Bart: Who's up at 3:17 AM watching TV?
Homer: Alcoholics, the unemployable, angry loners... -- The Simpsons, "Mr. Plow."
So ... umm, yeah.
Suppose you could easily transpose the first part of that exchange to read, "Who's up at 3:17 PM watching (live soccer) on TV?" The answer probably doesn't need to be altered, outside of adding college students to the mix.
I kid, I kid.
It never ceases to amaze me on days like today how unavoidable major world soccer has become on American airwaves. Granted, it's not over-the-air tv, nor is it basic cable, but take Tuesday for example. On MSG+, or other Fox Sports regional nets aired the Champions League Round of 16 affair between Real Madrid and Lyon. On Fox Soccer, amidst Katy Perry's bosom selling acne medicine and Andy Gray screaming about HD televisions, was Chelsea's trip to Copenhagen. Meanwhile, further up the dial on FSC Plus, Tottenham took on Blackpool, on a field that appeared to have just hosted a monster truck rally.
All-and-all, for a country that allegedly hates soccer, none too shabby.
The irony here, of course, is that unlike Europe or other places in the world there aren't any restrictions to when games can be beamed into our television sets. There aren't any local clubs to protect or FA bylaws to abide.
In the most delicious irony, it's actually easier to watch the (English) Premier League on television in the United States than it is in England.
And now with streaming technology, working, productive members of society can sneak peaks of this midweek matches from their office computers. If you have a soccer jones, it's nearly impossible not to scratch it.
Ah, Bartleby, ah technology.
... let's just keep our fingers crossed Watson doesn't become Skynet.
Chelsea 2, F.C. København 0
* Not a lot to say here. Chelsea took care of business behind a two-goal display from the soccer world's most universally loathed man, Nicholas Anelka. FCK was overmatched and it showed, it didn't help either than the club's allegedly most experienced player Jesper Grønkjær, formerly of Chelsea gave the ball away to Anelka inside of 20 minutes for an all too easy goal. At that point my attention shifted to Southeastern France and the Stade Gerland, so I won't waste your time with anything else.
However, the idea going into the match that Chelsea were vulnerable to a team like FCK is almost laughable. The fact there was snow on the streets of Copenhagen was why Chelsea would lose? It might've taken a nuclear winter on the Jutland peninsula to offset the talent gap between these teams. Chelsea isn't what it once was, but it can still brush aside a European lightweight on muscle memory alone.
Unlike last week's Champions League action, featuring AC Milan, Tottenham, Barcelona and Arsenal, the world wasn't exactly rushing to YouTube to upload Anelka's goals. Fortunately the ludicrous European junk food endorsement clips featuring "Le Sulk" never get old. Let's watch these and sneer.
***
* The only other talking point is that Carlo Ancelotti benched Didier Drogba in favor of Fernando Torres, sticking with the Blues' preferred 4-3-3. Methinks this will get a lot of play in the English press, maybe?
Torres wasn't totally terrible. On the plus side he was active and made some dangerous runs. His first and final touch are just awful at the moment.
I'm grateful to Ancelotti since it's hard to avoid taking glee in rooting against Torres and watching him fluff and scuff ball-after-ball. It's the gift that keeps on giving. Yes, eventually Torres will recapture his past form and make us all eat our words.
For now, he's a meme-worthy joke.
See what I did in five minutes with a Danish stereotype (Legos) and MS Paint?
* Oh, since I'm feeling like a jerk, one other thought ... in nine months will we hear reports of multiple babies being born around Copenhagen with terrible haircuts who cry about usual baby things ... but especially after missed penalty kicks?
Lyon 1, Real Madrid 1
* Again, this isn't an indictment against La Liga as a whole. Admittedly it's not my cup of tea. You wonder though, Real Madrid can steamroll through Spain's domestic competition 85-90 percent of the time, then look nothing short of ordinary against a team like Lyon. Why? Is it because the Spanish minnows are used to capitulating? In Spain Real Madrid is 19-3-2, outscoring opponents 55-19 in the process. Real is five points behind Barcelona in first, but 12 better than third place Valencia.
Again, this is a bit of a hiccup and overreaction to one isolated match, though Madrid might be playing on eggshells in three weeks at the Bernabeau after Bafetimbi Gomis got Lyon a late equalizer. Madrid hasn't been past this stage since 2004. Guessing the Spanish media might mention this to Jose Mourinho somewhere in the range of 521 times until the replay.
And after a mostly invisible performance Tuesday, would it shock anyone for Cristiano Ronaldo to put on a show in the second leg?
