Ah. The Champions League final at Wembley Stadium.
Call it the Super Bowl mixed with the XFL Million Dollar Game crossed with the Eliminator from "American Gladiators" and a heaping, healthy dose of European dance pop.
In the word of Chris Treager, there is literally nothing bigger on planet earth in the records of human history as important at Manchester United playing Barcelona for the proverbial trophy with the big ears. This is the big one, folks.
Or just take Curt Menefee's word for it on FOX.
This is Liiiiiiiionel Messi vs. Wayne Roooooooooooooooooney.
Basically, your life will change after this match. You will not be the same person. You might be able to taste smells and hear colors. Anything is in play.
Okay. Not really. Can't fault FOX broadcasting corporation for trying to turn the UEFA Champions League final into a must-see, weekend, television watch for sports fans of all ages. Hell, let's not kid ourselves. It's certainly a more relevant Memorial Day weekend sporting event in the year 2011 than the Indy 500, isn't it.
From a television standpoint, if arguably the two biggest clubs in the world(*) can't move the Neilsen ratings dial, well, it will go to show that Americans sitting on their couches still aren't hip to the idea of the Champions League. Never mind the fact that as a product of their nature, nine times out of 10 a final, one-off soccer game tends to produce less than amazing play.
(*) Probably, if you wanted, you could make a strained comparison how which team you root for secretly shows your political leanings, with Manchester United the more conservative choice compared to the epitome of leftists worldwide in Barça. Not sure it totally works, though a Barça fan is more likely to own a Che Guevera t-shirt.
That's a story for another day or another site. FOX can promo the game across it's various platforms, but if Joe Buck reading a god-awfully written promo during a Yankees/Mets game going to drive viewers to the set? It's not quite the same cross-platform promotion ESPN can ram down your throat and into the recesses of your brain with it's phalanx of 24-hour sports networks.
Instead of breaking down if Sir Alex Ferguson is going to use Anderson or Michael Carrick to try to protect the center of the park against the unstoppable troika of Xavi, Andres Iniesta and the soccer nerd's dream player -- Sergio Busquets -- or if Rooney is going to be able to find passing lanes to allow Chicharito to get behind Carlos Puyol and Gerard Pique, I'm taking another approach.
Saturday's game at Wembley clearly pits the two best teams from the Champions League competition itself. United have only allowed four goals in the entire competition, while Barça is Barça, laying waste to everyone with 27 goals scored -- 11 from Messi.
Are they the best teams across all of Europe this calendar year? In Barcelona's case, yes. No argument at all, as the Spanish champs ran away with La Liga.
The odd dichotomy of the Champions League, is that the actual best teams in Europe in a given season don't actually play in it. The lack of correlation from league from to Champions League was never more abundantly clear than FC Schlake 04 reaching the semifinals while mired in the lower half of the Bundesliga table.
Speaking of the Bundesliga, arguably the most fun team across all of Europe this season not named Barcelona might have been 2010-11 German champions Borussia Dortmund, a squad full of young, homegrown players that had the entire nation happy for their triumph.
For all the accomplishments of Dortmund this year, they've already been forced to sell off star midfielder Nuri Sahin to Real Madrid. It means they'll enter next season's Champions League searching for a replacement in arguably the most important area on the field.
The cupboard isn't bare for Dortmund. Players like Mario Götze, Sven Bender and Kevin Großkreutz should improve, though you wonder what could of been if Jürgen Klopp's squad had been kept intact. Could they mount an outsider challenge for the biggest prize in club soccer?
Teams -- even champions of a major league -- face the precariously free-market economy reality that is European soccer.
Dortmund aren't alone. The crazy thing is, the other two sides on the continent which raised the hackles of most "soccer nerds" or "tactics nerd" face similar questions heading into the 2011-12 Champions League as Dortmund.
Going undefeated domestically and winning the Europa League, you could argue FC Porto were the most dominant team of anyone this current season. Even in the Portuguese top flight winning 27 games and drawing three is absolutely ridiculous.
Now the club has to worry about losing it's white-hot manager, Andre Villa-Boras, it's top striker Falcao and anyone else who isn't tied down to bigger fish.
Same thing is probably going to happen in Italy, where Serie A's most television-friendly club -- Udinese -- squeezed into the Champions League qualification playoffs, but will probably have to make the tournament proper without the No. 1 target in all of Europe, Chilean attacker Alexis Sanchez as well as a slew of other internationals on the books in northeastern Italy.
In Spain, Villareal are in the same spot at Udinese, the playoff round of the Champions League but are already strongly rumored to be selling off top striker Guiseppe Rossi to ... yep, Barcelona. Meanwhile in France, Ligue 1 champions Lille will likely contest next season's Champions League without it's top offensive players with Eden Hazard and Gervinho each linked to bigger clubs across Europe.
All of it makes you think of that Radiohead lyric from the aptly titled, "Optimistic."
The big fish eat the little ones
The big fish eat the little ones
Not my problem give me some
You can try the best you can
If you try the best you can
The best you can is good enough
Beyond the pipe dream of the financial Fair Play idea proposed by UEFA President Michel Platini, what are these mid-sized clubs to do, aside from playing feeders to the bigger teams? Teams like Barcelona and Real Madrid do, in fact, need other clubs to play against other than themselves, don't they?
It's hard, from afar, to judge the actions of these clubs. If you're Udinese and, say, Inter Milan offers you $60 million for Sanchez, you have take it, right? That's like a 20-to-1 profit on a player you bought in 2006 for $3 million from Colo Colo. It's not going to help you on the field, but money is money and if you're a club like Udinese you have to hope you can reinvest it and find more young players around the world to develop and grow like Sanchez.
Certainly this isn't a fun situation, nor is it one that fans exactly have to like, but it's the ugly reality.
Of the clubs previously mentioned, it would be nice if Porto could find a way to hold firm, keep its side intact and make a run at the big boys. They seem to have the Portuguese league on lockdown and enough depth to compete domestically and in Europe concurrently. Though the argument is that the club did, in fact, win the Champions League as recently as 2004, yet it remains positioned in very much the same way -- a nice, powerful club outside the true blue blood elites.
And that's the one thing that is a product of how soccer is run. There is a tacit, accepted caste system across most of the continent. Few teams seem to have ambition to challenge the accepted hegemony. Maybe it's that Eurpoean way of thinking, resigning yourself to the fact your club will never, no matter how many games you win, be looked at the same way as Real Madrid. Players, when they get good enough, will always want to play where the lights are a little brighter.
Part of me has to think, at least, wouldn't a player like Sahin want to take the challenge of lifting Borussia Dortmund back to the top of Europe, where it was in 1996? Real Madrid is Real Madrid, but is playing Westfalenstadion all that shabby? Side tangent: The executives running the Bundesliga know what they are doing. You can be a "star" there, though a star to German-speaking folks. (The Bungesliga's operation seems the only one in Europe comparable to most American pro sports in its oversight, marketing, operation, etc.)
Then again, these clubs aren't necessarily stupid either. Even if they hold onto their key assets, who much good is going to do them on the field? Is Udinese ever going to have the resources to keep pace with a Manchester United on a yearly basis?
One season of Champions League television revenue(*) and gate receipts worth this gamble? Positioned like Udinese in a small, provincial-type club? No. Dortmund and Porto certainly have the resourceful, the staff, the stadium all the off-field things necessary to launch an assault at the European elite and shake up the status quo.
(*) Didn't have a place to integrate it into this piece, but does the television money make all the difference to keep the European landed gentry away from the unwashed riff raff?
Or more immediately from a purely sporting standpoint, how many teams can reasonably expect to compete with Barcelona in its current form, which some are talking up as one of the best in the history of the sport? As long as the spine of Pique and Puyol in defense, Iniesta and Xavi in the midfield and Messi up top and the wildcard play of Dani Alves remains intact, everyone is reasonably chasing for second place across the entire world anyway.
Might as well make money when you can.
Seven Other Thoughts:
* If United are going to win, it'll need another quality game from Edwin van der Sar in goal. It would be appropriate for the big Dutchman, in his final competitive match, to play well, as he's done all season.
* For all the star power on both sides, starting with Rooney and Messi, wouldn't it seem appropriate for a lesser heralded player like Park or Pedro coming up with the deciding goal? Though, Pedro is Barcelona's second-leading Champions League scorer. (David Villa? Where's he been? Figure Rafael factors into this game somewhere, too, for United.)
* If you're scoring at home, these are the guys on either side that I don't entirely dislike -- a ringing endorsement! ... Park Ji-Sung, Ryan Giggs, Chicharito, Rooney (I'm a fan, what can I say, makes me laugh if nothing else), Dani Alves, Victor Valdes, David Villa and Ibrahim Allefay. ... Least favorite: Javier Mascherano.
* It's odd, isn't it, that everyone trying to preview/analyze this game assumes to know Pep Guardiola's tactics with Barcelona. There isn't even a doubt to who'll start where and do what. Can that ever be a bad thing? When you're as good as Barça , you can get away with it. The one knock you can make on Barca is that they've used the same squad almost too much. This idea feels flimsy to me. Until someone cracks how to beat their pressing-meets-possession game regularly, or Xavi's legs fall off, Barcelona can keep doing what it's been doing.
* Is there a Randy "Macho Man" Savage-tized Champions League preview floating somewhere in the Interwebs? Wish I was insane enough to write that ... or not. (Unrelated: This might be the funniest thing I've read all year.)
* Messi, however you slice it, is truly the more gifted, special, iconic, etc. player compared to Rooney. Could you almost say Messi is so other worldly transcendent, that he's almost boring and anti-compelling? Nothing wrong with that, he just seems pre-sex scandal Tiger Woods style boring, albeit driven, like all he wants to do is play socccer. Rooney, for all his warts, hits on a visceral level.
* The tenor of this match all boils down to if Sir Alex decides to follow the playbook from Jose Mourinho, sitting deep, turning the game into a slug fest, having Paul Scholes look menacingly in the direction of Iniesta, etc. That, though, seems like a way to play for a slow death, unless Rooney and friends can exploit gaps in space on the counterattack. My guess is United comes out initially trying to play Barcelona, looking to win fouls in dangerous positions where it can exploit the size of Vidic on headers. Expect this one to be more exciting, either way, then the last time these two giants met in the Champions League final in 2009 if only for the appreciated lack of Cristiano Ronaldo.
Prediction: Manchester United 2, Barcelona 2 (United wins in PKs)
Labels: barcelona, borussia dortmund, champions league, fc porto, Lionel Messi, manchester United, sir alex ferguson, Soccer, Wayne Rooney
In a much needed attempt at brevity, there shall no long-winded introduction into the following post. It's genesis springs from scrolling through my most recent post on the U.S. National Team (scanning for typos/making sure I didn't sound like a total buffoon) and remembering the massive pre-World Cup 2006 archive of this blog which really had nothing at all to do with the "Beautiful Game."
Rather in it's infancy it was like so much else on the webs: a bunch of random, old fashioned Internet insanity.
The following collection of words, photos and snarky commentary about an amazingly entertaining trip to my local Goodwill store falls within those parameters. So if you want to read about my thoughts on Saturday's UEFA Champions League final between Manchester United and Barcelona, you'll have to keep waiting in suspense until Friday.
Goodwill, yes.
Does anyone reading here need a refresher course on these wonderful outposts of reasonably prices garments, goods, house wares and junk shop curios?
Long story short, it's a form of treasure hunting at least if you're a person like me. Many hard-working folks utilize the store for bargains on life's essentials, so it works on two levels -- practical and impractical.
If you fall into the former category, like myself, you pick through other people's used clothes(*), and knick knacks, hoping to score some amazing stuff. Amazing is a loose definition for some random tchotchke that might illicit a laugh or a giggle when examined at evening cocktail party ... or (more likely) in hazy post-last call ether. Essentially the entire "hipster" movement was founded on this type of thing, finding things that were once considered part of normal, everyday life but are now viewed to be ironic.
(*) Best not to think that a certain percentage of clothes at any Goodwill likely belong to a recently deceased person. The price you must pay if you want vintage clothes like the proto-Hipster, Cosmo Kramer.
Anyways, Wednesday afternoon I personally stumbled into a treasure trove of wonderfully ridiculous stuff. Consider it "The Legend of Curly's Gold," meets "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" with a healthy dash of lo-fi stupidity.
As the saying goes, one man's trash is another man's treasure. To whit, what one man perceives as treasure is, still in fact, junk.
If you don't find a random Starting Lineup "1-on-1" action series featuring Eric Lindros facing off with Paul Kariya relevant, or nostalgically interesting, click away to another page. I did hear that everyone's favorite human being, Kim Kardashian is engaged. There are plenty of sites of her in skimpy bikinis if you'd rather spend your Internetting on that sort of stuff. (True story, upon hearing this news I burst into tears of happiness than Kim was able to find true love in this topsy turvy world of ours.)
Right, then, the trip to Goodwill I've wasted about 28 seconds of your life setting up.
The funny thing was, my intent was to search for some shorts. Okay, a little more back story first. If there's one thing I on earth I have never and will never fully understand is fashion. Believe it or not, I'm more impressed by Jerry Seinfeld's clothes on his eponymous show than his acting or jokes. My standard line is one upside to being communist, or living behind the Iron Curtain was drab government issued coveralls.
Hey, one less thing to worry about in these crazy modern times of ours, right?
So basically at this stage in my life, it's sad, but I really don't even know where to find or shop or clothes that are socially acceptable in a casual setting since sweatpants don't really count. It's not to the point where I can go full "dad" style Dockers khaki shorts, nor am I ironically cool enough to rock Jorts. (Nor do I really want to rock jorts at all in the first place.)
It's so bad -- please don't laugh -- earlier in the day on Wednesday I actually typed "clothing" into a Google search in an act of desperation. Actually, laugh at me. That's downright pathetic for an adult who's grown up in suburban America.
The underlying purpose of this trip is in my lame world view spending $2 on a pair of shorts at Goodwill beats spending $20 at Old Navy or god only knows how much at clothing.com. Granted, at Goodwill you're always fishing around, hoping they have a size that fits you.
On my first sweep? Nada.
Making matters worst, the shorts section for men was so haphazard it was impossible to gauge if the garments I was inspecting were a) shorts b) bathing suits or c) boxer shorts. Hey, boxers are better than the white male briefs that almost all quality Goodwill stories stock, usually on hangars. And face it, there's nothing sadder than a pair of tighty whities hanging on a rack at Goodwill ... both from who they came from and who'll end up buying them.
I was all but ready to leave the store when a previously undiscovered bin of 99 cent t-shirts caught my eye. The Goodwill near my house isn't exactly stocked with "cool" or "ironic" style t-shirts that are all the rage with the kids these days. Mostly old rec league shirts or some massive XXXL Enyce Sweaters, along with your custom ratty dress shirts. My best ever haul at this store was a NES-style(*) "Contra" shirt, which is unwearable since the graphic is simply too big for the shirt.
(*) Problem with any 8-bit humor is it's been co-opted by kids who shop at Hot Topic. And let's face it, if you wear a Nintendo shirt in public the only people are going to appreciate it are fellow nerds and geeks.
Inside that 99 cent bin was like rummaging around in Ali Baba's cave of treasures.
Among those treasures, laid the proverbial magic lamp of this mixed metaphor. Arguably the most insanely baffling shirt ever, which warranted a picture:
Let's set this aside and examine it from all sides. To begin, who would actively wear a shirt in 2011 that simply reads, "SWALLOWS." Doubt they'd even use it as a punchline on "Two and a Half Men," it's that low. A dude isn't going to wear this shirt in public, doubt most women -- aside from the future Mrs. Roethlisberger -- would dare even look at this crude shirt, let alone wear it.
To ask simply, who on planet earth that speaks English as their first language would actively choose to wear that the proclaims, "SWALLOWS" across its chest?
