor of World Cup for the USMNT. On top of giving the Yanks a glided edge with speed to burn at the top of the attack, his simple presence of being in the team would lift spirits. Don't underestimate good vibrations. Even if Davies doesn't find himself healthy enough to play, he seems so well-liked by his teammates that they'll rally around him, giving them a common purpose.

And if he does indeed work his way back to match fitness by June, it'll rank right up there with the best sports story of the year, Olympic soft-focus features be damned.

However, let's not jump to any conclusions. Until Davies does indeed log at least 45 minutes in a Ligue 1 match, let alone the full 90, all it is idle speculation. This isn't trying to be my typical wet-blanket self, it's just reality.

Forward is clearly the most unsettled roster spot for the U.S. and Davies changes the equation massively. He's a Desmond Hume-like variable.

But all this good news also presents a challenge to Bob Bradley. Does he plan for a World Cup with or without Davies? There isn't really any way to figure this out, either, until we see Davies on the field. Until then all we can do is keep our fingers crossed and hope for good news.

* The Odyssey -- Say this of Freddy Adu and Eddie Johnson, they are at least getting brun with Aris in the Greek Super League. Does it put them back into the U.S. mix?

Me? I'm personally though with Johnson. Too many bad memories and unrealistic expectations. Just seeing him in the U.S. lineup slumps my shoulders. (Look, I'm being honest.) We've never seen Johnson do anything against high-level competition. Yes, he does have speed, but isn't exactly a great ball-winner nor has he shown a strong finishing touch.

Adu on the other hand? As I mentioned last week, he could bring at least provide a spark off the bench in a 20-minute burst. Assuming Adu keeps playing at Aris, he should be in some sort of form. The U.S. still doesn't have a player with his skill set and if his head is in the right place, he could bring something to the table.

Ask yourself this, would you have Adu on the roster or any of the MLS stable of midfielders that's playing in Tampa Wednesday?

His shadow looms large, even if he's barely 5-foot-6.

* The auditions -- In the starting U.S. XI, where are the biggest question marks? Right now it seems Michael Bradley's central midfield partner and forward, assuming Davies isn't fit.

We can almost pencil in Ricardo Clark, but some have called for Benny Feilhaber, Jose Torres, Maurice Edu and others. Feilhaber is probably locked into more of a utility/sub role, while Torres hasn't exactly been given a lot of chances by Bob Bradley to play 90 minutes. He does have a nice passing touch, but is still a little unproven. Edu? It's start-stop, start-stop, as he works back to 100 percent at Rangers. It's been so long since we've seen him in a U.S. shirt that you almost forget what he brings to the table.

The competition is open.

And forward? All depends, really, on Davies because the cupboard is pretty thin. We're down to a couple cans of pumpkin pie filling and wax beans. Yes, Jeff Cunningham is the wax beans.

Looks like one way or the other Conor Casey or Brian Ching are on the roster. There just aren't any other options. Robbie Findley? Let's see something before anointing him.

* Draw it up -- One thing about the current USMNT that I'm fairly certain about, they could put up a 0-0 draw with the best of them.

I still wonder how or where the goals are going to come from during the run of play?

One obvious cure is set pieces. With big bodies like Bocanegra and Onyewu, dead ball chances can't be squandered.

But how about from the back with Howard? Hear me out.

It's nothing new that the U.S. defenders aren't the best ball distributors in the world. So why not draw up some plays from goal kicks or after saves? Kasey Keller was abysmal doing this at the last World Cup. Break out the John Madden telestrator if need be. Designing plays shouldn't be difficult for an American team.

And to that end, how does the USMNT not have a rubber-armed player like Rory Delap with a deadly long throw? Aren't we pre-determined to be good at sports with our hands? If Premier League teams like Arsenal have no idea how to deal with a long-throw/bomb, what about England, Slovenia or Algeria?

Can we build on this?

* Do or do not, there is no try -- To put it mildly this is the last chance for Sacha Kljestan, Heath Pearce, Marvell Wynne, Chad Marshall, Robbie Rogers and Cunningham to impress, or at least make a marginal case that they deserve to get on the plane to South Africa.

Will a decent-to-strong match vs. El Salvador change your thoughts on them for the World Cup? Can we trust any of these players against front line international talent?

This isn't an AYSO tournament, where everyone who participates gets a trophy. It's survival of the fittest. The best of the best, or some other 1980s martial arts flick.

Oddly enough, Cunningham might have the best chance because form seems to benefit goal-scorers more than any other position.

* If a tree falls in the woods ... -- This might be a bit of a stretch, one of those, "if X, then Y", but if the 2010 MLS season is indeed interrupted by some sort of labor stoppage, how much does it affect the USMNT?

Bob Bradley only wants players who are playing, so if there's a prolonged work stoppage what would happen? Far-fetched, yes, but possible.

As for the MLS labor situation. Here's my two cents:

1) Let's be fair, it's not the NFL or MLB. If the MLS isn't play in March or April, not too many people are going to be rioting in the street. Sad but true. As long as the dispute doesn't leak into the World Cup time, then nobody will be too worse for the wear. It's hard to figure the players union is going to be able to survive for a long time without playing.

2) Saying that, don't rush back with a subpar agreement simply to avoid a work stoppage. Make sure whatever the CBA is, that's its tenable for both sides. (The MLS labor deal, vis-a-vis the world market is beyond complicated.)

3) I'm guessing until the league ends expansion, bringing in new owners and voices, the single entity structure will remain in place. If certain cities (Kansas City, Columbus, Chivas in LA) or owners aren't viable in the new MLS, it appears other cities are willing to step up and support a club.

More than anything, the negotiations make my head hurt.

As for the match itself:

Would a little cohesion hurt? How about some discipline? At least finish the match with 11 men? Produce some viable depth in the case of first-team injury calamity?

El Salvador is clearly a step down from Honduras, so the U.S., even at half-strength has no excuses or crutches to lean back if they don't play well. Even then, it's hard to read very much into what happens here. Does one strong showing against a so-so national side justify a World Cup roster spot?

If there's one thing that would be worthwhile to see, is Findley and Ching starting together at forward since it's more of a likely scenario -- the big guy, the speed guy -- to happen when the matches really count. Findley and Cunningham didn't click last month, so why would it be different this time?

It'd be nice, too, to see if Clarence Goodson is a viable central defense option. He is 6-foot-4 and wiry. Would you feel safe if he's starting at the World Cup? He's probably shown the most of any other candidate, should Onyewu, Bocanegra or DeMerit pull up lame.

And for the rest of the team?

Think of it as a school yard game of kickball and you're picking through the last couple kids.

We've seen all of these guys plenty of times over the last year. It's pretty much the 2009 Gold Cup team, without Stuart Holden, the one breakout/positive player from that group. It's hard to figure a way for any of these players making an impact.

Allow ESPN and John Harkes to make the hard sell.

I won't b.s. you and try to pretend this match is all that important. Consider it a final, last chance for a lot of fringe players to sing for their international supper.

It is a game, thus we shall watch, which is better than nothing at all.

(One little update, have to be somewhere tonight so I'll have to watch on the DVR and will post after that, closer to after midnight.)

Labels: 2010 world cup, bob bradley, Friendlies, Soccer, USMNT

As I sit down to try to type something pithy about the weekend's Premier League action I find myself relating to many of the clubs up-and-down the table -- searching for inspiration. So apologies up front, this won't be the most life-affirming thing you've ever scanned on the Internets. (Not enough kitties, for one thing.)

Maybe this is because I'm starting to key-in my thoughts following a thoroughly forgettable 0-0 draw between Liverpool and Manchester City. ... Premier League fourth place, catch the fever! ... And also, I've purged the match from my memory so I won't bore you with the details. Yay! Fernando Torres. Okay, happy

Yet we press on.

Again, like most of the teams in the league there isn't a Plan B.

We saw that early Saturday morning when Manchester United lost to Everton 3-1. Pressing for first place, or at least to keep the pressure on Chelsea, Sir Alex Ferguson's men were bereft of ideas considering Wayne Rooney played a rare, by his lofty standards, off game at Goodison Park. (The idea he was pressing against his former club is borderline moronic.)

It seemed, in the second half, Manchester United simply expected either a) Everton to roll over or b) Rooney to pull something out of nowhere.

The lack of options presented at the top of the attack aside from Rooney are jarring. Dmitar Berbatov seems to drift in-and-out, but can at least get on the end of a Luis Valencia cross, when needed. Michael Owen, are we sure that's still him or did he swap bodies with a lookalike like Elvis in the underrated 2000s indie, "Bubba Ho-tep"?

If you're a United fan, you have to possibly begin to worry, too. They play West Ham on Tuesday, then have the Carling Cup final this weekend. Throw in the Champions League and the fixture list could get very crowded. This team's depth isn't what it once was. And if Michael Carrick is as invisible as he was Saturday, well, the Carling Cup might be all the spoils the Red Devils net this season. (Where are this year's Kiko Macheda, etc.?)

