In the last couple weeks my friends Jared and Mike -- each fans of the Premier League -- have both referred to me as an, "expert" in term of my vast soccer knowledge chest. Not sure the level of sincerity involved in either case, but hey, you take compliments anyway you can get them, even if they aren't entirely accurate.
Before getting too ahead of things, let me throw out a quick (promise) theory that's been mulling around my brain for a while.
In this day and age, with so much knowledge and information available at our fingertips it's easy to get overwhelmed.
To make things more palatable, limit your scope. Don't know a million little fragments of information of every topic you can think of -- that's what Wikipedia is for. Instead, try to become an expert on five -- maximum.
For instance, some of my areas of expertise are fast food, cable television, 2.Bundesliga and, well, I'd prefer to keep the other two to myself since, as previously stated, don't want the people reading this to time I'm even more pathetic that I (lightheartedly and in jest) let on. (Really, I just say I'm a loser to get laughs. How could you call anyone who's modeled clothing for Goodwill and can bring down the house with a karaoke version of Toto's "Africa" a loser. Oh wait.)
Hey, it's a useful idea. Sure, at a cocktail party, when somebody discusses the latest droll performance by Stephen Colbert you might look like a slack jawed yokel, but by chance if you could steer the conversation toward one of your disciplines -- say gold mining in the Klondike -- well my friend, you'll have that entire party eating out of the palm of our hand.
One discipline you'd think I'd consider myself an expert is the English Premier League, considering I spend more time mindlessly watching the action from across the Atlantic than I do a) reading to the homeless b) spending time with my family and c) gardening.
Then the midweek happened. If you' insanely dedicated to this humble slice of the Internet (re: my dad), then you saw me clandestinely sneak in picks on Christmas night. Wish, in retrospect, I'd just sat home and eaten figgy pudding instead.
My midweek record? 1-9. One and nine.
Joking or not, that's truly pathetic. "Expert" or not. Hope nobody lost money wagering via my expertise.
The only game I got right was Manchester United beating Wigan, which is about as safe a bet as predicting a punchline from Charlie Sheen on a "Two and a Half" men rerun from seven years ago.
Chalk it up to three of the Prem's stalwarts: Manchester City, Chelsea and Arsenal each stumbling with draws, while the usually inconsistent Tottenham dusted off the whooping stick -- specifically Gareth Bale did -- to dispatch Norwich City on the road. Even Liverpool couldn't beat last place Blackburn Rovers.
Hey, the old cliche about the Premier League being the best league in the world since anybody beat anybody (or more specifically draw anybody) did prove true accurate.
So remember, as I've said in the past, I'm not an expert. I'm just a man who has an unique way to pass his time and feels compelled to write about it.
Couple Random Thoughts:
* One thought that struck me recently, as much as we've all wanted to hate Manchester City for becoming the most noveau riche team in the history of noveau riche teams, there's not that much to detest. Take away the Middle Eastern oil bucks and the club seems to be run the right way. Announcers constantly praise the club's backroom staff for being good people. The fans are genuine and authentic, not a bunch of frontrunners. Maybe it's just easier to be the proverbial "face" when the club's one true heel -- Nigel de Jong -- has been a bit player this year.
* Least favorite EPL announcing trend? The prevalence of guys saying Team X is, "surely out of the title race" without a win here.
* If there's one resolution for the New Year, let's hope Robin van Persie can get through the season healthy. He's been so fun to watch on a weekly basis, Arsenal fan or not. Then again, withe European Championships looming in June, it's almost a guarantee both he and Wayne Rooney break their metatarsals between now and March.
* I spent a lot of the year posting videos and links to music. If you're into Spotify, these were my personal favorites from 2011. Noting to unusual or obscure, just another list.
* This nine minute clip isn't about soccer, but it's incredible nonetheless. Basically, if you've ever tried to explain why professional wrestling is great to a non-believer or significant other, well, this clip proves that in the final analysis wrestling is even lamer than you remember.
* Happy New Year. As always, utterly, deeply grateful for anyone who comes and reads this.
Friday:
* Liverpool v. Newcastle United -- (Live, FSC, 2:45 p.m.) Here's why you can't figure out sports. Liverpool sells Fernando Torres to Chelsea for $75 million. Liverpool buys Andy Carroll for $45 million from Newcastle. Torres has three goals in 27 matches for the Blues; Carroll but four in 23 games in Red. Meanwhile, Demba Ba comes over to West Ham last season from Hoffenheim for next to nothing, leaves the club after its relegation and joins the Magpies on a free. In 29 games in English football, Ba has 21 goals. Howdoyalikethat? ... Liverpool 2, Newcastle United 1
Saturday:
* Manchester United v. Blackburn Rovers -- (Live, ESPN2, 7:45 a.m.) Sir Alex's biggest trick might be his uncanny ability to avoid dropping points against the dregs of the league, which Blackburn most certainly is at the moment. The money might be too good to pass up in the end, but United might want to keep Berbatov around simply for games like this where he could easily score five goals without breaking a sweat -- naturally. ... Manchester United 4, Blackburn Rovers 0
* Swansea City v. Tottenham -- At times, the Norwich City defense played as if it had never seem anything quite like Gareth Bale, which is entirely possible. Could the same be said for Swansea, who seem poised to take on Chelsea's brains-loving, zombie-looking teenager Josh McEachran. ... Swansea City 1, Tottenahm 2
* Arsenal v. QPR -- (Live, FSC+, 10 a.m.) Joey Barton named his newborn son Cassius. God bless this man. ... Arsenal 2, QPR 0
* Stoke City v. Wigan Athletic -- On one hand, you have to respect what Tony Pulis continues to do at Stoke, yet for all the improvements this team still lacks, in the vernacular of "Storage Wars," the proverbial wow factor. ... Stoke City 1, Wigan 0
* Bolton v. Wolves -- There's probably some credit or praise due to Steven Fletcher for going out there with a receding hairline. Nowadays most guys would shave it and go with the bald look -- it's the classic English geezer. Fletcher keeps it real with a bald spot. Bolton's perhaps only hope for a miracle survival is finding 3-4 young players to grab on loan in the vein of Daniel Sturridge and Jack Wilshere. Thing is, with the way the club is at the moment, would you want your young talent playing alongside a bunch of no-accounts? ... Bolton 1, Wolves 1
* Chelsea v. Aston Villa -- (Live, FSC, 10 a.m.) Is every Cheslea game on television now? Feels that way. Of all the big clubs, figure on the Blues to be the most active with the comings and goings in January, which is somewhat insane since the one thing Chelsea really could use at the moment is stability, less so Gary Cahill. One thought on Aston Villa, maybe all along Alex McLeish was playing his old, boring, has-been players right up until now and waited to unleash the young, promising Villa players when the rest of the league is tiring down? Nah, impossible. ... Chelsea 1, Aston Villa 0
* Norwich City v. Fulham -- For fun, go up and down the Norwich roster and it looks like a bunch of random names the computer would make up to assign generic players in "FIFA." ... Norwich City 1, Fulham 0
Sunday:
* West Brom v. Everton -- (Live, FSC+, 7:30 a.m.) Landon Donovan isn't playing for the Toffees yet, hence this could be the least-watched Prem game by American audiences of the season, since as we know Roy Hodgson is not a proven hangover cure. ... West Brom 1, Everton 1
* Sunderland v. Manchester City -- (Live, FSC, 10 a.m.) Everything would seem to say Martin O'Neill's team is ready to get a shock result here, except even as City's attack sputters Sunderland's defense is anything but rock solid, especially if it has to hold onto a lead. ... Sunderland 1, Man City 2
Last round: 1-9
Season: 89-92
It's Boxing Day in the United Kingdom.
My gift to the loyal, hardy, salt-of-the-earth readers of this little blog?
A picture of Mario Balotelli.
Think that should suffice, considering it's a holiday period and I really don't feel like sitting in front of my keyboard and trying to form sentences or come up with lame, strained egg nog jokes.
Basically got away from ham and turkey and all that wonderful jazz to get some picks on record.