Your answer to this query? A bird enthusiast, albeit a bird enthusiast with the bigger set of brass ones this side of Bill Brasky, as the back of the shirt explains:
Yes, what appeared to be shirt ripped straight from an Andrew Dice Clay routine was actually a pretty clever prank. Or maybe it was a shirt for people who truly love the bird swallow. In case you can't read the text (clicking on the photo gives it to you full size), it includes this gem, "Swallows are more fun than turtles and eagles because they can fly around for a short period of time."
There were some other amazing shirts in the bin, as detailed in my final bill of sale. They will certainly come in handy over the summer months, which have finally appeared to have arrived in Southwestern Connecticut after months of snow and rain. It should also be noted at this time, Men at Work's "Land Down Under" was playing inside the store.
I probably couldn't have been happier. In fact I was about to "chunder" out of the head-spinning good time I was having.
A lot less happy was a text I received from a friend informing me she'd been stuck in traffic for three hours on the nightmarish stretch of road known as I-95. About the only way to make this corridor of traffic snarls worse would be adding Lord Hummongus.
Thanks to telecommunication technology, she was the first to receive visuals on some of this amazing junk -- which in process made me think this whole experience was worth a blog posting -- hopefully ameliorating rubberneck hell. And yes, I do understand how it looks when a dopey white dude like myself is whipping out an iPhone in the midst of picking through 50 cent VHS copies of "Halloween III" and "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2," while actual folks are looking for bargains on old pillows and furniture.
One worth highlighting is this retro-ish one-time freebie shirt for an MLS sponsored soccer camp:
Using my burgeoning detective skills, this could only have been from a small window from 1998-1999 when the Miami Fusion existed at the same time the San Jose Earthquakes were known by the non-Joe Strummer approved "Clash" nickname. Funny too, how Kansas City, New York/New Jersey have gone through major rebranding. The Dallas Burn (ooooh, demonic scary horse) are now the pedestrian FC Dallas. The Galaxy ditched their cosmic image -- and unique green-and-gold color scheme -- for a boring, Beckham approved, adidas marketed gimmick.
Of all the MLS teams you'd think would go for a new look, the Columbus Crew have held firm with their (easily mockible) three construction worker/America's Hardest Working Team identity. Stay strong.
This shirt was like going back in time without the aid of a Delorean or plutonium.
Speaking of trips back in time, right next to the magical t-shirt bin? A tray containing about 25 unopened packs of Upper Deck 1991-92 NHL-LNH Hockey cards. I'm not even a huge hockey fan, but these are incredible. The first pack I tore into when I got home contained a "Theoren Fleury" card, which you're going to get a look at.
A quickish aside, I love looking through my old baseball, football and yes, soccer cards. (Massive collection of 1994 World Cup guys, including coach Harkes.) The one cool thing I've done with my condo is using some of the amazing cards to create a mosaic on an end table. Might need to make two more, one using these hockey cards and one with the soccer cards. Here's what it looks like:
These hockey cards are truly insane. Defunct teams. Crazy logos. Players of yesteryear, though a glaring lack of mullets. Some highlights include: Luc Robataille, Craig McTavish, Andy Moog, Jaromir Jagr (in Czech colors), Mats Sundin (in Sweden colors), Dominik Hasek (on the Blackhawks), Alexander Mogilny, and a whole slew of guys who would mean a lot more to an actual hockey fan. The coupe de grace, though, is this bizarre, possibly ground-breaking card of then-Rangers left wing Troy Mallette:
To my knowledge this is the first and probably last trading card featuring a shirtless athlete.
Moving on.
At this point I was having so much fun I didn't want to leave Goodwill. Ever. I wanted Hollywood to write a movie about me like that Tom Hanks movie where he gets stuck in the airport terminal. What was that called? "You've Got Mail?"
It was worth rummaging around, too, for my personal Goodwill white whale -- a jumpsuit that fits.
And as I turned toward the men's coat section, holding out hope, what did I see out of the corner of my eye? Perhaps the most tragically hilarious piece of sports memorabilia produced during the entire 1990s. All that's missing would be for Don West to hawk it on Home Shopping Network.
A Starting Lineup "Classic Doubles" figurine set featuring home run kings Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa. Is it as retroactively head-scratching as the Sports Illustrated Sportsmen of the Year cover the pair did? No. Still, it's amazing that nobody seemed to even think the word steroids that year despite the fact even in plastic form McGwire has comically large forearms. The Sosa model is jarringly skinny, like Sosa on the Rangers string bean. Take a look:
That, sadly, wasn't the only old baseball (yes) toy I bought. Two dollars of my hard-earned money went for a Kaz Ishii McFarlane figure, just to complement the t-shirt jersey I purchased at Dodger Stadium many years ago of the former big league pitcher from Japan. Yes, this is going to be thrown in a closet and forgotten, along with the Brett Musberger "Rocky" figurine I actually own, but for $2 it's hard to pass up, isn't it?
The weird thing about Goodwill is they still have plenty of outdated audio formats, barring 8-tracks. If you want an old record of Italian standards? Go to Goodwill. Searching for Bill Joel's "The Stranger" on tape? Head to Goodwill. Looking for a book on tape of "How to Be Part of a Great Marriage"? You know what to do.
It's not exactly fair when they tease you with soothing sounds like this ... :
... only for the CD itself to be missing. If you're going to show me a case promising the soothing sounds of Enya and Yanni on the same disc, said disc better be inside the jewel case. Plain and simple. Total buzzkill.
Actually, the biggest buzzkill was walking toward the cash register and noticing a female customer wearing a tank top, despite the fact it appeared -- quite plainly -- that she had all sorts of hair and stuble on her exposed chest.
On second thought, Hollywood, remake another old TV series or reboot an old franchise.
That movie about a perfectly capable and productive member of society opting to live the rest of his life inside of a Goodwill store can wait.
Total haul
* Italy 1934 World Cup Champion t-shirt. (99 cents)
* "Swallows" shirts -- just for the comedy. (99 cents)
* TOOL (band) shirt that is actually pretty normal. (99 cents)
* The MLS Camp t-shirt. (99 cents)
* Some dark charcoal gray (ask Jean Ralphio) Barcadi shirt that you can't tell is for Bacardi. (99 cents)
* Four packs of Upper Deck 1991-92 NHL cards. (50 cents each)
* Las Vegas coffee mug. ($1)
* Morrisey "Viva Hate" CD. ($3)
* A Karl Pilkington-style brimmed cap. (which I never wear around people I know for fear of some kind of Tom Brady-style mockery) ($2)
* Scattergories (board game) ($3)
* Kaz Ishii McFarlane Toy ($2)
* Starting Lineup Mark McGwire/Sammy Sosa 1998 Home Run Chase thing ($4)
Total: $19.01
God bless America.
Rather in it's infancy it was like so much else on the webs: a bunch of random, old fashioned Internet insanity.
The following collection of words, photos and snarky commentary about an amazingly entertaining trip to my local Goodwill store falls within those parameters. So if you want to read about my thoughts on Saturday's UEFA Champions League final between Manchester United and Barcelona, you'll have to keep waiting in suspense until Friday.
***
Goodwill, yes.
Does anyone reading here need a refresher course on these wonderful outposts of reasonably prices garments, goods, house wares and junk shop curios?
Long story short, it's a form of treasure hunting at least if you're a person like me. Many hard-working folks utilize the store for bargains on life's essentials, so it works on two levels -- practical and impractical.
If you fall into the former category, like myself, you pick through other people's used clothes(*), and knick knacks, hoping to score some amazing stuff. Amazing is a loose definition for some random tchotchke that might illicit a laugh or a giggle when examined at evening cocktail party ... or (more likely) in hazy post-last call ether. Essentially the entire "hipster" movement was founded on this type of thing, finding things that were once considered part of normal, everyday life but are now viewed to be ironic.
(*) Best not to think that a certain percentage of clothes at any Goodwill likely belong to a recently deceased person. The price you must pay if you want vintage clothes like the proto-Hipster, Cosmo Kramer.
Anyways, Wednesday afternoon I personally stumbled into a treasure trove of wonderfully ridiculous stuff. Consider it "The Legend of Curly's Gold," meets "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" with a healthy dash of lo-fi stupidity.
As the saying goes, one man's trash is another man's treasure. To whit, what one man perceives as treasure is, still in fact, junk.
If you don't find a random Starting Lineup "1-on-1" action series featuring Eric Lindros facing off with Paul Kariya relevant, or nostalgically interesting, click away to another page. I did hear that everyone's favorite human being, Kim Kardashian is engaged. There are plenty of sites of her in skimpy bikinis if you'd rather spend your Internetting on that sort of stuff. (True story, upon hearing this news I burst into tears of happiness than Kim was able to find true love in this topsy turvy world of ours.)
Right, then, the trip to Goodwill I've wasted about 28 seconds of your life setting up.
The funny thing was, my intent was to search for some shorts. Okay, a little more back story first. If there's one thing I on earth I have never and will never fully understand is fashion. Believe it or not, I'm more impressed by Jerry Seinfeld's clothes on his eponymous show than his acting or jokes. My standard line is one upside to being communist, or living behind the Iron Curtain was drab government issued coveralls.
Hey, one less thing to worry about in these crazy modern times of ours, right?
So basically at this stage in my life, it's sad, but I really don't even know where to find or shop or clothes that are socially acceptable in a casual setting since sweatpants don't really count. It's not to the point where I can go full "dad" style Dockers khaki shorts, nor am I ironically cool enough to rock Jorts. (Nor do I really want to rock jorts at all in the first place.)
It's so bad -- please don't laugh -- earlier in the day on Wednesday I actually typed "clothing" into a Google search in an act of desperation. Actually, laugh at me. That's downright pathetic for an adult who's grown up in suburban America.
The underlying purpose of this trip is in my lame world view spending $2 on a pair of shorts at Goodwill beats spending $20 at Old Navy or god only knows how much at clothing.com. Granted, at Goodwill you're always fishing around, hoping they have a size that fits you.
On my first sweep? Nada.
Making matters worst, the shorts section for men was so haphazard it was impossible to gauge if the garments I was inspecting were a) shorts b) bathing suits or c) boxer shorts. Hey, boxers are better than the white male briefs that almost all quality Goodwill stories stock, usually on hangars. And face it, there's nothing sadder than a pair of tighty whities hanging on a rack at Goodwill ... both from who they came from and who'll end up buying them.
I was all but ready to leave the store when a previously undiscovered bin of 99 cent t-shirts caught my eye. The Goodwill near my house isn't exactly stocked with "cool" or "ironic" style t-shirts that are all the rage with the kids these days. Mostly old rec league shirts or some massive XXXL Enyce Sweaters, along with your custom ratty dress shirts. My best ever haul at this store was a NES-style(*) "Contra" shirt, which is unwearable since the graphic is simply too big for the shirt.
(*) Problem with any 8-bit humor is it's been co-opted by kids who shop at Hot Topic. And let's face it, if you wear a Nintendo shirt in public the only people are going to appreciate it are fellow nerds and geeks.
Inside that 99 cent bin was like rummaging around in Ali Baba's cave of treasures.
Among those treasures, laid the proverbial magic lamp of this mixed metaphor. Arguably the most insanely baffling shirt ever, which warranted a picture:
Let's set this aside and examine it from all sides. To begin, who would actively wear a shirt in 2011 that simply reads, "SWALLOWS." Doubt they'd even use it as a punchline on "Two and a Half Men," it's that low. A dude isn't going to wear this shirt in public, doubt most women -- aside from the future Mrs. Roethlisberger -- would dare even look at this crude shirt, let alone wear it.
To ask simply, who on planet earth that speaks English as their first language would actively choose to wear that the proclaims, "SWALLOWS" across its chest?
Your answer to this query? A bird enthusiast, albeit a bird enthusiast with the bigger set of brass ones this side of Bill Brasky, as the back of the shirt explains:
Yes, what appeared to be shirt ripped straight from an Andrew Dice Clay routine was actually a pretty clever prank. Or maybe it was a shirt for people who truly love the bird swallow. In case you can't read the text (clicking on the photo gives it to you full size), it includes this gem, "Swallows are more fun than turtles and eagles because they can fly around for a short period of time."
There were some other amazing shirts in the bin, as detailed in my final bill of sale. They will certainly come in handy over the summer months, which have finally appeared to have arrived in Southwestern Connecticut after months of snow and rain. It should also be noted at this time, Men at Work's "Land Down Under" was playing inside the store.
I probably couldn't have been happier. In fact I was about to "chunder" out of the head-spinning good time I was having.
A lot less happy was a text I received from a friend informing me she'd been stuck in traffic for three hours on the nightmarish stretch of road known as I-95. About the only way to make this corridor of traffic snarls worse would be adding Lord Hummongus.
Thanks to telecommunication technology, she was the first to receive visuals on some of this amazing junk -- which in process made me think this whole experience was worth a blog posting -- hopefully ameliorating rubberneck hell. And yes, I do understand how it looks when a dopey white dude like myself is whipping out an iPhone in the midst of picking through 50 cent VHS copies of "Halloween III" and "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2," while actual folks are looking for bargains on old pillows and furniture.
One worth highlighting is this retro-ish one-time freebie shirt for an MLS sponsored soccer camp:
Using my burgeoning detective skills, this could only have been from a small window from 1998-1999 when the Miami Fusion existed at the same time the San Jose Earthquakes were known by the non-Joe Strummer approved "Clash" nickname. Funny too, how Kansas City, New York/New Jersey have gone through major rebranding. The Dallas Burn (ooooh, demonic scary horse) are now the pedestrian FC Dallas. The Galaxy ditched their cosmic image -- and unique green-and-gold color scheme -- for a boring, Beckham approved, adidas marketed gimmick.
Of all the MLS teams you'd think would go for a new look, the Columbus Crew have held firm with their (easily mockible) three construction worker/America's Hardest Working Team identity. Stay strong.
This shirt was like going back in time without the aid of a Delorean or plutonium.
Speaking of trips back in time, right next to the magical t-shirt bin? A tray containing about 25 unopened packs of Upper Deck 1991-92 NHL-LNH Hockey cards. I'm not even a huge hockey fan, but these are incredible. The first pack I tore into when I got home contained a "Theoren Fleury" card, which you're going to get a look at.
A quickish aside, I love looking through my old baseball, football and yes, soccer cards. (Massive collection of 1994 World Cup guys, including coach Harkes.) The one cool thing I've done with my condo is using some of the amazing cards to create a mosaic on an end table. Might need to make two more, one using these hockey cards and one with the soccer cards. Here's what it looks like:
These hockey cards are truly insane. Defunct teams. Crazy logos. Players of yesteryear, though a glaring lack of mullets. Some highlights include: Luc Robataille, Craig McTavish, Andy Moog, Jaromir Jagr (in Czech colors), Mats Sundin (in Sweden colors), Dominik Hasek (on the Blackhawks), Alexander Mogilny, and a whole slew of guys who would mean a lot more to an actual hockey fan. The coupe de grace, though, is this bizarre, possibly ground-breaking card of then-Rangers left wing Troy Mallette:
To my knowledge this is the first and probably last trading card featuring a shirtless athlete.
Moving on.
At this point I was having so much fun I didn't want to leave Goodwill. Ever. I wanted Hollywood to write a movie about me like that Tom Hanks movie where he gets stuck in the airport terminal. What was that called? "You've Got Mail?"
It was worth rummaging around, too, for my personal Goodwill white whale -- a jumpsuit that fits.
And as I turned toward the men's coat section, holding out hope, what did I see out of the corner of my eye? Perhaps the most tragically hilarious piece of sports memorabilia produced during the entire 1990s. All that's missing would be for Don West to hawk it on Home Shopping Network.
A Starting Lineup "Classic Doubles" figurine set featuring home run kings Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa. Is it as retroactively head-scratching as the Sports Illustrated Sportsmen of the Year cover the pair did? No. Still, it's amazing that nobody seemed to even think the word steroids that year despite the fact even in plastic form McGwire has comically large forearms. The Sosa model is jarringly skinny, like Sosa on the Rangers string bean. Take a look:
That, sadly, wasn't the only old baseball (yes) toy I bought. Two dollars of my hard-earned money went for a Kaz Ishii McFarlane figure, just to complement the t-shirt jersey I purchased at Dodger Stadium many years ago of the former big league pitcher from Japan. Yes, this is going to be thrown in a closet and forgotten, along with the Brett Musberger "Rocky" figurine I actually own, but for $2 it's hard to pass up, isn't it?