On the other hand, Everton -- unlike its second half recently vs. a 10-man Liverpool side -- passed and probed and the hard work payed off when Steven Pienaar's cross found teenage sub Dan Gosling. Funny, how there's already "stories" of David Moyes hoping he'll be able to retain Gosling and Jack Rodwell. (Well said, Rev, he and Jermaine Jenas could star in Boogie Nights 2: Electic Bugaloo.)

This performance once again proved that this year is unlike the last couple in the Premier League. The "Big" teams aren't able to step onto the field and wait to collect three points at the end of 90 minutes. Other teams are playing more attack-minded games and at least willing to challenge, instead of dropping 10 men behind the ball.

Chelsea never needed to revert to another option against Wolves. The Blues kept battering away, with the door at Molineux finally bursting through the bluntest of blunt objects -- Didier Drogba for a pair of goals in a 2-0 win, which pushed the lead back up to four.

In short, beating Chelsea by 1-0 scorelines isn't happening too often. To beat the Blues, you're going to have to score.

And Arsenal, which now finds itself in at least arm's length from the top, came out playing its usual champagne brand of football Saturday vs. Sunderland. The Gunners probably could have been up 3-0 in the first 20 minutes, but couldn't finish. Eventually they cracked the door through Niclas Bendtner, but from there it got dicey and if Kenwyne Jones was a bit sharper, the game would have been 1-1 with about 30 minutes to go. Arsenal hung on and got a late Cesc Fabregas penalty to make it 2-0.

Going forward, Arsenal isn't like opera or the symphony and anything else high-falootin' where you might need to done a tuxedo. If the Gunners are serious about the title, they need to grind down, get dirty and get results. No style points, just three points.

So what does all this mean?

Just another weekend in the Premier League, frankly. There's just so much mediocrity and inconsistency at the top, middle and end to figure out anything.

Chelsea gains a little breathing room, but do we really think its a comfortable margin? Nothing seems automatic anymore. Haven't we collectively learned not to annoint any team with so many weeks left to play?

I've made that mistake numerous times, I won't let it happen again.

It's going to be nip-and-tuck and back-and-forth all the way. Calling this race until we smell the finish line? Not happening. The games might end up as duds, from time-to-time, but that doesn't diminish how compelling they'll end up being.

Plight of Portsmouth:

Hindsight is always 20/20 right?

Think back to the second half of the 2006 season. Remember how Harry Redknapp guided Portsmouth's "Great Escape", bringing in players like Pedro Mendes, Andrés D'Alessandro, etc. to stave off relegation.

What if that happened? Suppose Pompey fell into the Championship? Would its current plight have happened?

Do you worship Redknapp for his success or vilify him for leaving the club facing the abyss due to all the players he brought in?

No, it wouldn't have an FA Cup in its trophy cabinet, or a trip into Europe under its belt, but the club wouldn't be seeking its 45th owner this season, facing the brink of extinction.

Sounds like it's only a matter of time before the Premier League authorities call the time of death on Pompey.

So far back, why would any outsider want to step in and buy/rescue the team at this point?

The problem probably boils down to the fact that Fratton Park is nearly a century old with only 20,000 seats. The chance to increase revenue to match the ambitions of the club never happened.

It'll be beyond surreal if Pompey goes out of business, rendering all its results from 2009-10 moot, pushing the league down to 19 clubs. Somehow the league needs to have an emergency fund or something to that effect to avoid this type of calamity. If the lesser clubs are ever serious about American-style revenue sharing or, gasp, salary controls, now is the time when the public sentiment is high.

Other stuff:

It's getting a little distressing that Stuart Holden isn't even making the squad to at least sit the bench for Bolton. Ricardo Gardner has been at the club since 1998, but have you ever seen the Jamaican do anything that impresses? Bolton is stumbling further and further down to the bottom, so Owen Coyle might have to mix things up sooner than opposed to later. Next week vs. Wolves could be a spot to let Holden dip his toes into the Premiership waters. ... There are high school fields in better condition than the surface at the DW Stadium these days. ... What's with the uber-low budget ads at Goodison Park? Alcoholic ginger beer? "Bargain Booze"? Pukka Pies? What, Chico's Bail Bonds wasn't available? ... Ricardo Fuller doesn't get a lot of ink, but he's not a terrible striker. The guy can do work for Stoke City. ... Aston Villa is sneaky. Hadn't won in seven games until Sunday's 5-2 thrashing of Burnley. Now Villa is only a point off fourth place. Something tells me their mild-mannered approach works the best. ... West Ham and Blackburn are two teams starting to look a lot better, if only at home. ... Roman Pavlychenko lives. Who'd have thought's he'd be notching a brace in late February, whilst Robbie Keane was out in Siberia, err, Celtic? ... Nice late winner from a deadball by Bobby Zamora, but frankly if Joe Hart is seriously being considered for England, you have to make that save. Check out this angle if you don't agree. (Oh to live in England and attend this matches from the stands each weekend. Sigh.)

Fantasy Team O' the week:

I'm very happy to report that Jonathan Chaltain's Amish Rakefighters posted 69 points behind Cesc Fabregas, James Milner and Didier Drogba.

If you got a chuckle from the team name, I commend you. If not, go rent or NetFlix "Upright Citizen's Brigade." Stellar stuff.

Bonus Tuesday Pick:

* Manchester United 2, West Ham United 1 -- (Live, Setanta, 2:45 p.m.) United are back to looking wobbly, but not enough at home. Not sure if West Ham is the kind of team that can take the proverbial fight to them at Old Trafford.

One other thing:

Beyond the whole Jose Mourinho returning to Stamford Bridge thing, Chelsea/Inter Milan has the chance to be an epic Champions League affair. Call it a mini-World Cup. Of the probable 22 starters on the field Tuesday at the San Siro, how many won't be playing this June in South Africa? Petr Cech and Yuri Zhirkov? Iván Córdoba?

You'd be hard pressed to find a higher caliber of players on the same field outside of a full, top-level international.

Here's a question, which club will send the most players to the World Cup? My short list is Chelsea, Inter, Real Madrid or Bayern Munich.

Assuming they have club football in North Korea, a team from there could conceivably field the entire national side. That could throw a monkey wrench into things.

** I'll likely have some USMNT thoughts ahead of the highly anticipated El Salvador friendly in the Wednesday a.m. range. Maybe that'll atone for this mediocre post.

Labels: Chelsea, manchester United, Monday recaps, Premier League, Soccer, Wayne Rooney

In the year 2010, sports and money are tied at the hip, but you didn't need me to tell you that. Just look at yesterday's NBA trade deadline, when the most valuable asset wasn't actual players, instead expiring contracts. Why else is Gotham welcoming the zombified, bloated corpse of Tracy McGrady? (If his awful nickname -- "T-Mac" -- didn't roll off the tongue of sportscasters so easily, would we even care about him?)

I digress.

In a weird quirk, if you Google the terms, "NBA salaries", "baseball salaries" or "NFL salaries" you'll get a slew of easily readable results. Hell, even before the days of the Inter-webs, USA Today used to publish this salaries every year -- a definite clip-and-save.

This week I wanted to apply this logic to world soccer, or at least our beloved Premier League. Not all that unsurprisingly, my searches didn't yield all too much. Oddly enough, the pro soccer league with the best salary disclosure, you guessed it, MLS!

It got me thinking. When it comes to world soccer, does money even actually exist? When we read these figures floated out in the press, like when Cristiano Ronaldo moves from Manchester United to Real Madrid for $130 million, does it actually even happened? Where does that money come from, as these days it seems like even the aforementioned mega-clubs are up to their gills in debt.

Maybe my brain doesn't work on such high processing levels, but does the money simply ghost from one foreign account to the next? Does it ever go beyond the creditors accounts? Are we working with monopoly money? We know the player get paid, well not if they play for Portsmouth, but where does all the money come from and go?

It almost feels like an 'Emperor has no clothes' scenario.

Anyway, back to the idea of salaries, which seem shrouded in mystery. To begin with, whenever we hear of a salary, it's in weekly wages, which then involves the matter of first converting either Euros or pounds into dollars, and then multiplying that by 52. Look, I don't have time for that sort of thing, not when there's video of a cat stuck in a jacket sleeve to watch.

Back to my search, the best result I could find was actually from a Twitter feed, from Mirror Football. Here's the link, chew it over and come back and finish this post.

Kind of crazy, no? It's hard to live in a world where Kolo Toure is making more money than Wayne Rooney, Didier Drogba and Fernando Torres. (Not even Stringer Bell and his Baltimore City Community College economics degree could explain that one.)