Monday:
* Chelsea v. Fulham -- (Live, FSC, 8 a.m.) Let's all hand it to John Terry, the guy is a lion heart. Oh wait, nevermind. Either way, more Daniel Sturridge, less Fernando Torres, por favor. ... Chelsea 3, Fulham 0
* West Bromich Albion v. Manchester City -- (Live, FSC, 10 a.m.) Roy Hodgson finally had the "balls" to play -- gasp -- two strikers at once in Peter Odemwingie and Shane Long. In turn the Baggies are moving up the table, who would have thought? Doubt Hodgson does that against a powerhouse like City. ... West Brom 1, Man City 3
* Sunderland v. Everton -- Stephane Sessagnon is super spicy. He brings the sizzle. ... Sunderland 2, Everton 1
* Manchester United v. Wigan Athletic -- (Live, ESPN2, 10 a.m.) The day United loses at Old Trafford to Wigan is the day to cash your life insurance because the end will be neigh. ... Manchester United 2, Wigan 0
* Liverpool v. Blackburn Rovers -- "I HATE YOU STEVE KEAN. I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HAAAAAAATE YOU," -- the four remaining Blackburn Rovers fans. ... Liverpool 1, Blackburn 0
* Bolton v. Newcastle United -- Bolton aren't dead last, which is a nice silver lining. Like getting an awful sweater on Christmas from your Mem Mem, but at least it's the right size. ... Bolton 1, Newcastle United 1
* Stoke City v. Aston Villa -- (Live, FSC, 12:30 p.m.) If you're a Stoke fan, just hope the current "ambition" your club is displaying doesn't turn into the malaise engulfing Aston Villa after its bright run under Martin O'Neill. ... Stoke City 2, Aston Villa 0
Tuesday:
* Arsenal v. Wolves -- (Live, FSC+, 10 a.m.) If he does, indeed, go back to Arsenal for a couple weeks, Thierry Henry will make more of an impact on the field than David Beckham does for PSG during however many years he's employed in Paris. ... Arsenal 3, Wolves 0
* Swansea City v. QPR -- (Live, FSC, 12 p.m.) Lots of folks have touted how good the promoted teams have been, but let's look at it in reality Swansea are four points above 17th and QPR are two. Not too shabby, but not a revelation either. ... Swansea City 1, QPR 0
* Norwich City v. Tottenham -- (Live, FSC, 2:30 p.m.) Norwich are pretty good, this year at least, problem for them is when the players that powered back-to-back promotions get old, leave or break down. Hard to attract new blood here. Fun while it lasts. Tottenham was frustrating vs. Chelsea, an absolute ball of fire for 10 minutes, yet after Spurs scored they kind of gave up and let Chelsea do what they wanted. Argh. ... Norwich City 1, Tottenham 1
Last round: 4-6
Season: 88-83
Labels: EPL, EPL picks, mario balotelli, Premier League, Soccer
 |
| Mouth-watering affair, eh? |
City of Blinding Lights
Kind of unfair to "hed" this section of the roundup with a song title from U2 when this part is going to be about Manchester City's 1-0 Arsenal considering the ground formerly know as the City of Manchester Stadium probably plays the best music during the breaks in action than anywhere in the world. (See: The Smiths.)
In any event, this was the highlight, marquee, five-star match of the weekend and ... well ... not much to really, or at least we didn't learn too much we didn't already know, mainly that Manchester City is -- in fact -- a wee bit better than Arsenal, especially at home. Nice bounce-back for City six days after losing at Chelsea, no doubt, but anything revelatory? Umm?
What? ... Theo Walcott being widely inconsistent and or invisible in a big game is something new?
If anything, it's a marvel City didn't score two or three goals considering Arsenal played its best defender -- Thomas Vermaelen -- at left back, meaning 90 minutes of Per Mertesacker paired with Laurent Koscielny (not so much a joke anymore, actually) with Johan Djourou and later Ignacio Miquel on the right. The amount of standing around in front of Wojciech Szczesny's goal was alarming, especially since Roberto Mancini again tried to find a way to play his Smurf lineup of Kun Aguero, David Silva and Samir Nasri all at once, with Mario Balotelli drifting to a wide left position recalling his Inter Milan days.
Something else that strikes me as unusual is the way Mikel Arteta has fit into Arsenal. Obviously his presence and consistency is a boost to the team, yet he doesn't seem to have such an impact on games as he once did with Everton.
Whatever attacking options Roberto Mancini wants to deploy, he does have a true rock in goal in the form of Joe Hart, who makes up for a lot of the rapidly slack defending in the back by City, which did do something special by keeping Robin van Persie off the scoresheet -- a close offside call helped on that front.
All-and-all, nice, fun entertaining game. Wish there was more to say, but why force it? Especially when we can watch Samir Nasri and Mario Balotelli attempt -- stress attempt -- a high five.
Hurting:
If I were ever rich enough to own a proper soccer team, first thing I'd invest in wouldn't be players or a coach. Nope, first thing I do is hire the best set of doctors and trainers I could afford. Either that or find an online wholesaler of horse placenta. Maybe see if one of those tanks they threw Luke Skywalker in at the beginning of "The Empire Strikes Back" is a real thing.
Not sure what it is, but it seems your average soccer player in 2011 -- not even the van Persie's of the world -- are increasingly fragile. It seems like every week top players are fighting to get to full fitness with strains and pulls or we lose somebody to said ailment, this week Aaron Lennon for Tottenham with a torn hamstring.
The answers are usually the same cliches about too many games, or new boots causing foot issues. Maybe players in 2011 aren't nearly as manly or "tough" as their predecessors.
However you slice it, it seems counter-intuitive that as everything moves forward and progresses in soccer, players health seems to go backwards.
The Weed:
Maybe my favorite (strained) pop culture comparison I've ever made on this slice of Internet was calling Wigan Athletic, "a weed in Hitler's bunker" via George Costanza's ill-fated time at Play Now Sports. Fair or unfair, Wigan are the post-apocalyptic cockroaches of the Prem.
Saturday the Latics were at it again, grabbing a late equalizer to stun Chelsea 1-1 and halt the Andre Villas-Boas feel-good freight train. Jordi Gomez was the right man at the right place to capitalize on some slack Blues' defending, offsetting an earlier tally by the rapidly improving Daniel Sturridge.
Definitely two bad points for Chelsea to drop (duh), considering the Blues are now nine points behind Manchester City and just two points ahead of Arsenal and Liverpool for the final Champions League spot. You could always look at it, though, suppose Chelsea drew Man City on Monday and then beat Wigan, it's still four points, right? Nah, let's point to the fact Chelsea dropped points in a game Frank Lampard started and Ramires sat on the bench. Maybe point a pitchfork in the direction of AVB, while we're at it.
As for Wigan, can Roberto Martinez pull off another miracle escape? Generally Wigan survives because three teams are slightly more inept than they are. We've got two this year in Blackburn and Bolton, so might be well-served to send Mick McCarthy, Martin O'Neill or Neil Warnock a poisoned fruitcake to increase Wigan's chances. Couldn't hurt.
Waking Up is Hard to Do:
Executive decision was made Saturday ... no chance in hell of waking up for a 7 a.m. QPR/Manchester United kickoff. There's a fine line between dedication and insanity --there just is -- and a week before Christmas your humble author didn't feel like fully crossing said threshold.
Saw the highlights, including Wayne Rooney's first minute tally. Michael Carrick's darting run from midfield and finish was a nice piece of work, while Phil Jones continues to save Sir Alex Ferguson's bacon by being able to play in central midfield. (Jones has the second most minutes logged for United behind Patrice Evra.)
The Red Devils were briefly top and lo-and-behold are still two points behind City for first. Christmas comes for Sir Alex with the remaining 2011 fixtures being at Fulham and then home for Wigan and Blackburn. United get Newcastle and Bolton before going to the Emirates on Jan. 22.