The weird thing about Goodwill is they still have plenty of outdated audio formats, barring 8-tracks. If you want an old record of Italian standards? Go to Goodwill. Searching for Bill Joel's "The Stranger" on tape? Head to Goodwill. Looking for a book on tape of "How to Be Part of a Great Marriage"? You know what to do.
It's not exactly fair when they tease you with soothing sounds like this ... :
... only for the CD itself to be missing. If you're going to show me a case promising the soothing sounds of Enya and Yanni on the same disc, said disc better be inside the jewel case. Plain and simple. Total buzzkill.
Actually, the biggest buzzkill was walking toward the cash register and noticing a female customer wearing a tank top, despite the fact it appeared -- quite plainly -- that she had all sorts of hair and stuble on her exposed chest.
On second thought, Hollywood, remake another old TV series or reboot an old franchise.
That movie about a perfectly capable and productive member of society opting to live the rest of his life inside of a Goodwill store can wait.
Total haul
* Italy 1934 World Cup Champion t-shirt. (99 cents)
* "Swallows" shirts -- just for the comedy. (99 cents)
* TOOL (band) shirt that is actually pretty normal. (99 cents)
* The MLS Camp t-shirt. (99 cents)
* Some dark charcoal gray (ask Jean Ralphio) Barcadi shirt that you can't tell is for Bacardi. (99 cents)
* Four packs of Upper Deck 1991-92 NHL cards. (50 cents each)
* Las Vegas coffee mug. ($1)
* Morrisey "Viva Hate" CD. ($3)
* A Karl Pilkington-style brimmed cap. (which I never wear around people I know for fear of some kind of Tom Brady-style mockery) ($2)
* Scattergories (board game) ($3)
* Kaz Ishii McFarlane Toy ($2)
* Starting Lineup Mark McGwire/Sammy Sosa 1998 Home Run Chase thing ($4)
Total: $19.01
God bless America.
Labels: MLS, old school, whimsy
Guess, to borrow a relevant word, the 2011 Gold Cup got a lot more "buzzy".
Or did it?
Or (apologies for a bad joke) was U.S. coach Bob Bradley the only person on planet Earth who actually got raptured away over the weekend.
Freddy Adu on the U.S. roster for the Gold Cup.
This is not a joke, though it might trigger an LOL or two from some people or at least have some mainstream American sports fan raise an eyebrow while reading an ESPN crawl ... that guy is still around?
Banished to the Turkish second division, Adu all 21 years old of him, finally found regular playing time on his fourth -- yes fourth -- loan spell away from his parent club Benfica. Since leaving MLS and going to Portugal in 2007, Adu has played all of 43 games in Europe. On the plus side 11 of those have come in 2011 at Rizespor, where he's scored four goals albeit in the Bank Aysa 1. League.
And as American soccer fans we're clearly all experts on the Bank Aysa 1. League, yes?
Naturally this is the biggest talking point. Adu is a name most people, even non-soccer fans have heard about. I'm not even going to speculate if the kid has finally figured it all out. If he's up to the rigors of playing against grown men. If his individual skill will actually work inside of Bradley's set up.
Adu is on the roster, for better or worse. At the very least it's worth a flier since it's not like there's a player Adu blocked from the roster. If Stuart Holden is healthy, it's doubtful with Benny Feilhaber included, too, Adu would be necessary. Chances are, Adu probably doesn't even suit up for meaningful games. And what is anyone going to glean from Adu playing against teams like Panama or Guadeloupe?
He will once and forever remain the ultimate U.S. soccer enigma. The boy who would be king.
Maybe Bradley is throwing the fans a bone after years of grumbling about at least trying to use Adu, though that doesn't seem to be the Edler's M.O. Let's rule that out. At least Bradley is willing to take a chance on Adu and see if there's something -- anything(*) -- to build on toward 2014.
(*) In a way, the hype around Adu is unfair. Should he have played in MLS at 15? Probably not. Were Adu's handlers and marketers a little unscrupulous? Yes. It's also not Adu's fault the U.S., as a nation of 300 million, fails to produce more than one or two intriguing teenage soccer playing prospects a decade.
More importantly, Adu's inclusion doesn't address the biggest area of concern for the U.S. as currently constructed -- width.
Is there a natural winger on this roster? Or even a player who can send in a solid cross? Yes, Landon Donovan and Clint Dempsey play outside in the midfield, that's been the U.S. marching orders since the 2009 Confederations Cup. Guess might as well keep running them out there until there legs fall off, since Dempsey is probably fresh as a daisy after a long, physically grueling season with Fulham, right.
In reserve behind the two U.S. attacking fulcrums, Bradley is stuck picking a guy like Robbie Rogers, who's never done much of anything at the senior international level. Exciting.
The U.S. roster is stacked with so many central drifting players you'd think Bradley was cribbing his strategy from Alf Ramsey's "Wingless Wonders" playbook, granted that team did win the 1966 World Cup. Case in point, is Bradley favorite Sacha Kljestan who seems redundant on this team, or illustrates how dire the U.S. wide situation is.
But whatever, Adu is in the mix, so let's just talk about that.
Quick Thoughts:
* One player with potential to do something on the wing, Timmy Chandler was left out by Bradley citing the player's fatigue after a long professional season in Germany. Ok, then.
* Admittedly, haven't watched enough MLS this season to say picking Chris Wondolowski over Teal Bunbury was a good move or not. Surprised, though, Edson Buddle wasn't in the mix. He seems like a guy who can dominate, okay score goals, in CONCACAF. No Bunbury means a lot less fun watching Gold Cup games on Univision, that's for sure.
* Looks like Bradley has lost faith in Alejandro Bedoya, who isn't exactly as much of a prospect anymore at age 24.
* Let's just put it this way, Maurice Edu just won the Scottish Premier League title with Rangers as automatic starter for Walter Smith. Michael Bradley played about 30 competitive minutes at Aston Villa since January. Is there any doubt Bradley the Elder doesn't start his son alongside Jermaine Jones for the important Gold Cup games. Dissect, how you see fit.
* Tim Ream vs. Oguchi Onyewu for a starting central defensive spot. Pretty sure I can guess how the majority of U.S. fans want this one to play out. Chicharito vs. Onyewu is a penalty kick waiting to happen.
* Hard to see this lineup being anything other than a 4-2-2-2. Hope Bradley can watch some tapes of Liverpool's play in April and May.
* Always happy to see Marcus Hahnemann's name on a U.S. roster. Always good to see an American playing soccer with a smile on his face. Same for Steve Cherundolo. Not sure how much he has left in the tank, but another quality veteran.
* Onyewu and Clarence Goodson are both 6-foot-4. Overall 15 players on the 23-man roster are 6-foot or taller. With even mediocre delivery, the U.S. should score a decent amount simply from headers on set pieces.
* Can't say there are any glaring omissions overall. Omar Gonzalez maybe, though he's not displacing Ream. Gale Agbossoumonde seems a little too young, plus he's playing Sweden, which I believe in the midst of its league during the summer.
* Interestingly, U.S. officially lists Clint Dempsey as a forward. Otherwise the U.S. is counting on Jozy Altidore, Juan Agudelo and Wondolowski. Good luck.
* Overall, this roster is what you'd expect from Bradley. It's not all that different from the core of the last two years, except with a certain teenage Sierra Mist pitchman in the mix.
GOALKEEPERS: Tim Howard (Everton, England), Nick Rimando (Real Salt Lake), Marcus Hahnemann (Wolves, England).
DEFENDERS: Oguchi Onyewu (Twente, Netherlands), Carlos Bocanegra (Saint-Etienne, France), Steve Cherundolo (Hanover, Germany), Eric Lichaj (Leeds, England), Clarence Goodson (Brondby, Denmark), Jonathan Bornstein (Tigres, Mexico), Jonathan Spector (West Ham, England), Tim Ream (New York Red Bulls).
MIDFIELDERS: Michael Bradley (Aston Villa, England), Maurice Edu (Rangers, Scotland), Landon Donovan (Los Angeles Galaxy), Freddy Adu (Rizespor, Turkey), Robbie Rogers (Columbus Crew), Benny Feilhaber (New England Revolution), Jermaine Jones (Blackburn, England), Sacha Kljestan (Anderlecht, Belgium).
FORWARDS: Clint Dempsey (Fulham, England), Juan Agudelo (New York Red Bulls), Jozy Altidore (Bursaspor, Turkey), Chris Woldolowski (San Jose Earthquakes).
Labels: bob bradley, Freddy Adu, Gold Cup, Soccer, USMNT
There is a day for many American sports fans when they become enlightened about the concept of relegation and promotion in various professional sporting leagues around the world. Naturally ideas of doing it for professional baseball start dancing around in your head, like dropping the Pittsburgh Pirates for a club from Triple-A, never mind the fact the structure of almost all American sports would never fly. The minor leagues in America are just that, minor or at best feeders or farm clubs for the big boys. Nothing is set up for open leagues under the current franchise system, rendering these flights of fancy moot.
If you're reading this little old slice of the Internets, you'd probably thought about stuff like that maybe on a cloudless spring afternoon or at the beach. It's a pipe dream on our shores, even with our professional soccer structure since MLS is home to entitled owners like Robert Kraft wouldn't want to see their investment dropped into a lower league, but that's an argument for another day and another site, frankly.
In any event, we saw the full wonder and amazement that was relegation on Sunday afternoon in a wild, crazy, nervy day where the table fluctuated with the frequency of a teenager's mood. It was so wild Ian Darke on ESPN2, god bless his quaint little heart, said you'd likely need a slide ruler to figure out the permutations.
At various times after kickoff Wolves, Blackpool, Birmingham City and Wigan were all safe and all doomed, often times by a single goal -- both in the differential and total scored. It only reiterated the importance of an entire 38-game season, even if those games in August seemed inconsequential at the time played, yet came home to roost. Imagine if Wigan were relegated by a goal and how the club lost on the opening day to Blackpool 4-0.
The flashpoint game, of course, was Wolves vs. Blackburn Rovers in a direct win and survive battle. Not sure what the Venky's Chicken Magnates said to Rovers' boss Steve Kean when they flew him in to India during the week. Whatever it was, it was straight out of the playbook of Los Pollos Hermanos owner, Gus Frings.
Blackburn came out and kicked serious ass from the opening whistle, pressing Wolves deep and pinging crosses all over, paying off almost immediately with a deflected goal from Jason Roberts. Yes, that Jason Roberts. Rovers were in heaven following Brett Emerton's finely struck volley ... set up by of all things a long kick from Paul Robinson, Rovers clear MVP this year. Blackburn was a miserable team to watch all season, but Sunday they brought it with the money on the line. If Rovers can build around youngsters like Phil Jones and David Hoilett next season, maybe they won't be quite as dire as this year.
It was amazing how poor Wolves played, finding themselves down 3-0 and all but done.
Meanwhile at Old Trafford, Blackpool was flying high through Charlie Adam and Gary Taylor-Fletcher... and then they fell apart to the champions, to a dreaded own goal and sunk back to the depths from which is came.
Wigan was lingering on life support ... and Hugo Rodallega pulled them out of the fire -- again.
For a while with about 12 minutes left in Birmingham's game with Tottenham, Alex McLeish's team was alive and safe, thanks to Craig Gardner's equalizer. It seemed Wolves were ready to go down based on one lone, single, solitary goal.
This crazy scenario didn't happen since Birmingham lost 2-1 to Tottenham(*) on Roman Pavlyuchenko's strike from the edge of the box, while Wolves fought back with two goals late from Jamie O'Hara and Stephen Hunt, cuing a party on party in Wolverhampton not seen since the heyday of Slade.
(*) Spurs gaining a play in the Europa League is a classic "You're a winner and a loser" scenario, though the club isn't big enough to turn its nose up at the competition. Who doesn't want to take a road trip to Metalist Kharkiv? Oh Birmingham are in the competition, despite playing in the Championship next season. That should be a load of fun, too.
Was the final day craziness better than an American style elimination playoff system? Is 38 games where, in the end, it's proven every single second of every single match could come into play to determine your favorite team's fate a fairer, more accurate gauge of a soccer team's worth?
However you slice it, Sunday was an unforgettable day where everything needed to align properly going into the games. Once the games kicked off, they lived up to the hype.
Gone, But Not Forgotten:
Blackpool was supposed to be the worst team ever in the history of the Premier League. A laughable combination of the Washington Generals, Cleveland Spiders and the team from the movie "Ladybugs." And in manager Ian Holloway, the Tangerines had their own version of Rodney Dangerfield on the touchline, too.
Funny thing happened. Blackpool weren't awful, even while trotting out players like Gary Taylor-Fletcher who looked about as athletic as a professional bowler where all that was missing was a pint glass and dangling cigarette. Unknowns like DJ Campbell, Luke Varney and David Vaughn all accounted for themselves quite well.
Blackpool entertained from Matchday One, beating Wigan in August and spending most of the 2010 in the top half of the table. Holloway was a hailed as a genius as the team scored goals, played free-flowing, offensive soccer and were a genuinely likable bunch in a world otherwise populated by cynics, louts, primadonnas and other misanthropes.
In gap-toothed Scotsman Charlie Adam(*) Blackpool even had a swashbuckling, one-man wrecking crew, deadly from freekicks and corners. Had the club stayed up, it'd be hard to argue one man was as valuable to his club as Adam.
(*) I'm preemptively tired of the Adam transfer this summer. Very high-risk, mediocre-reward player. His best value is on deadball spots, but if he goes to a better team will he always take them like at Blackpool? And he will miss games for cards, too. Plus his passing can be very wayward at times. Above all, is he suited to a cog in a better machine, rather than the entire team engine like he was at Blackpool? I'd stay away, personally and save his inflated transfer fee. The place he makes the most sense might be Fulham where he could replace Danny Murphy or at Stoke City, where he'd be given the reigns in the midfield, though it's doubtful either club pays as much as Blackpool are going to want.
Eventually the bubble burst, culminating with a 4-2 loss at Old Trafford to the champions elect. In the final analysis, to use the hoary old Dennis Green line, Blackpool "were who we thought they were." It is, though, a shame the Tangerines lost to Manchester United -- which did field a competent, representative team -- on an Ian Evatt own goal and a Michael Owen clincher. A crueler fate, cannot be found.
The question going forward, will Blackpool's Premier League flight of fancy inspire clubs in the future that it's worth standing toe-to-toe with the big clubs, going for three points, throwing caution into the wind and playing open, attack-minded soccer? Or will managers and board members look at the one scarlet letter Holloway and Blackpool couldn't shake -- 78 goals allowed -- and remember that pragmatism might not win the hearts and minds of neutrals, yet it will keep you cashing those Premier League television checks?
Here's something that's interesting as a counterweight.
Blackpool: 55 goals scored, 78 goals allowed = 39 points, 19th place
West Bromwich Albion: 56 goals scored, 71 goals allowed = 47 points, 11th place.
Years from now, people will remember Blackpool's moment in the sun and probably smile about all the crazy things Holloway said and the rollicking, back-and-forth goal fests the club produced. It's less convenient to remember, the table doesn't lie.
Gone And Forgotten:
There won't be many mourning the drop of Birmingham City. Sure El Brum won the Carling Cup, but that was probably the result of another classic Arsenal meltdown.
Long story short here, there wasn't much dynamism with this club with an assortment of strikers who were simply awful, though not set up to succeed in Alex McLeish's super-conservation 4-5-1 formation. Guys brought in over the summer like Jean Beausajour and Alexsander Hleb flopped or failed to make an impact. David Bentley did nothing on loan from Spurs, nor did Matt Derbyshire on his return from Greece.
When Cameron Jerome starts for you in a do-or-die match as a lone striker, well, you don't need to be Valery Lobanovsky to know you're in trouble.