Then again, it's not surprising that clubs like Manchester City, Chelsea and Real Madrid can float massive salaries. City and Chelsea seem to have an endless cash flow due to their owner's massive checkbooks. And Real Madrid? My head hurts more than trying to figure out the time travel stuff from "Lost" than to prying into and understanding how Los Merengues finance everything.

Moving on. Since I couldn't find a database of footballers' salaries, I instead wanted to borrow another trope from Internet "hero" Bill Simmons, who ran his traditional "NBA Trade Value" column this week. (Boy do I wish I'd invented the term "zero guard".)

Naturally, this got me thinking, could I steal this trope and apply it to soccer? Well, for one, that would be too wide-ranging. In the NBA there are 30 teams and say, 450 players. Compare that to soccer where there are hundreds and hundreds of pro clubs and thousands of players. Again, my cortex cannot process all that information. I'm not a Geth.

So in order for this next little bit to work, we're going to limit it to players inside the Premier League. Some of the factors I'm weighing are: age, durability, cost/value and psychological impact (There is value to a player that can inspire a stadium ground, compared to the steady, though boring performer.)

Another factor is position. Ideally, in a world draft of footballers my first two picks might be Brazilian backs Maicon and Dani Alves -- no lie. However if I stuck those two guys on an average team at their positions, the influence they'd have would be minimal compared to either a central defender, midfielder or forward. In other words, they're luxury items on a good team, hence the exclusion of Ashley Cole.

We're not worrying about contract length or status or salary cap implications, either.

Also an excluding factor applies to guys under 22 with too few games under their belts at a the full senior level like Aaron Ramsey or Fabian Delph. Selecting them is too much of a gamble.

Look at it this way, if I were running a promoted club and my chairman gave me a blank check to sign one player for the next three to five years that would help me succeed in the Premier League, who would I target?

This is not the best 10 players in the League, it's 10 players that if I had one of them in my starting XI, I'd feel fairly confident I'd have a good chance of winning that day.

Toughest omissions:

* Ashley Cole -- See above.

* Nemanja Vidic -- Arguably the first defender you'd take from the league's pool, but this season has been so weird for the Serb. Something seems amiss, beyond a simple injury. Where's his head at?

* Dirk Kuyt -- Best work-rate in the league, except would he be able to lift mediocre players by himself? Not so sure.

* Tim Cahill -- Inspirational to Everton, but at 30 years old, if you plopped him on another squad would he be as effective?

* Andrey Arshavin -- Love him as a player, but maybe only as a player in a glass jar performing tricks in a vacuum. On the field at the Emirates he's emerging as tweener. Not quite a striker, not quite a winger. There are worse problems, but I'm not sure in this league he could carry a team without a couple bodyguards.

* Brad Friedel -- He'd instantly improve the defense of any team in the world, but he's 38 and can't play forever, can he? And honestly, in the Premier League how often to keepers influence matches. The variance between the best and worst can't be all the much.

* Jamie O'Hara -- Playing quite well at Portsmouth in perhaps the worst situation imaginable. I almost had him in the top 10, but didn't want to get laughed off. Suffice to say, maybe Harry Redknapp wished he'd loaned out another player instead of the young Englishman. It's strange how playmaking midfielders aren't all that plentiful in the League.

* Clint Dempsey -- Speaking of getting laughed off. Really wanted to get the man they call Deuce in the Top 10, but couldn't do it. Even though at 26 he's proven to be a valuable and versatile attacking player. But a No. 1 option on a team? Is he at that level? As much as I've enjoyed his progress this season, a team who's best player is Dempsey doesn't have much of a ceiling.

* Jermain Defoe -- Just a little too streaky. Not sure I'd win a ton of games if he were my No. 1 option.

* Gabby Agbonlahor/Ashley Young -- At the end of 2009 you could have made a case for all either two, but Aston Villa's recent goal-scoring slump has to fall on their shoulders to some degree. Do they need a creative playmaker to thrive?

* Carlos Tevez -- We've seen him carry clubs -- West Ham, Manchester United (sorta) and Manchester City -- for months at a time. Can he do it for the rest of the season and keep City in the top four? By far my hardest guy to leave out of the top 10. I debated Tevez and the No. 9 slot for a good couple minutes, flipping and flopping them several times.

Easiest omission:

* Younes Kaboul.

The Top 10.

10. James Milner, Aston Villa -- Why he made the cut over his Villa teammates? For one, he escaped the stink of Newcastle United relatively unscathed. That's saying something, like how Titanic survivors became celebrities. Second, he's a bit more versatile, you can stick him all over the midfield or even at back if need be. Plus Milner seems to have the potential to grown into a type of "hero man" player that can inspire a team. We shall see.

9. Abou Diaby, Arsenal -- I'm come full circle on the unfortunately dubbed, "New Vieira." At first I didn't think he brought anything to the table aside from this 6-foot-4 frame. This season though the 23-year-old Frenchman has displayed much more of an edge going forward, with seven league goals. He'd be an ultimate utility player, a guy you could play effectively anywhere in the center of the field for the next half decade or so. Diaby isn't dynamic, but he would cover up a lot of deficiencies on any team.

8. Ryan Shawcross, Stoke City -- Would you rather have a 22-year-old 6-foot-5 Shawcross in this spot, or a 29-year-old "Bionic Woman" in John Terry?. Believe it or not, Bolton's Gary Cahill was going to be in this spot (24 years old, solid defensively), until I double checked on Shawcross' age, somehow I thought or read he was 27. Put Shawcross in the middle of the defense and you're winning nearly every high ball in the box and have a massive set piece threat. It's only a matter of time until he's on a "Big Four" club. Call him the "New Carragher."

7. Steven Gerrard, Liverpool/Frank Lampard, Chelsea -- Sorry, but I couldn't resist lumping them together. Both are the prototypical inspirational goal-scoring midfielders of the last half-decade, leading their clubs to a slew of trophies. Gerrard is two years younger, at 29, but it's an old 29 since he's passed the 500-game barrier. Lampard meanwhile is 31 with an astounding 657 career appearances, so I'd have to have other players around him because it's doubtful he'd be able to carry the water or do the heavy lifting by himself for anything more than another year or two. Bottom line, these two guys could keep my mythical team in the title hunt but probably only for a year or two, at best. It'll be interesting to see how long these two England stalwarts can keep their pace, or if the wheels will fall off at once?

6. Aaron Lennon, Tottenham -- Ask yourself this: How many good wide players are currently playing in the Premier League? Can you count them on one hand? Look how Spurs have fallen off with Lennon on the sidelines. Lennon might not be the king of consistency, but if you got say, 18 meh games to 18 awesome games, it would be worth it. The one worry, durability. Still, I'll take a 22-year-old Lennon over anyone at his position, though once his speed went he wouldn't be much of a factor.

5. Didier Drogba, Chelsea -- For one season, he might be the No. 1 overall pick, but don't forget Chelsea was listening to offers from places like Inter Milan in the summer. On his game, no forward is more unstoppable and he'd keep you in any match. On the flip side, he's 31 and on the wrong team with the wrong coach, would become a distraction. Still, I wouldn't kick him out of the penalty spot for eating crackers. And if I'm an MLS club I start working the back channels to convince him to move Stateside once he starts getting a little older.

4. Fernando Torres, Liverpool -- Only the recent development of injuries keeps him this low. Fifty goals in 72 games for Liverpool is hard to argue with. No player can pull the spectacular with some ease and aplomb. At the same time, the fragility scares me. As does the fact all his goals have produced nothing but a La Liga promotion in 2002 with Atletico Madrid. It's like the scene in "This is Spinal Tap" where Nigel Tufnel is showing off his guitars to Marti DiBergi. There's the one guitar he's never player and doesn't even want to be looked at. That's Torres. (Here's a link, in lego form.)

3. Michael Essien, Chelsea -- Even though he's missed the bulk of this season, Essien is sill just 27. You could put him anywhere in the midfield or outside of defense and you know you're getting 90 minutes of ultra-intense work and effort. He's not mailing anything in. The game is the game to him. And then he sleeps. Plus you're netting at least one or two thunderbolt wondergoals during the course of a season, which rates high in my book. He's won league titles in France with Lyon and in England with Chelsea. He'd help my team win, too.

2. Cesc Fabregas, Arsenal -- At 22 years old, Arsenal is his team. That's why the Barcelona rumors don't make sense. Why go to a team that's already loaded in the midfield? Does he want to ride the coattails of Xavi, Iniesta and Messi? If the offer does come from Catalonia, will Fabregas force Arsenal's hand? And in a game of brinksmanship, would Arsene Wenger let his star midfield bronco go? That's something you can't say about player atop this silly list.