Awful, Simply Awful:
Liverpool beat Aston Villa 2-0 Sunday morning. Villa played without Gabby Agbonlahor and Darren Bent, rendering them about as unwatchable an XI as possible, saying nothing of their inability to defend corners. Should have finished in the 5-0, 6-0 range by Luis Suarez is too much like Larry David in that he simply respects wood way too much.
Writing anything more about this game would give it too much credit.
Win and a loss:
As aforementioned, Spurs beat Sunderland 1-0 at White Hart Lane, but lost Aaron Lennon. The winner came from Roman Pavlyuchenko (him?) on a nice sequence set up by Rafel van der Vaart.
Tottenham began the game without the injured Gareth Bale and lost Lennon, meaning it played the majority of the match sans its speedy wing players. Spurs do have, theoretical replacements in the forms of Steven Pienaar and Danny Rose, but as my Twitter pal @Rev215 pointed out to me during the matchso much of the club's success is built around the interplay on the outside between Bale and Benoit Assou-Ekotto on the left and Lennon and Kyle Walker on the right that dropping in two new players will jam things up.
Guess it might be time for Luka Modric to take on an increased role. Plenty say he's among the best in the Premier League, my friend's father thinks he's massively overrated. Time to prove it one way or another.
Around the League:
Basically, I've run out of nice things to say about Clint Dempsey, who scored in Fulham's 2-0 win over Bolton. ... Grant Holt's goal vs. Everton was deceptively incredible, as he turned and shot from three yards away and pinged it off the far post. Good on him. ... Stoke City have now won four straight, coming back from 1-0 at Wolves to win 2-1. At least the club is ambitious and trying to break up the league's monotony. ... Not sure if there's a more tonally off-putting set of commercials than those for WorldSoccerShop.com where the guy in it seems to be the biggest creep on Earth. ... Also, Fox Soccer, don't bring back the ProActiv ads, but I could live without the spots promoing "American Idol." Thanks.
Fantasy Team O' the Week:
Chris Kendrick's Shandy Boys take weekly honors with 73 points. Top scorers were Rooney, Sturridge, Silva and Vorm. (If you don't have Vorm as your keeper at this point in the season, why even play, right?)
Midweek Picks:
Tuesday:
* Wolves v. Norwich City --Wolves don't have enough quality to ever win two or three and a row and thusly will hover over the drop zone all season. Norwich are weaker on paper than Wolves, yet keep finding ways to just do enough, easing the pressure on the Canaries. ... Wolves 1, Norwich City 1
* Blackburn v. Bolton -- These two have combined to allow 74 goals this year, but wouldn't it be fitting it it ended scoreless? ... Blackburn 2, Bolton 1
Wednesday:
* Aston Villa v. Arsenal -- We're veering very close to Alex McLeish pulling a Coach Taylor (via his first season at East Dillon) and waving a white flag at halftime. If not that, expect him to boil the water for Arsene Wenger's pre and post game tea. ... Aston Villa 1, Arsenal 3
* Manchester City v. Stoke City -- (Live, FSC+, 2:30 p.m.) Revenge for the FA Cup Final in May for Stoke? Not likely, however if Roberto Mancini fields his Smurf lineup of Silva/Aguero/Nasri the Hessian-like Stoke defense could muscle them around. On the other end, Jon Walters and Peter Crouch are an effective front tandem, but not the kind of guys to trouble Man City, are they? ... Man City 2, Stoke City 0
* Newcastle United v. West Brom -- Demba Ba did everything but score Saturday vs. Swansea. Ben Foster isn't nearly the player Michel Vorm has been this year, so figure on the Magpies to break their winless skid here. ... Newcastle United 2, West Brom 0
* Fulham v. Manchester United -- (Live, FSC, 3 p.m.) Maybe if Fulham can sign Papa Babe Dioup they have a fighting chance here, via goal he scored against United five years ago. ... Fulham 0, Manchester United 2
* QPR v. Sunderland -- QPR have a habit of playing teams "tough," but it's not showing in the table as they sit in 16th and have a -13 goal difference. Sunderland will probably be better under Martin O'Neill long term, if only because the players will give more of an effort. Problem is, Connor Wickham and Nic Bendtner aren't going to score consistently enough to make life anything but a struggle for Sunderland the rest of the way. ... QPR 2, Sunderland 1
* Everton v. Swansea City -- Who spends more per annum on haircuts, Royston Drenthe or Mario Balotelli? ... Everton 0, Swansea City 0
Thursday:
* Tottenham v. Chelsea -- (Live, ESPN2, 2:50 p.m.) Ian Darke. Steve McManaman. Christmas comes early for yours truly. ... Tottenham 2, Chelsea 1
Last round: 5-5
Season: 82-77
One Other Thing:
Think this is enough writing and rambling, so in case we get behind schedule or anything, Merry Christmas.
Labels: Arsenal, EPL, fox soccer, manchester city, manchester United, Monday recaps, Soccer, tottenham hotspur
In short, wrote this long and winding essay on Thursday, woke up and re-read it on Friday at it was ... awful, just a big trainwreck of half-formed ideas, lame tangents and basically a gigantic waste of your time. So like a chef at a restaurant with a couple Michelin Stars instead of serving you, dear reader, slop I'm sending it back to the kitchen for a little more time to marinate.
What you're getting in its place are a couple scattershot, topical riffs and some Premier League picks for the weekend, aka something you can really sink your teeth into.
Welcome Back Lando:
Quick, name Everton's top Premier League scorer this season without looking. ... Have an answer?
Yuuup(tm), it's Apostolos Vellios with three. If you knew that, your prize is a pocket-sized take-home slice of Greece's European Union debt. After Vellios, it's defenders Phil Jagielka and Leighton Baines.
David Moyes, once again, is a miracle worker, though Everton hasn't scored in two matches and hasn't even registered a shot. Maybe that's why Landon Donovan is back on Merseyside for two months, well that and the fact he works on the Toffees pay range -- cheap.
Two seasons ago when Donovan landed on Merseyside as a pre-World Cup tune up it was a bit of a novelty, as in after flaming out in Europe three times, what could the best American player of his generation do in the world's best (or most popular) domestic league. By now everybody knows that narrative and how it turned out.
This time, Everton need whatever lift Donovan can bring, especially since -- again -- he works for scale.
You'd think Donovan slot into his familiar place on the left side of midfield where Everton has gotten inconsistent play from Diniyar Bilyaletdinov. Either that or Moyes tests him out in a more advanced role considering the lack of goals from Tim Cahill and the rest of the Everton front line. Wherever it is, Donovan is going to need to produce.
However it works out, in 2010 Donovan needed Everton. In 2012 Everton needs Donovan.
Draw 'em out:
Nothing too crazy from the Champion League Round of 16 draw, aside from the fact Chelsea -- amazingly -- didn't get paired up with Cypriot underdogs APOEL, instead getting Napoli. Arsenal gets unlucky in drawing up AC Milan, in what's probably the headline tie of the eight matches. Even without David Villa, it'd be a mild surprise if Barcelona doesn't beat Bayer Leverkausen somewhere in the 10-0 on aggregate range.
EPLNBA:
Quick comparison/rant/what-have-you ...
In the ashes of the NBA's latest labor deal, I have one major question ... why on Earth would you ever root for any team other than the Lakers, Heat, Knicks, Celtics or maybe Mavericks? Isn't every other team in the NBA essentially Sunderland or Bolton, i.e. hopeless chattel making up the numbers so the big fish have somebody to play on a forgettable Tuesday night in February?
The marquee/star players only want to play in the big markets in the NBA -- or places where it's sunny 90 percent of the time -- whereas the top soccer players only want to go to the big clubs like Manchester United/City, Chelsea and Arsenal ... where there really isn't any sun, so forget that part.
If there's a difference in soccer, at least a club isn't hoping for a draft lottery to change it's fortunes by pure luck. Then again, a perennial loser in the NBA can still -- theoretically -- make money and doesn't have to worry about relegation.
Suppose whichever side of the Atlantic you're on, it pays to be a frontrunner.