Birmingham were the kings of the 1-0 win last season, this year they were outscored 58-37.
This is a club that needs a new injection of blood. The Stephen Carrs, Barry Fergusons and Liam Ridgewells of the world are good, competent professionals, but limited over the course of a couple years without any dynamic players around them. There's not a lot to build around here, with journeyman pros at almost all positions. Maybe they have one fight left in them to bounce right back from the Championship, but then what? Still stuck staving off relegation in two years time.
At least this makes Seb Larsson's exit all but confirmed. He'd be a worthwhile addition in a lot of places. Gardner is clearly a Premiership player, but he's likely the one guy Birmingham could actually build around next season, so they should hold onto him.
The one player I've repeatedly praised at Birmingham the last two years was defender Roger Johnson. Then on Sunday I saw him pulling up his jersey to reveal a lower back tattoo.
A tramp stamp.
Adios, Brum.
Caio!
Looks like Roman Abramovich is taking his George Steinbrenner worship a little too far. What's next, hosting the fall premier of "Saturday Night Live" and shooting a digital short about his Russian "junk" with Andy Samberg?
Suppose losing on the road at Goodison Park 1-0 with Jermain Beckford doing his best Lionel Messi with a neck-tat run through the defense and chip, well, I might want to make a rash move, too.
Firing Carlo Ancelotti? Eh, that seemed to have been decided months ago with the failures in the Premier League and Champions League. Ancelotti did win the double last season, can't take that away from him. In a way, getting let go by the Blues is a blessing in disguise for the affable Italian. Who would want to coach a team of aging veterans (Terry, Lampard, Drogba), a possible basket case in Fernando Torres and ... Nic Anelka.
Chelsea, however you slice it, is in a state of flux with a sour, prickly locker room. Good luck to whomever Abramovich brings in next.
It's hard to believe, isn't it, the team with as much wealth as anyone in the world -- Manchester City aside -- would run itself on the whims of an owner. There was the whole Ray Wilkins thing, plus scouts and technical directors have left the club, too. With more and more clubs getting into analytics and new ways to improve your club in the backroom or the training table, why is Chelsea playing it so fast and loose?
Even if he's icily cool and relatively emotionless in the director's box, one thinks Abramovich in private must pout like Veruca Salt. "I want a Champions League trophy, and I WANT IT NOW!" (In Cyrillic letters, naturally.)
Have fun, whomever it ends up, living in Mourinho's long shadow at Stamford Bridge. And do keep one eye firmly on your back.
Unbreakable:
"Did you drop this baby?"
M. Night Shyamalan has moved firmly into the category of Internet punching bag. It's accepted law. That said, "Unbreakable" is an underrated movie, that could have been something special. Instead it's just a solid cable flick with a unhinged Samuel L. Jackson performance as the nefarious Mr. Glass.
At this point in their history, Wigan Athletic are the Bruce Willis would-be superhero character from the film. They cannot be killed. You could stab them, shoot them and throw them in a freezing river in a burlap sack and still live on as a Premier League club. They are the cockroaches roaming the earth after the apocalypse. Hell, if that whole rapture thing happened on Saturday as predicted, we know Wigan Athletic would have pressed on.
All but relegated a month ago, Roberto Martinez coaxed two wins and two draws from the Latics in the final four matches to survive in the top flight another season. Should this achievement be celebrated? Or does nobody even care?
If it means anything, the club's page on Eurosport's page "liked" by 14 people via Facebook.
Fourteen.
Of the entire world's population with an Internet connection.
So hey, a tip of the cap for another season of indifferent soccer from the DW Stadium played by a collection of no-names, castoffs, never-was's in front of a small collection of fans.
Pretty sure we'll be doing this again this time next year, think we know how it'll end, too.
Around the League:
Bolton won't be selling too many of their 2011-12 home shirts to non-fans. Even diehard supporters might hold off on these ugly uniforms for a season. ... Martin Skrtel played every Premier League minute this season for Liverpool. Think he needs a tattoo to memorialize this feat. ... Great finish by Manchester City, FA Cup and automatic place in the Champions League. Gotta tip the cap to Roberto Mancini. ... Aston Villa finished in the top half of the table. Makes sense, right? ... Liverpool lost to Aston Villa, so the Reds don't have much to complain about, but the irony is that Kenny Dalglish's side -- and fan's -- appreciated a place in the Europa League, while Spurs treated it like a curse. ... Another thing I'm tired about every single English writer yammering on about is the amount of minutes Jack Wilshere played for Arsenal and his involvement with the UEFA U21 Championships, though Monday it seems like he and Andy Carroll might be out. ... Naturally Arsenal are stuck in the Champions League playoff qualifying round, precisely what Arsene Wenger's mentally unpredictable club needs -- a do-or-die pressurized match right at the start of the season.
Fantasy Team O' the Year:
Emma Graham's Think Pink United wins the league by a mere eight points. Credit goes out to her for keeping track of her team, such as starting Jamie O'Hara and Dimitar Berbatov in the final matchweek. Very well played and a massive, hearty congratulations.
One Other Thing:
Nerd alert: This paragraph is going to be about video games, or at least an amazing game I can't get enough of -- "L.A. Noire." Forget the fact it's simply a joy to blow away criminals with a character modeled after Ken Cosgrove from "Mad Men," -- Ken ... Cosgrove ... Accounts ... You're dead!
You probably don't have to love games to appreciate the art behind this one. It's not "Grand Theft Auto" set in 1947 Los Angeles, rather it's an actual detective game -- a throwback to the old "Police Quest" series, albeit with amazing facial models and a who's who of Hollywood "That Guys" popping up as characters including Dr. Leslie Arzt from Lost.
The cases you have to solve are actually engrossing and you want to find out the proverbial 'whodunnit' almost as much as you want to buy a detective cap are start moonlighting as a Gumshoe or a Seamus on the side. Highly recommend this one for all gamers.
A Final Thought:
If you've made it this far without clicking on something else -- easier said than done with most attention spans these days (I probably wouldn't make it) -- a heartfelt thank you for reading this season. Trying to track a sports league, on a non-professional basis isn't a piece of cake, especially for one based a couple thousand miles away across an ocean. Still, it's not like I'm stuck in a forced labor camp. This is a fun hobby to do and I keep doing it for the readers and all your guys insight. Admittedly this might not have been my best year writing-wise, or insight-wise or maybe too maybe times it felt strained or forced or full of typos or what have you. Just know with so much information out there on the Internet -- so many videos of cats falling off pianos or celebrity crotch shots -- it really does mean a lot me that you carve out a few minutes of your week to read my sometimes salient, often times inane and pedantic thoughts on the Premier League. Thank you all.
If you're reading this little old slice of the Internets, you'd probably thought about stuff like that maybe on a cloudless spring afternoon or at the beach. It's a pipe dream on our shores, even with our professional soccer structure since MLS is home to entitled owners like Robert Kraft wouldn't want to see their investment dropped into a lower league, but that's an argument for another day and another site, frankly.
In any event, we saw the full wonder and amazement that was relegation on Sunday afternoon in a wild, crazy, nervy day where the table fluctuated with the frequency of a teenager's mood. It was so wild Ian Darke on ESPN2, god bless his quaint little heart, said you'd likely need a slide ruler to figure out the permutations.
At various times after kickoff Wolves, Blackpool, Birmingham City and Wigan were all safe and all doomed, often times by a single goal -- both in the differential and total scored. It only reiterated the importance of an entire 38-game season, even if those games in August seemed inconsequential at the time played, yet came home to roost. Imagine if Wigan were relegated by a goal and how the club lost on the opening day to Blackpool 4-0.
The flashpoint game, of course, was Wolves vs. Blackburn Rovers in a direct win and survive battle. Not sure what the Venky's Chicken Magnates said to Rovers' boss Steve Kean when they flew him in to India during the week. Whatever it was, it was straight out of the playbook of Los Pollos Hermanos owner, Gus Frings.
Blackburn came out and kicked serious ass from the opening whistle, pressing Wolves deep and pinging crosses all over, paying off almost immediately with a deflected goal from Jason Roberts. Yes, that Jason Roberts. Rovers were in heaven following Brett Emerton's finely struck volley ... set up by of all things a long kick from Paul Robinson, Rovers clear MVP this year. Blackburn was a miserable team to watch all season, but Sunday they brought it with the money on the line. If Rovers can build around youngsters like Phil Jones and David Hoilett next season, maybe they won't be quite as dire as this year.
It was amazing how poor Wolves played, finding themselves down 3-0 and all but done.
Meanwhile at Old Trafford, Blackpool was flying high through Charlie Adam and Gary Taylor-Fletcher... and then they fell apart to the champions, to a dreaded own goal and sunk back to the depths from which is came.
Wigan was lingering on life support ... and Hugo Rodallega pulled them out of the fire -- again.
For a while with about 12 minutes left in Birmingham's game with Tottenham, Alex McLeish's team was alive and safe, thanks to Craig Gardner's equalizer. It seemed Wolves were ready to go down based on one lone, single, solitary goal.
This crazy scenario didn't happen since Birmingham lost 2-1 to Tottenham(*) on Roman Pavlyuchenko's strike from the edge of the box, while Wolves fought back with two goals late from Jamie O'Hara and Stephen Hunt, cuing a party on party in Wolverhampton not seen since the heyday of Slade.
(*) Spurs gaining a play in the Europa League is a classic "You're a winner and a loser" scenario, though the club isn't big enough to turn its nose up at the competition. Who doesn't want to take a road trip to Metalist Kharkiv? Oh Birmingham are in the competition, despite playing in the Championship next season. That should be a load of fun, too.
Was the final day craziness better than an American style elimination playoff system? Is 38 games where, in the end, it's proven every single second of every single match could come into play to determine your favorite team's fate a fairer, more accurate gauge of a soccer team's worth?
However you slice it, Sunday was an unforgettable day where everything needed to align properly going into the games. Once the games kicked off, they lived up to the hype.
Gone, But Not Forgotten:
Blackpool was supposed to be the worst team ever in the history of the Premier League. A laughable combination of the Washington Generals, Cleveland Spiders and the team from the movie "Ladybugs." And in manager Ian Holloway, the Tangerines had their own version of Rodney Dangerfield on the touchline, too.
Funny thing happened. Blackpool weren't awful, even while trotting out players like Gary Taylor-Fletcher who looked about as athletic as a professional bowler where all that was missing was a pint glass and dangling cigarette. Unknowns like DJ Campbell, Luke Varney and David Vaughn all accounted for themselves quite well.
Blackpool entertained from Matchday One, beating Wigan in August and spending most of the 2010 in the top half of the table. Holloway was a hailed as a genius as the team scored goals, played free-flowing, offensive soccer and were a genuinely likable bunch in a world otherwise populated by cynics, louts, primadonnas and other misanthropes.
In gap-toothed Scotsman Charlie Adam(*) Blackpool even had a swashbuckling, one-man wrecking crew, deadly from freekicks and corners. Had the club stayed up, it'd be hard to argue one man was as valuable to his club as Adam.
(*) I'm preemptively tired of the Adam transfer this summer. Very high-risk, mediocre-reward player. His best value is on deadball spots, but if he goes to a better team will he always take them like at Blackpool? And he will miss games for cards, too. Plus his passing can be very wayward at times. Above all, is he suited to a cog in a better machine, rather than the entire team engine like he was at Blackpool? I'd stay away, personally and save his inflated transfer fee. The place he makes the most sense might be Fulham where he could replace Danny Murphy or at Stoke City, where he'd be given the reigns in the midfield, though it's doubtful either club pays as much as Blackpool are going to want.
Eventually the bubble burst, culminating with a 4-2 loss at Old Trafford to the champions elect. In the final analysis, to use the hoary old Dennis Green line, Blackpool "were who we thought they were." It is, though, a shame the Tangerines lost to Manchester United -- which did field a competent, representative team -- on an Ian Evatt own goal and a Michael Owen clincher. A crueler fate, cannot be found.
The question going forward, will Blackpool's Premier League flight of fancy inspire clubs in the future that it's worth standing toe-to-toe with the big clubs, going for three points, throwing caution into the wind and playing open, attack-minded soccer? Or will managers and board members look at the one scarlet letter Holloway and Blackpool couldn't shake -- 78 goals allowed -- and remember that pragmatism might not win the hearts and minds of neutrals, yet it will keep you cashing those Premier League television checks?
Here's something that's interesting as a counterweight.
Blackpool: 55 goals scored, 78 goals allowed = 39 points, 19th place
West Bromwich Albion: 56 goals scored, 71 goals allowed = 47 points, 11th place.
Years from now, people will remember Blackpool's moment in the sun and probably smile about all the crazy things Holloway said and the rollicking, back-and-forth goal fests the club produced. It's less convenient to remember, the table doesn't lie.
Gone And Forgotten:
There won't be many mourning the drop of Birmingham City. Sure El Brum won the Carling Cup, but that was probably the result of another classic Arsenal meltdown.
Long story short here, there wasn't much dynamism with this club with an assortment of strikers who were simply awful, though not set up to succeed in Alex McLeish's super-conservation 4-5-1 formation. Guys brought in over the summer like Jean Beausajour and Alexsander Hleb flopped or failed to make an impact. David Bentley did nothing on loan from Spurs, nor did Matt Derbyshire on his return from Greece.
When Cameron Jerome starts for you in a do-or-die match as a lone striker, well, you don't need to be Valery Lobanovsky to know you're in trouble.
Birmingham were the kings of the 1-0 win last season, this year they were outscored 58-37.
This is a club that needs a new injection of blood. The Stephen Carrs, Barry Fergusons and Liam Ridgewells of the world are good, competent professionals, but limited over the course of a couple years without any dynamic players around them. There's not a lot to build around here, with journeyman pros at almost all positions. Maybe they have one fight left in them to bounce right back from the Championship, but then what? Still stuck staving off relegation in two years time.
At least this makes Seb Larsson's exit all but confirmed. He'd be a worthwhile addition in a lot of places. Gardner is clearly a Premiership player, but he's likely the one guy Birmingham could actually build around next season, so they should hold onto him.
The one player I've repeatedly praised at Birmingham the last two years was defender Roger Johnson. Then on Sunday I saw him pulling up his jersey to reveal a lower back tattoo.
A tramp stamp.
Adios, Brum.
Caio!
Looks like Roman Abramovich is taking his George Steinbrenner worship a little too far. What's next, hosting the fall premier of "Saturday Night Live" and shooting a digital short about his Russian "junk" with Andy Samberg?
Suppose losing on the road at Goodison Park 1-0 with Jermain Beckford doing his best Lionel Messi with a neck-tat run through the defense and chip, well, I might want to make a rash move, too.
Firing Carlo Ancelotti? Eh, that seemed to have been decided months ago with the failures in the Premier League and Champions League. Ancelotti did win the double last season, can't take that away from him. In a way, getting let go by the Blues is a blessing in disguise for the affable Italian. Who would want to coach a team of aging veterans (Terry, Lampard, Drogba), a possible basket case in Fernando Torres and ... Nic Anelka.
Chelsea, however you slice it, is in a state of flux with a sour, prickly locker room. Good luck to whomever Abramovich brings in next.
It's hard to believe, isn't it, the team with as much wealth as anyone in the world -- Manchester City aside -- would run itself on the whims of an owner. There was the whole Ray Wilkins thing, plus scouts and technical directors have left the club, too. With more and more clubs getting into analytics and new ways to improve your club in the backroom or the training table, why is Chelsea playing it so fast and loose?
Even if he's icily cool and relatively emotionless in the director's box, one thinks Abramovich in private must pout like Veruca Salt. "I want a Champions League trophy, and I WANT IT NOW!" (In Cyrillic letters, naturally.)
Have fun, whomever it ends up, living in Mourinho's long shadow at Stamford Bridge. And do keep one eye firmly on your back.
Unbreakable:
"Did you drop this baby?"
M. Night Shyamalan has moved firmly into the category of Internet punching bag. It's accepted law. That said, "Unbreakable" is an underrated movie, that could have been something special. Instead it's just a solid cable flick with a unhinged Samuel L. Jackson performance as the nefarious Mr. Glass.