1. Wayne Rooney, Manchester United -- Let's look at it this way, what would it take for Manchester United to even consider selling Rooney to another team at this point? All the tea in China? The Hope Diamond? Every single Honus Wagner baseball card in existence? The Ark of the Covenant? The patent on a perpetual motion machine? A controlling interest in Google stock? They still might say no. Well, Sir Alex would. The Glazers? Maybe not.

One final word on Rooney. You'd think he's be a hellraiser off the field, but really aside from the rumors he went to a prostitute he leaves the red mist on the field. Off it he seems like the perfect family man. (Perhaps because of this, he doesn't pass the LeBron James "tornado test.")

Fill free to correct me on this. It's not a scientific study. One issue I've already noticed is the heavy reliance on players on the big clubs, though that's logical.

Saturday:

* Everton v. Manchester United -- (Live, ESPN2, 7:30 a.m.) I'd be curious to see what kind of an audience ESPN draws for this match. The biggest club in the world, at least to anglophiles, playing against the best American player -- Landon Donovan. It's a shame isn't so damn early -- 4:30 a.m. on the West Coast? How does 30f pull it off? (Wait, he's rubbing elbows with Hollywood actors, including a certain United-supporting ex-Hobbit in sunny Los Angeles, so don't feel too bad for him.) As for the game, the Maroune Felliani injury is a blow to David Moyes club, which can't catch a break. Then again, the afro-ed Belgian was on the giving end of plenty of crunching tackles, so what goes around comes around. Perhaps Sir Alex has to gameplan against Donovan's speed for this one, meaning Rafael instead of John O'Shea. Still, United have won 13 times at Ewood Park in the Premier League era, and I'm sure Rooney will have something to do with extending that number to 14. ... Everton 1, Manchester United 2

* West Ham v. Hull City -- The Irons look like they're getting their act together, with three-straight clean sheets at home. A game like this is one they conceivably have to win to avoid the drop. On the plus side for Hull, Jimmy Bullard might play for the first time since Dec. 5 and everybody's a winner when he's on the field. Hard to find a more likable personality in the league. The way these two play, the goals might flow, hear me Jozy? ... West Ham 3, Hull City 2

* Wolves v. Chelsea -- (Live, FSC, 10 a.m.) Classic Premier League decision, fining Wolves when Mick McCarthy pretty much conceded defeat to Manchester United by fielding a second-string team when they had won against Spurs three days earlier and then had a winnable match vs. Burnley up next. Stupid, stupid, stupid. McCarthy actually makes a sound tactical move, albeit one where he waved the white flag and gets fined. Terrific. Of concern for Chelsea, since December in away league games the Blues have one win (vs. Burnley) with two losses and three draws. But are Wolves good enough to hold them? ... Wolves 0, Chelsea 1

* Arsenal v. Sunderland -- (Live, Setanta, 10 a.m.) Sunderland hasn't won in 12 games since beating Arsenal in November. Who do you think this upsets more Steve Bruce or Arsene Wenger? Give the Gunners a win there and they're just three points off first. It's a funny old game, right? This sets up to be a Gooners rout, but without the defensive players missing in the midweek vs. Porto (Gallas, Almunia) Sunderland might get a couple chances at goal. ... Arsenal 3, Sunderland 1

* Portsmouth v. Stoke City -- (Live, FSC, 12:30 p.m.) Could this be Portsmouth's swan song? Seriously? ... Portsmouth 1, Stoke City 0

Sunday:

* Blackburn v. Bolton -- So far Stuart Holden has come about as close to playing in a Premier League match since moving to Bolton as I have. That's not good. Not for nothing, but Blackburn has a really strange mix of players. Big Sam can't resist the multi-national mix, I suppose. ... Blackburn 1, Bolton 1

* Aston Villa v. Burnley -- One of these days Villa will break out in the league. This could be it. ... Villa 2, Burnely 0

* Fulham v. Birmingham City -- Well, congrats Alex McLeish. Your team is now closer to 10th place Fulham than fourth place Manchester City. It was fun while it lasted at least. ... Fulham 1, Birmingham City 1

* Manchester City v. Liverpool -- (Live, FSC, 10 a.m.) Big game? Dare I say a playoff-caliber game? If I'm Rafa Benitez I might simply include Fernando Torres in the team, if only for the mind games it might play with City and the boost it may give your team. Rushing him back from injury, no. But it's hard to hurt yourself sitting on the bench in a tracksuit. Call it a decoy method. And I knew Patrick Vieira was a bad move for City, but never did I think he'd have to serve a three-match ban for kicking Glenn Whelan in the junk. On paper City is better than Liverpool, but in the last month Liverpool have shown a ton of guts, while City have shrunk from the challenge of chasing for fourth. Even saying that, City are probably due a big game and seeing Liverpool should inspire the team. Emmanuel Adebayor seems to infuriate fans and foes alike, so he'll likely have a big game Sunday. ... City 2, Liverpool 0

* Wigan Athletic v. Spurs -- (Live, FSC, noon) Congrats Tottenham, nobody else is matching the 9-1 beat down you inflicted on Wigan. Too bad your season peaked on Nov. 23. Methinks the Latics will remember that one. Maybe they'll even run a tractor over the pitch to make it extra ragged. ... Wigan 2, Spurs 1

Last round: 3-7 (Didn't pick this week's midweek matches.)
Season: 132-119

Labels: Arsenal, cesc fabregas, fernando torres, Liverpool, Prem Picks, Premier League, Soccer, Wayne Rooney

Part of me wanted to save this story until June, or at least May, but it came into play last night.

Tuesday around 8:45 I ran out to get some dinner -- I live alone and hate cooking. I did a quick check to make sure that "Lost" was set to record, that way by the time I got back home I'd be able to fast forward through the commercials for shitty ABC shows with Christian Slater and amazingly, Baron Davis.

Much to my dismay, when I returned and settled onto the couch, the familiar red light of the DVR was off. This was not good. Turns out, I ran out of recording space -- blame a backlog of nearly unwatchable Season Eight "24" episodes. Frantically, I deleted all non-essential stuff -- sorry "Gangland".

Long story short, I missed a segment in the middle, but watched it this morning on Hulu. I'll live. (Maybe it's just me, but so far Season Six of "Lost" has a distinct Michael Jordan on the Wizards vibe to it.)

One item I refrained from culling into digital oblivion is simply titled, "World Cup Soccer". (Mon 6/12 11:55 a.m. 2hr10 min)

Yep, that's the day the 2006 World Cup began and ended within five minutes of game when the U.S. played the Czech Republic. I haven't watched it since I got back from Germany. I don't have to. Maybe I'm hoping that something will help karmatically come June when I finally purge it from the record.

So, of course, Wednesday it was confirmed that the U.S. will play the dreaded Czechs on May 25 at a site to be determined. This game will be played at Rentschler Field in East Hartford, Conn. Trust me. Mark it eight dude.

The U.S. will play four days later in flip, flip, flip-a-delphia, or just plain old Philly against the soon-to-be Guus-ified Turks.

As it turns out, May 25 probably seems like a nice day to finally delete those bad memories from my DVR. Since the game should be played in my home Nutmeg State, I'll be in attendance.

And if there's a memory from that game in Gelsenkirchen, aside from pure and utter disappointment, it's was looking across the Arena Auf Schalke to a see of red-clad Czech fans bopping up-and-down.

It's ironic, or at least coincidental, that both U.S. opponents it'll play before its sent off to South Africa will likely be wearing red jerseys. Although that could change if the new 2010 design by Nike, which will be unveiled when the USMNT plays the Dutch in Amsterdam, on March 3 turns out to be red. (Both the Czechs and Turkey could wear white. We'll see.)

If these two friendlies don't kill off the idea of "wearing red" when attending a USMNT game, then what does?

Admittedly, this was a solid idea when it was spawned by Sam's Army in the mid-1990s, but it's outdated and far too complicated for casual fans.

Maybe this isn't the most pressing issue in the world, but think about it, how many times have the U.S. team actually worn red? That one with the horizon stripe circa France 1998 and the ill-fated "Don't Tread on Me" design by Nike pre-2006. (Here's a good piece, albeit a little old to sum it up.)

Granted the U.S. is a weirdly unique situation, where it's rarely the "home" team when it plays on homesoil. (That shouldn't be the case vs. the Czechs. The Turks? Could be interesting.) Also, the U.S. doesn't have a readily identifiable color that lucky countries like Italy, the Netherlands and Mexico sport.

The easiest way to support and identify the team is by sporting the national team jersey, isn't it? And if you think about national teams, here's my quick list of team who actually wear red.

* Spain
* South Korea
* Turkey
* Czech Republic
* Egypt
* Denmark
* Paraguay (with white stripes)
* Russia
* Chile
* Switzerland
* Costa Rica
* Trinidad & Tobago

Maybe this is just splitting hairs, but it seems like as USMNT team fans we like to overthink anything and everything.