All Aboard the Hype Train:
For pure soccer junkies, the Brazilian wunderkind Neymar is nothing new. We've been hearing bits and pieces about the kid from Santos with the insane anime haircuts for years now.
With Santos playing the Club World Cup this week in Japan and a probable match with Lionel Messi and Barcelona over the weekend, the "Neymar" machine has kicked into overdrive, mostly because of -- yet another -- sick goal scored.
Now the big story everybody with a keyboard wants to write is a) is Neymar the next Messi and b) can he apply those talents to the bright lights of European soccer?
Me? Is it okay to sit back and just enjoy Neymar for Neymar without projecting anything on him? Maybe that takes some of the fun out of it, but still, he's only 19 years old. There are so many variables in play for when -- and if -- he makes the move to Europe, which is almost alien in terms of style of play compared to the Brazlian League. Just think about the language barrier, the unprecedented hype, the coach, his teammates, almost everything.
One of the long-rumored landing spots if Real Madrid. You think Neymar and Jose Mourinho are going to see eye-to-eye?
The kid is a true phenom in Brazil, loved by the people almost on Justin Beiber levels. Let's hope he lands in the right spot where his talents are allowed to thrive, because no matter what he's a guy who's fun to watch play. It's be a shame if that gets screwed up.
Blowing Up:
Another story into the inner workings of the Fox Soccer Report, this time from the New York Times. Great stuff.
Saturday:
(Note, you'll notice a lopsided schedule this week with the only "big" team playing on Saturday being Chelsea. Get used to it, too, with Manchester United and Manchester City playing Europa League games on Thursday.)
* Everton v. Norwich City -- (Live, FSC, 10 a.m.) As documented above, Everton can't score. Norwich, on the other hand, has scored 24 in 15 matches -- better than every club but the top five in the table and six better than Liverpool. ... Everton 1, Norwich City 1
* Fulham v. Bolton -- (Live, FSC+, 10 a.m.) Pity for Fulham, a result at Craven Cottage away from advancing into the Round of 32 of the Europa League, only to piss it away in the final group match in the 93rd minute to Odense. Making it sting all the more is that Fulham began its campaign all the way back on Jun 20 playing against a club from the Faroe Islands. On top of this, Mark Schwarer is out for a couple weeks. Now all Martin Jol's team has to look forward to is another Premier League relegation scrap. Doubly fun, although it's a plight Bolton would likely sign up for after it's miserable campaign. Bolton is simply dreadful and suppose the Trotters are relegated, is there anyone on the roster you'd even want to buy for your team? ... Fulham 2, Bolton 0
* Blackburn Rovers v. West Brom -- Pretty straightforward here for Blackburn. Rovers host West Brom and then Bolton on Tuesday before playing back-to-back matches at Liverpool and Manchester United. The season is one life support as is, so without at least four points here from the two matches at Ewood expect even more Steve Kean protests and wacky transfer rumors in January. Oh, making it better for Blackburn there's new rumors that Venky's are short on money. ... Blackburn 3, West Brom 1
* Wolves v. Stoke City -- Never been a fan of using the term "sexy" as a sports' description, but golly, if this isn't the unsexiest match-up in terms of style of play then what is? That said, it's good to show old blog favorite Mathew Etherington showing signs of a pulse last week. It's a bit surprising, too, that Jamie O'Hara ended up at Wolves considering Stoke seems to be the preferred landing spot for ex-Tottenham players. ... Wolves 1, Stoke City 1
* Newcastle United v. Swansea City -- Here's a fun game, slap a visor on Newcastle keeper Tim Krul and he immediately becomes that kid working behind the counter at McDonald's serving you $1 double-cheeseburgers. Oh right, they took the double-chee off the dollar menu. The horror. The horror. In any event, Swansea can finally prove to the world that emulating the high-possesion, passing system of Barcelona/Spain is more of a defensive strategy. It's one thing to tiki-toc the ball around when you have a magician like Lionel Messi in front of goal, another when it's Danny Graham, as evidenced by Swansea's pedestrian 16 goals scored. By contrast, the Swans have only allowed two goals in eight matches at home, part of the reason they might stick around another season (coupled with the atrocity of teams like Bolton, Blackburn and Wigan). ... Newcastle 1, Swansea City 0
* Wigan Athletic v. Chelsea -- (Live, FSC, 12:30 p.m.) This clip, from Wigan's first-ever Premier League match, six years ago vs. Chelsea has gotten so much better with age and a good reminder why people liked Martin Tyler. Brilliant call. Less brilliant, the rumors of Chelsea wanting to sell of Fernando Torres in January for a cut rate. Hard to see the club doing that with Nic Anelka already out the door and Didier Drogba away on African Cup of Nations duty. ... Wigan 1, Chelsea 3
Sunday:
* QPR v. Manchester United -- (Live, FSC+, 7 a.m.) One of my favorite follows on Twitter is this guy @Vincent_Vega_ namely because you just never know what he's going to tweet about, aside from some stuff about MUFC. Anyway, he's a humungous Manchester United fan who lives in California, meaning he's getting up to go to the pub at 3 a.m. to watch this match. That's dedication, holmes. This is probably a match worth getting up for since QPR has proven a very cagey side, beating Chelsea and playing both Manchester City and Liverpool very tight. Problem is, QPR has only one win at Loftus Road, which is a recipe for long term disaster. Manchester United, laugh if you want, do have a hole to fill with Darren Fletcher deciding to miss the rest of the season with IBS. Say what you will, but Fletcher was one of Sir Alex's "glue guys" seemingly always at the right place at the right time. Missing him and Nemanja Vidic leaves a large leadership void, meaning the team is going to have to take its on-field cues from guys like Rooney and Patrice Evra. Yikes. One other thing to say here, Joey Barton proclaimed a love for Bon Iver on Twitter. Believe me, if I'm putting a cigar out in somebody's eye, I'd love for "Holocene" to be playing in the background. ... QPR 2, Manchester United 3
* Aston Villa v. Liverpool -- (Live, FSC+, 9 a.m.) Okay, let's see ... via Alex McLeish logic Liverpool was great 20 years ago, so he ought to basically wave the white flag at Villa Park before the game even kicks off, right? As much as I rag on Villa, the boring, middling tactics of the team are good enough for ninth place, essentially purgatory since you don't even get the thrills of a relegation battle. And now that Brad Guzan is playing there's at least a tangental reason to care about Villa, right? Liverpool? Maybe it's because I linked to a clip with Martin Tyler and Andy Gray, but are we ever going to see, Steven Gerrrrrrrrrarrrrdddddd, ever again? Or better yet, who comes back first Gerrard or Luis Suarez via his impending ban from the FA for his alleged racial slur against Patrice Evra. ... Aston Villa 2, Liverpool 1
* Tottenham v. Sunderland -- I've lost track of how many times I've tried to explain the Europa League/UEFA Cup to people after Tottenham's elimination on Thursday, I officially yield. It's impossible to tell Americans how, in the mind's of many, it's better to crash out of a competition a team could feasibly win to focus on trying to finish third or fourth in the Premier League in order to qualify for the Champions League ... and likely get knocked out in the Group Stage in that competition a year later. Also, Lee Cattermole and Nic Bendtner, great job! ... Tottenham 2, Sunderland 1
* Manchester City v. Arsenal -- (Live, FSC, 11:10 a.m.) City finally lost and now, apparently, Arsenal can't lose. Quick, somebody dial up Corin Nemic. It's interesting to see how we all lampooned Roberto Mancini for this uber-defensive approach at the start of last season, now City haven't kept a EPL clean sheet since Oct. 1, then again that stat is misleading since the club's goal difference is still +34 and they did blank Arsenal 1-0 in the League Cup. This should be a good one since it's a real test if Arsenal's run up the table is for "real" or another false spring under Arsene Wenger. Chances are, after scrapping with Michah Ricards on the training ground, Mancini might have to bench Mario Balotelli, which is a shame for everybody watching. ... Manchester City 3, Arsenal 2.