At this point in their history, Wigan Athletic are the Bruce Willis would-be superhero character from the film. They cannot be killed. You could stab them, shoot them and throw them in a freezing river in a burlap sack and still live on as a Premier League club. They are the cockroaches roaming the earth after the apocalypse. Hell, if that whole rapture thing happened on Saturday as predicted, we know Wigan Athletic would have pressed on.
All but relegated a month ago, Roberto Martinez coaxed two wins and two draws from the Latics in the final four matches to survive in the top flight another season. Should this achievement be celebrated? Or does nobody even care?
If it means anything, the club's page on Eurosport's page "liked" by 14 people via Facebook.
Fourteen.
Of the entire world's population with an Internet connection.
So hey, a tip of the cap for another season of indifferent soccer from the DW Stadium played by a collection of no-names, castoffs, never-was's in front of a small collection of fans.
Pretty sure we'll be doing this again this time next year, think we know how it'll end, too.
Around the League:
Bolton won't be selling too many of their 2011-12 home shirts to non-fans. Even diehard supporters might hold off on these ugly uniforms for a season. ... Martin Skrtel played every Premier League minute this season for Liverpool. Think he needs a tattoo to memorialize this feat. ... Great finish by Manchester City, FA Cup and automatic place in the Champions League. Gotta tip the cap to Roberto Mancini. ... Aston Villa finished in the top half of the table. Makes sense, right? ... Liverpool lost to Aston Villa, so the Reds don't have much to complain about, but the irony is that Kenny Dalglish's side -- and fan's -- appreciated a place in the Europa League, while Spurs treated it like a curse. ... Another thing I'm tired about every single English writer yammering on about is the amount of minutes Jack Wilshere played for Arsenal and his involvement with the UEFA U21 Championships, though Monday it seems like he and Andy Carroll might be out. ... Naturally Arsenal are stuck in the Champions League playoff qualifying round, precisely what Arsene Wenger's mentally unpredictable club needs -- a do-or-die pressurized match right at the start of the season.
Fantasy Team O' the Year:
Emma Graham's Think Pink United wins the league by a mere eight points. Credit goes out to her for keeping track of her team, such as starting Jamie O'Hara and Dimitar Berbatov in the final matchweek. Very well played and a massive, hearty congratulations.
One Other Thing:
Nerd alert: This paragraph is going to be about video games, or at least an amazing game I can't get enough of -- "L.A. Noire." Forget the fact it's simply a joy to blow away criminals with a character modeled after Ken Cosgrove from "Mad Men," -- Ken ... Cosgrove ... Accounts ... You're dead!
You probably don't have to love games to appreciate the art behind this one. It's not "Grand Theft Auto" set in 1947 Los Angeles, rather it's an actual detective game -- a throwback to the old "Police Quest" series, albeit with amazing facial models and a who's who of Hollywood "That Guys" popping up as characters including Dr. Leslie Arzt from Lost.
The cases you have to solve are actually engrossing and you want to find out the proverbial 'whodunnit' almost as much as you want to buy a detective cap are start moonlighting as a Gumshoe or a Seamus on the side. Highly recommend this one for all gamers.
A Final Thought:
If you've made it this far without clicking on something else -- easier said than done with most attention spans these days (I probably wouldn't make it) -- a heartfelt thank you for reading this season. Trying to track a sports league, on a non-professional basis isn't a piece of cake, especially for one based a couple thousand miles away across an ocean. Still, it's not like I'm stuck in a forced labor camp. This is a fun hobby to do and I keep doing it for the readers and all your guys insight. Admittedly this might not have been my best year writing-wise, or insight-wise or maybe too maybe times it felt strained or forced or full of typos or what have you. Just know with so much information out there on the Internet -- so many videos of cats falling off pianos or celebrity crotch shots -- it really does mean a lot me that you carve out a few minutes of your week to read my sometimes salient, often times inane and pedantic thoughts on the Premier League. Thank you all.
Labels: English Premier League, EPL, Monday recaps, Soccer
As the saying goes, you are what you eat.
For about a solid month it seemed like everything I'd write about soccer revolved around the misfortunes and misplaced confidence Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger placed in his Gunners squad. It was, admittedly, easier than shooting fish in a barrel, especially when the Frenchman threw out his arms like Christ the Redeemer in a fit of apoplectic Gallic rage.
Naturally, what goes around comes around.
Perhaps writing about Arsenal's misfortunes rubbed off on me. Or at least I feel like I've copied the late-season form of the Gunners, limping to the finish line of recapping, previewing and tweeting about the Premier League on a weekly basis.
Then again, my miserable predictions back in August kick-started this campaign off on a strange foot.
Anyway, don't call this a season recap. There are literally 432 other places for your "Best" and "Worst." Having chronicled this league on a weekly basis, my opinions are out there and well know. Since I'm not behold to any editors looking for Google searches (please keep coming for that Dutch/Polish weightlifter pic I posted pre-2006 World Cup, though) this final Friday post of 2010-11 will be on my terms.
Admittedly, there's probably many things I've forgotten, so as usual please feel free to comment away and correct me. Poor s
* Every single thing Clint Dempsey did. Not sure he'll have anything left in the tank, physically for the Gold Cup next month, but it was worth it as he scored 12 goals in EPL play.
* Wayne Rooney's bicycle kick.
* Stuart Holden's instant impact at Bolton ... before he got hurt.
* The final 10 minutes of Tottenham games.
* Gareth Bale's goal vs. Stoke City.
* Andy Carroll's play for Newcastle.
* Luis Suarez.
* The Ian Darke/Steve McManaman games, especially on the ESPN2 weekday matches. Just a joy to these two.
* Nedum Onuoha's slaloming goal vs. Chelsea.
* Roy Hodgson's LOL face rub.
* Every time I wrote the word, "Odemwingie" I thought to a reader's fantasy team name: Odemwingie Malmsteem.
* The gap-toothed huffing-and-puffing of Charlie Adam ... until he broke poor Bale's leg.
* Everton's second-half of the season display under David Moyes.
* The fact, West Ham and certain teams on the road aside, there wasn't an automatic 3-point ATM this season, making teams work hard every week.
* Chelsea finally losing a game at Stamford Bridge, via Sunderland of all teams.
* When Roberto Mancini allowed City to go out and play, the passing of David Silva and Adam Johnson was quite fun to watch.
* Joey Barton's mustache and haircut.
* Every single thing Arsene Wenger and Arsenal did after February.
* The tears of Fernando Torres.
* Pulling a Gomes.
* The inconsistencies and ineptitude of the Premier League officials on a weekly basis.
* Michael Bradley making less of an impact on the Premier League than Benny Feilhaber. Remember his legendary stint at Derby County? Yeah, me neither.
* The rash of ankle-breaking tackles and general hard play that left far too many of the top players in the league on the sidelines.
* The term, "pass it into the net."
* #Smh
* Announcers proclaiming games "surely" over, only to eat their words seconds later.
* Openly enjoying rooting for a member of El Tri, in the form of Chichartio. Damn you Sir Alex, damn you to hell!
* The seemingly manufactured weekly melodrama around Manchester City.
* Finding it impossible to dislike Asamoah Gyan, the man who knocked the U.S. out of the 2010 World Cup. Double that for AC Milan's Kevin-Prince Boateng, who might be my favorite player in the world right now.
* Going, I think, about 0-19-0 in guessing the final result of West Bromich Albion matches.
* Fox Soccer Channel's halftime commercials. THERE'S NOTHING LIKE THE BEAUTIFUL GAME IN STUNNING HD. ... OOOOOOOH YA BEAUTY!!!! ... THAT IS THE WAY TO DO IT!!!!! Those are seared into my cerebral cortex. Katy Perry making a phone call on shoe, too.
Call it a 4-3-3
* GK: Edwin van der Sar
*DEF: Leighton Baines, Vincent Kompany, Nemanja Vidic, Chris Baird (though there wasn't a standout right back this season).
* MID: Luka Modric, Charlie Adam, Yaya Youre
*FOR: Carlos Tevez, Wayne Rooney, Peter Odemwingie
Player of the Year: Vacant, nobody owned 2010-11 from August to May.
Other guys who were "good": Lucas, Luis Suarez, Pepe Reina, Darren Bent, Robin van Persie, Flourent Malouda, Chris Brunt, Gary Cahill, Daniel Sturridge, Dirk Kuyt, Rafael van der Vaart, Sandro, Bale, Joey Barton, Chieck Tiote, DJ Campbell, Kevin Nolan, Robert Huth, Mathew Etherington, Matt Jarvis, Stephen Fletcher, Chris Samba, Ashley Young, Ryan Giggs, Nani, Asamoah Gyan, Phil Bardsley, Scott Parker, Ben Foster, Clint Dempsey, Breda Hangeland, Tim Howard, Slyvain Distin, Adam Johnson, David Silva, Nigel de Jong (yes), Charles N'Zogbia, Petr Cech, David Luiz, Kevin Davies.
Worst Player: Tie, Joe Cole/Fernando Torres.
Stuff that could happen in 2011-12.
* Liverpool scores a ton of goals, mounts a challenge in 2011-12 for the title, but falls just short.
* Arsenal and Chelsea fight for fourth place.
* Spurs drop further down the table and eventually decide to cash in on Gareth Bale.
* Manchester United and Manchester City wage an epic fight for the title, with Sir Alex's tiresome rhetoric beginning in July at the MLS All Star game with an offhand comment picked up by the world press.
* The big question is if the top five or six teams break away from the rest of the pack, or if the EPL drifts toward parity like this season?
Sunday:
* Aston Villa v. Liverpool -- If the past two summers are any indication, it's a matter of if -- not when -- Ashley Young bolts Aston Villa for Anfield, following the paths north carved by Gareth Barry and James Milner. Still think Liverpool finds a way into Europe under King Kenny. Almost seems preordained. ... Aston Villa 1, Liverpool 2
* Tottenham v. Birmingham City -- (Live, FSC, 11 a.m.) Is there any other way for this one to end than with Nikola Zigic clattering a ball off his shoulder, or upper torso, that bounces off Gomes head and into the goal? Especially if it makes sure the game ends in a tie? ... Spurs 1, Birmingham City 1
* Wolves v. Blackburn Rovers -- (Live, FSC+, 11 a.m.) This is the best game of the weekend, with a direct win or get relegated vibe. ... What to make of Wolves under Mick McCarthy? Two four-game losing streaks. A three-game losing streak. Wins over Chelsea and Manchester United and now Wolves control their own destiny. Nothing about this team makes a lick of sense. Outside of Matt Jarvis, and moments from Stephen Hunt there's not a ton of class on the team, but they're still (almost) standing. Guess it's a testament to that old British fighting spirit, if nothing else.
How uninspiring is the hiring of Steve Kean in December? Since he took over for Sam Allardyce Blackburn has won four games -- three at Ewood Park. Away from home under Kean Rovers have been outscored 20-10. Blackburn staying up is a win-win scenario. Should they stay up, it'll be hilarious to see Venky's blow the bank trying to convince some hapless, overrated striker to come to the club. If they go down, guys like David Dunn, Brett Emerton, Morten Gamst Pedersen, Chris Samba and Paul Robinson could all help a Premier League club. Hell, Spurs should make a run to bring Robinson back to White Hart Lane. Wolves are playing with passion, while Blackburn have been dead on their feet for months. That has to count for something, right? ... Wolves 3, Blackburn 1
* Stoke City v. Wigan Athletic -- Call this the "Unloved Bowl." Stoke wins no friends for their style of play, however much it evolves under Tony Pulis, while Wigan are just Wigan. When they came up in 2005 under Paul Jewell the word around the club was "unfancied" and it's stuck, rightly or wrongly. In the entire relegation maelstrom, has any player lifted his team as much as Charles N'Zogbia? The Frenchman has scored five goals in five games. In those games, the one game he didn't tally, Wigan lost. Relegated or not, he's clearly a guy trying to make a contract push to greener pastures, though I'd be worried his individualism wouldn't exactly jive with a group of better players than he's saddled with at Wigan. Either way, in order to relegation Wigan you might have to shoot Roberto Martinez with a silver bullet in the brain, whilst stabbing him in the heart with a stake -- at the same time. This club simply won't make everyone happy and drop down to the Championship. ... Stoke City 0, Wigan 2
* Newcastle United v. West Bromwich Albion -- Both promoted last season, automatically from the Championship. Remarkably, both clubs fired their managers, yet neither ever found themselves sweating out a major relegation scare. Hell, West Brom, with Roy Hodgson pulling the strings is probably making plans for a Europa League push. Any chance QPR and Norwich City move up as seamlessly as either of these two teams? ... Newcastle United 1, West Brom 1
* Manchester United v. Blackpool -- (Live, ESPN2, 11 a.m.) Ian Holloway, your mission, should you choose to accept it ... find a way to defeat a team consisting of Darron Gibson, Gabriel Obertan, Michael Owen, Chris Smalling, Jonny Evans and Bebe. United won the league because it only dropped two points at Old Trafford, plain-and-simple. Again, the only way for this wacky season to end is with Blackpool finding a way to spoil the party for the Mancs. DJ Campbell, strikes a blow with neck-tat enthusiasts worldwide with the winner. ... Manchester United 2, Blackpool 3
* Fulham v. Arsenal -- (Live, Fox Deportes, 11 a.m.) Potentially strange game here. Fulham don't really care about the result, simply want to avoid any booking to gain a Europa League place through the UEFA Fair Play rules, which is strange. Aside from the snicker-inducing Lady Byng Trophy in the NHL, is there another place in sports where sportsmanship is directly awarded with a tangible reward, assuming you count Europe's second-tier Cup competition as a reward. On the plus side, competitive matches in June. Fortunately Fulham get the zombified corpse of what was once Arsenal, a team on track to win four trophies in one season and is now on track to play a tricky qualifier for the Champions League proper in August. Long story short, over/under on slide tackles in this game is 1.5. ... Fulham 1, Arsenal 1
* Everton v. Chelsea -- Since I'm not an English writer I can say in good conscious that for all the talk and hype surrounding him, Jack Rodwell seems quite ordinary as a player. True, he's only 20 and has seen his club career stunted by injuries. Ideally a young, English player, a midfielder no less is who a club wants to build around. If I'm Everton and a deep pocketed club like Chelsea or Manchester United came calling, I'd consider taking the money and re-investing it across the squad. His actual on-field value is worth much less than his metaphysical properties in the context of English football. And if he ever develops in the next 2-3 years or has a great U-21 European Championship, he's going to get sold off anyway. That said, selling off Rodwell probably will go down about as smooth with Toffees supporters as a luke warm Corona left out in the July heat. Bleech. It's hard to run a club on sentiment, something that Chelsea is going to have to deal with this summer with guys like John Terry, Didier Drogba and the other older players. It's cold, it's calculating, but the Prem is a business first and foremost. Better to get rid of an older guy a year too early than a year too late. ... Everton 2, Chelsea 1
* Bolton v. Manchester City -- By this time next year Manchester City will have revealed itself to have actually been purchased by Skynet, enslaving all us petty humans who've been tricked by their appealing sky blue jerseys. Too bad Bolton lost Johann Elmander to Galatasaray, though he didn't do much the second half of the year. Finding a way to retain Sturridge from Chelsea is priority No. 1 for Owen Coyle. ... Bolton 0, Manchester City 2
* West Ham United v. Sunderland -- Barring changes, Sunderland is looking at a fate like West Ham a year from now. Good luck Steve Bruce finding 10-12 new players for the Stadium of Light. ... West Ham 0, Sunderland 0
Last week: 1-9
Season: 145-208
For about a solid month it seemed like everything I'd write about soccer revolved around the misfortunes and misplaced confidence Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger placed in his Gunners squad. It was, admittedly, easier than shooting fish in a barrel, especially when the Frenchman threw out his arms like Christ the Redeemer in a fit of apoplectic Gallic rage.
Naturally, what goes around comes around.