Some of the newer U.S. supporter groups like the American Outlaws seem to have the right idea. They don't seem to tied up in a particular color or anything to that effect. They just want to be loud and show support.

The U.S. flag, whether in bandanna form or draped on the shoulders, should be enough, right?

It shouldn't be that hard. As David Puddy said, "You gotta support the team."

Face point optional.

* * *

* Freddy Adu scored again for Aris on Wednesday. The goal was nothing special, but it was a goal. Seems, at least from the highlights, that Adu is playing much further up the field, which make his prospects of worming his way into Bob Bradley lineup increase every so slightly.

Odds of Adu finding himself on the bench in South Africa? It's inching closer to 50/50 at this point.

Even though it's pretty clear that Bradley and he don't see eye-to-eye, Adu certainly brings more to the table, if only in a 20-minute cameo role that the likes of Kyle Beckerman, Sacha Kljestan, Jeff Cunningham, etc.

On other factor to consider. If you're on Twitter, than chances are you've noticed that there is definitely a clique of U.S. players that includes, Adu, Jozy Altidore, Charlie Davies, Stuart Holden and Maurice Edu. So maybe there's a chance Adu brings a little locker room karma into the mix.

Would that actually help him? With Bradley I've given up trying to figure him out.

* What more can be said about Wayne Rooney? He's the man, though he'll likely have to win either the Champions League or take England on a deep run in the World Cup to lay claim to the Ballon d'Or.

* If I'm Arsenal, I'm leaving Łukasz Fabiański in Portugal after today's performance that directly resulted in Porto winning the first Champions League leg 2-1.
Absolutely atrocious. The first goal by Porto was bad enough, when he turned the wrong way to save it into the goal.

The second? An all-time gaffe, though Sol Campbell takes some responsibility for the back pass that allowed Porto to take the quick indirect free kick inside the box with the Polish keeper's back turned, allowing Falcao to run quickly onto the ball and take advantage. (Resisting every urge to make the easy joke.)

As bad as the dual brain farts by Campbell and Fabianksi were, let's credit Porto for being savvy enough to take the quick kick and essentially steal a goal.

It was hard to even wrap your mind around what transpired in real time. Rarely can you say you've never seen something before, but this was one of those times. You have to see it to fully appreciate it.

Suffice to say, those dual blunders will live on in blooper reals and YouTube clips forever. (Here it is, until it gets taken down.)

Beyond pulling a page out of the Jose Canseco playbook and letting the ball bounce off your head for goal, it would be difficult to play a worse game in goal than what Fabianski did today.

* Weird through two days of the Champions League knockout stages we've gotten a season's worth of gaffes. The Evra clearance. Paul Scholes luck o' the Ginger. The Fabianski mistakes. And even Bayern's winner from Miroslav Klose today in the 88th minute vs. Fiorentina was yards offsides. (The Italian broadcast team was apoplectic.)

* Clint Dempsey targeting a return to Fulham before the end of the Premier League season. Sweet.

See you Friday.

Labels: champions league, English Premier League, Freddy Adu, Soccer, USMNT

JERRY: Well, uh, maybe something happens on the way to work.
GEORGE: No, no, no. Nothing happens.
JERRY: Well, something happens.
RUSSELL: Well, why am I watching it?
GEORGE: Because it's on TV.
RUSSELL: (Threatening) Not yet. -- "Seinfeld", The Pitch.

It's a guess, but I'll throw it out there anyway. The 2010 Winter Olympics? No offense to the lugers, curlers, skaters, skiers, etc. I'm just not that into you. I applaud your efforts to win gold medals, but I won't be around to watch.

And I doubt I'm completely alone in this sentiment. Don't worry, you've still have plenty of eyeballs trained on your every move in Vancouver, though. (Maybe, I'm nuts, or at least in the minority. We'll see. This might make sense in a bit.)

Part of my disinterest is the way that marketers and the media and marketers try to cram the Games down our throats. Am I really supposed to let a couple speed skaters endorsing something influence how I feel about a certain product? Using Olympic athletes to market a product is the American way and I certainly don't begrudge any athlete in a fringe sport trying to grab some easy cash, though if that skater's first name was Apolo, would he have so many commercials?

So is pretending to care about something your brain forgets even exists until you're gently reminded every four years. To me, the Olympics, though historic, are part of a bygone era of sports. If there were still only three channels on television and the Inter-nets were limited to Mathew Broderick fighting Russian ICBM missiles, well, perhaps the Games would still hold much more appeal. (And if the "Red Dawn" era were still in play, the Olympics would hold a lot more cache, too.)

Again, the sporting aspect. I respect it and the athletes and their ardous and often times selfless training, I'm just not all too engaged by it. Maybe I'm just a crank and you can dismiss the next couple paragraphs. I suppose I'm patriotic but I don't judge my self-worth as an American by the performance of our snowboarding team.

What really ruffles my feathers is how the media looks at the event. A week ago did the majority of American know and or care about Lindsey Vonn was? Now, the media is treating her injured shin like it's the post-2000 election recount. (Just watch, she'll be fine, win some medals and we'll get the requisite stories of how she conquered adversity to win gold.)

This is probably a product of how NBC televises the Games. It's not so much that it's a sporting event, it's a two-week parade of human interest stories. It's all manufactured. Where else could you get away with tape delayed events in 2010?

And don't get me started with figure skating. Pass.

The Games magically beam down every fourth year, so the folks at 30 Rock simply expect people to get wrapped up and watch it.The logic behind the Olympics for NBC also appears to be, if we put it on in primetime, people will watch. (Okay, that didn't quite work with "The Jay Leno Show".)

Excuse if I'll just waste the two weeks playing on XBox or catching up on my NetFlix queue, or make a bigger dent into "The Walking Dead" or Stephen King's "Under the Dome." In the year 2010, there's no good reason to mindlessly watch stuff I have no interest in when there are countless on-demand entertainment options a finger click away. My guess is with media so fractured and personalized, we're beyond "Water Cooler Buzz." The Olympics on television might be a tradition, but our media options have changed so much the last five years that to me they're irrelevant -- but very difficult to avoid.

If you put a gun to my head, about the only worthwhile aspect of the Winter Games is the hockey tournament, since it serves as the defacto world championship. The players take it seriously, even if the pool of eligible countries is minimal. The hockey competition matters beyond the Olympics.

All this brings me in a roundabout way to how ESPN is going to sell the 2010 World Cup to the American public. Does my pure apathy toward the Olympics make me a hypocrite when it comes to the World Cup? Since I love one international sporting event, should I at least care a little bit about the other? (And did I alienate people by a possibly narrow-minded rant?)

As a person that cares about soccer, I pray that the powers that be in Bristol don't take the Olympic approach to promoting June's tournament in South Africa.

There's certainly plenty of people with my level of Olympic apathy toward soccer in general. No matter how you sell or package it, you're not changing the opinions of the Frank Defords (silver medalist) and Jim Romes (gold medalist) of the world. At this juncture in the year 2010, either you've been convinced soccer, or at least the World Cup, is an awesome sporting spectacle worth your attention, or you're not. And unless you're the most ardent soccer hater, you probably at least can respect the World Cup, even if the games themselves are sometimes lacking.

We've reached the point too, were the World Cup is beyond being a sporting curiosity for a decent percentage of Americans. There's a generation people that are savvy enough to understand it and think about it on a critical level, too. We don't need to be talked down to and spoon fed dribs and drabs of information or wooed by soft-lighting features.

However there's some major differences between the World Cup and the Winter Olympics, beyond the fact one event features the world's most popular sport while the other has a variety of events:

1) The World Cup stand on its own two legs from a purely sporting standpoint.

2) Millions and millions of people actively anticipate and look forward to the World Cup every four years. Outside of the small diehards of each discipline, there isn't that much appetite for the winter discipline sports. Put it this way, are folks Papa New Guinea glued to the seats for the biathlon?

3) Unlike the Olympics, the World Cup will be broadcast during the day in America on an all-sports network (7 a.m, 9:30 a.m. and 2 p.m. Eastern), not in prime time on NBC. It's a completely different audience, you know, actual sports fans, people that will ditch work to stay home and watch the Cup. It's doubtful too many offices around the States are getting sick calls the next two weeks for excuses to stay home and watch the slalom. If you're not interested in the World Cup, come June, you can escape its coverage, meanwhile the mainstream media still treats the Olympics like its still 1966, so you can't avoid the Games, every sports media is saturated by it.

4) No doubt the South African organizers will cook up some wacky opening ceremony in June, but mercifully it won't approach the outright unintentional comedy trainwreck that transpired in Vancouver Friday night. (The paucity of actors from "Trailer Park Boys" was a fail.)

* * *

Now a couple mild suggestions to the production crew in Bristol, err, Johannesburg for the Cup itself.