Last round: 5-5
Season: 77-72
Labels: EPL, EPL picks, Landon Donovan, Soccer, USMNT
"I am ... the Swede, bro." -- My friend Jared.
How does slang involve from basically an inside joke among friends to part of the cultural lexicon ... or at least to an entry on Urban Dictionary.com?
Without delving too deep into that query -- you probably need somebody like the kids are listening to like that Little Wayne guy to say ... err "drop" it for your funny little term to achieve rapid acceptance -- let's instead celebrate a downright great term for soccer ... and life as defined by my friend Jared.
"The Swede."
The what now?
Here's the quick origin story. During one of our numerous late-night sessions of "FIFA 11" on XBox Live(*) Jared was exceedingly frustrated. You could hear it through the tinny speaker on XBox wireless headset. He was despondent ... as if he just lost his dog. The phrase, "Dude, I suck tonight," was probably uttered a few times.
(*) Get in line, ladies.
Eventually Jared dropped the line, "I'm the Swede."
Yes, the Swede. No matter what Jared did in the game that night, he couldn't do it right. First touch on a dribble? Given away to the defender. Defending on a corner? Bulled off the position. More than anything, he couldn't finish in front of goal, thus earning "Swede" honors.
From my best guess, the term originates from Jared's friend who might have invented it to describe Zlatan Ibrahimovic, but that might be an Urban Legend. Not sure and it doesn't really matter all that much. The Swede is the Swede.(*)
(*) Admittedly it's a little close to the term, "Sweding" from Michel Gondry's "Be Kind Rewind."
For whatever the reason it's just a perfect way to sum things up on a day when nothing is going right, despite your best efforts without allowing yourself to get too upset in the great karmic scheme of the universe. Sometimes you're simply the Swede.
Can't close out a game of darts by hitting the bullseye? The Swede.
Leave a running back who scored 30 points in a fantasy football game on the bench? The Swede.
Screw up a bunch of chances in the most-watched club soccer match in the world? The Swede.
If you watched El Clasico Saturday afternoon between Real Madrid and Barcelona, our old pal Cristiano Ronaldo was The Swede defined. In fact, he was so Swede he should have changed his name to Cristiano Rönaldo after the match.
Anyways, that's me sharing.
Maybe you'll call yourself or your friends "The Swede" the next time life decides to say no-sir, no-way, whatever your best intentions are, you're simply aren't going to win today.
Thanks for listening.
Always a Classic:
Let's get this out of the way first, Barcelona's 3-1 win over Real Madrid was the best victory and best game ever. E-V-E-R.
Okay, the hyperbole out of the system? Due to work commitments the Clasico was the only match I watched on Saturday, going to (of all places) Buffalo Wild Wings with my friend Mike to watch it, creating the existential question: which makes you a bigger "tool" and or "douche", wearing a Cristiano (or fat) Ronaldo Real Madrid jersey in public or a Messi Barcelona shirt (if you're over the age of 13)?
Remarkably enough, at this chain sports bar located inside of a mall -- at Christmas time no less -- Barca and Real dominated the numerous televisions. In fact, there were about 20 TVs/screens with the Clasico on them compared to one with the Army/Navy football game. Try telling that statement to 1999 version of yourself.
Wild Wings even pumped in the sound from GolTV and (begrudgingly) I'll have to credit Ray Hudson for keeping the histrionics in check. Never been the biggest Hudson fan since he tends to overshadow the game itself, but Saturday he was good, or the best he can be.
One odd aspect of watching the game in this setting, there were certainly people in the restaurant and bar intently watching the match, except when stuff happened for or against their side, most people weren't sure how to react -- one guy after Xavi scored told his friend to kiss the Barcelona crest on his shirt. There was minimal trash talking between the stubbly guy in the Barca shirt of the Ronaldo fan wearing an Ed Hardy hat. Suppose it's difficult to work up a lot of animosity for the other team when you've probably randomly started rooting for the team two years ago. It's not the politics of the Franco regime or Catalonian identity probably mean all that much to anyone outside of actual people from Spain.
More than rooting for any other team in Europe, casting your lot with Real or Barca is front-running at its core, since these two teams are never -- ever -- by the way La Liga is structured ever going to be bad.
For me, the Clasico is difficult to truly love since I pretty much hate both teams. Between the two sides there are about five guys I don't mind for being massive tools. On the other side are the likes of Sergio Ramos, Pepe and Gerard Pique. (Ugh.) That said, as a fan of soccer I can still respect the massive amount of talent and skill both teams bring to the table every time they step on the field -- when those players decide to play and not play-act.
And if you don't appreciate the work of Sergio Busquets for Barcelona, well, you probably shouldn't be allowed to watch soccer at all. In fact, the only sporting event you should even be allowed to watch is the Las Vegas Bowl (on repeat).
It was also heart-warming, at Christmas time, to see Cesc Fabregas finally freed from his prison at the Emirates in North London and truly thrive for the Catalans. Nothing makes you happier than watching a guy whine his way out of a pretty good situation for a slightly better one. As they say, "Good on ya, Cesc."
Saturday's Clasico was a tad ironic since the game changed on a goal right before the half by Alexis Sanchez set up by a
Well, both Sanchez and Fabregas were plucked from clubs over the summer for mega money ($60 million range combined) from Udinese and Arsenal respectively.
One thought on Real Madrid is that whenever they play Barcelona it seems they're missing a link in the midfield. It's almost as if, lets throw out a line of attackers -- Ronaldo, Benzema, Ozil, Di Maria -- back them up with some midfield hatchet-men and defenders and see what happens.
More-and-more this match is like a Red Sox/Yankees game from a nuetral perspective ... trying to put your rooting interest behind the team you loathe slightly less.
And when you boil it down, both teams make it hard to root for them with the unreal amount of play-acting, diving, gesturing, pantomiming, etc. Yeah, you're going to say this game is theater, but it gets to be too much sometimes -- which seems to be encouraged by Pep Guardiola and Jose Mourinho.
The Clasico is what it is, a huge talking point whether you're a partisan, a nuetral or in my case ... a hater.
Around the League (Relevant Teams Version):
As mentioned above, didn't get to see a lot of games this weekend in the EPL aside from bits and pieces of Liverpool/QPR on my laptop. These are the big teams, so let's "break them out" so to speak and go through them quickly.
Arsenal 1, Everton 0 -- Robin van Persie scored the winner and what a winner it was! Goal of the Year? Certainly the "Dutch" Goal of the Year. Pure class and all that jazz. Helped, too, that Everton went without a shot on goal for the second straight week.
How many people on planet earth could achieve what van Persie did here? Hitting a perfectly chipped pas from Alex Song on the volley, smacking it with the outside of his foot and go to the far corner all in one motion. Just brilliant, so brilliant I'm embedding video from some random Hungarian tube site.
szólj hozzá: A1-0E
Manchester United 4, Wolves 1 -- Was almost a game at the start of the second half ... and it wasn't. Wayne Rooney (him?) scored some goals. United feel a little better about themselves as they finally looked like Manchester United again.
Liverpool 1, QPR 0 -- This was almost the perfect script for Liverpool. Luis Suarez scores. The defense keeps a clean sheet and everybody gets ice cream afterward.
Stoke City 2, Tottenham 1 -- Spurs undefeated streak is over. Partisans to Tottenham will point to two non-handballs on Stoke inside the box and an on-side goal from Emmanual Adebayor that was waved off. That said, Spurs were lifeless in the first half and slept-walk through the 45 minutes allowing a sloppy first goal to Mathew Etherington and then failing to mark on a long throw allowing another to Etherington (who was one of 100 ex-Spurs players currently at Stoke.) Bottom line, every team is probably going to drop points in the Premier League this year due to incompetent officiating.
Major props to the Stoke fans, however, for chanting, "Huth There It Is" in the vein of the 1994 classic party jam by Tag Team.