Mourinho an at least smile a little bit, after yanking off Emmanuel Adebayor -- a guy who hasn't been good for bordering on two years and counting -- for Karim Benzema. The ex-Lyon striker bulldogs his way to a goal, making French teammate Hugo Lloris look pretty inept in the process.(*)
(*) And raising his stock to Arsene Wenger in the process. Zing!
Credit in this one to Lyon for not allowing the stunning goal by Benzema -- stunning in the fact of how quick the club's former hero scored when coming on -- and grinding out an equalizer. Earlier Gomis had roofed a chance, after doing the hard part by beating a diving Iker Casillas.
Real Madrid are still in good shape, since according to Opta Stats, 11 of the last 14 team's which drew 1-1 on the road in the first leg advanced.
Blackpool 3, Tottenham 1
Hey, bonus Prem action.
No surprise, with each Champions League match a dull slog, this match got most of my attention.
Again, Blackpool remain remarkable. The precision of the second goal, coming after a wide goal-mouth flurry in their own defensive half, finished by DJ Campbell on a picture-perfect back post cross from James Beattie just before halftime. Boom. Roasted.
It's fitting, too, Blackpool got a dream debut from Belorussian international Sergei Kornilenko, who drew a penalty which set up the first goal, converted by Charlie Adam from the spot.
As for Spurs, when you live on a thin line, these things happen. Tottenham has been playing with fire all season, over 38 matches you can't expect to come back from 1-0 week-in, week-out.
Call this one a karma adjustment for Spurs, who had about 10 clear-cut, quality chances. Luka Modric chipped Richard Kingson, only for it to be cleared off the line. Roman Pavyluchenko had a free header from close, but couldn't beat a diving Kingson. Niko Kranjcar came on late and almost was the hero again, but this time his shot was wide.
And then there is Jermain Defoe wasted about a half dozen good attempts, continuing his pitiful run of form. Call up Jose Canseco because if anyone needs the proverbial "slumpbuster" it's Defoe.
Even when it appeared Spurs caught a break -- a ball deflecting off Adam's back -- it went over the bar. Spurs could've scored five
Spurs could've put pressure on Chelsea for fourth place, instead the gap is a mere two points with Chelsea holding a game in hand.
Let's do this tomorrow afternoon, shall we?
Homer: Alcoholics, the unemployable, angry loners... -- The Simpsons, "Mr. Plow."
So ... umm, yeah.
Suppose you could easily transpose the first part of that exchange to read, "Who's up at 3:17 PM watching (live soccer) on TV?" The answer probably doesn't need to be altered, outside of adding college students to the mix.
I kid, I kid.
It never ceases to amaze me on days like today how unavoidable major world soccer has become on American airwaves. Granted, it's not over-the-air tv, nor is it basic cable, but take Tuesday for example. On MSG+, or other Fox Sports regional nets aired the Champions League Round of 16 affair between Real Madrid and Lyon. On Fox Soccer, amidst Katy Perry's bosom selling acne medicine and Andy Gray screaming about HD televisions, was Chelsea's trip to Copenhagen. Meanwhile, further up the dial on FSC Plus, Tottenham took on Blackpool, on a field that appeared to have just hosted a monster truck rally.
All-and-all, for a country that allegedly hates soccer, none too shabby.
The irony here, of course, is that unlike Europe or other places in the world there aren't any restrictions to when games can be beamed into our television sets. There aren't any local clubs to protect or FA bylaws to abide.
In the most delicious irony, it's actually easier to watch the (English) Premier League on television in the United States than it is in England.
And now with streaming technology, working, productive members of society can sneak peaks of this midweek matches from their office computers. If you have a soccer jones, it's nearly impossible not to scratch it.
Ah, Bartleby, ah technology.
... let's just keep our fingers crossed Watson doesn't become Skynet.
Chelsea 2, F.C. København 0
* Not a lot to say here. Chelsea took care of business behind a two-goal display from the soccer world's most universally loathed man, Nicholas Anelka. FCK was overmatched and it showed, it didn't help either than the club's allegedly most experienced player Jesper Grønkjær, formerly of Chelsea gave the ball away to Anelka inside of 20 minutes for an all too easy goal. At that point my attention shifted to Southeastern France and the Stade Gerland, so I won't waste your time with anything else.
However, the idea going into the match that Chelsea were vulnerable to a team like FCK is almost laughable. The fact there was snow on the streets of Copenhagen was why Chelsea would lose? It might've taken a nuclear winter on the Jutland peninsula to offset the talent gap between these teams. Chelsea isn't what it once was, but it can still brush aside a European lightweight on muscle memory alone.