A) Yes, the Worldwide needs to get as many eyeballs to the set as possible, which means trying to find a way to hook in housewifes in Duluth just as much as the nerds like us that are watching the sport week-in, week-out. (Sadly, us hardcore fans aren't enough alone to make it worth ESPN's while.)

That said, we don't need soft focus features, especially on the U.S. team. How many times can we interview Landon Donovan, Carlos Bocanegra, Michael Bradley, etc. when they look like they're being held hostage and reading stuff with an AK-47 pointed at them off camera. No offense to these guys, but they're not all that compelling or dynamic as personalities go.

All these guys have basically just played soccer all their lives. It's not all that fascinating, nor does it have to be. They're players, plain and simple. Look, the same logic applies all the way up to guys like Lionel Messi, too.

And if you think about it, perhaps the only guy in the USMNT set-up with an ounce of charisma on television is Jozy Altidore, which sets up for an easy feature on how the earthquake in Haiti affected him.

In short, the USMNT and its reception back home in the States will be defined by what they do against England, Slovenia and Algeria, not by the stories written and filmed about them.

So yeah, I have nothing against Bob Ley profiling Nelson Mandela, apartheid and what the World Cup means to the country of South Africa. Those would actually be worthwhile. Let's just hope they go overboard, otherwise you get a Brett Favre corollary where you hear about sometime so often you end up tuning it out or disliking it.

A1) Weird quirk/wrinkle, in terms of the USMNT. Will any players on the squad cut special promos to air during the matches for any of the team's sponsors? Maybe we'll get a Landon Donovan Gatorade spot. Beyond that? Highly unlikely.

This is odd because in the other 31 nations in the tournament -- jury is out on North Korea -- you'd think companies inside the respective countries will market the hell out of the World Cup players. Think of McDonald's ads in Germany with Michael Ballack and Bastian Schweinsteiger causing chaos by kicking the ball through an indoor playland. Or Shunsuke Nakamura smiling with a Pepsi in his hand in Japan. Better yet, simply tune into the Univision broadcast and see all the endorsements lined up by the Mexican National Team players. I'm sure they'll be hawking everything from soft drinks to pickup trucks to cellular phones.

Again, don't forget the only major televised ad campaign Donovan has starred in was for the Mexican lottery. (El Landito)

And it's funny too, that American corporations like Coke and Pepsi will likely have campaigns designed around the World Cup with players from every participating country but the U.S.

Oh well. So long as Nike cooks up another great World Cup campaign, who'll notice anyway.

B) Please, no Team USA. Please. If you're going that route, call every squad that way. "Team Brazil", "Team England", etc. Nah. Doesn't work that way. Is it that hard to write "The U.S." or "United States"?

If you need to go that route, why not try "Team America"? (Fuck yeah.)

C) Keep Tommy Smythe and his smelly auld onion bag relegation to the radio broadcasts. We'll take Martin Tyler, thank you very much.

D) Here's how the broadcasts should play out. Pregame -- Game -- Postgame reaction -- color feature between matches -- second match of the day. Then let the analysis fly. Not hard.

And don't be afraid for the "inside baseball" shop talk. There are enough enlightened viewers that would openly embrace deep and thoughtful commentary over glib soundbites.

E) The U2 promos? I've never been to a city of blinding lights, so perhaps I'm no qualified to speak on it. Suffice to say, I'm not the biggest fan of Bono and the boys. It's not 1987 anymore.

Bottom line here folks, the World Cup is a sporting event, while the Olympics end up being a made-for-TV two-week event, with a dash of sports thrown in.

(That's enough curmudgeonly crankiness for a Monday morning, isn't it?)

Labels: 2010 world cup, ESPN, nbc, olympics, Soccer, USMNT

The dream police, they live inside of my head.
The dream police, they come to me in my bed.
The dream police, they're coming to arrest me, oh no. -- Cheap Trick.

Change the word dream to stream, and you've got a pretty good indication of my Wednesday afternoon. Read betwixt the lines, if you must.

And what an afternoon it was in the surreal season.

Let's just take a look at in bullet form since the knuckle on my right index finger feels like it has a walnut squeezed into. But where to start? Okay, it's fairly obvious.

* Landon Donovan put his stamp on the title chase today. Yes, it happened. I know, I know. It's hard to fathom.

Donovan won a corner off Ashley Cole to set up a corner from the right flag. He ensuing corner was struck brilliantly, low and with pace to the front post, allowing Louis Saha to get a head to it in stride to level the match at 1-1.

Shortly afterward, Donovan drew a penalty, which Saha took but it was saved by Petr Cech. Not sure how far up or down in the pecking order El Landito is on the penalty list, but I'm not surprised he didn't take it, nor would I clamor for him to do it in the future. Saha has a proven track record in England. Everyone misses every now and again.

Doesn't matter much, since the orange-haired Frenchman atoned for his miss with a cracking goal in the 75th minute to make it 2-1.

Donovan later picked up a yellow card, but his performance today surely adds more fuel to the fire for Everton extending the loan from the Galaxy. Frankly, I don't see how Moyes allows him to come back to MLS, unless Bruce Arena throws a major hissy fit.

Not that it'll matter too much come June 12, but Donovan did look comfortable in front of the defense of Ashley Cole and John Terry. Feel free to insert your own punchline there.

Better yet, he avoided a leg-breaking horror-tackle from John Obi Mikel, which is a win in my book.

Everton dug in deep and held on for the win. The win was huge because...

* Arsenal might have another life in the title chase. Emphasis might.

The Gunners didn't play well, but did just enough for a 1-0 win over Liverpool. Nothing special here, except Liverpool's absentee zonal marking allowed Abou Diaby to sneak forward into the box unmarked and head home a cross from Tomas Rosicky. Phillip Degen, well, at least now you've actually contributed something for Liverpool, albeit going in the opposite direction of Diaby. Better than nothing for the Swiss-man.

Now the Gunners are "only" six points behind Chelsea.

Liverpool might have a bone to pick since late on in stoppage time, Steven Gerrard ripped a freekick, which Cesc Fabregas stuck his hand up rather blatantly to deflect away. It was outside the penalty area, but clear as day. (It was about the only impact on the match from Fabregas, who seems to have one eye clearly on Barcelona.)

Of course aside from David Ngog getting behind the defense and then run down withe perfect slide tackle from William Gallas, Liverpool didn't do much.

Liverpool is Liverpool for a reason.

* In our other important match, Manchester United fought to a game 1-1 draw at Villa Park, playing the final hour or so down to 10 man when Nani got sent off.

Not much happening here, and frankly I was tuned into the other matches more.

Carlos Cuellar broke the deadlock early with a header that looped over Edwin Van der Sar. Quickly after that, Ryan Giggs ripped a ball into the box that deflected off James Collins for an own goal.

And that was pretty much that. Aston Villa's defense could probably suck the life out of a 1970s backstage party at a Led Zeppelin concert.

United are now only a point behind Chelsea, which in light of how the match began at Villa Park is fairly tremendous result for Sir Alex.

* Around the league. ... Another horrible result for Tottenham to a team in mustard colored jerseys, this time falling at Molineux to Wolves 1-0. Younes Kaboul was back in the Spurs' lineup. 'Nuff said. ... Nothing from Jozy Altidore except a yellow card, as Hull lost at Blackburn 1-0. Rovers quietly moving away from the relegation pack. ... West Ham with a much-needed 2-0 win over Birmingham. Surprised the Irons could keep a clean sheet. ... The results today and yesterday really boned over Bolton, which is now 19th.

* Something to file away, Stilian Petrov, Jamie Carragher, Samir Nasri and Ashley Cole all left games today with injuries. [Update -- Ryan Giggs and Ardrey Arshavin also hurt Wednesday.]

* Crazy day. Trying to watching three or more matches at once, and track two more is testing, even with full-on "Computer Brain." Why the four matches yesterday were all in the "meh-zone" leaving all the big teams to play today is a bad job by the scheduling department.

* Too bad nothing in the league this weekend. Stoke City/Manchester City next Tuesday, Wigan/Bolton on Wednesday. Oh right, and the return of the Champions Leagu, too. ... Feb. 20 is Everton hosting Manchester United and Feb. 21 its Manchester City v. Liverpool.

Labels: Arsenal, Chelsea, English Premier League, Landon Donovan, Liverpool, manchester United, Premier League, Soccer

"I know your anger, I know your dreams
I've been everything you wanna be ohhh…
I'm the Cult of Personality" -- Living Colour, "Cult of Personality."

Remember those amazing old stickers you'd see around cities, "Andre the Giant Has a Posse?"

Maybe we ought to amend it to Didier Drogba has a posse. Or at least a cult.

This is a strange cult though, since it seems to have a massive hold on celebrities and other athletes. Why else was Matt Damon shown a couple times at Stamford Bridge Sunday during Chelsea's 2-0 win over Arsenal, which neutered the Premier League into a two-horse race? I'll bet good money that Damon is a Drogba fan.