Perhaps writing about Arsenal's misfortunes rubbed off on me. Or at least I feel like I've copied the late-season form of the Gunners, limping to the finish line of recapping, previewing and tweeting about the Premier League on a weekly basis.
Then again, my miserable predictions back in August kick-started this campaign off on a strange foot.
Anyway, don't call this a season recap. There are literally 432 other places for your "Best" and "Worst." Having chronicled this league on a weekly basis, my opinions are out there and well know. Since I'm not behold to any editors looking for Google searches (please keep coming for that Dutch/Polish weightlifter pic I posted pre-2006 World Cup, though) this final Friday post of 2010-11 will be on my terms.
Admittedly, there's probably many things I've forgotten, so as usual please feel free to comment away and correct me. Poor s
Stuff I liked:
* Every single thing Clint Dempsey did. Not sure he'll have anything left in the tank, physically for the Gold Cup next month, but it was worth it as he scored 12 goals in EPL play.
* Wayne Rooney's bicycle kick.
* Stuart Holden's instant impact at Bolton ... before he got hurt.
* The final 10 minutes of Tottenham games.
* Gareth Bale's goal vs. Stoke City.
* Andy Carroll's play for Newcastle.
* Luis Suarez.
* The Ian Darke/Steve McManaman games, especially on the ESPN2 weekday matches. Just a joy to these two.
* Nedum Onuoha's slaloming goal vs. Chelsea.
* Roy Hodgson's LOL face rub.
* Every time I wrote the word, "Odemwingie" I thought to a reader's fantasy team name: Odemwingie Malmsteem.
* The gap-toothed huffing-and-puffing of Charlie Adam ... until he broke poor Bale's leg.
* Everton's second-half of the season display under David Moyes.
* The fact, West Ham and certain teams on the road aside, there wasn't an automatic 3-point ATM this season, making teams work hard every week.
* Chelsea finally losing a game at Stamford Bridge, via Sunderland of all teams.
* When Roberto Mancini allowed City to go out and play, the passing of David Silva and Adam Johnson was quite fun to watch.
* Joey Barton's mustache and haircut.
Schadenfreude Division:
* Every single thing Arsene Wenger and Arsenal did after February.
* The tears of Fernando Torres.
* Pulling a Gomes.
Things that bothered me without making me laugh:
* The inconsistencies and ineptitude of the Premier League officials on a weekly basis.
* Michael Bradley making less of an impact on the Premier League than Benny Feilhaber. Remember his legendary stint at Derby County? Yeah, me neither.
* The rash of ankle-breaking tackles and general hard play that left far too many of the top players in the league on the sidelines.
* The term, "pass it into the net."
* #Smh
* Announcers proclaiming games "surely" over, only to eat their words seconds later.
* Openly enjoying rooting for a member of El Tri, in the form of Chichartio. Damn you Sir Alex, damn you to hell!
* The seemingly manufactured weekly melodrama around Manchester City.
* Finding it impossible to dislike Asamoah Gyan, the man who knocked the U.S. out of the 2010 World Cup. Double that for AC Milan's Kevin-Prince Boateng, who might be my favorite player in the world right now.
* Going, I think, about 0-19-0 in guessing the final result of West Bromich Albion matches.
* Fox Soccer Channel's halftime commercials. THERE'S NOTHING LIKE THE BEAUTIFUL GAME IN STUNNING HD. ... OOOOOOOH YA BEAUTY!!!! ... THAT IS THE WAY TO DO IT!!!!! Those are seared into my cerebral cortex. Katy Perry making a phone call on shoe, too.
Token Best XI:
Call it a 4-3-3
* GK: Edwin van der Sar
*DEF: Leighton Baines, Vincent Kompany, Nemanja Vidic, Chris Baird (though there wasn't a standout right back this season).
* MID: Luka Modric, Charlie Adam, Yaya Youre
*FOR: Carlos Tevez, Wayne Rooney, Peter Odemwingie
Player of the Year: Vacant, nobody owned 2010-11 from August to May.
Other guys who were "good": Lucas, Luis Suarez, Pepe Reina, Darren Bent, Robin van Persie, Flourent Malouda, Chris Brunt, Gary Cahill, Daniel Sturridge, Dirk Kuyt, Rafael van der Vaart, Sandro, Bale, Joey Barton, Chieck Tiote, DJ Campbell, Kevin Nolan, Robert Huth, Mathew Etherington, Matt Jarvis, Stephen Fletcher, Chris Samba, Ashley Young, Ryan Giggs, Nani, Asamoah Gyan, Phil Bardsley, Scott Parker, Ben Foster, Clint Dempsey, Breda Hangeland, Tim Howard, Slyvain Distin, Adam Johnson, David Silva, Nigel de Jong (yes), Charles N'Zogbia, Petr Cech, David Luiz, Kevin Davies.
Worst Player: Tie, Joe Cole/Fernando Torres.
Crystal Ball:
Stuff that could happen in 2011-12.
* Liverpool scores a ton of goals, mounts a challenge in 2011-12 for the title, but falls just short.
* Arsenal and Chelsea fight for fourth place.
* Spurs drop further down the table and eventually decide to cash in on Gareth Bale.
* Manchester United and Manchester City wage an epic fight for the title, with Sir Alex's tiresome rhetoric beginning in July at the MLS All Star game with an offhand comment picked up by the world press.
* The big question is if the top five or six teams break away from the rest of the pack, or if the EPL drifts toward parity like this season?
Sunday:
* Aston Villa v. Liverpool -- If the past two summers are any indication, it's a matter of if -- not when -- Ashley Young bolts Aston Villa for Anfield, following the paths north carved by Gareth Barry and James Milner. Still think Liverpool finds a way into Europe under King Kenny. Almost seems preordained. ... Aston Villa 1, Liverpool 2
* Tottenham v. Birmingham City -- (Live, FSC, 11 a.m.) Is there any other way for this one to end than with Nikola Zigic clattering a ball off his shoulder, or upper torso, that bounces off Gomes head and into the goal? Especially if it makes sure the game ends in a tie? ... Spurs 1, Birmingham City 1
* Wolves v. Blackburn Rovers -- (Live, FSC+, 11 a.m.) This is the best game of the weekend, with a direct win or get relegated vibe. ... What to make of Wolves under Mick McCarthy? Two four-game losing streaks. A three-game losing streak. Wins over Chelsea and Manchester United and now Wolves control their own destiny. Nothing about this team makes a lick of sense. Outside of Matt Jarvis, and moments from Stephen Hunt there's not a ton of class on the team, but they're still (almost) standing. Guess it's a testament to that old British fighting spirit, if nothing else.
How uninspiring is the hiring of Steve Kean in December? Since he took over for Sam Allardyce Blackburn has won four games -- three at Ewood Park. Away from home under Kean Rovers have been outscored 20-10. Blackburn staying up is a win-win scenario. Should they stay up, it'll be hilarious to see Venky's blow the bank trying to convince some hapless, overrated striker to come to the club. If they go down, guys like David Dunn, Brett Emerton, Morten Gamst Pedersen, Chris Samba and Paul Robinson could all help a Premier League club. Hell, Spurs should make a run to bring Robinson back to White Hart Lane. Wolves are playing with passion, while Blackburn have been dead on their feet for months. That has to count for something, right? ... Wolves 3, Blackburn 1
* Stoke City v. Wigan Athletic -- Call this the "Unloved Bowl." Stoke wins no friends for their style of play, however much it evolves under Tony Pulis, while Wigan are just Wigan. When they came up in 2005 under Paul Jewell the word around the club was "unfancied" and it's stuck, rightly or wrongly. In the entire relegation maelstrom, has any player lifted his team as much as Charles N'Zogbia? The Frenchman has scored five goals in five games. In those games, the one game he didn't tally, Wigan lost. Relegated or not, he's clearly a guy trying to make a contract push to greener pastures, though I'd be worried his individualism wouldn't exactly jive with a group of better players than he's saddled with at Wigan. Either way, in order to relegation Wigan you might have to shoot Roberto Martinez with a silver bullet in the brain, whilst stabbing him in the heart with a stake -- at the same time. This club simply won't make everyone happy and drop down to the Championship. ... Stoke City 0, Wigan 2
* Newcastle United v. West Bromwich Albion -- Both promoted last season, automatically from the Championship. Remarkably, both clubs fired their managers, yet neither ever found themselves sweating out a major relegation scare. Hell, West Brom, with Roy Hodgson pulling the strings is probably making plans for a Europa League push. Any chance QPR and Norwich City move up as seamlessly as either of these two teams? ... Newcastle United 1, West Brom 1
* Manchester United v. Blackpool -- (Live, ESPN2, 11 a.m.) Ian Holloway, your mission, should you choose to accept it ... find a way to defeat a team consisting of Darron Gibson, Gabriel Obertan, Michael Owen, Chris Smalling, Jonny Evans and Bebe. United won the league because it only dropped two points at Old Trafford, plain-and-simple. Again, the only way for this wacky season to end is with Blackpool finding a way to spoil the party for the Mancs. DJ Campbell, strikes a blow with neck-tat enthusiasts worldwide with the winner. ... Manchester United 2, Blackpool 3
* Fulham v. Arsenal -- (Live, Fox Deportes, 11 a.m.) Potentially strange game here. Fulham don't really care about the result, simply want to avoid any booking to gain a Europa League place through the UEFA Fair Play rules, which is strange. Aside from the snicker-inducing Lady Byng Trophy in the NHL, is there another place in sports where sportsmanship is directly awarded with a tangible reward, assuming you count Europe's second-tier Cup competition as a reward. On the plus side, competitive matches in June. Fortunately Fulham get the zombified corpse of what was once Arsenal, a team on track to win four trophies in one season and is now on track to play a tricky qualifier for the Champions League proper in August. Long story short, over/under on slide tackles in this game is 1.5. ... Fulham 1, Arsenal 1
* Everton v. Chelsea -- Since I'm not an English writer I can say in good conscious that for all the talk and hype surrounding him, Jack Rodwell seems quite ordinary as a player. True, he's only 20 and has seen his club career stunted by injuries. Ideally a young, English player, a midfielder no less is who a club wants to build around. If I'm Everton and a deep pocketed club like Chelsea or Manchester United came calling, I'd consider taking the money and re-investing it across the squad. His actual on-field value is worth much less than his metaphysical properties in the context of English football. And if he ever develops in the next 2-3 years or has a great U-21 European Championship, he's going to get sold off anyway. That said, selling off Rodwell probably will go down about as smooth with Toffees supporters as a luke warm Corona left out in the July heat. Bleech. It's hard to run a club on sentiment, something that Chelsea is going to have to deal with this summer with guys like John Terry, Didier Drogba and the other older players. It's cold, it's calculating, but the Prem is a business first and foremost. Better to get rid of an older guy a year too early than a year too late. ... Everton 2, Chelsea 1
* Bolton v. Manchester City -- By this time next year Manchester City will have revealed itself to have actually been purchased by Skynet, enslaving all us petty humans who've been tricked by their appealing sky blue jerseys. Too bad Bolton lost Johann Elmander to Galatasaray, though he didn't do much the second half of the year. Finding a way to retain Sturridge from Chelsea is priority No. 1 for Owen Coyle. ... Bolton 0, Manchester City 2
* West Ham United v. Sunderland -- Barring changes, Sunderland is looking at a fate like West Ham a year from now. Good luck Steve Bruce finding 10-12 new players for the Stadium of Light. ... West Ham 0, Sunderland 0
Last week: 1-9
Season: 145-208
Labels: English Premier League, EPL picks, manchester city, manchester United, Soccer
When you boil it down in the final analysis, does anything sum up Manchester United winning the 2010-11 Premier League quite like Wayne Rooney shaving the number 19 -- the number of First Division/Premier League titles for United, one more than local rivals Liverpool -- into his chest hair? Yeah, probably Ryan Giggs would be more of a hirsute achievement, which would require Ron Swanson-endorsed U.S. Army clippers.
Chest hair jokes aside, what sums up the Premier League? United's actual performance at Ewood Park Saturday against Blackburn Rovers in a instantly forgettable, sloppy 1-1 draw.
As close and competitive as the English top flight has been, if it was your first foray into the world of European soccer after getting the soccer bug following the 2010 World Cup you'd probably have been mightily underwhelmed. The supposed best team in the land needed a late penalty call for Rovers' keeper Paul Robinson felling Chicharito to save a major embarrassment and needing a result on the final day of the season? Not exactly the stuff of legends.
And what about those last 15 minutes with the two teams tacit agreement(*) to pass the ball around the United back four, with a point suiting each team. All that was missing was Ian Darke screaming into the mic, "Back to the wing. Back to the center. Center holds it. Holds it!!!!."
(*) Turns out, taking that one point didn't really help Blackburn. Silly to pull in the oars when Tomasz Kuszczak was simply begging to give up a Gomes-ian howler.
Yawn-inducing, especially if you happened to shuffle into your bed after the birds are up and chirping. As Philip K. Dick would have written, "Do Androids Dream of Nemanja Vidic Square Passes."
By now I'm sure you've read how United's current 77 point total is low and wouldn't even touch first place in seasons past. The previous six seasons the Prem champ averaged 87.66 points. In fact, United's lost total in their period was 77 in 2004-05 when it finished third.
Those are numbers and inherently boring. For whatever reason, me personally, as competitive as this year in the EPL was up and down the table ... eh. It didn't crackle on a weekly basis. You'd think, by logic, more competitive teams up-and-down the table would translate into a stronger league, but it didn't quite feel that way.
We didn't see a transcendent player balling out of his mind game-in, game-out, did we? (Maybe the last month from Luis Suarez?) There seemed to be too many off-field and refereeing controversies. So many games were just, meh. (Admittedly, this could simply be fatigue by me. That's playing a huge factor. Not going to lie.)
If there was a signature moment, it was Rooney's overhead bicycle kick winner against Manchester City on Feb. 12.
And saying that, next year in 2011-12 has the potential to change with the ascendance of Manchester City, the possible rebirth of Liverpool and eventual fall of Chelsea gives hope for a more exciting season.
Until then, we'll have the No. 19 seared, err, buzzed into our brains all summer.
Peak Oil:
In short, congrats to Manchester City for defeating Stoke City 1-0 at Wembley Stadium to win the FA Cup and in the process their first trophy since 1976. Nevermind the fact qualifying for the Champions League is an infinitely more important milestone for the club, a trophy is a trophy and a nice way to signal the Blue Moon's impending rising threat looming over England and perhaps all of Europea.
There's plenty of time to assess the future of City, on the field. For now, Roberto Mancini's vision of a hard-nosed, defense first in the model of a cagey, Serie A club from 12 years ago is sound. The signings from La Liga of Yaya Toure(*) and David Silva look brilliant, a season in. The jury is still out of Mario Balotelli and Eden Dzeko. (Also feel already fatigued by the impending Carlos Tevez summer exit talk.)
(*) It's only fair to offer a mea culpa on Toure, who has evolved from a forgettable holding midfielder alongside Gareth Barry and Nigel de Jong, to an impressive, powerful driving force loping into and around the box, making plays. Unusual, isn't it how Toure gets sold off by Barcelona and the Catalans don't miss a beat, winning La Lig and reaching the Champions League final, while the Ivorian helps boost City to its best season is club history? A rare win-win in the transfer market.
City should contend for the Premier League next season with a style, system and formation already in place. Add one or two summer big-ticket items and City could evolve into a scary, dangerous club. The boring, disfunctional 4-3-3 Mancini toyed with in August is gone in favor of the formation du jour -- 4-2-3-1 -- which with the play of Toure and Silva almost renders Tevez into the appendix at Eastlands. He could move away in the summer without the club skipping a beat, though Mancini would be casting his lot with the possibly insane Balotelli.
My more abstract thought from this weekend, were stinking rich foreign barons watching Tevez lift the FA Cup and thinking to themselves that they wanted to do that with their loose change? Buy a football club, pump in cash and reap the silverware, plaudits and showers of colored confetti. Suppose they could also offer to buy things like a silver mine or a rollercoaster, yet those don't offer the same panache as a soccer club.