Around the League:
It's probably never a good thing when your team winning a match is treated with raised eyebrows, but Wigan fought back from an early one-goal hole at West Brom and won 2-1 to move off the bottom temporarily. ... Maybe Clint Dempsey's worst game for Fulham, deflecting a shot by Scott Sinclair for Swansea's first goal and then having his penalty kick saved by Michel Vorm. Robert Green likely drank a couple shots in celebration. Fulham now haven't scored in six Premier League games this year after Saturday's 2-0 defeat. ... Norwich City beat Newcastle United 4-2. The question now is how far the Magpies slide down the table after their great start. A lack of quality depth has doomed many a team. ... Sunderland won 2-1 against Blackburn in Martin O'Neill debut as coach. He seems to walk on water or something, that or Blackburn is just terrible defensively.
Fantasy Team O' the Week:
Not sure if they're related but Emma Graham's Think Pink United and Sepp Graham's Graham MSHA each scored 79 points. For what it's worth, my team -- Team Gulati -- was atop the table after Saturday's games. Yeah, I'm coming for all of y'all.
One Other Thing:
Wrote about this briefly a couple weeks ago, but there isn't a better guilty pleasure television show these days than "Storage Wars" on A&E other than maybe "Gold Rush." You can lose yourself in the seemingly marathons they run of the show every other day. It's just brilliant "reality" television.
That said, the spin-off show, "Storage Wars: Texas" might be the biggest atrocity on television at the moment and that includes "Whitney."
If there was a way to extend a pair of digital middle fingers in its direction, I would.
Song of the Week:
Maybe it's because I just had my birthday and I'm feeling old, but this (old) song really hits. Either way, it's probably true that nobody under the age of 26 enjoys Steely Dan.
Here's something a little more current by Baltimore-area band Future Islands that some of my Internet friend Adam has been selling me on for a couple months.
Labels: barcelona, cristiano ronaldo, el clasico, EPL, real madrid, robin van persie, Soccer, Spurs, the Swede
What the eff happened to Manchester United?
2 Comments Published by Cardillo on December 9, 2011 at 11:55 AM.
"Pressure? What pressure?" -- Jose Mourinho
The crisis.
The sports phenomenon where a team loses a game or two and all of a sudden the sky is falling, left is right and everything is wrong with the world. It's certainly not something exclusive to European club soccer, the New York Yankees deal with 100s of reporters at EVERY game with the fans ready to punch somebody on the Seven Train after one bad loss. NFL and college football teams (the big ones) face the lots of questions on a weekly basis.
Our beloved ESPN "Sportscenter" tries to drum up controversy at all corners with its inane, panel-based segments where a couple ex-jocks debate Team X's current status with the vim and vigor that should probably be reserved for important stuff like global warming or campaign finance reform.
Still, it seems like our American news-mongers somewhat pale in comparison to what happens in England or the rest of Europe where it's almost as if the tabloid journalists lay in wait for a team to screw up like a TMZ photographer outside a Hollywood nightclub.
Is this due in part to the much more restricted access journalists in Europe receive? Do people in Europe love scandal as much as they love techno disco dancing, tight Levis and unfiltered cigarettes? (How's that for some out-dated, "Euro-Trip"-style stereotypes!?!)
The latest team engulfed in "crisis mode" is mighty Manchester United following a span of eight days that saw the Red Devils knocked out of the Carling Cup by Crystal Palace and them unceremoniously dumped from the Champions League in the group stage following a stunning defeat to FC Basel.
Naturally the way this works, every either sharpens up a knife (mainly people who can't stand Sir Alex Ferguson who relish the rare instances he screws up) or we all come to a knee jerk reaction to the situation.
United, however, have more problems and these loses -- maybe not predictable -- could be seen coming. For all the talk of Arsenal's impending doom, mainly on the heels of Manchester United's critical beatdown of the Gunners back at the end of August, it looks more like the Red Devils are the club adrift -- despite being second place in the Premier League. The irony here, is that at that time everyone and everybody wrote about how this young, revitalized United team was on its way to being Ferguson's next great side. (It still could be, naturally, because what team doesn't experience the dreaded, "growing pains?)
Let's look at some of the issues, shall we?
* Injuries: Nemanja Vidic tore up his knee vs. Basel, so the snarling Serb is out for the year. This means extended playing time for Jonny Evans, which is bad enough. Now Ferguson doesn't have the luxury of playing either Chris Smalling or Phil Jones at right back when he feels like it. It also means Jones probably has to curtail is marauding runs forward without Vidic covering his back, because we know Rio Ferdinand isn't capable of covering that much ground anymore. Look at it this way, when Manchester United played Barcelona in May in the Champions League final at Wembley Stadium it had Vidic, Ferdinand and Edwin van der Saar in goal. Now it's going forward this season with Ferdinand (when he's healthy to play), Smalling/Evans/Jones and David de Gea.
Dios mio.
Let's not forget, too, that Chicharito got hurt over the weekend and without the Mexican's predatory instincts in front of goal, United's attack is very limp. Danny Welbeck is going to be counted on to show more than the occasional one or two game flash. (Kiko Macheda, Mame Biram Diouf? Um, not the answer.)
* Goalie: This was THE issue plaguing United at the start of the year. Is it still an issue? Maybe. De Gea's long-range impact isn't going to be determined by his first few months. So instead we get to those old sportswriting cliches about "leadership" and "presence." De Gea has been a little shaky, but this will probably short itself out over time and is the least of United's concerns.
* Underachievers: My Christmas present to Wayne Rooney, Ashley Young and Nani is a set of old Bart Simpson t-shirts I've been saving to put on eBay once 90s nostalgia kicks into full gear. These guys are underachievers, but not sure if they're proud of it. Last year Nani was great and arguably the team's best performer across the year, this year he pops up here in there with a moment of magic but tends to drift from matches. Young started like hot fire coming over from Aston Villa, but seemed to have faded a bit.
Rooney is back to playing like he did at this time last year when he tried to sulk his way to Manchester City. Rooney hasn't scored a Premier League goal since September. As United's one remaining super-duper-all-galaxy star, he's got to be better.
As he's gotten older Rooney has thrived as a player dropping further away from goal and basically playing a free role. To be fair there have been some chances Rooney has created teammates haven't finished, still he's not producing when Manchester United needs him.
* Midfield morass: No sense piling on here, since everybody with a keyboard has basically thrown Michael Carrick, Anderson, Darren Fletcher and Tom Cleverly into the garbage can. It's one thing to be run off the field by FC Barcelona, another FC Basel.
However you slice it, Ferguson probably needed to make a move in the summer for a player but couldn't find the guy he wanted or was hamstrung by the Glazer's pocketbook.
Given that, expect United to sign one of the hot stars to emerge from Euro 2012 in June or for the Red Devils to go the Manchester United/Chelsea route and pluck a permanently half-bearded playmaker from La Liga to be their orchestrator like David Silva or Juna Mata.
To wrap this up, everybody has diagnosed United with the same problems. You have to wonder with a suddenly ragged looking defense and a limp offense, can United keep its place in the Premier League and not swirl down the table based on muscle memory alone. United probably have to play better eventually because after the last week it can't play much worse.
One Other Quick Thing:
If you haven't read this yet, this piece, about the Fox Soccer Report is essential and sheds some light onto why the best sports show in North America broadcasts from Winnipeg, Manitoba. Please FOX corporate, don't ruin this, too.