Same thing with Kevin Garnett and Will Ferrell (Really, this picture if desktop-background worthy. It may even explain why "Land of the Lost" was produced.). Possibly Snoop Dogg, too.

Remember that guy Ian Johnson, the running back on Boise State. I remember reading in "Sports Illustrated" how he somehow got a call from Drogba after Boise's famous win over Oklahoma in Fiesta Bowl a couple years ago. Johnson said how much of a fan he was of Drogba's, mainly through playing "FIFA".

What is it about Drogba that makes American athletes awed by him? It is the size, strength and pace? Is it that because when many American sports fans first started looking across the Atlantic, it was Drogba bulling Chelsea to a pair of Premier League titles in the mid 2000s?

Could it simply be his hair, which defies normal classification?

On a personal level, a couple years ago I was at a bar wearing my orange Cote D'Ivoire t-shirt. Some dude started talking to me and every other word out of his mouth was Drogba.

I nodded and walked away, slowly.

With performances like Sunday, it's easy to like Drogba, or at least his game. The big Ivorian is a force of nature. He is the prototype for the modern striker -- fast, big, strong, relentless & skilled. (As a counterweight, don't forget his incredulous, at times, antics with the refs, his former sneaky use of his hands to bring down balls and his general boorish on-field demeanor. And is it pronounced DROG-ba, or drough-ba?)

It's interesting how the last two Premier League weekends broke down. A week ago, Wayne Rooney continued his fantastic season, helping Manchester United down Arsenal. Sunday it was Drogba with two goals, including an incredible one-man effort on the second, in 25 minutes to put the Gunners to bed.

As great as that goal was, as he slalomed through the Arsenal defense (again caught on the counter), Drogba's best moment might have been late in the match with his rasping freekick that rocketed off the crossbar. If Manuel Alumnia somehow had the reaction speed to get a body part in its way, the result would have been the famous video of the fat guy getting shot in the gut with the cannonball.

Nine points back, Arsenal are almost assuredly done and have Drogba to thank for ending their season. The Gunners are now closer to fourth-place Liverpool, yes Liverpool, than first-place Chelsea.

Quite simply, when I saw that the Gunners' front line was Samir Nasri, Andrey Arshavin and Theo Walcott, I sensed the game over. If this was a Cirque de Soleil production, Arsenal would win hands down. A Premier League match against the top team in the league? Not so much.

Back to Chelsea and Drogba.

It should be fun, the coming weeks, to watch Drogba and Rooney engage in a battle of "Can You Top This?" (McDonald's England division, are you listening?) The strikers are invaluable to their teams, though Chelsea has more in reserve and across the rest of the field than United. More importantly, they're both taking their games to levels where every time they set foot on the field it's must-watch television.

They're both gunnin' for the proverbial "No. 1 Spot", on personal and team levels.

Me, I can't wait to see Drogba v. Rooney and Chelsea v. United. Too bad they only play once in the league in April.

Hey You Guys:

Now this isn't something that Tom Hicks track record would seem to indicate, but the much-maligned co-owner of Liverpool ought to consider making a nice hefty donation to Dirk Kuyt's favorite charity at the end of the season. Where would Liverpool be without the Dutch Utilityman?

Once again Kuyt rescued Liverpool three points with a decent header, which Tim Howard and Phil Neville both decided against trying to stop, giving Liverpool a 1-0 win at Anfield in the Merseyside DERBY (this one deserves all caps treatment).

Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch.

This one came with a free Advil.

Thankfully we avoided any compound fractures, though it came close.

Of course the rough-and-tumble play isn't too hard to believe when you have Javier Mashcherano, Maroune Fellaini, Sotirios Kyrgiakos, Neville, et al on the field. (Don't forget, the first line in the Anfield rap is, "Liverpool FC is hard as nails.")

Referee Martin Atkinson lost the proverbial plot early, or his eyesight. How Fellaini didn't get a straight red for stamping both feet on Kyrgiakos defies explanation. You'd think a guy with a gigantic, fantastic afro would be all sorts of California cool and laid back. Wrong. Fellaini is like Ben Wallace circa 2003 with the Pistons -- Fear the Fro.

As for the actual match?

Credit, for a change, Liverpool for digging in with 10 men and holding off Everton. How David Moyes' team -- even with the insertion on Mikel Arteta -- couldn't break down the Reds defense was hard to fathom. Was it good Liverpool defense or a complete lack of ingenuity by Everton? Or a dash of both?

The game probably should have ended 0-0, but again, credit Liverpool -- specifically Kuyt -- for capitalizing on a set play and taking home the full three-point bounty. Considering how many points Liverpool have given away this season, karmically they were due.

And Landon Donovan in his first, possibly last, Merseyside Derby? Meh. Nothing that really stood out. His speed was again useful, but he faded away in the second half. Oh well. A goal at Anfield by El Landito might have caused a rip in the space-time continuum. Hell, Donovan suceeding in England might mean we're already on an alternative timeline, meaning Oceanic flight 815 landed safely at LAX.

Feasting on cupcakes:

With apologies to Arsenal and Chelsea, nobody eats fat on as many empty calories than Manchester United. Yes, Arsenal and Chelsea tend to blow away some of the less teams by larger scorelines, especially at home, but United don't lose to the bottom dwellers.

Call it mystique. Call it aura. Call it whichever stripper name of your choosing, it exists to a degree.

I overheard on like Sky Sports at 3 a.m. that Portsmouth hadn't won a league game at Old Trafford since roughly 1955. Yes, the two clubs were in different divisions, so they didn't play every season, but still, 1955. That's something.

United have five losses this season: Burnley, Chelsea, Liverpool, Aston Villa and Fulham. Okay, one hiccup with the Clarets in the second game of the season. Otherwise all top-half of the table squads.

Here are the Red Devils losses in winning three-straight Prem crowns:

2008-09 -- Liverpool x 2, Arsenal, Fulham.
2007-08 -- Bolton, West Ham, Manchester City x 2, Chelsea
2006-07 -- Arsenal x 2, West Ham x 2*, Portsmouth

(* Second loss was the infamous "Tevez Game.")

Does this prove anything tangible?

Manchester United isn't nearly as good as previous years, but the form of Wayne Rooney and ability to psyche out the lesser teams -- especially at Old Trafford -- might be enough to keep them chugging along with Chelsea, or at least until the armeggedon showdown at Old Trafford on April 3.

Saturday? What can you say about United crushing Portsmouth 5-0? It was sad.

At this point you have to just feel bad for Porstmouth and its comedy of errors. This isn't like pounding on the current New Jersey Nets in the NBA. In Pompey's case, at least fans still care about the team. And even if the Nets set a new low for NBA total wins (9), nobody really cares and the team gets to live another day.

Portsmouth faces relegation and possible death, since the club has no money.

Amazingly, the three own-goals allowed by Portsmouth on Saturday is still less than the amount of owners the club has had this season.

In any other arena, someone would have had the mercy to deliver Portsmouth a kill shot to put them out of their misery.

Who's on Fourth?

The twists-and-turns for the final Champions League spot took another turn with Liverpool assuming the position on 43 points, one better than Spurs and two better than Manchester City and Aston Villa.

As I've been writing, these are all flawed teams. If they weren't, they'd be fighting for first, not fourth. The team that screws up the least, will probably end up with the Michel Platini-endorsed money bags.

It dawned on me, this is like when the Academy Award is duty bound to award a Best Picture Oscar in a given year. Some years there are more than one worthy winner ("No Country For Old Men"/"There Will Be Blood." as a recent example.)

Other times, well, lesser fare fits the bill by default.

Many years there isn't really a best picture. As I researched this I was floored when I looked back at the last decade. "Chicago"? "Crash"? "A Beautiful Mind"? Again, the lesson here is, award shows are simply an excuse for celebs to lavish praise on each other.

Sorry Marty, but "The Departed" winning you a sentimental Oscar in 2006 proves my point for fourth place. "The Departed" is an enjoyable HBO-type rewatchable flick. It has some moments, but Best Picture? Even "The Simpsons" took a shot at the rat on screen at the end. Gun to my head, for recent Boston-area crime tales, I'm picking "Gone Baby Gone" even with dual Affleck involvement.

That said, by default Martin Sheen getting tossed off a roof was better than the four other contenders -- "Babel", "Letters from Iwo Jima", "Little Miss Sunshine" and "The Queen."

Somebody had to win the statue.

So if there's a moral to this stupidity, you're better off convincing Rafa Benitez, Harry Redknapp, Martin O'Neill and Roberto Mancini to start speaking in bad, broad and over-the-top Boston accents like Jack Nicholson, rather than growing Steve Carrell's Proustian beard.