Unlike last week's Champions League action, featuring AC Milan, Tottenham, Barcelona and Arsenal, the world wasn't exactly rushing to YouTube to upload Anelka's goals. Fortunately the ludicrous European junk food endorsement clips featuring "Le Sulk" never get old. Let's watch these and sneer.
* The only other talking point is that Carlo Ancelotti benched Didier Drogba in favor of Fernando Torres, sticking with the Blues' preferred 4-3-3. Methinks this will get a lot of play in the English press, maybe?
Torres wasn't totally terrible. On the plus side he was active and made some dangerous runs. His first and final touch are just awful at the moment.
I'm grateful to Ancelotti since it's hard to avoid taking glee in rooting against Torres and watching him fluff and scuff ball-after-ball. It's the gift that keeps on giving. Yes, eventually Torres will recapture his past form and make us all eat our words.
For now, he's a meme-worthy joke.
See what I did in five minutes with a Danish stereotype (Legos) and MS Paint?
* Oh, since I'm feeling like a jerk, one other thought ... in nine months will we hear reports of multiple babies being born around Copenhagen with terrible haircuts who cry about usual baby things ... but especially after missed penalty kicks?
Lyon 1, Real Madrid 1
* Again, this isn't an indictment against La Liga as a whole. Admittedly it's not my cup of tea. You wonder though, Real Madrid can steamroll through Spain's domestic competition 85-90 percent of the time, then look nothing short of ordinary against a team like Lyon. Why? Is it because the Spanish minnows are used to capitulating? In Spain Real Madrid is 19-3-2, outscoring opponents 55-19 in the process. Real is five points behind Barcelona in first, but 12 better than third place Valencia.
Again, this is a bit of a hiccup and overreaction to one isolated match, though Madrid might be playing on eggshells in three weeks at the Bernabeau after Bafetimbi Gomis got Lyon a late equalizer. Madrid hasn't been past this stage since 2004. Guessing the Spanish media might mention this to Jose Mourinho somewhere in the range of 521 times until the replay.
And after a mostly invisible performance Tuesday, would it shock anyone for Cristiano Ronaldo to put on a show in the second leg?
Mourinho an at least smile a little bit, after yanking off Emmanuel Adebayor -- a guy who hasn't been good for bordering on two years and counting -- for Karim Benzema. The ex-Lyon striker bulldogs his way to a goal, making French teammate Hugo Lloris look pretty inept in the process.(*)
(*) And raising his stock to Arsene Wenger in the process. Zing!
Credit in this one to Lyon for not allowing the stunning goal by Benzema -- stunning in the fact of how quick the club's former hero scored when coming on -- and grinding out an equalizer. Earlier Gomis had roofed a chance, after doing the hard part by beating a diving Iker Casillas.
Real Madrid are still in good shape, since according to Opta Stats, 11 of the last 14 team's which drew 1-1 on the road in the first leg advanced.
Blackpool 3, Tottenham 1
Hey, bonus Prem action.
No surprise, with each Champions League match a dull slog, this match got most of my attention.
Again, Blackpool remain remarkable. The precision of the second goal, coming after a wide goal-mouth flurry in their own defensive half, finished by DJ Campbell on a picture-perfect back post cross from James Beattie just before halftime. Boom. Roasted.
It's fitting, too, Blackpool got a dream debut from Belorussian international Sergei Kornilenko, who drew a penalty which set up the first goal, converted by Charlie Adam from the spot.
As for Spurs, when you live on a thin line, these things happen. Tottenham has been playing with fire all season, over 38 matches you can't expect to come back from 1-0 week-in, week-out.
Call this one a karma adjustment for Spurs, who had about 10 clear-cut, quality chances. Luka Modric chipped Richard Kingson, only for it to be cleared off the line. Roman Pavyluchenko had a free header from close, but couldn't beat a diving Kingson. Niko Kranjcar came on late and almost was the hero again, but this time his shot was wide.
And then there is Jermain Defoe wasted about a half dozen good attempts, continuing his pitiful run of form. Call up Jose Canseco because if anyone needs the proverbial "slumpbuster" it's Defoe.
Even when it appeared Spurs caught a break -- a ball deflecting off Adam's back -- it went over the bar. Spurs could've scored five
Spurs could've put pressure on Chelsea for fourth place, instead the gap is a mere two points with Chelsea holding a game in hand.
Let's do this tomorrow afternoon, shall we?
Labels: champions league, Chelsea, lyon, real madrid, Soccer, the simpsons
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