Saturday:
* Bolton v. Aston Villa -- Want a reason for Bolton sitting in 19th place in the Premier League? Home form. Bolton has one win and seven losses at the Reebok Stadium. Want another? Kevin Davies has only two goals scored. Is that all because Stuart Holden isn't playing? Maybe ... if you work for the U.S. Soccer Federation press office. However you slice it, Bolton is bad and barring some movement next month, there's minimal reason for optimism. All that said, expect Alex McLeish to field a timid, defensive lineup as if he's traveling to the Camp Nou. Feel like I've written far too much about this game, but considering Bolton can't play defense -- even with Gary Cahill's red card rescinded -- there could be a lot of action here. ... Bolton 1, Aston Villa 2
* Arsenal v. Everton -- (Live, FSC, 10 a.m.) Maybe in this space we should discuss Mikel Arteta? Seems like a prudent decision. According to the all-knowing EA Sports Player Performance Index, the Spanish midfielder is statistically the 26th best player by the numbers this season, which seems about right. Is he Cesc Fabregas? No, not really, but he's a steady, week-in, week-out presence stabilizing the Arsenal midfield with the young Aaron Ramsey and widely herky-jerky Alex Song. In tying this I realize every Everton fan is basically looking like this. ... Arsenal 3, Everton 0
* West Brom v. Wigan Athletic -- West Brom is 19th in the League in goals scored at 13. Wigan is dead last at 12. Peter Odemwingie, we hardly knew ye. ... West Brom 1, Wign 0
* Norwich City v. Newcastle United -- Is this where the Newcastle United freefall begins? The Magpies early-season success was based in part on a consistent, regular starting XI. Now with injuries across the defense and midfield, the Magpies depth is going to be tested. If there's a reason for optimism, Tim Krul looks like, ahem, a keeper in goal, while Demba Ba is still productive up front and causes defenses trouble with his long, gangly legs. Norwich? The good news for Craig Levein's club is that there are a couple real stinkers in the League this year, which might be enough for a very average team to survive the drop. ... Norwich City 1, Newcastle United 1
* Manchester United v. Wolves -- (Live, ESPN2, 10 a.m.) United in a crisis. Ian Darke and Steve McManaman on the call ... and I have to cover a high school football game that kicks off right at the same time? Good grief. Enjoy Jonny Evans, Mancs. ... Manchester United 2, Wolves 0
* Liverpool v. QPR -- (Live, FSC+, 10 a.m.) Hey, if you were Luis Suarez and hadn't scored a League goal since Oct. 1, you might be angry enough to flip off the fans at Craven Cottage, too. Suarez's goal drought probably isn't a laughing matter if you're a Liverpool fan still smarting from the hole left by Lucas in the middle of the field. ... Liverpool 1, QPR 0
* Swansea City v. Fulham -- THERE'S ONLY ONE CLINT DEMPSEY. (Duh, we all already knew that, didn't we.) Swansea City 1, Fulham 1
Sunday:
* Sunderland v. Blackburn Rovers -- Is playing striker for Sunderland the new playing drums for Spinal Tap? Darren Bent, Kenwyne Jones, Asamoah Gyan are all gone. Danny Welbeck went back to Manchcester United after a loan (and getting hurt). Frazier Campbell might as well have spontaneously combusted. Even youngster Connor Wickham got hurt badly. Have fun with all that Martin O'Neill. ... Sunderland 2, Blackburn 1
* Stoke City v. Tottenham -- (Live, FSC, 11 a.m.) Stoke for Europa League! If Middlesbrough can make a UEFA Cup final a couple years ago, why not the Potters? The irony is Tottenham should want to win the Europa League, considering it's not like the club is flush with silverware, yet there's more prestige qualifying for the Champions and getting knocked out than going deep in the Europa League. Again, European soccer is weird. And the minds of fans are insane. ... Stoke City 1, Tottenham 2
Monday:
* Chelsea v. Manchester City -- (Live, ESPN2, 3 p.m.) It really must be a lot of fun managing a pro soccer club in England, where if you lose one or two games the press makes it their meaning in life to question if you're getting fired. By the same token of sarcasm, the stories of Chelsea being "back" are highly exaggerated, especially if counting on a reborn Didier Drogba to lead the way is a big component. On the other side of this game, nobody is calling for Roberto Mancini's head following City's exit from the Champions League group stage. (Don't overreact to City's exit since the group, as predicted at the time of the draw, was very difficult with Bayern and Napoli.) Expect this to be a fiercer test than Valencia to Chelsea's suddenly new-found commitment to defense, or at least dropping its defensive line to a reasonable spot on the field. If you invite City to attack, eventually one of its high-priced guns is going to make them pay. Expect this game to be more exciting than ESPN's Seahawks/Rams game later on the same day. ... Chelsea 1, Man City 2
Last round: 5-5
Season: 67-
Labels: EPL, EPL picks, friday posts, Soccer
Yuuup (tm) ... Yakubu, yes, that Yakubu scored four goals Saturday for Blackburn Rovers in a 4-2 win over Swansea City. That's one of those great sports photos that tells the entire story, as the Swansea players are seemingly in as much shock as everyone else on planet Earth. Alternately, the standing still, jaw dropped, eyebrows raised defense probably (stress probably) isn't the best way to go about business.
Fortunately for Swansea, allowing four goals to Yakubu -- who amazingly is only 29 years old -- isn't an instant Willy Wonka Golden Ticket back to the Championship.
It was that kind of weekend.
Whistling Dixie:
Is soccer the sport most affected by the whims of the referee's whistle? American football, at least you have replay. Baseball? There's so many calls over the course of a season the umpires mistakes only make up a tiny fraction of them. Basketball? It's close since calling fouls tends to be a major judgement call.
Saturday a major talking point in England was Mike Dean (him again) failing to send off Chelsea's David Luiz early in the Blues' eventual 3-0 win against Newcastle United. All Luiz did was bust out a WWF-style bulldog on Demba Ba when he was the final defender in front of Petr Cech's goal right on the edge of the penalty area.
Alan Pardew said Dean didn't send off Luiz because he was unsure Ba had control of the ball. Umm, okay ...
Would Newcastle have found a way to win with Chelsea pinned back to 10 men? Who knows. The decision to allow Luiz to stay on the pitch certainly played a role in the match, but it didn't mean the Mapgies couldn't defend Didier Drogba (yeah, him) went he leap in the air and smacked a powerful header past Tim Krul.
It's just interesting to contrast to Tottenham's 3-0 win later in the day over hapless Bolton when Stuart Atwell sent off Gary Cahill for a tackle on Scott Parker basically two steps inside the halfway line with Spurs already ahead 1-0.
Do referees wield far too much arbitrary power in matches? It seems like every weekend in the EPL there's at least one flashpoint via the refs where they make a bad call that directly effects the game.
What's the alternative? Replay? Robots?
While we're talking about these teams, Chelsea finally kept a clean sheet so that's a positive, right? Let's not talk about all of Daniel Sturridge's wasted chances. Instead maybe let's focus on how good a player Juan Mata appears to be on a weekly basis.
The bubble might have finally burst on Newcastle's balloon. Fabrico Colocinni limped off with an injury and later Steven Taylor had to leave with what turned out to be a ruptured Achilles. He'll likely done for the season. Chieck Tiote remains on the sidelines with a nagging injury, too. Maybe the Magpies make a move for Cahill now in January. Could happen. The alternate is James Perch who was among the worst Premier League players who saw constant minutes last season.
Spurs registered their team-best 11th straight game without a loss in the league. Tottenham is rolling and seems like the only team in England that is playing consistently well at the moment, which is strange. They even got a goal from the widely inconsistent and mostly wasteful Aaron Lennon.
Nice tribute by Gareth Bale after his goal to take off his shoe in honor of fallen compatriot Gary Speed.
Also, a great game in goal by Bolton's bearded veteran and king of the untypeable characters in his name, Jussi Jääskeläinen put together a tremendous display at White Hart Lane to keep the game respectable for Owen Coyle's sinking bunch.
Mr. Mediocre:
A thought dawned on me trying to stake awake during Manchester United's thoroughly forgettable 1-0 win over Aston Villa -- is Stephen Warnock the most average, mediocre player in the Premier League at the moment.
This isn't meant to disparage Warnock, far from it.
Believe it or not, this is supposed to come off as a compliment.
Warnock doesn't play for England internationally. He doesn't win trophies (minus some winner's medals with Liverpool early in his career). All he really does is turn up week-in, week-out, do his job, put in a solid 90 minutes. There's no flair or memorable moments or even the occasional golazo out of nowhere.
Warnock is what he is, which is somewhat commendable these days where in any walk of life the working man seemed to be less-and-less appreciated.
Any other guys that fall into this category?