(If you're wondering, actually, "The English Patient" inspired me to make this comparison, but in 1996 "Fargo" was also nominated for Best Picture, so at least there was one worthy movie in the final five. "Jerry McGuire", "Shine" and "Secrets & Lies" were the other finalists.)

Defcon Jozy:

Maybe it's a good idea, since as fans of the USMNT we like to react and overreact over the slightest globule of information, that we devise a "Jozy Rater". Perhaps assign a color code for each week like the Terror Warning system, or the Defcon rating. That could get confusing.

Then again, do we want to equate Jozy's success to the threat of global annihilation? Take your time to mull it over.

After showing signs of life for Hull City last week, Altidore was instrumental in the Tigers' nice 2-1 win over Manchester City. Obviously we can talk about Jozy's 31st minute goal, where he made a sneaky, looping run behind Jan Venegoor of Hesselink to enable him latch onto the Dutchman's pass in stride and fire past Shay Given.

That was nice. (No Borat, remember him, impression needed.)

What was more promising for U.S. fans was Altidore's ability to make the Man City defense look out-and-out silly. Kolo Toure -- who is always one of the players cited when you label Cote D'Ivoire a World Cup threat -- couldn't contain Jozy. Neither could Dedryck Tatum Boyata.

These two were clutching and grabbing more than a couple 45-year-old housewives at a department store whites sale. (Hi-oh!)

At times I've been critical of Altidore looking frail and going to ground. He's obviously not as tank-like as the Drogbas of the world, but he's big enough and quick enough that your average defender has difficulty tracking him.

The way the USMNT is set up, it'd be a little more reassuring to see Altidore as more of an aerial threat, but that's nit-picking. If Bradley plays a lone striker, Atlidore again doesn't quite fit the bill.

Working under the assumption, that even with all his hard work through rehab that Charlie Davies is still an extreme longshot, Altidore is the only U.S. forward that has a realistic shot of causing the opposing defenses to gameplan and worry about him. The Chings/Caseys/Cunninghams all play right into the hands of Enger-land.

Bottom line, after watching Algeria get shredded at the African Cup of Nations, it causes the imagination to dream of what a player like Altidore could do against them -- so long as the Desert Foxes "keep it G".

Other stuff:

Fox Soccer continuing to taunt us with the promise of HD is exactly the right move for them. Yes, nobody gets it right now, but how else to get cable companies to add the channel than for fans to call up and demand it? It's annoying, but smart business. ... Needed to look it up, everyone's favorite migrant Egyptian striker Mido is only 26 years old. Now on loan at West Ham, he's playing for his 11th club -- fourth on loan. Bottom line, when an Egyptian player takes off the national team shirt, he is a different player. ... New Burnley player Danny Fox is yet ANOTHER dude in the Premier League with an arm sleeve tattoo. If we're keeping score at home he joins: Tim Cahill, Jonathan Greening, Matty Taylor, Kevin Prince-Boateng and Danny Agger. Forgetting anyone? Please provide photo evidence. ... Premier League "mongo" fan of the week. The dude at in the front row at Stamford Bridge with a faux-hawk, holding up a white t-shirt with this "TERRY IS MR CHELSEA LEGEND" scrawled on it. Punctuation, naturally, was optional. ... Was that Matt Damon at the Bridge? Couldn't think of a worthwhile joke. Meh. ... Good, not great goal by Mohamed Diame for Wigan vs. Sunderland, in the Utterly Forgettable Bowl. ... George Boa-TENG!!! That was a sizzler vs. Man City. ... Speaking of City, the exhumed corpse of Patrick Vieira made its debut this weekend. Even I can't beat this horse joke further to death, or can I? ... Nobody can quite suck the air out of a match better than Aston Villa right now, which I guess is a back-handed compliment about their stout defense. ... For what it's worth, the top four teams last season ended with a combined 17 defeats. This year with about 13 matches left it's already at 20. By comparison, Liverpool had two defeats last season, this year already seven. The Surreal Season, it be.

Fantasy Team O' the week:

Weekly top honors go to a team mired near the bottom of the table. Some squad called "Jammy Donut Shots" managed by, what must be a fake name, "Nick Aquilino." Who? Huh? Anyway, this probably fake squad got 76 points thanks to Drogba, Lampard, Nani, Shawcross and Jussi J. Well done, if that is your real name. I'm guessing it's an alias for former Argentina national team coach and avid smoker, Carlos Bilardo.

I know, too inside.

Your prize is a steaming turd on the scales of justice.

One more thing:

Not rants or raves this week, just thanks to everyone that takes the time to post a comment. Honestly, a lot of times your comments are more insightful and illuminating that the drivel I sometimes produce. I always feel smarter after reading them. It's what makes doing this such a worthwhile hobby. So if you never post, just make sure you read them. It's good stuff, so tell your soccer-watching friends.

I'm make on more plug for my Twitter, since I tend to binge on the snide comments during the matches. No sense repeating how overrated Theo Walcott is in two places. (Imagine how different the commentary would be if he weren't English?)

Midweek picks:

The League is at it again, a full slate of midweek action. Must be great for the working slobs in England, to come home and watch a game. For us here in the States? Not nearly as good.

Some of this games are massive, too.

Tuesday:

* Portsmouth v. Sunderland -- For Portsmouth to even begin dreaming about the "Great Escape II : Avram's Electric Bugaloo" it needs to figure out a way to take three points here. Even with Sunderland in a major tailspin, Portsmouth is too disorganized defensively to stop Bent/Jones. ... Portsmouth 1, Sunderland 2

* Wigan Athletic v. Stoke City -- "Everybody hates us, we don't care." ... Wigan 2, Stoke 0

* Manchester City v. Bolton -- (Live, Setanta, 2:45 p.m.) So when City were kicking ass and taking names, was it just a product of Carlos Tevez "Hulking up"? Before long trying to shore up the City defense is going to become an on-going quagmire akin to ... well, look at the world map and you fill in the blank. ... City 2, Bolton 0

* Fulham v. Burnley -- (Live, FSC, 3 p.m.) In the vein of that classic Tootsie Roll Pop commercial, "How many nil-nil draws does it take for Fulham to avoid the relegation zone"? ... Fulham 0, Burnley 0

Wednesday:

* Arsenal v. Liverpool -- (Live, Setanta, 2:45 p.m.) Based on the weekend, this match is impossible to predict. There I said it. Do you rate the confidence Liverpool surely has after beating Everton? Or does the Emirates give Arsenal an edge? At least with Fernando Torres sidelined, Arsenal doesn't need to compete with another Rooney or Drogba-like on-form forward. This might sound silly, but Arsenal could use a grinder like Kuyt near the front of goal right now. Just a guy that might not play champagne football, but gets the job done. Somehow Arsenal has to find a way to win this match, otherwise the whispers of finishing outside the top four creep back into play. Arsene Wenger can't allow that scenario to happen. I'm beginning to wonder if the lingering Cesc/Barcelona rumors have a little something to them. ... Arsenal 1, Liverpool 0

* West Ham v. Birmingham City -- Pretty soon West Ham will have to realize that they have to bank some points, not simply wait for the other teams to rot further below them. Based on getting two goals in the final 10 minutes Sunday vs. Wolves, it looks like Birmingham might be able to go on another nice little unbeaten run. ... West Ham 1, Birmingham City 1

* Wolves v. Tottenham -- Two teams that's can't seem to score right now, or at least with any consistency. If Spurs are going to challenge for fourth, Peter Crouch has to step up his game. Jermain Defoe can't do it alone. And since Croatia missed out on the World Cup and had the epic defeat to Turkey at the last Euro, can we consider them non-clutch? Spurs has three Croat internationals logging major minutes -- Kranjcar, Modric and Corluka. Prolly just a coincidence, no? ... Wolves 0, Spurs 1

* Aston Villa v. Manchester United -- (Live, FSC, 2:45 p.m.) How long has it been since we've heard Ashley Young's name? A month? Two? Has he been injured? This is a perfect place to test the Manchester United theory. Can this team get a result on the road against a quality opponent? Even in a weakened state, the United defense should be able to cope with the Villa attack. Until Rooney slows down, I'll sticking with the hot foot, even with Big Brad in goal. ... Villa 0, Manchester United 1

* Blackburn Rovers v. Hull City -- Boringly, Blackburn can win enough of these type of matches at Ewood and avoid the drop. ... Blackburn 2, Hull City 1

* Everton v. Chelsea -- Wonder if losing to Liverpool takes all the wind out of Everton's sails. That was a pretty horrible loss and it's not like Chelsea is the easy way to rebound. Everton is a good, solid team, but not strong enough vs. Chelsea. ... Everton 0, Chelsea 2

Last round: 4-6
Season: 129-112

Labels: Chelsea, English Premier League, Jozy Altidore, Liverpool, manchester United, Premier League, Soccer