I'd think, yes, Chelsea and City have shown if you have money to burn on players you can win titles in a foreign land. Why, though, would you want to contend now with Chelsea, City, Manchester United, Arsenal, Liverpool and maybe Spurs? As lucrative as the Premier League might, if only for global television revenue, where is their growth for another takeover.
Potential investors might just as well see how Blackburn Rovers were bought by an Indian poultry conglomerate and despite their lofty ambitions are dangling above relegation by a drumstick.
It's a crowded merry-go-round for the big prizes at the top and few people have deep pockets to contend with Sheik Mansour's seemingly endless reserve of oil-bucks. Though most clubs in Spain have the "socio" system with ownership through the club's members, there seems to be more room for rapid growth in La Liga with only Real Madrid and Barcelona to contend with yearly. Perhaps that's why Getafe CF is well on its way to becoming Club Dubai.
Form, What Form?:
Reason No. 436 why trying to forecast sporting events is a Sisyphean exercise in futility: Liverpool 0, Spurs 2 at Anfield.
Sure Rafael van der Vaart's opening goal inside of 20 minutes took a big deflection and the other Spurs goal was a penalty, a soft one at that. What's more baffling is Tottenham of all teams held Liverpool scoreless, when the Reds hadn't been shutout in Premier League action since a 1-0 loss at Wolves on Dec. 29, 2010. Guess if you're only going to play one game every seven months like Tottenham defender Ledley King does, you best make the most of it.
Who on earth would have thought King would overshadow the other King on display at Anfield, Kenny Dalglish fresh off signing a new three-year contract with the club?
The true irony is Spurs did everything in their power to piss away the Champions League and even the booby prize of the Europa League, even having Harry Redknapp admit he didn't really want to play in Europe's second-tier club event.
Now all Spurs need to is beat Birmingham City at White Hart Lane on Sunday and there's back to Europe. Not as fun as Peter Crouch's goal vs. Manchester City last year, was it?
Texas Tornado Leaves Home Match:
Adios West Ham United you'll be ... forgotten.
I'll say you the tiresome jokes about Avram Grant's dour disposition. The fact he allegedly didn't know what to say to his team at halftime up 2-0 on the road at Wigan is damning. So too is a collection of players that simply wasn't very good. Hapless, non-communicating manager coupled with players doubting themselves is a toxic, bitch's brew on the field.
Of players who played in more than 20 matches, it's be hard to find a worse player than Welsh center back Danny Gibbidon, who was slow of foot and couldn't mark. That central defense of Gibbidon, Mathew Upson and Manuel Da Costa was bad from the first day, shredded 3-0 by Aston Villa and didn't improve. And Cole was just brutal, screwing up a chance to give West Ham hope before Charles N'Zogbia closed the door in the 94th minute, fluffing a possible tap-in. Should be expected for a forward who only scored five goals in 21 starts. Dreadful. Rob Green's continued butterfingers in net didn't help either.
When you play well for about three matches in March, you seal you own fate. Scott Parker might be an ace dude in real life, but even he couldn't pull this collection of nobodies through alone and those contributions are probably overstated by the English press anyway.
Full credit to Wigan, which just doesn't know how to get relegated despite all evidence suggesting overwise. They truly are George Costanza at Play Now sports, or as he put it, "a weed in Hitler's bunker." Wigan fans, yes they exist, even took to running onto the field to celebrate with the players including future club hero Conor Sammon, should the team survive. Wigan are an easy target, but Dave Whelan seems to have his heart in the right place as club owner/chairman, so maybe we shouldn't root so hard against the Latics.
With Wigan winning, this sets up for the craziest day since the final day of the 2004-05 season when West Brom, Norwich City, Crystal Palace and Southampton were all in play for the three relegation spots. West Brom survived and it was labeled a "great escape" since the Baggies were bottom of the table at Christmas.
This Sunday should be even more crazy and tension filled, with five teams fighting for three safe spots.
We even have a possible direct winner stays up, loser goes down match with Wolves (40 points) -- 3-1 winners at Sunderland on Saturday -- hosting Blackburn (40). If either team wins there, they're safe to collect another fat EPL paycheck. A loss might not doom them, but a tie helps neither as both can be lapped on 41 points.
The fact Wolves and Blackpool -- 4-3 winners in a crazy game vs. Bolton -- won is refreshing. Last season was a total "who could suck the least" contest between West Ham, Hull City, Burnley and Portsmouth (deducted points). This season teams are fighting to prove their worth, even if they're limited in doing so.
This sets up to be the most thrilling game to watch in a while, as the final 20 minutes of Wigan/West Ham were just breathtaking, end-to-end moments of the highest sporting drama -- between the two worst teams in the league, no less. When you hear about games being played on a razor's edge, this is what they're talking about..
Maybe Gus Johnson has a spare moment to call this game. It would only add to the epic scale of it. Is there anyway calling an EPL match falls under his new FOX contract? If not Gus, certainly Mr. Darke.
Birmingham City, Blackpool and Wigan each now have 39 points and don't necessarily control their own fate since they may need to win and by a couple goals with two goals separating them in the table. Birmingham plays at Spurs, Blackpool plays at Old Trafford before the United No. 19 title celebration takes full hold, while Wigan head to FA Cup runner's up Stoke.
In theory relegation shouldn't be this interesting, since it's point is to weed out the bad teams and promote better ones, or deserving ones. Wolves vs. Blackburn without the threat of the drop isn't compelling or interesting whatsoever. Should be a field day for folks obsessed with bringing the promotion system to MLS.
Around the League:
Michael Bradley actually played a game for Aston Villa, getting 10 minutes in their 2-1 win at the Emirates at Arsenal. The Gunners did score with him on the field, for whatever that is worth. His parent club, Borussia Monchengladbach avoided automatic relegation from the Bundesliga and now plays VfL Bochum in a two-leg playoff. Bradley's sometime USMNT midfield running mate, Ricardo Clark, suffered the drop with Eintracht Frankfurt completing their total post winter break swoon. ... Also relegated Jonathon Spector with West Ham. No idea what the future holds for him, as he's out of contract. Don't forgot he was once property of Manchester United and obviously Sir Alex doesn't have an eye for talent. ... Hard to believe in the second to last week of the year Arsenal's loss and Chelsea's 1-1 draw with Newcastle are relegated to this section of the blog. So it goes.
Fantasy Team O' the Week:
Kevin Malaney's Puyol's Jheri Curl takes top honors with 79 points riding 21 points from Breda Hangeland, as well as double-digit points from Charlie Adam, Rooney and Darren Bent. ... At the Top of the Table, Think Pink United stormed by Martin A'nnul by 16 points mainly due to N'Zogbia's 14 point day. Impressive.
One Other Video:
This comes from Twitter follower @ObstructedView, he seems like a chill bro so I'll give him some love. I don't like to highlight the dark side of soccer, but since this is the Mexican league, why not watch the their league semifinals go totally bonkers Sunday night.
One Other Thing:
If you read the site, or my Twitter feed you know I might have an affinity for the NBC comedy, "Parks and Recreation." It lit-erally is highlight of my week, sometimes. Hey, it's not like there are very many chances to smile for 22 consecutive minutes all that often.
Since the start of Season Two the show has hit on all cylinders consistently. Call it the Lionel Messi of network comedies. Not sure showrunner Michael Schur is a soccer fan, but he is indeed a sports fan which has to rub off on the show hitting my personal comedic sweet-spot.
Is "Parks and Rec" as good as "Seinfeld" during seasons 3-5? Or "The Simpsons" seasons 2-5? Is it fair to compare an American network show to the 12 episodes of the David Brent version of "The Office." However you want to slice it, "Parks and Rec" is touching on comedy Hall of Fame with an Albert Pujols-like start to its history.
My question today, is how long can Schur and Co. keep up this pace? Will the quality eventually begin to suffer? Will one day Ron Swanson crossover from beloved cult hero to an outlandish parody of himself, a la Kramer's development during "Seinfeld's" tenure -- this might not be a popular opinion but Swanson dancing drunk on Snake Juice almost seemed like it was only created in order to become a .GIF posted around the Interwebs.
It's worth remembering the show isn't a ratings smash, so anything to attract eyeballs is justifiable. Is asking for another season, two at most to push the total of blissfully amazing, fun episodes to somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 too much to ask for?
After that, Tom Haverford and Jean-Ralphio can start pushing rubber balls filled with oil off the roof of Pawnee Town Hall or Swanson can shave off his trademark 'stache using butter for shaving cream.
Labels: EPL, manchester city, manchester United, Soccer, Wayne Rooney
Long story short, you get what you pay for.
When the idea of "web-logging" became an idea of mine to break up the drudgery of my first-post college job, there weren't a lot of options for this crazy "blogging" thing that all the kids were buzzing about. A college friend showed me Blogger and a couple days later, this site was born ... and here's its remained all these years later.
Ideally, at this point in my life this site would look more "professional" or have a better theme or more relevant graphics and widgets. Sorry, tradition is hard to break. If there was an easy way to transfer my archives and all your wonderfully insightful comments to another host or template or anything, feel free to let me know. As it stands that "HTML For Dummies" book I bought in January 2003 is collecting dust in a storage locker somewhere in Southwestern Connecticut. More than that, deep down somewhere I'd like to believe in my heart the actual written word, or at least full sentences mean more than keywords or memes that draw SEOs.
In any event, I've really had any major issues with (the free) Blogger/Blogspot until this morning when the service was out and everything I'd written yesterday for my usual Friday musing on the EPL was lost in the ether of the Internet. Everything. A couple hours of crunching numbers, coming up with dick jokes and malaprops ... gone.
Not even in 60 seconds.
Alas.
I have to be somewhere in about 45 minutes and there's no way to cram anything back.
So, dear readers, hope you don't feel cheated today ... that is unless this "outage" by Blogger was actually the first stage of SkyNet's eventual takeover and destruction of the human race. If that's the case, good luck, hope you find yourselves in a foxhole with somebody named Connor or Reese.
Saturday:
* Sunderland v. Wolves -- (Live, FSC, 7:45 a.m.) Hard to believe if Wolves win this, they probably avoid the drop after going weeks without a week for most of the spring. ... Sunderland 2, Wolves 0
* Blackpool v. Bolton -- (Live, FSC+, 7:45 a.m.) Before Blogger ruined this post, I had this nice long comparision of how Blackpool's first half of the season was like the U.S. housing market bubble and that since about January the Tangerines have been living through a soccer version of a recession. Oh well, Charlie Adam is still a gap-toothed thug. Seems like he should go back to the SPL. ... Blackpool 1, Bolton 2
* West Bromich Albion v. Everton -- Do remember exactly what I wrote here, imagine if only David Moyes decided to buy Peter Odemwingie from Lokomotiv Moscow instead of Diniyar Bilyaletdinov. ... West Brom 1, Everton 1
* Blackburn Rovers v. Manchester United -- (Live, ESPN2, 7:45 a.m.) All you really need to know is Blackburn have scored 18 goals as a team in 2011. Chicharito has nine in the same period in the Prem. Should United officially clinch the title, which barring a collapse they will, they should celebrate with 20-piece Chicken Nuggets from McDonalds. Sweet-and-sour sauce is on me. ... Blackburn 0, Manchester United 2
* Bonus: FA Cup Final: Manchester City v. Stoke City -- (Live, FSC, 10 a.m.) Feel like I simply can't avoid watching Manchester City, which is never very fun. There's just such a "meh" feeling for this team despite clinching a place in the Champions League and all the high-priced talent on offer. Eh. Wondering what the over/under on mentions/appearances on camera from the Gallagher Bros. and Ricky Hatton? Let's set it at eight. Stoke City is what it is, a classic English 4-4-2 team with a penchant for set pieces. That might be underselling the Potters, as Kenwyne Jones has been very fun to watch as an aerial presence in the box, while Jermaine Pennant have revived his career. Too bad Mathew Etherington probably isn't going to be able to play. Always one of my favorite guys to watch. Also working against Stoke, this isn't an analytical stat or anything, but considering Birmingham City tripped up Arsenal in the League Cup final are we going to see another English upset, this time in the FA Cup final? ... Manchester City 1, Stoke City 0 (Unrelated: How many people are rooting for a "Rocky" 12th round style double-knockout between Ryan Shawcross and Nigel de Jong? Poetic justice?)
Sunday:
* Chelsea v. Newcastle United -- (Live, FSC, 8:30 a.m.) Again, wrote and researched a long thing about Michael Essien's dip in form, which was amazingly actually mentioned during last week's Chelsea/Manchester United game. Bottom line, does the club need Ramires, Essien and John Obi Mikel and is pershap Essien's best spot at the club going forward playing right back? He couldn't be worse than Branislav Ivanovic has been at times. ... Chelsea 2, Newcastle United 0
* Liverpool v. Tottenham -- (Live, FSC, 11 a.m.) This one pisses me off since I took about half an hour breaking down the rise of Liverpool coinciding with the fall of Tottenham. If memory serves since the start of March Tottenham have taken something in the range of nine points from 27 on offer, while Liverpool have about 19 out of 24. All hail King Kenny, indeed. ... Liverpool 3, Tottenham 1
* Arsenal v. Aston Villa -- (Live, FSC+, 11 a.m.) In short, Nic Bendtner needs a beer endorsement in his native Denmark. Call him the world's most delusional man. Yeah, I'm suuuuuuure Barcelona would love your services. Half fun in Newcastle next year, bud. .... Arsenal 1, Aston Villa 1
* Birmingham City v. Fulham -- Birmingham City better not screw this up and need a do-or-die game next weekend on the road. ... Brum 1, Fulham 0
* Wigan Athletic v. West Ham United -- Loser leaves town match. Still amazed the English writer's voted Scott Parker the Player of the Year. Insane. Makes Andre Dawson's National League MVP for the last place Chicago Cubs seem rational by comparison. ... Wigan 1, West Ham 2
Last round: 1-9 (god bless you Maxi Rodriguez)
Season: 146-199
When the idea of "web-logging" became an idea of mine to break up the drudgery of my first-post college job, there weren't a lot of options for this crazy "blogging" thing that all the kids were buzzing about. A college friend showed me Blogger and a couple days later, this site was born ... and here's its remained all these years later.
Ideally, at this point in my life this site would look more "professional" or have a better theme or more relevant graphics and widgets. Sorry, tradition is hard to break. If there was an easy way to transfer my archives and all your wonderfully insightful comments to another host or template or anything, feel free to let me know. As it stands that "HTML For Dummies" book I bought in January 2003 is collecting dust in a storage locker somewhere in Southwestern Connecticut. More than that, deep down somewhere I'd like to believe in my heart the actual written word, or at least full sentences mean more than keywords or memes that draw SEOs.
In any event, I've really had any major issues with (the free) Blogger/Blogspot until this morning when the service was out and everything I'd written yesterday for my usual Friday musing on the EPL was lost in the ether of the Internet. Everything. A couple hours of crunching numbers, coming up with dick jokes and malaprops ... gone.
Not even in 60 seconds.
Alas.
I have to be somewhere in about 45 minutes and there's no way to cram anything back.
So, dear readers, hope you don't feel cheated today ... that is unless this "outage" by Blogger was actually the first stage of SkyNet's eventual takeover and destruction of the human race. If that's the case, good luck, hope you find yourselves in a foxhole with somebody named Connor or Reese.