Pure, class:
This video might be deleted by the time I publish, but I submit the majesty that is Emile Heskey. The guy has taken (maybe an unfair) beating during his career. Either way, behold this piece of beauty.
Change of Pace:
It's hard to gauge what goes into Fox Soccer's mind when it picks which Premier League games to show live every weekend. On the one hand it wants to show one of the "marquee" teams, regardless of the opponent. Makes sense. People in America want to see the big teams more than games that look to be potentially interesting on paper.
Saturday FSC and FSC Plus ended up with a pair of duds, with Manchester City cruising by Norwich City 4-1 and Arsenal crunching Wigan 4-0. Both games saw the favorites score early, sucking any potential late drama away from the proceedings. Hey, it happens.
Facing this situation Saturday I opted to dust off GolTV and enjoyed the second half of Borussia Dortmund and Borussia Monchagladbach's 1-1 draw, in a game that was a meeting of teams No. 1 and No. 2 (at the time) in the Bundesliga.
There's just something about the Bundesliga. It's always entertaining. Maybe it's all chalked up to the fact Germany has great, fan-friendly stadiums with the fans standing and singing the entire match.
It's a shame GolTV looks like it's being broadcast on my old local public access channel, with the sound fluctuating on an entirely different audio range than any other channel on my system. Still, a game broadcast -- solo -- by Phil Schoen is a pleasure.
The game ended up a 1-1 draw, but it was nice to just watch a game and enjoy it for what it was, despite the absence of Gladbach's rising German star Marco Reus.
And it didn't hurt that Manchester United's on-loan Norwegian strike Joshua King was wearing an Oakland Raiders snapback cap in the crowd.
Around the League:
Chicharito is now out for a couple weeks, too, with ankle ligament injuries. Rio Ferndinand limped off for United, too. He deserves the mockery usually reserved for Robin van Persie with his frailty. ... Shay Given got hurt as well, meaning Brad Guzan got to play in his second ever Premier League match for Aston Villa. ... Arsenal cruised by Wigan 4-0 in a game that was for diehards only. Robin van Persie made sure to get on the scoresheet, late. ... Stoke City won 1-0 at Everton with an early Robert Huth goal standing up. Everton brought on that guy they bought from Argentina with a name too long for me to even attempt to type. Fact is, he looks a lot like Carlos Tevez sans burn marks. ... Wolves vs. Sunderland was a totally forgettable match for about 75 minutes on Sunday morning, then Seb Larsson drew a phantom penalty -- missed -- and Stephen Fletcher scored a goal on the other end immediately and later the winner in the final 10 minutes after a no-call on a handball. Bottom line it was better entertainment, if ever brief, than the NFL pregame shows. ... Oh and apparently Mario Balotelli scored a goal with his shoulder. Never change, bro.
Fantasy Team O' the Week:
Couple big scores this week (so far) including a league-high 91 for Mark Chamber's Nott Real FC. Robin van Persie, Gareth Bale and Phil Jones lead the way for him.
Video/Song of the Week:
This one might start slow, but there is a solid-gold payoff when the song hits the chorus.
One Other Thing:
Eh, sorry to disappoint everyone but nothing on my mind worth writing about in this space this week. Didn't have any good coffee or really anything to rant or rave about.
Class dismissed.
Labels: EPL, Monday recaps, Premier League, Soccer
A question of ethics -- can you get mad at your 90-year-old Grandmother for getting you sick on Thanksgiving when you spend 40 minutes in the car with her driving her back to her home?
A question of insanity -- can you start snorting the crystals in Thera-Flu packets in Kenny Powers fashion?
A question of practicality -- can you try to assemble a weekly EPL preview-o-rama when every three seconds you're hitting the backspace key?
You guys do the math.
Saturday
* Newcastle United v. Chelsea -- (Live, ESPN2, 7:45 a.m.) If the Magpies win this one, is Andre Villas-Boas fired, leaving him time to work on his Rick Astley karaoke impression? Perhaps the better question, if Roman Abramovich deems AVB's time is up, who to replace him? And who would be crazy enough to want the Chelsea job any more? Hell, working for Mike Ashley seems like a more prudent idea at this stage. And wouldn't you rather rather Tim Krul (to be kind) in goal over Petr Cech? ... Newcastle 1, Chelsea 1
* Blackburn Rovers v. Swansea City -- I was almost going to write that Blackburn aren't that out-and-out awful, then I looked at the table and saw the club has one win -- remarkably enough against Arsenal back when the Gunners were in full-on crisis mode. Blackburn can score goals, but it can't stop them with without a single clean sheet, heck Rovers have only allowed one goal in four league matches. Not good. Meanwhile the goals have dried up for Swansea as the club went scoreless in Premier League action in November. Danny Graham might not play this one, meaning Premier League re-tread Leroy Lita could see minutes. Ugh. ... Blackburn 2, Swansea 1
* Manchester City v. Norwich City -- (Live, FSC, 10 a.m.) Manchester City did right the ship in in the midweek against Arsenal in the Carling Cup, despite being outplayed it got a result against the run of play. It's weird, isn't it, City isn't even playing well -- but who is aside from Tottenham? -- so they can coast on a five-point lead week-in, week-out. ... Man City 3, Norwich City 0
* QPR v. West Brom -- This is a good game for teams with acronyms. QPR vs. WBA. In other words, a game perfectly suited for ESPN's Bottom Line ticker. ... QPR 2, WBA 0
* Tottenham v. Bolton -- Again, this would be a typcial game for Tottenham to screw up, on the heels of a listless performance midweek in the Europa League. Bolton have 10 losses, which is the second-highest result of any team in the table, aside from Manchester City's 11 wins. Again, it's crazy, isn't it, Spurs' only real move of the summer was signing Brad Freidel (before grabbing Emmanuel Adebayor and Scott Parker at the last second) and look how much a stable person between the sticks means. Crazy. ... Spurs 3, Bolton 1
* Wigan Athletic v. Arsenal -- (Live, FSC+, 10 a.m.) If Robin van Persie is ever going to get hurt, its setting foot on the JJB/DW Stadium turf, which may or may not be lined by bear traps Friday night by Roberto Martinez. ... Wigan 1, Arsenal 2
* Aston Villa v. Manchester United -- (Live, FSC, 12:30 p.m.) A progressive manager might think, hey, Manchester United is reeling. They're not playing great. They really can only win games 1-0 these days. Why not inspire the home crowd and go for a win that would really get people talking. When you're Alex McLeish, that doesn't happen. You bend over, bite your lip and take whatever Sir Alex Ferguson serves in your direction. ... Villa 0, Manchester United 2
Sunday
* Everton v. Stoke City -- (Live, FSC+, 10 a.m.) Everton? Same story, different week. The Tofs have to fight and claw with every ounce of energy to win a game. Stoke City finds itself in the ultimate English soccer version of "You're a Winner and a Loser," as it advanced to the knockout stages of the Europa League. ... Everton 2, Stoke City 0
* Wolves v. Sunderland -- (Live, FSC, 11 a.m.) Mick McCarthy probably pulled out his rosary beads on the news of Steve Bruce -- finally -- being fired by Sunderland. Better him than me, right? The thing is, Sunderland does have a nice assortment of players, assuming the next manager finds a combination that works. There is a decent XI at the Stadium of Light, aside from any defenders who can actually mark on set plays. Doubt too many players or fans mourn the loss of Bruce, well, maybe Darren Bent via Bruce's daughter. Or something like that. Martin O'Neill -- the strongly rumored candidate -- is an okay option, as in he'll get Sunderland above relegation fodder but not much else. Problem is for Sunderland, Bruce spent so much money on all the player comings and goings, it's likely O'Neill will want his own "guys," so where is that money coming from? American owner Ellis Short isn't made out of money, is he? ... Wolves 1, Sunderland 2
Monday
* Fulham v. Liverpool -- (Live, ESPN2, 3 p.m.) Pray for Lucas. ... Fulham 1, Liverpool 1
Last round: 3-7 Season: 67-62