***
Saturday:
* Sunderland v. Wolves -- (Live, FSC, 7:45 a.m.) Hard to believe if Wolves win this, they probably avoid the drop after going weeks without a week for most of the spring. ... Sunderland 2, Wolves 0
* Blackpool v. Bolton -- (Live, FSC+, 7:45 a.m.) Before Blogger ruined this post, I had this nice long comparision of how Blackpool's first half of the season was like the U.S. housing market bubble and that since about January the Tangerines have been living through a soccer version of a recession. Oh well, Charlie Adam is still a gap-toothed thug. Seems like he should go back to the SPL. ... Blackpool 1, Bolton 2
* West Bromich Albion v. Everton -- Do remember exactly what I wrote here, imagine if only David Moyes decided to buy Peter Odemwingie from Lokomotiv Moscow instead of Diniyar Bilyaletdinov. ... West Brom 1, Everton 1
* Blackburn Rovers v. Manchester United -- (Live, ESPN2, 7:45 a.m.) All you really need to know is Blackburn have scored 18 goals as a team in 2011. Chicharito has nine in the same period in the Prem. Should United officially clinch the title, which barring a collapse they will, they should celebrate with 20-piece Chicken Nuggets from McDonalds. Sweet-and-sour sauce is on me. ... Blackburn 0, Manchester United 2
* Bonus: FA Cup Final: Manchester City v. Stoke City -- (Live, FSC, 10 a.m.) Feel like I simply can't avoid watching Manchester City, which is never very fun. There's just such a "meh" feeling for this team despite clinching a place in the Champions League and all the high-priced talent on offer. Eh. Wondering what the over/under on mentions/appearances on camera from the Gallagher Bros. and Ricky Hatton? Let's set it at eight. Stoke City is what it is, a classic English 4-4-2 team with a penchant for set pieces. That might be underselling the Potters, as Kenwyne Jones has been very fun to watch as an aerial presence in the box, while Jermaine Pennant have revived his career. Too bad Mathew Etherington probably isn't going to be able to play. Always one of my favorite guys to watch. Also working against Stoke, this isn't an analytical stat or anything, but considering Birmingham City tripped up Arsenal in the League Cup final are we going to see another English upset, this time in the FA Cup final? ... Manchester City 1, Stoke City 0 (Unrelated: How many people are rooting for a "Rocky" 12th round style double-knockout between Ryan Shawcross and Nigel de Jong? Poetic justice?)
Sunday:
* Chelsea v. Newcastle United -- (Live, FSC, 8:30 a.m.) Again, wrote and researched a long thing about Michael Essien's dip in form, which was amazingly actually mentioned during last week's Chelsea/Manchester United game. Bottom line, does the club need Ramires, Essien and John Obi Mikel and is pershap Essien's best spot at the club going forward playing right back? He couldn't be worse than Branislav Ivanovic has been at times. ... Chelsea 2, Newcastle United 0
* Liverpool v. Tottenham -- (Live, FSC, 11 a.m.) This one pisses me off since I took about half an hour breaking down the rise of Liverpool coinciding with the fall of Tottenham. If memory serves since the start of March Tottenham have taken something in the range of nine points from 27 on offer, while Liverpool have about 19 out of 24. All hail King Kenny, indeed. ... Liverpool 3, Tottenham 1
* Arsenal v. Aston Villa -- (Live, FSC+, 11 a.m.) In short, Nic Bendtner needs a beer endorsement in his native Denmark. Call him the world's most delusional man. Yeah, I'm suuuuuuure Barcelona would love your services. Half fun in Newcastle next year, bud. .... Arsenal 1, Aston Villa 1
* Birmingham City v. Fulham -- Birmingham City better not screw this up and need a do-or-die game next weekend on the road. ... Brum 1, Fulham 0
* Wigan Athletic v. West Ham United -- Loser leaves town match. Still amazed the English writer's voted Scott Parker the Player of the Year. Insane. Makes Andre Dawson's National League MVP for the last place Chicago Cubs seem rational by comparison. ... Wigan 1, West Ham 2
Last round: 1-9 (god bless you Maxi Rodriguez)
Season: 146-199
Call it gone in 37 seconds.
That's all the time it took for Ji-Sung Park to thread a pass to Chicharito behind the falling over David Luiz (cue the Sideshow Bob framing Krusty the Klown jokes) and for the Mexican scoring-machine to put Manchester United ahead 1-0 over Chelsea in the clash to all but decide the 2010-11 Premier League title. The victory puts United on the brink of its 19th First Division/Prem title, pushing the club past Liverpool, to the Merseyside institution's helpless consternation.
As outlined on Friday, as a nuetral it's hard to get warm-and-fuzzy feelings toward either United or Chelsea. So in a weird way, the early goal was the best possible thing that could have happened for this match. Think how many times in recent memory when marquee, title-deciding matches turn into -- at best -- dull, nervy slogs (see: Roma 0, AC Milan 0 from later Saturday) and -- at worst -- angry, cagey, cynical affairs where every whistle from the referee becomes a World War III-worthy flashpoint with a mob of incredulous players surrounding the official.
At a bare minimum, this game was decided by the quiet, assured domination of Manchester United.
Chicharito's goal relived some of the pressure that could have built up over 90 minutes here if the game remained scoreless. Even if that's not the direct cause of Sunday's controversy-free match, it's a bit refreshing that decisions of the referee -- in this case Howard Webb -- overshadowed the actual proceedings. Aside from not sending off Branislav Ivanovic for a suspect second bookable offense and a possible penalty kick for Manchester United, it was a good day for the man in the middle. Sad that a compotent performance deserves to be lauded, as it's the exception not the rule.
As for those proceedings?
Again, tough to stomach as a nuetral, but at the very least Manchester United put itself on the brink of the league title with a confident performance which left Chelsea looking almost as bad as FC Shalke for the first 35-odd minutes. Ryan Giggs, Park and Wayne Rooney went around John Obi Mikel if he wasn't there, with acres of space between the Chelsea midfield and defensive line. Antonio Valencia, in sparkling form back from his gruesome broken leg, had license to roam up-and-down the right flank with maybe Ashley Cole breathing hard once or twice in his direction. (Anyone else see the fork sticking out of John Terry's back?)
The final score certainly flattered Chelsea, too, as Rooney himself missed three or four solid chances to push United's goal difference higher -- namely a goal line block from half time substitute Alex. The did Blues have chances, piling up seven shots on target, two more than United, but Edwin van der Sar was always positioned in the right spot to make the save, though it's never a good thing when Chelsea's top attacking option is Soloman Kalou. Frank Lampard, otherwise invisible, did score a classic Lampardian goal with a toe-poke from a barely onside position.
A funny moment even came late when a Chelsea player tried to catch the Dutchman off his line with a shot from some 50-yards away. Van der Sar pantomimed a massive wipe of his brow when the ball landed in the top netting.
It was that kind of day for United, which with this being soccer where everyone wants to judge on style points, will have to hear detractors wonder why this team wasn't as "magical" or "awe-inspiring" or "wonderful" of previous Red Devils' incarnations. This argument is endemic of soccer as a whole, as the sport is more art than science. For many it's not enough to simply win, you have to win with style, flair and panache.
In an imperfect season, the facts still show United have scored more goals than anyone else in the league (73), while allowing the third least. Sunday's win at Old Trafford pushed the Red Devils home record to 17 wins, one draw and zero losses. This certainly offsets United's pedestrian 5-9-4 road record, with only 28 goals scored compared to 24 allowed.
By any metric, United were the best team from August to May. Once Sir Alex Ferguson's boys grabbed the first place reigns in Week 14 with a 2-0 win over Wigan on November 14 they never fell out of first place. Not even back-to-back losses in early March to Chelsea and Liverpool were enough for either Arsenal or the Blues to overtake the champions-elect.
As noted here more than once, United were able to brush aside Chelsea with Premier League leading scorer Dimitar Berbatov pinned to the bench, alongside the club's other most productive (statistically speaking) player, Nani. Again it showed Sir Alex continually found a way to pull the right strings, juggling the Premier League with the Champions League to maximum efficiency. You might not like him, but he did a great job this year guiding the ship to perfection.
Michael Carrick, Darren Fletcher, Paul Scholes and Anderson all played double-digit games in the middle of the field. Park played just about everywhere, almost always to maximum effort. The right back rotation of Rafael (then Fabio) with John O'Shea almost always seemed to work in favor of the Scot. The masterstroke was gradually moving Chicharito from goal-scoring sub to starter, without Berbatov causing a distraction in turn allowing Wayne Rooney a freer, all-around attacking role. Rooney wasn't great this year, but still found a way to score 10 league goals, assisting on 11. (You don't think of Rooney as the classic "playmaker" but that's what he was this season, allowing others to poach.)
Oddly enough only three players -- van der Sar, Patric Evra and Nemanja Vidic started more than 24 games for United, with all three turning out for 33 starts. That defensive trio, along with (when healthy) Rio Ferdinand was what made the Red Devils go. With Vidic and Ferdinand starting together, United lost once -- on May 1 to Arsenal. With Ferdinand starting the team's record was 12 wins, six draws and one loss.
Is this a little stat-heavy to describe a team that is going to win the Premier League and has a spot booked in the Champions League final at the end of the month? Admittedly, yes.
So even if this United team doesn't pass the "eye test" of what a champion should look like in your mind, everything else says it was clearly the best team in a year where the champion is going to have the lowest points total in recent memory. Finding a way to avoid the pratfalls of its nearest rivals might have been the most useful trait this season and United had it in spades.
Like it or not.
Going, going ... gone?:
At some point in his career Avram Grant might have been a good soccer coach. Taking Portsmouth to the FA Cup final was impressive last season and guiding Chelsea to a missed John Terry penalty kick from the Champions League title deserves some plaudits. Yet is winning a couple knockout games, and in the case of Chelsea a team that was already put together, a good indicator of a coach's value? All season with Grant in charge, West Ham has been a sieve on defense, with non-existent marking.
Allowing a goal to Jason Roberts of all people Saturday in an eventual 1-1 draw with Blackburn was the final stake in West Ham's coffin, who sit at the bottom of the table with 32 points. Unless Wolves, Wigan and Blackpool go a combined 0-6 in their remaining games, West Ham is all but done.
Speaking of Wolves, the second-best result of the weekend goes out to Mick McCarthy's team for beating local rival West Brom 3-1 at home, pushing them up to 17th in the table. Wolves control their own destiny with matches at Sunderland and home to Blackburn on the final Sunday. Birmingham and Blackburn aren't totally safe yet either and need another win to ensure safety.
Blackpool and Wigan will have to keep up what they're doing, throwing caution into the wind. Blackpool hosts Bolton on Saturday, when plays at Manchester United on the final day, when the Red Devils might be fielding a starting XI featuring the likes of Darren Gibson, Bebe, Gabriel Obertan ... and Michael Owen. Wigan hosts West Ham Saturday in an ultimate loser's leaves town match, then plays at Stoke City.
The relegation merry-go-round is the only race left at this point, aside from Liverpool's late surge for the Europa League, which continues later on Monday with a game against Fulham.
Stamp of Disapproval:
If his career in England (or Scotland) ever goes completely sideways, Charlie Adam could probably find a home in MLS. The "physicality" of our American top flight division would suit the gap-toothed Scot to perfection.
There's no way to beat around the bush, the Blackpool captain's ankle-breaking stamp on Gareth Bale was a dirty as anything you'll ever see on a soccer field -- and it didn't even draw a yellow card! Bale was already engaged with another Blackpool player and Adam flew in with his stud right into the foot of the Tottenham star. Downright cheap. Even the nefarious Mr. Fuji would agree it was a cheap shot.
Naturally Adam rubbed salt into the wounds of Tottenham, first shattering the leg of Bale and then converting a penalty kick to end Spurs' fading hopes of the Champions League. Adam seemed to have bought into some of his own hype, celebrating the goal like a lunatic, both kissing the Blackpool badge, flashing the jersey and then pointing to his name. You wouldn't think a palooka-looking guy like Adam would be a diva, but he seems to have a inflated sense of self worth. Buyer beware this summer. Adam, who's been fun to watch this season, seems to want a team built around him ... but unless you're Blackpool do you really want an XI where Adam is your No. 1 guy?
In any event, Tottenham -- with the door slightly ajar for fourth place with City's earlier loss -- limped down the finish line, with Gomes continuing to be the most entertaining No. 1 shirt in the world with his traveling comedy show, which Saturday included saving Adam's first penalty kick ... only to drag down a Blackpool player on the ensuing corner kick for another spot kick. (Michael Dawson needs to be called out too, as he's been a shell of his 2010 form, which earned him an England call-up and eventual injury on international duty.)
Watching Spurs the last couple weeks, maybe the best way the club can upgrade is with a new manager. As fun as it is to watch the red-faced, sullen faces of Harry Redknapp, how much coaching is he actually doing? He assembled/took over a great roster of talent, but opponents clearly figured out how to stop Spurs and denying them space and there wasn't a Plan B aside from last-second winners. A coach with a little more tactical acumen might make some sense. You'd think anyone worth their inverted pyramid would love to get ahold of Bale, Luka Modric, Rafael van der Vaart, Sandro and the rest of the very talented (if temperamental) roster.
As it stands, Spurs record is 14-14-7 with less goals scored on the season than West Brom. In a sense its remarkable the team kept up the chase for fourth place so long.
Mission (Almost) Accomplished:
The door was still open for Tottenham to claim fourth, thanks to David Moyes and Everton defeating Manchester City with a pair of second half goals Saturday at Goodison Park. Realistically, for fourth place to go to anyone other than City, Spurs have to win their head-to-head match Tuesday then win-out, with City losing its final two league games (Stoke City, Bolton.)
City are on the verge of ushering in a new era of prosperity with actual trophies and accomplishments, not just high-priced foreign strikers. Saturday the club gets a chance in the FA Cup final, which is nice, but finishing fourth and claiming a spot in the Champions League fulfills the grand ambitions since the Abu Dhabi group bought it in August 2008. In that sense, three seasons (and three managers) isn't too bad to progress from Sven-Goran Eriksonn (a relic from the Thaksin Shinawatra era) also-rans, to would-be European elites under Roberto Mancini.
To me, the Manchester City squad itself still feels a bit empty, or lacking a personality. Then again, maybe City is the prototype of a 21st century, inorganic super club, assembled in a vacuum and expected to win for a mega-rich owner who outlays tons of cash without a mission statement, treating the club like an expensive hobby with the City of Manchester Stadium serving as the sandbox on a foreign playground.
We'll learn much more about what drives this team in the next 10 days.
Once again, in this space I've run out of superlatives for the coaching job by David Moyes and Everton. Leon Osman might be in the running for most underrated player in the League at the moment, another guy that seems to personify what the club is all about.
Around the League:
Slept through Arsenal's 3-1 loss at Stoke City. Fortunately The Guardian match report was a great read, including the sneering taunts from the Britianna Stadium crowd, which included "We only score from a throw-in," on Jermaine Pennant's blistering strike before halftime. Suffice to say I'll be rooting as hard as I can on Saturday when Stoke takes on Manchester City in the FA Cup Final. ... The Goodison Park signage is a true delight, including a prominent ad for "Crabbie's Alcoholic Ginger Beer." Anyone know if that's available in the States? ... For those scoring at home, your Championship Promotion Playoffs are Swansea City against Nottingham Forest and Cardiff City vs. Reading. Of note, Swansea has gotten 18 goals from ex-Chelsea youngster Scott Sinclair. Cardiff City features everyone's favorite Welsh madman Craig Bellamy, as well as ex-Prem faces like Michael Chopra, Jay Bothroyd and Seyi Olofinjana. Reading look nothing like the side that was in the Premier League with Americans Bobby Convey and Marcus Hahnemann. About the only names left from that team are Icelandic defender Ívar Ingimarsson and Irish forwards Noel Hunt and Shane Long. Nottingham Forest means some face time for Paul Konchesky. ... Blackburn's Christopher Samba has a wonderful post-soccer career as the world's best body guard.
Fantasy Team O' the Week:
Overall a low-scoring week. A clutch performance from recent college grad Drew Konig's Martin A'nnul coming in with 49 points, to claim first place overall by one point. Yaya Toure, Frank Lampard and Ashley Young were the big point guys, all in the single digits. Iki Dort's Dirty Greens also put up 49 points with 11 from Everton goal-scoring defender Sylvain Distin.
One Other Thing:
Threw together another You-Tubes musical playlist. Some new stuff, some old classics. Strap on some headphones. Might help you get through a boring Monday afternoon.
Labels: manchester city, manchester United, Monday recaps, Soccer
